#bottom wank

[predator-padawan]

I see a lot of people say Anakin needs to get the “noise fucked out of his head” by Obi-Wan, but I recall you saying that it isn’t Anakin who has a lot of noise in his head. Would you elaborate on this a bit? How and why you came to that conclusion? It seems to be universally agreed upon that Anakin does have a fuck tone of noise in his head that I think about you saying that a lot.

I think this might have to do with me defining "noise" differently than a lot of people in the fandom!

For me, "noise" means obsessive, constant, useless, spiraling rumination. A plethora of concrete thoughts and anxieties that can only be alleviated by sensation or emotion so strong they become nothing but a faint static background hum (hence the fucking). To me, noise means a cacophony of contradicting interior voices battling each other, a million potential outcomes or conversations played out a infinitum.

I don't see Anakin having that. I see Anakin as having a tremendous amount of emotion, not in his head, but his heart. In Rogue Planet he describes feeling like he has a "sun" burning inside. Anakin is often conflicted, angry, insecure, passionate--but the way it's described, textually, is through a feeling or sensory lens rather than a wordy, anxious one. He rarely fixates on or even thinks about the things that upset him for very long--he acts. Makes a rash decision. He is connected to the Force preternaturally, so he often knows instinctively what that decision is, and can sense an outcome a second before it happens, and knows what to do.

Conversely, Obi-Wan is an endless ruminator. He sees all side of things and worries about them and turns them over in his mind and imagines all the different manners in which something could play out (or go wrong) and puts off making decisions until the a last minute--or at all.

In short, when Anakin is faced with a problem or an emotion, clutches and holds on and takes control and acts. Obi-Wan worries and worries and worries and then, ultimately, surrenders, lets go, gives it up to the Force so he doesn't have to make the choice himself.

I get this mostly from the books. Anakin's POV is often short, clear, sentences with conclusions he comes to easily based on his confidence that he is right due to his connection to the Force. Even when he is conflicted or upset in a book, it usually isn't "noisy" by my definition. It's emotional, and powerful, and all consuming for a moment, and then, from that place of blind feeling, he makes a a fierce and abrupt conclusion amid it all:

"He would make him do so."

"He knew from the bottom of his heart."

"No Uncertainty."

Conversely, Obi-Wan's narration in many books is extremely meandering and cyclical and anxious and repetitive. It absolutely feels like noise to me--there are so many words, over and over again with no reprieve. This is very related to my headcanon that Obi-Wan has OCD (my wife is @ocd-kenobi and has tons of sceencaps pulled from a bunch of different novels on this subject). He questions himself constantly, repeats things, goes back and repeats them again, and it never gets better. So much repetition. So much noise.

'was it really? " "he switched them" Three more times." "Agitated and Jittery."

"Terrified of being terrified." "Anger a path to the dark side." "Fear a path to the dark side."

"Trying." "Trying." "Chasing his own fears around in a circle."

Ultimately, oth Obi-Wan and Anakin are messy and internally conflicted characters. But I feel like Anakin's inner turmoil and conflict is emotional, feeling-based, nonverbal, powerful. He doesn't fight with himself or battle himself. In fact, the conflicting voice in his head isn't even his own--it's Palpatine. And to me that doesn't feel like "noise" that can be fucked away. He doesn't like to surrender in his moments of rage and emotion, he likes to take control, to pilot something, to move, to run, to be one with the Force. Obi-Wan, however, has verbose, constant, repeated, obsessive THOUGHTS in his head he can't escape--and I dunno I just feel like being overpowered and dicked down to shut it up falls in like with his repeated compulsion to give things away to the Force rather than deal with them, all under the guise of being a good Jedi.

I think for me, it boils down to this: I read Obi-Wan as an Overthinker and Anakin as an Over-Feeler, Obi-Wan as cerebral and up in his head Anakin as corporeal, and deeply rooted in his body.

[predator-padawan]

i just read your latest ask and YES obi-wan has always seemed to me someone who desperately desires the appearance of control more than he actually desires control itself - he’s been taught by both the jedi and his constant life experiences of having everything he has ripped away from him that his inability to make decisions and appear authoritative allows this to keep happening to him. but the thing is i don’t think he really desires it for himself - he wants to work within parameters, to be told what to do, to have reassurance from a higher power whether that’s the force, the jedi council, or even anakin. anakin on the other hand desires control for himself innately - he also has been faced with constant tragedy but his reaction isn’t that his personal failure to make decisions was the cause, but instead that he has been prevented by external forces from taking the control he deserves to have. he thinks the only way forward is for him to be able to make the decisions that no one else is capable of - and obi-wan would eat that right up because he already believes himself incapable no matter how hard he wants to be the converse. they reinforce each other’s myopias in this horrifying bewitching cycle.

in summary, obi-wan views his internal state as a microcosm of the world which causes him view his experiences through the lens that places him at the point of blame every time - it’s fucking paralysing. anakin views the world as an extension of himself - his desire and capacity for control is the ultimate determinant of what happens (even when it is so clearly not).

fuck the noise out of obi-wan’s head hours

Oh ANON I love you this feels straight from my brain!!! "he thinks the only way forward is for him to be able to make the decisions that no one else is capable of - and obi-wan would eat that right up because he already believes himself incapable no matter how hard he wants to be the converse. they reinforce each other’s myopias in this horrifying bewitching cycle." OBIKIN THESIS STATEMENT RIGHT HERE!!

