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This weekends project. Thank you cards! Used Zig markers to color these. Loved working with this watercolor technique very relaxing. . . . #queenandcompany #heroarts #zigmarkers #thankyou #thankyoucards #handmadecards #bookcard #handmadeisbest #makersgonnamake #thankyoucard #watercolor #watercolorcards #bookstagram #booktheme #literasi #literary #watercolour https://www.instagram.com/p/CdCksGDOo7K/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
Handmade mason jar and tea light candle holders
2/4 ▪ Mujis, Mildliners, and sparkles for another #bookthemednotes. Hope you are having a restful weekend! - P.S. Thanks for 2000!
Story 152 - Path of Sorrow [C10, P2] [Final] [05-21-2016]
“Poor boy’s been distant, ever since Rei took off,” Ruth sighed, “He hasn’t said much of anything to you, Anissa?” “Pass the salt,” Craig muttered. “Not a word,” Anissa sighed, her eyes staring off into worlds unknown, “I’ve dropped by as much as time’s allowed, but there’s been no improvement.” “It’s like he gets a bit quieter each day,” Ruth sighed.
Craig cleared his throat, both both women paid him no mind.
“I know Taylor mentioned he’s going to look for her while he’s traveling,” Ruth said, traces of hope lacing her otherwise dull tones, “Although I can’t place much faith in him actually finding her.” “I wish Taylor were around,” Anissa sighed, “He’d brighten the mood up.” “He’d also pass the salt,” Craig muttered.
Ruth rolled her eyes before grabbing the salt in a tight fist and slamming it onto the table in front of her husband.
“Much obliged,” he grunted, sprinkling bits of salt over his steak. “Do you even care?” Ruth asked, eyeing him angrily, “I always thought Jin was one of the few people you liked around here.” “I care plenty,” Craig said, “but gossiping about the boy ain’t gonna help his recovery none.” “We’re not gossiping,” Anissa said quietly, “We just…don’t know what to do.” “The answer’s simple. You do nothing.”
The two women exchanged glances as the older man spooned potatoes into his mouth.
“Nothing?” Anissa finally broke the silence, “How could you expect me to do nothing when my best friend is stuck in this…turmoil?” “It’s not that I don’t expect you to be his friend, sweetheart, calm down,” Craig said, “but you also need to realize that Jin’s problems can’t be fixed by anyone other than the ones causing it.” “But, dad, I’m sure there’s something we can say or do to ease things.” “Anissa…”
Craig’s tone grew a bit warmer, and he placed a gentle hand on his daughter’s shoulder.
“If something happened to take you and your mother away from me, nothing in this world would contain a power great enough to erase the pain it’d cause,” he explained, his normally tired expression replaced by one of seriousness, “Men like me and Jin stake our entire lives on the wellbeing of our families. When you lose what has literally become the most gigantic part of your life, it’s far too large of a hole to be filled by anybody else.”
Ruth was silently nibbling at her food, unable to think of what to say, and Anissa couldn’t help but feel a little stunned.
“Don’t sit there and act like you don’t know this,” Craig sighed, shaking his head, “You two know I’d be lost without you. Taylor, too. Why do you think I kept battling him on leaving?”
Anissa’s eyes grew a bit wider.
“You’re afraid he’ll decide to leave Castanet…” she murmured. “I’m not afraid he’ll decide. I already know he’s decided,” Craig said matter-of-factly, his eyes narrowing, “and I hate that fact more than I care to deem reasonable. He comes back because we’ve been struggling, but Rei’s fixed this island up pretty well, and our farm’s been more than healthy enough to sustain us without Taylor’s intervention.”
He shook his head slowly.
“At first I was glad that girl fixed this place up,” he continued, sipping a beer, “but then I realize where it would lead. Even a perfect Castanet isn’t enough to leash that boy…and I’m afraid once he realizes this place will be okay without him, he will take his leave. I fear that boy’s eighteenth birthday more than anything…”
Anissa was silent. Ruth wiped her eyes.
“But I know I gotta let him go. All I can hope is that I’ve taught him well enough. And judging by the fact that he’s taken it upon himself to get out there and help keep this place afloat when it was so horribly sunk, I’d like to think I’ve done my job well. But Jin didn’t get that same satisfaction.”
Another sip of beer, another weep, another shake of the head.
“From what you’ve said, he lost his entire family overnight, to nobody knows where, and he doesn’t even have the privilege of spouting off about it. The boy’s gonna be hurting, Anissa, and more than any man would be in his position given his more…specific circumstances. So, Anissa, as you can see, the best thing you can do is nothing, because there is and never will be anything you can do for him. It’s a gap all of Castanet could not even come close to filling.”
Anissa was silent for a few moments, then slowly slid her chair away from the table and stood.
“I…need to be excused,” she said quietly, walking into her room, “I need to think for a little while.” “Okay, dear,” Ruth said, her voice barely more than a whisper.
Craig eyed his daughter’s untouched dinner place and shook his head, only speaking again when he heard Anissa’s door shut and lock.
“She’s still so hung up on him,” he muttered. “Craig, dear, they’re only friends,” Ruth said, “Anissa told us she made amends with that a long time ago.” “I don’t think that’s the case.”
He sipped his beer again. Ruth moved her hair away from her eyes and glanced back to her daughter’s closed door.
“There’s a very clear difference between Anissa now versus the Anissa we knew a few years ago,” Ruth said, her voice steeling up, “You think she can’t care for Jin without still thinking of him like that?” “Notice she’d pursued no one else ever since,” Craig muttered, “She wastes her time having tea dates with a broken man in the hopes he’ll break enough to settle for what he considered second best.”
He barely flinched when Ruth’s hand connected with his face.
“You have no right to speak like that,” she hissed, “considering I remember a certain love-stricken young fool doing the same to a certain sweetheart of his.” “I recall it, as well,” Craig said, rubbing the spot where her slap still stung, “It’s exactly why I’d rather our daughter not follow in my footsteps…”
He stood, deposited his empty plate into the sink, and took her beer bottle into his hand. Ruth said nothing as he left.
=^x^=
“Hey, Craig,” Hayden said, “Been awhile since I saw you sulkin’ around these parts.” “Tonight, most anything is better than home,” Craig sighed. “Well, you chose a good night to come. Seems all the men are in the moon for some spirits.”
Craig suppressed a pity-laugh as he spotted Cain, Gill, and Julius all seated in the corner, a deck of cards sitting in the center. Cain gestured for him to come over, and he took a seat. Hayden brought a round of booze over, and the four toasted the Harvest Goddess and her beautiful gift of alcohol before Gill started shuffling the deck.
“Never pegged ya as a cards man, Gill,” Craig said. “Gotta do something to earn that silver spoon that got shoved into my mouth,” Gill said, smirking. “Oh, I like him,” Craig said, grinning as he gulped down some suds.
