“Move as if the universe is rigged in your favor” - Rumi.
I first heard this quote on the Oprah Super Soul Podcast. It was the episode where Ariana Huffington was advocating for rest and talking about the importance of sleep. It really hit me when Oprah repeated back the quote, because in that moment and from then on out; it was information flowing from Rumi to Ariana Huffington to Oprah to me and then into someone else.
For the abundance of what my life has given me, I have no reason to write nothing but wonderful messages. The trials and tribulations (though we all have them) bestowed upon me are for me to learn from and to transfer that energy into something beautiful. I have learned in the past few years specifically that it is not about me. It is not about me. It is not about me. I say this multiple times to not only remind myself, but for you, as the reader, to make sure that it is clear as to what these words are meant to do. They are meant to bring life, to gain perspective, to see and empathize with others. For there is so much darkness in the world, I no longer wish to add to it (knowing how powerful my words and actions are) intentionally or unintentionally.
Book I was pieced together. A collection of all my work up until that point, up until I felt that those were words and photos needed to be put into the world. A few were early EARLY writings, and some were new ones. Some were about the love of love and some were about the sadness of love. I was young. I was super ambitious and I was full of emotion that I really didn't have direction with. Yes, I was in the process of making a book that I thought would set the world on fire, but I really didn't know what I was doing. I was struggling with my art, I was struggling with my work & finances and I was struggling with my relationships even if they seemed to be peachy. The world that my mind was in was ready for a new slate but I could not do that while holding onto feelings of what I still needed (or what I felt like I needed) to get to the world.
The seasons in Book I were very structural and so seemed my life. Succeeding in making Autumn and the Winter very cold and thought driven sections. Wonderfully making the Summer and Spring light and airy, playful and delightful. Gathering the photos that I thought matched perfectly with the words adjacent to it on the pages that followed. I had no real clue how strong these structures were in my life. The winter is cold, yes, that is a statement that needs no explanation. Yet the life that matched was unnecessary. There were plenty of times where drama ensued (due to my own lack of understanding and vision). There were also times of joy, hence the bright colours in the summer and spring sections. At a young age I was surrounded by powerful people that used powerful words; I didn't fully fathom what that could mean for my life or how I should weld this blessed power.
Once Book I was completed and out, I felt a sense of completion. Even though there were (and still are many) typos towards the end of this work, for some reason I thought that I had to do everything on my own. That very fact has carried me mostly through my first film and a few other projects that barely left the idea phase. Making things harder than what they needed to be seemed to be a mantra that silently played in the background. It hasn't been until recently, years after I published that first collection, that I feel like it is ok for my dreams to be assisted, guided and even directed by anyone besides myself. Selfishly, stupidly and brimming with immaturity; I wanted to control the outcome of situations, instead of accepting and submitting much sooner to the universe / God / the spirits / the creator (whichever label you wish to call energy). As curious as I am with this notion of control; I have failed myself to fully surrender in the ways that will truly get me to the places that I wish to be.
I struggle with this sentence even now because having time during the pandemic to slow down and take a look at my life, at the lives of others home and abroad, I want to convey how thankful I am for life. It sounds weird but I have been spoiled, I have been loved and I have been in the graces of this earth for as long as I can remember and the pandemic reminded me of that. I no longer want to feel like I am taking these occurrences for granted. I no longer want to feel like I’m wasting my time, talents and gifts that have been bestowed to me. My tired is not the tired of a single mother providing for her child. My tired is not that of someone who has been working their whole life just to “get by” and never know what it feels like to take a vacation. My tired isn’t that of those at the border and then traveling with nothing except a few photos of loved ones. My tired isn’t that of someone constantly facing explicit and implicit racism or sexism or classism or homophobia and can't do anything about it. My tired isn't the tired that women feel when their doctors don't listen to them when they go in for visits or not being able to walk down the street at night. My tired isn't the tiredness my and many parents feel when they go to work knowing that they have dreams and goals of their own yet are breaking their backs to help powerhouse companies that look at many of us as cogs in a machine. My tired isn't that of those in the long hot LA days and into the long cold LA nights with nowhere to go. My tired isn't that of those in North Philly, South Philly, West Philly, Mar Vista Gardens or South Central. These are people that are really deserving of the spoils of this earth.
So, with this fourth book. A new chapter arises. One that has again blessed me with the time, the patience and the comfort to grow allowing me to feel the feels (not all the feels, I was spared from some). This one gives an opportunity for me to lay out my story, lay out my journey. Up until now it has given me the space I needed in the past, in order to hold space for others now how I can. I have been hustling backwards from many moons and I am understanding that this is not for me. This is for you, for yall. So, as I lay out and essentially “data dump” the art that was created; I pray that they inspire you to keep your work flourishing. I pray that it drives your level of dedication deep for your dance, for you painting, for your sport, for your voice. To be blessed with the ability to communicate is special. I am grateful for that. The wonderful conversations, the genuine connections and the intentionally good energy that resonates from these words I send out with hope and love.
