May 7, 2012
you are torturing me!
I'M SORRY I CAN'T STOP
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you are torturing me!
I'M SORRY I CAN'T STOP
13 und 17, please!
Popular questions! :)
13 and 17. :)
19 and 28 please and thank you!
Courtesy on the Internet! It CAN happen!
19. 3 things that upset me: 1) willful ignorance -- that which allows people to not care that they don't know something, or to persist in adhering to factual inaccuracies because "I'm entitled to my opinion," or to continue mistreating a person or group of people. 2) When I am misunderstood, especially by someone I think gets me. 3) Cruelty in any form, especially when executed on the defenseless.
28. A confession: I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud.
Oh, I kid. This one's tough, though, because how deep do I go? How much am I comfortable sharing? Should this be an intimate confession, or about that one time I stole something from a drug store?
Maybe I should whisper something about how I'm actively trying to lose weight, which I'm a little embarrassed about because I follow so many body-positive blogs and I feel like I should work on accepting my body as it is instead of trying to change it, only I know I'm not happy with the way I look. More than that, I'm not comfortable with it. And it's not because I'm not a size 2, because I will never be a size 2 (whatever that even means), and that's really OK with me. I like being curvy, but there are curves now where I don't want them, and clothes that fit me a couple years ago are too tight. I just want to feel comfortable in my body again, and for me that means getting myself back to the shape I was in a few years ago, before I stopped working full time and started spending entire days on the couch and it means not drinking so much and retraining myself to eat more sensibly (I eat pretty healthy already, but I lack portion control and we do order in or go out to eat more often than we probably should) and exercising as much as possible, which is the hardest because I haaaaaaaaaaate structured exercise like classes or just going to a gym where there are all these MACHINES and I don't know where to start. (This is why I love that I can walk to work, and log nearly 3 miles a day when I do.)
Anyway, long answer, but yeah. This is what I struggle with pretty much every day: trying to feel good about the way I look while also trying to change it. I think I'm being sensible about it, too: I don't own a scale, I'm not obsessing over calories or what I can never ever eat again, in fact I'm not denying myself anything -- just taking everything in moderation (I had a creme-filled donut yesterday. It was fabulous). My primary goal is being able to fit into the clothes I already own and would like to wear again without fear that I'm going to bust open the zippers.
(Well, that and look slammin' hot in the wedding dress I want to wear.)