Craig knew Cain well enough, but the younger two were a bit of an enigma to him. Gill had never seemed to stick out much to him, and the flaming Julius was someone he’d practiced avoiding for most of his life. They had only been acquainted when he took Candace’s hand in marriage, and only because Shelly had insisted on introducing them at the wedding.
“Julius, lighten up a little,” Cain said, leaning forward and clopping the purple-haired man on his shoulder, “Usually you’re the lively one! Don’t leave me hanging, here.” “Sorry, Cain. My heart’s just not in it tonight,” Julius sighed as Gill passed out the cards. “What’s got you all in such a twist tonight?” Craig asked.
In unison, all three men answered: “Jin.”
Craig almost left the bar right then, if not for Cain’s explosive laugh.
“This poor sucker’s here for the SAME REASON!” he boomed. “Really?” Gill asked, suppressing a chuckle. “I’d prefer not discussing it,” Craig grunted. “Oh, but we must,” Julius insisted, perking up slightly, “It’s all our lovely ladies seem to be focused on doing!”
Craig cocked a brow and looked to Cain, whose bellowing laugh subdued quickly into a sad nod.
“It seems Candace, Luna, Kathy, and Renee have all been kind of…out of sorts, lately,” Cain sighed, “My daughter’s been especially distraught. He left Rosie at the farm, and no matter what she’s tried, that horse just won’t trust her.” “From what Luna told me, Rei raised that horse to be completely antisocial,” Gill said. “Same from what Candace has mentioned,” Julius chimed, “Tell poor Renee to not let it get to her.” “Oh, we both know how Rei raised that horse,” Cain sighed, playing his turn and eyeing Craig, “Dang it, Craig, your poker face ain’t suffered a bit, has it?” “A true man never loses his poker face,” Craig said philosophically, playing his round and nodding to Julius. “The only good part of this night is Owen got stuck with all our kids,” Gill chuckled, playing his turn next, “Kathy just kind of volunteered him to take all the kids. Otherwise, I bet he’d be right here with us.” “Poor boy,” Julius sighed, “He was whipped by the first night.”
The men shared a laugh.
“Where are they, anyway?” Craig asked. “My house,” Gill grunted, “Luna seems to like just renting our place out for her girl nights nowadays.”
They played a few more rounds in silence before Craig finally spoke again.
“Why are they all so upset over him?” he grunted, “The boy needs space. Don’t they get it?” “Candace and Luna are quite close to Jin,” Julius explained, “Candace tells me Jin was one of her childhood friends, and Luna got closer to him after she met Rei.” “Rei was practically her best friend, too, so there’s that,” Gill sighed, “Ever since she left, Luna’s been so quiet.” “Candace, too.” “Candace is always quiet, Jules.” “…More than usual.”
Hayden brought another round, and a moment of silence was has as the men all gulped down some more alcohol. Craig noticed Julius’s face growing flushed.
“Not a drinker, boy?” he asked, eyeing him with mild interest. “Not particularly,” he admitted, “but it feels good to just kind of not care tonight.”
A few more hands were played, and a few choice words were exchanged before the conversation slowly crawled back to its origin.
“Anissa’s in a crappy state, too,” Craig said, “She keeps thinking she can fix everything, even when I tell her it’s impossible.” “Same,” Gill sighed. “Sadly, the same here, too,” Julius murmured. “We’ve all attempted to get them to understand,” Cain said, and even Hayden grunted an agreement from across the bar, “but Jin’s become special to them all, either through Rei or through knowing him for so long. It’s not surprising they’d feel a little down when they can’t help a friend in need.” “Not to mention Jin’s overall mood has put a bit of a damper on Castanet as a whole,” Gill admitted, “Everyone sees him and feels awful. Even I can’t hold a grin if I catch sight of him.” “The worst part is he’s not even really trying to do it,” Julius said, “Candace and I were talking a few nights ago. She says he’s trying to wallflower.” “Wallflower?” Craig asked. “Y'know, just kind of exist without really standing out. He just wants everyone to kind of…ignore him. Back when he was alone, it was kind of easy, because Jin was just this quiet little doctor who never bugged anyone. But after all that’s happened, it’s easy to miss how happy he became.” “The boy really came into his own,” Cain sighed, “I loved seeing him and Nami. Always had that kid in hysterics about something. It was a sight for sore eyes…”
Craig considered for a moment before playing his turn.
“Now that you mention it, I guess it’s noticeable,” he said, taking another sip, “His son…the kid’s a natural with anything and everything farming.” “Alex has followed Rei around that farm since he could walk,” Cain chuckled. “I told Ruth to give that kid a discount because I was so impressed,” Craig sighed, “Imagine, somebody intelligent on this island.”
He looked to the three hurt gazes aimed at him and buried himself into another gulp of his beer.
“Nothing personal,” he grunted softly.
=^x^=
“It’s gotten so hard to be happy when I see him like that all the time,” Candace sighed. “You said it,” Luna grumbled, “Kathy, ‘nother round!”
Kathy tossed out some beers, and the girls all downed a few gulps. Luna was braiding Candace’s hair sloppily. She’d already had a few too many by even Kathy’s standards, but didn’t have the heart to stop herself. Candace was tipsy enough to not care about how badly her sister was destroying her hair.
“Just ONCE, I want that damned horse to at least LOOK happy,” Renee yelled to nobody in particular, “Like, JEEZ, am I THAT scary?” “You’re not scary at all, Renee,” Candace said softly. “…OH! So now I can’t be SCARY?” Renee yelled, jumping up. “…Now you’re scary,” Candace whispered, shrinking further onto the floor and nearly topping Luna over. “Ease up, Renee, it’s not your fault,” said Kathy who was, ironically, the most sober one in the room right now, “You know better than any of us Rosie only trust Rei’s blood.” “But STILL!” “Chill, girl. Take another can.”
Kathy had almost sunk onto the ground beside Candace and Luna when there was a timid knock on the door. She opened it to reveal the long, solemn face of Anissa.
“Heeeeeeey, come join the party!” Luna slurred. “Thanks,” Anissa murmured, moving inside. Kathy shoved a can into her hand before she could protest. “What brings you here, 'Nissa?” Candace asked, suppressing a hiccup. “Just…I had to get out of that house, and I happened to see Owen a bit ago. He said you all got together here for a bit.” “Haha, Owen,” Kathy giggled, “Hahahaha, Owen…” “That was so superb, Kathy,” Renee laughed. “He’s such a big kid, though. Did he look like he was having fun, Anissa?” “Oh, yes. They were all running around outside playing ball.” “See? Big kid at heart!”
Kathy moved to give Renee a high five, but her very tipsy friend ended up nearly falling off of the couch instead.
“So…what brings everyone here?” Anissa asked.
In unison, all the girls looked her dead in the eye and answered: “Jin.”
Anissa went quiet for a little while, then opened her can and took a good, long drink before crumpling it up and sitting beside Luna and Candace. Renee lay on her stomach on the couch, facing them, and Kathy sat beside Anissa.
