#boring alert

[thebostonstrangler]

younger sib who can’t keep their mind out of the gutter around me

younger sib who, with their limited knowledge, just gets off on the thought of kissing

younger sib who takes their chance and has to stammer over why they can’t walk straight to mom and dad.

says they worked out with me.

[farmhandler]

Just some personal whining and me being dramatic nonsense lol

So a few people on here and maybe some readers who've been following me since this all began will know about my "hand issues". I don't really know that I've talked about it on tumblr that much? I don't know. I made a somewhat positive post a while ago. I look back at the first chapter notes I made like two years ago? being like "I have some hand pain, need a break!" Not knowing how foolish I would be.

To make a long story very short, I've had the same hand/wrist pain for a long time. I can't type or play games or do anything dexterous for any long amount of time. Typing clocks at maybe ten minutes? I've had a lot of doctors appointments, and a lot of people kind of shrugging their head at me.

I'm tired I guess. You get a lot of hopeful promises and nothing changes.

I'd like to add that many people have it much worse than me and I do acknowledge that! I mean I have hands lol some people don't. I can technically write, some people can't. This is all just me whining.

We are at the current stage where the next round of promises and assurances have reached their end. I braced one hand for a month and… It did something? I think they thought I would do something. Then I braced the other, same result. I hope it did something lol. Therapy... more therapy... it's the same so far. I keep saying to the doctors "Well maybe it just takes time" and they just kind of look at me. Nothing has changed and it's just been more painful recently..

You might be looking at me right now and thinking, well obviously you're doing too much! That's why it's not getting better. Or maybe too little? No, my sweet summer child, I can assure you that I'm not, but your thoughts are very much appreciated. I have professionals for that.

You might be tempted to give me advice, to share your experience based on my vague post, but trust me when I say that I have heard it all. I've done it all. All the stretches, the therapy, all the exercises, the yoga, the needles poked into your muscles, the exercise balls, stretchy grip things, putty, weights, waxy hands, the hot sand shit, massages.. Eventually you just accept it. So I'm not interested in unsolicited advice.

I don't how many people even exist on Tumblr or who would bother to read a boring personal post, but one of the most annoying platitudes I find is the "hope you feel better soon". I know it's just a generic phrase of well wishes, but I guess it feels a little invalidating? Sure hope those chronic issues clear up... yea me fucking too. It's not a cold lol

But I know people are just trying to be nice.

C'est la vie, I suppose.

[bloxiee]

So, the first thing i found was an archery bow, a violin bow, and a violin in a bush. And i was like 'excellent! i can actually play the violin!' (it was a legitimate weapon in my dream) but then i realised the violin bow slotted out into arrows for the archery bow, which sucked because i can't shoot. I abandoned the violin and the archery bow and just took the arrows.

I made it to a house and everyone was having dinner. it was all normal and happy except i could see one man stoney eyed about to shoot poison darts at me so i hid behind a big buff guy next to me, because he wouldn't feel the darts. No one could see what was going on but i ran out and everyone dispersed. 

Then i remember everyone running away in the same direction, and one lone person shooting everyone that was running.. but i had to go back to get something past the shooting person back from the house. it was a pretty exciting dream to be honest, not too scary cuz i was never going to die - and i didn't. i got the job in the end from the woman that set up the challenge.

[ennui-ridden]

I don't particularly know why but people always told me that it would all go away once you find someone that you really like being with. That the loneliness would dissipate and you would find that certain meaning in life and happiness handed to you on a platter. Hey those thighs would shrink and "you're pretty! I promise" would actually be believable. And hey, I have a startling revelation, I'm with someone who I really like and who isn't an asshole and who treats me with respect and who I can fight and laugh and punch.

But you all lied to me.

I need more than this. More than just one little city and a bunch of loyal friends. More than a shitty annoying mother and a dad who I don't really talk to. More than money. I want more than just someone to be with to tell me I'm pretty to make me happy. I want to believe that I'm good enough. I want to make some fucking difference and look back and value my mistakes more than my achievements. I'm running in life because I've started so far behind. I just want to fucking catch up.