“…Why Jin?” Anissa asked. “We’re trying to figure out how to help him,” Luna answered, “but the more we think about it…” “…the more we think maybe there’s nothing we can do,” Candace finished solemnly. “Yeah…I had the same thought earlier,” Anissa admitted, “Dad told me even all of Castanet couldn’t fill the void Rei left.” “He’s not wrong,” Renee sighed. “Not at all,” Kathy agreed.
The girls all took sips, and Kathy shook her head.
“I just wish there was something we could do to help ease things up on him,” she said, “I know we can’t fix things, but it seems even just being his friend isn’t making much impact.” “It does, though,” Anissa said hurriedly, “If we just abandoned him, things would be that much worse.” “She’s right,” Luna said, “We can’t just stop caring when he needs it most. That would be really bad.” “We never would,” Candace said adamantly, “It’s just…it’s been so hard to be around him. I know he’s not doing it on purpose, but being around him just makes me feel so sad.” “We’re so used to him smiling and laughing and bringing the kids by,” Kathy sighed, “He used to bring Nami to the bar for lunch, and she’d always try new stuff and tell us how good everything was. I never knew a girl her age who would even TRY shrimp, much less actually kind of enjoy it.” “Nami was a little ray of sunshine, alright,” Luna said, “She was like a tiny version of Rei when she was still a relentless party animal.”
A few of them laughed. Anissa grabbed another can. She felt the buzz creeping up on her, and she couldn’t help but kind of smile.
“I miss Rei,” Luna said suddenly, “Like…I really really miss her.” “Me too,” Candace said, “Even when she settled down, I still liked talking to her.” “She was finally starting to recover from Juniper, too,” Renee sighed, “She was becoming a bit more like her old self.”
Anissa considered for a moment, and then…
“Why did she leave?”
All eyes moved to her, and she looked to all of them with interest.
“Why did Rei go?” she asked again, “Jin won’t answer me, no matter what.” “We’ve…actually all been trying to figure that out,” Candace admitted, “but none of us really know.” “All we’ve got is that she let some stuff slip once to Candace a looooong time ago,” Luna said, “Candace mentioned her parents, and Rei got a bit…affronted, I guess?” “It sounded like she almost no relationship with them, from what Candace said,” Kathy explained, “but all that really points to is, wherever Rei’s parents are, she’s not there.” “…To be honest, we sorta hoped you’d know, Anissa,” Renee said, and the girl turned to face her, “Jin’s really close to you, so we honestly figured you’d know something.”
Anissa shook her head sadly.
“He wouldn’t tell me no matter what. He insists he’s sworn to secrecy and won’t go further. He won’t even hint, so even if I guessed the right thing, chances are he’s denied it.” “If he hasn’t told you, chances are he’ll never tell anyone,” Candace said, “and yes, I tried Irene.” “I feel like if he’d just talk about it, he’d feel better,” Anissa said, “but he refuses.” “It might help a little bit, but betraying Rei would haunt him forever,” Kathy said knowingly, “It’s best not to push it.” “I guess you’re right,” Anissa admitted.
The others spent a few moments chattering while Anissa tried to think. Unfortunately, her thoughts only led her into downing another can, and soon she could only think of how hopeless everything had become.
“…Do you think she’ll ever come back?” she asked. “I hope so,” Luna said.
Everyone was silent, and then Candace gently cleared her throat.
“…Do you hate her, 'Nissa?” she asked. “Hate Rei?” “Yeah…”
Anissa’s hesitation seemed to be enough of an answer for Candace, who pulled her legs into her chest and looked to the wall.
“…Please don’t hate Rei. I know you’re mad at her, but Jin wouldn’t keep her secrets if this were her fault…” “I don’t think I hate her, and that thought did occur to me,” Anissa said gently. “I’m glad…because she’s really been good for Jin. She makes him smile…” “A lot,” Luna added. “We all think Rei got forced to leave,” Candace explained softly, “We think whatever the reason is, Rei didn’t want to leave. We don’t know what could cause her to have to go. Maybe something medical, or maybe it actually is something to do with her parents. But we all think that something forced her to go, and Jin couldn’t be there.” “What would make her take the kids and not him, though?” Kathy asked, “I mean that makes no sense.” “Well, he is the doctor,” Luna pointed out, “Maybe Rei felt she shouldn’t strip Castanet of him, just in case something serious happened. I mean, Grandma Shelly isn’t young anymore, and Irene can’t do everything herself.” “But I just can’t see that being a thing,” Kathy said, “None of it makes sense. Plus, why take the kids? She could have left them with Jin, or had them spend some time with them both, depending on what’s going on. But I can’t think of anything that would demand the kids be with her, yet prevent Jin from joining them. The entire thing strikes me as nonsensical.”
Anissa was silent for a few more moments.
“…Maybe she’s in trouble,” she said. “Trouble?” Luna asked. “It’s possible,” Candace said. “But what would it be?” Kathy asked.
Anissa shook her head, unable to think of anything.
“I have nothing in mind,” Anissa said, “…but what seems the most plausible to me is that Rei was forced away by something or somebody that we don’t know about. She had a life before Castanet, after all, and none of us know anything of it.”
The girls were all silent, and even the beer cans remained undisturbed as they all thought.
“…I just hope she and the kids are okay,” Renee whispered. “We all do,” Kathy murmured.
Anissa found herself laying against the wall and staring at the ceiling, silent even after the conversations slowly restarted, and she couldn’t think of anything realistic. All she could think was that somehow, somewhere, Rei was in trouble, and Jin’s only way of protecting her was remaining silent.
She closed her eyes, and a tear crept down her cheek as the notion of it struck home.
There truly was nothing she could do for him.
=^x^=
“Make the arrangements…”
That’s all she had to say. The paper was passed unseen between what looked like two perfect strangers. She walked on, paying for her groceries, picking up a few books for her daughter and a new video game for her son. The entire time, a smile was gracing her face. To most people, this wouldn’t be odd, but those who knew her would have noted how long it had been since genuine happiness had graced her face.
Today, she’d achieved one of her greatest victories.
She returned home, put the groceries away, and lay her childrens’ gifts upon their respective beds. She sunk into her desk chair and re-checked all of her notes, double checking everything she knew of this upcoming week, ensuring she could grant them the maximum amount of possible time.
Yes, she had it arranged perfectly. Tomorrow night would be the best night.
Alex returned home first. He raced up to his room and began his homework, only to hear his mother knocking on his door moments later.
“Hey, mom,” he said, looking back to her with surprise. It was rare that they ever really spoke anymore. “Something up?” “I figured I’d offer you and Nami a little vacation…”
She saw the red flag in Alex’s eyes.
“It seems we are going to have a small space of time where we won’t be watched,” Rei explained quietly, “I, sadly, am unable to leave this place. However, I would think you and your sister can slip away for a little while…” “…Mom, what are you saying?” “Simply that you and Nami should get away from here for a little while. I will send for you two when your time to return comes, but you should have the most time if you leave tomorrow night.”
Alex thought for a moment, looking everywhere from his mother to his wall.
“There’s money over on your bed, along with a little gift,” Rei said, smiling, “Use it to go wherever you wish. Get out of her for a little while. Take your sister somewhere fun. Go and just…be happy for a little while, okay?” “…Okay, mom.”
She left the room and Alex moved to his bed. He grinned at the new game before opening the envelope his mother had left and, sure enough, a generous chunk of cash rested inside. His heart skipped a few beats, and his thoughts flew towards what he felt was the most obvious choice…
The second his sister got home, he took her by the arm and pulled her into his bedroom. He showed her the envelope, told her what their mother had said, and her eyes were widened in shock as she breathed the words: “We can see-” “Hush!” Alex whispered hurriedly, shushing her immediately, “We’re not home free yet. I don’t know how this is even possible but…”
He lowered his voice, looked her dead in the eye, and flashed a broad grin.
“…That’s exactly where we’re going, Nami. I promise.” “Alex…”
She leapt into him, clasping her arms around him tightly enough to deprive him of air. He toughed it out, though, as he watched his sister’s eyes light up with the first trickles of hope he’d seen in the past six years.
“Thank you, Alex,” she whispered, “Let’s…let’s go as soon as we can. I don’t want to miss a second.” “Tomorrow night, we leave,” Alex replied softly, “Pack the essentials. I remember where the boat is…” “You’re amazing, Alex.”
She gave him another big, tight hug before rushing off to pack.
Downstairs, Rei sat at her desk, and her pen slowly began writing the contents of yet another piece of paper headed by the two words she enjoyed writing the most in life: “Dear Jin…”
Fin
Story 151 - Path of Sorrow [C10, P2] [05-30-2016]
"Mom..." "Please, Nami...not tonight." Rei shook her head in defeat. "I know you want to talk about it. I know you want to cry and scream and know everything, but all it will do is cause another fight, and I just don't have the strength tonight, Nami..." "But mom..." "Nami...please..." She tucked the young girl in. She was clutching a small teddy bear, unable to make eye contact with her mother. Rei sighed and bent down to kiss her, only to find her lips pressed against the fuzzy bear. "Someday you'll understand," Rei sighed, wiping the fuzz away, "But...please, for all of our safety, it can't be discussed openly, and saying more than this will only cause you more pain." Nami was silent. Rei sat for a few more moments before standing and walking to the door, only stopped when she heard the blankets rustling and Nami's tiny voice whisper, "Just tell me you want things to be normal again, at least someday..." Rei looked back, her gaze regaining some of its warmth before replying, just as quietly, "Every day, my dear...' She departed the room and entered Alex's. He was under the blankets playing a racing game, the same one he'd played with Taylor back in Castanet. He paused when she entered, as that was part of their deal with the video games, mostly out of respect for Jin. "I was going to make it a bit of bargaining chip," she'd semi-joked when Alex was hooking up the system, "I was going to allow it, so long as a game was never playing when we were talking. Of course, some people always saw them as a pointless distraction, but I figured maybe I could talk them into it if the pointless distraction was avoided...that way, nobody could say anything." She sat beside Alex on the bed and put her arm around him. He didn't say anything. "She asks me, too," he finally said, "all the time." "I know, Alex, and I'm sorry." "Don't be. It's...I guess it comes with the territory." He straightened out and shrugged. "It's part of being a sibling. She expects me to tell her things you won't. Any normal older brother would." "Most normal older brothers wouldn't be in this kind of situation," Rei reassured gently. "I know. It would drive me insane if I didn't know that..." He thought for a moment. "It's okay. You don't need to finish that." "Thanks. It's hard to...talk around it." "I know..." One of their first lessons, Alex recalled, was learning that they couldn't mention Jin, not even by a nickname. They couldn't make it obvious that they actually had a loving father somewhere. It would drive Ren mad, Rei knew, and she'd made it a house rule to not mention Jin at all. It didn't take much imagination to know how Nami would react to that, which was why Rei had been more than adequately prepared to handle that one, and it had taken mere seconds for Alex to be on board. The two were like a hive mind in situations like these, and Rei found communicating with her son relaxing because of that. It was the only time she could talk about Jin without talking about Jin. "At the end of the day, as much as it hurts, I know I'm doing the right thing," Alex said, looking to his mother with a determined gaze, "When the time comes, I know I can say that much." "And you have every right to that knowledge," Rei said softly. "...But I do wish things could just go back," he said, almost under his breath. "I do, too, every day..." Alex shook his head. "It's not fair..." he whispered, "It's just not fair, mom." =^x^= Life was passing by like a blur. When he looked back on the past months, Jin found it hard to separate moments from any of his given days. Life had become a slow, boring routine of eat, work, sleep, and everything had become to monotonous that it had simply blended together. He couldn't tell you what patients he'd seen lately, or who'd said hello to him as he walked to work. He couldn't place whose birthdays had passed, or what he had for dinner at any point during the past week. He honestly couldn't remember if he even had any dinner this week. Had he eaten at all? He couldn't say. He didn't know. The only significant moments he remembered were temporary, scattered instances where someone managed to relieve him of stupor, if only briefly. He remembered a brief instance where Shelly delivered some scarves and mittens. It was starting to get cold again, and she worried about him. The jacket she gave him last year was still very worn by him, and Shelly had sadly noted it seemed to be a bit bigger on him than she remembered. He'd told her it was okay, even managed a tiny smile before she pecked him on the cheek and laughed. He remembered taking a brief walk through Flute Fields and seeing Renee outside with Rosie. He hadn't gone to visit, but he'd observed for a brief few moments, and considered going to say hello before reminding himself it was his fault Rosie wasn't back home, and walked away with his eyes cast down. He didn't deserve to be near that horse. Not now. He remembered a few instances of Anissa. She'd been by a few times with tea, and she'd sit with him and talk. He remembered her visits, but he couldn't remember their conversations. They had been too much of a struggle for him, and he found himself only half-listening to Anissa and nodding in understanding at the proper moments. He did remember one instance where she tried to talk him into coming over for dinner, which he'd politely declined, and then the murky ocean of words continued flowing, and it was all he could do to keep his head above water. He didn't want this. He didn't want this at all. He wanted to recover, he wanted to be normal, but he found himself unable to move on. Whenever he tried to pay the world more mind, it drained his energy faster than he could handle. Plus, he found himself unable to take being aware of everyone. When he bothered to notice, he only saw their stares, their worried glances, their subtle concerned gestures. He heard the small talk, the gossip, the rumors that had begun circulating, and he found it so taxing that he had two choices: turn it off completely, or avoid it. Since the former had become impossible, his only other choice was barring it from his mind completely. He knew the people of Castanet well. They were all his patients. They were, as a whole, his responsibility, and he felt a certain love and devotion to everyone there because of it. He couldn't hold it against them when they talked, when they worried, when they tried to figure out why their shy yet doting doctor had gone so cold. But he just couldn't deal with them. A person who doesn't want to be cared for is one of the hardest to love, and Jin had become that person. He felt empty and undeserving. He felt like half a man, wasting away within his mundane life while his other, more amazing and fulfilling life was somewhere he could never reach, somewhere he dared not venture to. Risking a visit would only cause pain and danger for everyone, and as much as he longed to hold his wife and his children one more time... No, that was a lie. It was as Anissa had said, and he had agreed. One last time was not enough. It was never enough. He wanted more time with them than the world could and would ever grant. Anyone who had ever loved someone knew that feeling. You could long for that final kiss, that one last goodbye, but deep down you knew that one final time would simply lead to far more longing, to far more pain and suffering. It was a renewed lease on guilt and sorrow, an invitation to reset the healing process and start all over again. The only time "one last time" was acceptable was when closure was needed, and Jin didn't want closure here. Closure was accepting he'd never see Rei and his children again. Closure was giving up. Closure was what would lead him to close the clinic and waste away more than he already was. So no. One last time was not acceptable. He wanted more, and he kept telling himself that wanting more was a good thing, that wanting more meant he still held some hope. Judging by Rei's letters, he knew she wanted the same. They were longing, and they were hurting, but they both held just that little bit of hope, that dream that life would allow them to return to some sense of normalcy. Hope allowed him to look at that boat at the Castanet docks and see Rei waving to him upon it, Nami jumping excitedly, Alex's arms around her to ensure she didn't attempt jumping off the boat and into her father's arms. He could see it so clearly, his children running onto the dock and into his arms, his wife joining the big group hug soon after, and the two would be a family again, just like that. It would happen. It had to happen. He stared at that boat for far too many long nights for it not to happen. He hoped too much, loved too much, even resorted to praying too much for that moment to arrive before his kids grew up too much without him, before Rei's spirit was torn to shreds, before he found himself withering away beyond repair. It had to happen... He watched and waited, hoping for a sign, hoping to hear the telltale chiming of a greater being listening in, just as Rei had before him. But the bells never chimed for him.
Story 150 - Path of Sorrow [C10, P1] [05-29-2016]
She wandered the streets of the city, doing her usual shopping while her son was at school. Her daughter's hand was locked into hers, and though she constantly struggled, she was never let go to roam. It pained her mother to keep such a tight grip, especially since her daughter was used to a certain degree of freedom. But this was the city, and the large open safe places her daughter had grown up in were nothing but a memory now. She did not yet understand the tight, crowded streets of the city were dangerous, that she now lived in a place where most of the population had no clue who she was, or who her parents were. Her mother wished she didn't have to understand that. It was a lesson she wished she'd never have to learn. But now it was necessary, and she whispered a gentle but firm demand for her little one to pipe down and dug into her pocketbook for her credit card. The two departed with a few bags, all filled with the essentials and little else. No treats, no toys, none of the unnecessary pleasures she would have normally purchased for the occasional surprise, for good behavior, or just because she felt like seeing her kids smile. Her budget was very tight now, and very open to scrutiny. Her daughter trudged along silently at her mother's side, eyes cast to the ground. It had rained earlier, and there were puddles along every inch of the sidewalk. She couldn't help but scowl at them, noting how ugly and dirty they looked. Their old home had always looked so pretty after rainfall, and she and her brother had always splashed about in the puddles during outings or free time where life had gotten boring. She wanted to go back. She longed to go back every day, and she'd fought her mother until the woman had no choice but to squelch her. The subject, as she put it now, was closed indefinitely, and she'd resorted to ignoring the poor girl's pleas in a desperate attempt to avoid talking about it. The girl's fighting spirit had taken ages to quell, and even then, it was only calm now because she grew tired of banging her head against a brick wall. It rested and waited, patiently awaiting the moment where it could swell up in a blaze of glory and attack. Until then, the girl simply walked obediently beside her mother, hands clasped, eyes cast toward the ground, her normally overactive vocal cords not daring to unleash a sound. Her gaze never went past her feet nowadays in an attempt to avoid seeing this ugly world. So it was unsurprising when the young girl missed her mother's hand slowly reaching into her pocket and moving its contents into the hands of another human being who simply walked off without acknowledgement, as if he were just another stranger on the streets. She missed the momentary smirk that appeared on her mother's face, the temporary and fleeting light of yet another tiny triumph that would pass right under her captor's nose. She didn't know that, in a few days, her father would be reading another story about her and her brother. =^x^= "Out of the room," Rei whispered frantically, ushering the two children up the stairs, "Stay in your rooms and don't speak a word or come out until I say so." "But mom," Nami began, but her mother hushed her immediately and nudged her towards the stairs again. "Nami, remember your last promise..." Alex warned in a low voice. He had to admire the fact that the "Dad Card" was still perfectly viable. Nami went perfectly silent and followed Alex upstairs, but they only made it halfway to their rooms before doubling back and kneeling at the top of the stairs. Nami fought to see, but Alex kept her behind him and hushed her harshly. If either of them were going to get caught, he was going to ensure it wasn't her, and he remained adamant until the door opened, and his little sister ceased to fuss. "This week's allowance," a gruff voice muttered, pushing an envelope into the redhead's hands, "He's got a week's reprieve coming up, this Monday. You'll notice there's a bit more than usual..." Rei said nothing, didn't even acknowledge the voice's owner with so much as a nod. A chilling laugh echoed from his throat, and the two children shuddered at its chill. "This ain't no excuse to go crazy," the gruff voice lacked any of the chilling mirth his laugh had carried, "I fully expect you and those two....things, to spruce up for the big man accordingly. He doesn't wanna return home to some farm girl and her two little bastards." Alex felt a heat rising up in his body and flaring into his eyes, and his mother's body language suggested a similar reaction. He saw her body stiffen, his fists clench, but no words were exchanged. She contained herself even through another chilling laugh from the creep at their door, and Alex could hear his sister quietly whimpering. "You should be grateful, y'know," the voice sighed, and Alex heard a lighter flickering, "Smoke?" "No, thank you," Rei said quietly. "Kicked the habit? Shame. We'll have to fix that." "Ew..." Nami whispered before Alex nudged her. "Anyway, lassie, you realize ol' Ren's been pretty generous. He's forgiven you for running off and for saddling him with bad blood. Depending on their attitudes, Ren may be willing to accept them as his own, given he feels a tad guilty for 'em. Two little ones born to a foolish little girl, and no real man to keep 'em in line. I highly suggest you teach those little urchins a manner or two before Ren comes. Maybe it's hard for you, but I'm sure even you can remember even a few of the basic lessons your parents wasted on you." "...Are you done?" Rei seethed, struggling to keep her voice level. "Oh? Am I striking nerves?" This laugh was darker, more sinister. Alex backed away slightly, pushing Nami further out of view. She didn't fight him on getting closer. "It's not like I enjoy it, lassie, but you've earned this treatment," the voice grunted, "I highly suggest reeling in that attitude before Ren gets here. Chances are he'll be much more efficient at driving that temper out of ya than I am, and he'll do it in a quarter of the time it took me. Take it as friendly advice, and don't let yourself fly off the handle with him, or you may very well find yourself biting off far more than you and your precious illegitimates could afford to chew..." Alex watched as the shadow stretching from the doorway shrunk, and the second his mother shut the door, Alex grabbed Nami and dragged her into his bedroom. They closed the door slowly, avoiding any noise, and were acting far too innocent by the time Rei entered. "You can come out now," she said quietly, as if she were still struggling to reign herself in, "Alex, make sure all of your homework is done. Nami, go get your pajamas out and get ready for your shower. Bedtime's in an hour, and I want you to have some reading time." "...Yes, mom," Nami murmured softly, and she silently walked out of Alex's room and towards her own. Rei watched her for a moment, then turned back to Alex. "...If I catch you two eavesdropping like that again, it won't be pretty," she said quietly. "Mom..." Alex began, but Rei shook her head. "I know you're trying to be the adult here, Alex, but there are certain matters you're not meant to hear nor deal with," Rei explained firmly. "I was worried he'd try to hurt you," Alex said quickly, "I...I don't like when that man comes to our door, mom." "I don't either." She placed a hand on his shoulder. He'd grown so much in such a short time, she didn't even need to stoop down anymore to speak to him. "But he's a necessary evil, and he's one of the many reasons I need you two to listen to me," Rei said quietly, "You can't play cards if you're going to go against their meaning." "You're right...but in that moment, I just wanted to make sure nothing happened to you, because..." "I know...but from now on, you need to trust me to protect myself, and both of you." She ruffled his hair gently, but neither of them managed a smile. It had been so hard to smile lately. "Mama...are we really gonna have to 'impress' this bad guy?" Alex asked softly. "No. It's an empty threat." She actually smirked a tad. "He likes to scare me, but even I know he won't bother showing up." "Who even is this man, mom?" "Nobody you should fear." She patted his head gently. "Go get your homework done. I want you in that shower after I put Nami to bed, okay?" "It's already done, mom." "Is it?" She considered for a moment. "Then I guess you can play some video games for awhile. Get your mind off the bad stuff, okay?" "...Alright, mom." It had been a rare treat, getting him that system. Rei wasn't a stranger to making money seemingly out of nowhere, and it had been the first big surprise she'd managed to give her son. Nami, on the other hand, she was still trying to find something fitting. She did bring home books fairly often, mostly because she could justify books to Ren pretty easily, and Nami seemed to like those well enough. But as far as a big gift went, Rei could only draw a blank. Her daughter hadn't shown much interest outside of her books. Jin would've known. Jin would've found the perfect gift within the hour, and Rei wished she could ask him. But the letters were one-way only, so all she could write in tonight's letter was that she was stumped, and that she knew he'd figure something out, but that things would be okay, because she knew she'd come up with something very soon. She did reassure him that his daughter's library grew larger by the day, just like his always had, and that, for the most part, their children were settled into a fragile but working routine. She left out the eavesdropping, but she mentioned the visit. Her thoughts floated to Ren as she wrote, and she snapped the lead off of her pencil and cursed under her breath. Ren was a master off adding insult to injury, dragging her and most of her family here and then never even bothering to show his face. She couldn't deny it was the smart choice, since she wasn't sure if she could resist driving her fist into that face within a second of seeing it, but the very fact that he continuously threatened to show up,only to make some excuse not to last minute...it was infuriating. Ren was perfectly happy everywhere else in the world but here, now that he knew she was cooped up and caged. He was happy to spend his days among plenty of other people, drinking to his heart's content and basking in the glory of his fortune while his little bird of a wife remained obediently at home. Having her free and happy was unlawful to him. It was something he couldn't stand, something that infuriated him. I hate it, Jin, she wrote, He can be perfectly happy without me. Why must he keep me like this? Why must he lack satisfaction unless he's crushing me under this fist every moment of every day? Jin's voice popped into her head, offering all the answers she knew Jin would say. He would say Ren was jealous of her happiness, that he only felt powerful when he held control, and that his loss of control over her was a constant thing that bothered him. Rather than let it go and move on, he had obsessed, suffered many a sleepless night over the aspect of something running free of his control, until he finally retrieved it, and now he rested peacefully knowing she was back under his control. He didn't need to see her. He didn't have any love for her, nor desire to see her. He just had to know she was within his grasp, and that was far more than enough for him. Jin's voice was so bitter as he said it, even in her thoughts. Honestly, she could only imagine he'd sound much angrier if they were discussing this in person, but a very angry Jin wasn't something often present in her thoughts. Jin's voice was never more than bitter in her thoughts, and more often than not, it was as level and neutral as it usually was. When life forced her to be more logical, it was always his calm voice that put a tune to her thoughts, and she had to admit that imagining him saying these things not only helped her work things out...but they helped her see how intelligent they were. She'd never seen her voice as very intelligent, though the Jin voice in her head often argued, and it was slowly starting to win that battle... She jotted a few more things into the letter before tucking it away with the others. It had become almost like writing a journal. For this reason, Jin was receiving short stories rather than simple letters, and she was sure he enjoyed that greatly. It was relaxing for her, and it gave him a lot to read. She hoped it was calming for him like it was for her. She hoped he was okay... Imagining his days were difficult for her. Considering how difficult her own were, she could only imagine how the poor doctor was faring. She came to the sad realization that her beloved was probably not adapting well, and she thought of her farm, of Rosie... Rosie was probably with Renee now. She could almost guarantee it. In truth, Rei knew far too well that Rosie wouldn't even trust Renee. She sorrowfully admitted to herself that she'd raised that horse to trust nobody aside from her and Jin's own blood, and she thought she'd never regret it. She'd never expected to part ways with that horse. She could only hope Rosie would trust Renee enough to be at least somewhat happy, and that she wouldn't feel too betrayed when she returned. If she ever could return...
Story 149 - Path of Sorrow [C9, P3] [05-28-2016]
"Are you sure, Jin?" "Yes. I'm sure. She's not happy without Rei..." Renee frowned and took Rosie's reigns. The white horse didn't react, nor did the quiet doctor who'd relinquished her. "You realize Rei kind of raised this horse to only trust your family, right?" Renee pointed out uncomfortably, "I really don't know how well she'll cope here." "Rei trusts you with her," Jin said flatly, "I think she'll have a better chance of being happy with people who can afford the time she needs." Renee crossed her arms, gazing up at the clouds for a brief moment before looking back to Jin. "I don't know where Rei is, nor do I expect you to tell me," Renee said firmly, "but the second she's back, I expect this horse to be back on her farm." "I pray for that day to come, Renee..." The farm girl softened, and reached out to touch his shoulder. "...You really don't want to do this, do you?" she asked softly. "I don't. But I need to put Rosie first. She'd kill me if I didn't..." He reached out and stroked the mare's white mane. She nipped affectionately at him, but her eyes didn't light up. Renee managed a sad nod and pulled the doctor into a brief hug. "I expect you to keep that promise," she said. "The second she's back, and no later," Jin reiterated. "Good..." He watched her lead the mare away, then stuck his hands in his pockets as the wind picked up, bracing himself against the first winds of winter. He waited until the two were out of sight before turning around and heading back for the town. Word had traveled fast. Every now and then, one of the townsfolk would drop by the clinic, asking if he was okay. He would simply say yes and send them off, not wanting to deal with questions. Most of the time, they were not asked. A few days after Rosie had gone to Renee's, Jin appeared at the tailor shop. Shelly perked up once he entered, but frowned when she saw what he was carrying. "Quite the box there, Jin," she said, eyeing the big block of cardboard he held. "Yeah...I was kinda hoping you wouldn't mind keeping it safe for me." Shelly beckoned him over. She pointed to a clear space under the counter, and Jin gently slid it under. "Thanks," he said. "May I ask why you're entrusting that to me?" Shelly said. "...I'm gonna be honest. I haven't really been home much." Jin fidgeted a little bit. Shelly patted his shoulder gently, then looked to the rack behind her and pulled a brand new jacket off. "Here, dear," she said, "It's starting to get cold, and your jacket's looking kind of worn out." "Ah, Shelly, I'm okay," Jin said, but Shelly shoved the fine garment into his arms. "Nonsense. Try it on! Come on." Jin suppressed a scowl and threw the new jacket on. He sadly had to admit it was quite comfortable, and it fit perfectly. Shelly smiled and zipped it up for him. "Lovely," she said, grinning, "You're looking sharp, Jin." "Thanks, Shelly..." Her smile faded, and she pat his shoulder again. "...I miss making clothes for them," she sighed, "Are you sure they're alright, Jin? Just say the word and I can send a package over to them." "I'm afraid I cannot send anything to them," Jin sighed, "If that ever changes, I'll definitely send them everything you want to craft." "Oh, Jin..." She sobbed gently and blew her nose. "They were like my little granbabies," she sighed, "As much my little ones as Vivian and Angie. They miss them so much, too. Little Vivian keeps saying Alex stood her up, and Angie's been devastated. She loved playing with Nami." "I know, Shelly. You always treated them like your own blood." Shelly pulled the doctor into a tight little hug, still sniffling. "You and Rei are both family," she said, "You always took such good care of Candace, and Luna loved Rei like a sister. You know if you ever need anything, we're right here, okay?" "Thanks, Shelly..." "Do you want to come for dinner, dear? The girls miss when you used to come by." "Not much appetite nowadays...but I'll try to find the time to stop by." "Best I can hope for, huh?" She patted his back and gave him a little peck on the cheek. "Be good, okay Jin dear?" "I will. Thank you." He stepped outside and, for a second, hugged the comfy jacket to himself. He forgot how much he loved Shelly's clothes... It was after hours, but he retreated into the Clinic and locked the door. He'd decided he felt better if he stayed there, rather than return home. Being there just felt so lonely. That house had grown far too big for one person, and looking at it had not done well for his state of mind. Even though it hadn't been that long, the farm had already begun to suffer. The fields were drying out, the animals were unhappy, and Jin didn't have the time nor the heart to actually grow anything. Cain had agreed to take Rei's remaining livestock and chicken, but had hesitated when he mentioned Rosie. "My daughter will be mad," he'd sighed, "but if you can convince her, we'll take her in." Jin knew why he refused, but it didn't change his mind. He knew Rosie would be happier at a maintained farm with other horses, and if anyone could manage to gain the horse's trust, it'd be Renee. He hoped the mare was adjusting well... He lay in his bed and stared at the ceiling. He missed the warm wooden walls of his home. He missed the soft sheets, the good smells of Rei's cooking, the sound of his children laughing Rei was putting them to bed... He curled up under the sheets and pulled out her letter again. It was hard to read, and his eyes stung with tears whenever he viewed it, but it was the only way he could find any peace at night. * My darling Jin, We’ve made it, thank goodness. The kids and I are safe. The man who wrote that letter told me he’d spotted me walking with Alex. We are very fortunate. Had he found me alone, it could have easily led to him finding you. We’ve been forced apart, but we are all okay. I hid the ring as safely as possible. I convinced the man that I had not married, that my children were the results of affairs unrelated to Castanet. You, my dear, are safe. I promise. Never forget your children are your guardian angels… As of right now, I haven’t seen Ren. I don’t know when he’ll be about. He has us constantly watched, though. I’ve convinced the kids to remain as quiet as possible until things ease up here. I can’t risk him cluing in to your existence. He won’t be thrilled if he finds I ever remarried. For you and Castanet, I promise, we will remain silent. I will somehow make our children understand. Thankfully, my friend has remained true. He will bring these letters to you every week, as I have promised. Unfortunately, these can only go one way. I’m sorry, but I cannot risk any evidence in the apartment. But I will do my best to fill you in on everything. I have also unfortunately decided the kids cannot participate. I apologize. It’s just safer, and I feel it is in their best interests. I’m sorry, Jin. I am so sorry. I never thought he would look there. I was so sure we were safe. Now our lives are jeopardized because of this pitiful excuse for a man… I’m sorry, Jin…for my past. I will do all I can to put it back there where it belongs. Until then… Wait for me… -Rei * He folded the letter and placed it under his pillow. He longed for another letter, but he knew it would be at least another few days before her next letter appeared, and he forced himself to be patient. That was okay, though. He could wait for her, just as she requested. He closed his eyes and fell into the clutches of sleep, his hand stretched under the pillow so he could feel the letter was still nearby. She still had hope. She was okay, and so were the kids, and she was protecting them. She was trying to find a way home, a way back to him, and he felt that was worth waiting for. No matter how long it took...
Story 148 - Path of Sorrow [C9, P2] [05-27-2016]
"Jin?" "Wha..." It took him a few moments to realize where he was. Finally, his eyes focused, and Anissa's worried face came into view. "Oh...hi, Anissa," he murmured. He could smell fresh tea coming from somewhere beside him, but he didn't bother to look or reach for it. He'd forgotten that Anissa had taken to coming by the clinic from time to time after they'd talked and hammered things out. She grabbed a green chair, same as always, and sat beside him, looking at his sunken gaze with concern. "Are you alright?" she asked, "You and Irene seem off, and you especially look...forgive me, but you look awful, Jin." He shook his head, his eyes falling shut. His morning had been so emotionally turbulent that he didn't have much to spare. He wished he could just crawl into bed and call it a day, but it was only around noon. He looked to Anissa with defeat. "I'm alone..." he whispered. "Alone?" Anissa asked, "Jin, you have so many people who love you. Why would you feel alone?" She was trying so hard to comfort him, but all she did was awaken the thoughts that had haunted him all day. He shook his head, and tried to wipe away the forming tears as his body involuntarily shook. "No...Anissa, they're gone..." "Who's gone?" "Rei...and my kids..." He buried his head into his hands as his voice broke on the last words, and Anissa's eyes widened as the scenarios rushed through her head. "Wait, how are they gone?" she asked, "Jin, what happened?" He went into another round of trying to calm down, unable to talk. She waited, trying everything she could to console him, which she hated to admit was very little. All she could do was remain by his side, feeling helpless. "Jin, what can I do?" she asked. "There's nothing," he whispered, "I don't know what to do. I feel lost..." "You can start by telling me," she pleaded, "Talking it out will help. We can sort things out..." Jin merely shrugged, though his mind was screaming every answer she could want. "Why did she leave?" Anissa asked firmly. "I can't say..." Jin whispered. "You need to..." "I can't..." He wanted to, desperately. He couldn't even look at her, knowing he'd cave and spill everything if he saw those worried eyes staring at him. "But you're breaking down, Jin. Was it an argument? Did she go far? I'll talk to her, Jin. I'll bring her back." The thought of that only made him feel worse. This girl had loved him once, probably still did. Yet here she was, putting aside everything for the chance to run and find the girl who had caused her so much heartache. "You can't bring her back..." he whispered. "Why can't I?" she asked. "Because she left Castanet, Anissa!" His shout echoed throughout the entire clinic, and he was almost scared when he heard it. He broke down again, scared at his own outrage, scared at the thought of never seeing her again, scared to see the look of horror he'd just painted on the face of one of his best friends. She tried to hug him, but he shrugged her off. He couldn't handle her touch right now. She backed away a little, watching him, unable to find a way to console him. "There was no argument..." Jin finally forced himself to answer, "Everything that happened is beyond my control. There's nothing you can do to help me, Anissa. There's nothing any of us can do..." His sobs were getting worse, but he made himself continue. "She didn't want to go. The kids begged not to go. Nami...she cried. My poor little girl's crying and there's nothing I can do. My son's trying to be strong for her, but I saw it. Just as upset as his sister..." "Jin..." "But they had to go...I had to make them listen to her. They had no choice...and they will probably despise me for it. Despise her..." "Jin...why couldn't you follow...?" "I can't tell you..." "Don't feel obligated to stay for us, Jin." "You couldn't be farther from the truth, Anissa..." He hadn't meant for that to sound as bad as it did. Anissa was growing very frustrated, and frankly, so was he. "Why can't you tell me?" she asked, her tone growing more bitter, "I've always kept your secrets, Jin." "This is different," he whispered, "I...promised her. I can't." "You're so dedicated to her secrets, and look what it's done to you!" Jin wasn't sure how it happened, but a teacup ended up smashed against his wall, the tea dripping onto the floor. He didn't even know a teacup was there, but he didn't even care anymore. He and Anissa were both silent, his hands drawn into fists as he shook, her staring wide-eyed, her hands folded into her lap so tightly it was as if she were trying to avoid strangling something. He felt an almost primitive anger welling up inside of him. "You have no right..." he seethed, finally finding his voice, "You're overstepping your bounds, Anissa." "Maybe I am, but I'm also sitting here watching my best friend writing in pain, and a wall of secrets demands he suffer alone. It's not right, Jin!" "I demand it, Anissa." "How do you expect to cope then?" "I don't." He could almost feel the ice in his voice. His anger at Anissa was slowly fading, mostly because he realized that any normal human being would react like she was. In all honesty, she was right. Rei's secrets weren't worth the pain they caused, but he chose to deal with it. He chose to harbor them, chose to hurt, all because he loved her... "Nothing can fix this, Anissa," he said, breathing slowly as he began to regain himself, "I've lost my entire world, and so have my kids and my wife. None of us will cope until we're back together." His hand clutched his chest. "You don't understand how much this is killing me," he whispered, the last of his anger finally fading, "Not a day has gone by where I haven't held my kids. I've denied them nothing. Now I can't even so much as say good night. And Rei...I can't sleep if she's not with me..." "Jin..." "I feel like I've broken every promise I've made to my children. I promised them I would always be there, and now I'm not..." He felt Anissa's arms wrap around him, and he was pulled into a tight hug. His entire body involuntarily flinched, but he didn't fight her off this time. He didn't have it in him. He let his head rest on her shoulder, and her fingers gently stroked his hair. "Listen to me," she said gently, her voice becoming soft, almost motherly, "You said so yourself that it was beyond your control. You haven't broken any promises, and none of it is your fault. Your kids, Rei...they love you. I'm sure they will find a way home, back to you..." "I feel like it's so futile..." Jin whispered, "My perfect world broke so easily. Now I may never hold my kids again..." "Don't lose hope like that. Be strong for them. Live for them." He wrapped his arms around her and broke down sobbing into her. She kept stroking his hair, letting him break down as much as he needed to. "I just wish for one last moment," he murmured through broken sobs, "Just one last moment with them..." "Is that really all?" she asked. He went silent for a moment, and then another sob escaped him, and his grip on her tightened as he shook his head. "No..." he whispered. For a little while, they stayed that way. Then he finally sat back, freeing her shoulder, and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry..." he said. "You're hurt, Jin," Anissa said gently, "It's okay..." "No, I mean..." He choked up again. "...I mean for what I did to you," he finally managed to say. "Jin, you've done nothing to me," Anissa said, now slightly confused. "I broke your heart..." She went silent, her eyes shifting to the floor. He looked away, feeling guilty after all of this. She had been here for him, had been a true friend, and yet he'd hurt her so badly... "Jin. You didn't love me like I loved you. I've accepted that." "You didn't talk to me for so long, 'Nissa..." "I never said it happened over night..." She blushed slightly, rubbing her arm. "Jin, I loved you so much, and I'll always care for you. That means that I also want you to be happy, even if it's not with me. If Rei is your true happiness, then I will always support you. If you claim you need to keep her secrets, if you are being honest about this being beyond your control and no fault of her own, then that's your decision. I personally think you should tell someone, but if you cannot, then that's just how it is..." She heaved a sigh. His eyes were still cast to the floor. "I just really do love you, and I don't want to see anyone I love so hurt," she whispered, gently placing two fingers under his chin and lifting his head so their eyes met, "so I will always be here if you need me, no matter the past. But you can't go blaming yourself for these things. You can't help loving Rei any more than I can help loving you..." "'Nissa..." He hugged her again. "I love you too," he whispered, "I'm sorry I've done a poor job of showing it...but thank you. Thank you for being there for me..." "I always will be." Her affectionate side came out a bit as she ruffled his hair, just like during the old days, and Jin finally managed a small laugh. "It hurts that we could never be together," she admitted, "..but that doesn't mean I don't value our friendship. You're one of my closest friends, Jin. If nothing else, I am grateful for that." "Thanks, 'Nissa..." The two finally parted, and he wiped his eyes again. "Hey, Jin?" "Yeah..?" "Want me to bring you some fresh tea?" He blinked back a few tears before managing a weak smile and a small nod. "That would be lovely," he said, "Thank you..."