As I was skimming books to find quotes I wanted for my response to that last ask, I was struck by how every one of Anakin's moments of fury and frustration was about Obi-Wan not trusting him. Not treating him like an equal. Not thinking him capable of making decisions or being a leader. The "noise" if you want to call it that in Anakin's head is largely rage at how unfair it is that he is not given complete control over everything, all the time. I just don't see him as someone ever seeking surrender or silence or loss of control--he wants to obtain control! Always!

Obi-Wan on the other hand, never seeks power. He resists every instance where he's granted power or control or even the freedom to make a decision about something, he finds every opportunity to pass it off onto someone else--the Jedi code, the Force, another person. He finds his comfort and solace in surrender.

Furthermore, Obi-Wan fundamentally sees himself as inadequate, where Anakin fundamentally believes he knows better than anyone. The former results in endless, paralyzing self doubt and the desire to relinquish control while the latter results in reckless power grabs born from frustration at being limited.

So YES! FUCK THE NOISE OUT OF OBI-WAN'S HEAD HOURS!! I don't even care what that looks like, Anakin can sit on Obi-Wan's dick and ride it for all I care, as long as he's in control, and Obi-Wan finally, finally gets his moment of pleasure-scourged silence.

[predator-padawan]

omg all this fandom discussion also makes me want to point out how so often i see people use the subversion of expectations particularly in sexual dynamics as a marker of some kind of enlightened progressiveness. almost in response to the idea that labelling the characters in terms of perceived sexual dynamics of top/bottom based off traits like physical size and appearance, age, status etc is so reductive and banal, over the years there’s been this push not to get rid of the use of top/bottom to categorise relationships but instead just to continue using them in a subverted manner to claim a sort of moral high ground. actually this megalomaniac who desires control at all times and is a mass murderer is a bratty submissive who likes to take it up the arse and that is somehow an improvement. to be honest i don’t see much of a difference in what happened before with physical traits and now just a reversal of dynamics based on emotional traits to be any better at confronting the inherent biases and ridicule of pervasive top/bottom sexual dynamics bleeding into fic let alone the complete departure from the character’s motivations just to satisfy this idea of what their sex life should be like of all things. to relate it back to star wars, it’s wild how many people think they’re ‘better’ because they characterise anakin as sexually submissive rather than obi-wan even if it goes against everything about their relationship outside of sex, simply because they subvert an expectation that in itself has been fabricated by a fandom with internal preconceptions about same gender relationships 🤷‍♀️

I have ABSOLUTELY seen this from people, not just in this fandom but in a few fandoms where there's a canonical/textual power imbalance that factors heavily into how the characters interact! I've also see it when there's a dramatic height difference, which is even stupider.

I really think A/B/O has rotted people's brains :/

[predator-padawan]

I think Tennessoui, though her main theme is bottom Anakin, write some pretty good bottom Obi-Wan too. (But she has many, many AUs and you have to dig a little to find all of them)

And I just did a lil’ self reflection and concluded that my reason for favoring Dom Obi-Wan is that Anakin in any dominant position makes me feel unsafe even through a screen.

"I just did a lil’ self reflection and concluded that my reason for favoring Dom Obi-Wan is that Anakin in any dominant position makes me feel unsafe even through a screen." You are SO VALID anon.

I don't really read fic but I will put that writer on a list in case im ever in the mood!! thank you!!!

[predator-padawan]

I don’t think I could ever explain how happy I am to find another person who doesn’t read Anakin a submissive and Obi-Wan as a dom. Like if that’s somebodies things more power to them go each their own. Personally though I just can’t make those characterizations make sense especially having read several Star Wars books. Like Obi-Wan likes following the rules enjoys doing it well and to the letter. Anakin is more a rebel who really doesn’t listen anybody it seems unless he out of options or his plan blew up in his face. Also, Obi has never been able to control Anakin a day in his life despite his best efforts, and Ani is not a brat to be tamed!

Aw I'm glad you feel less alone! We're out here...I know @tunglo, @solarlotus, and @ocd-kenobi are all writing Dom Anakin as well!

It's weird how unpopular it is though, right?! The characterization is very clear. BAFFLING!

[predator-padawan]

hello do you think you’ll one day dabble on obi wan being the possessive one ? like having it be a battle who can groom anakin better him vs sheev ? or something along the lines of thag

Likely not! Though I can easily imagine Anakin submitting, it's very difficult for me to imagine Obi-Wan stepping into a controlling, dominant role. I think he IS possesive of Anakin, inside, but too insecure and self hating and rule abiding to ever let himself do anything about it.

[predator-padawan]

Ughhh... I can't believe people screenshot your meta and do that. Some people never grow out of a high school clique mentality. Glad to see you're not letting it get you down.

It's actually happened to friends of mine more than me (I don't even pay attention to these people and they all have me blocked) but regardless, yeah. It's SO weird and high school. I'm too old to let it stop me, plus, I know I'm smart and and a fantastic writer and can back everything I say or think with the actual text so it doesn't bother me people disagree? Like I don't understand why they're so threatened by disagreement. I CANNOT imagine caring enough to even block people I disagree with on SW meta like its freaking fandom lol

[predator-padawan]

(“being in your 30s in fandom means being attacked and doxxed by nineteen year olds once every few months” I got harassed by people in their mid to late 20s once and I was more baffled by the feeling of betrayal because they are only 6+ years younger than me, than by them harassing me, lol. I miss livejournal era, too, so much. Way more boundaries and unspoken agreements in how to navigate fandoms.)

Actually, in my biggest most dramatic doxx, there were women in their FORTIES who campaigned against me and still talk about me like I'm dead, so I guess I can't REALLY say age is much of a factor as like, the general changing landscape of fandom and fandom culture in general?? It's very depressing! Back in the day there was drama but I feel like overall there was a lot more respect and less entitlement and like you said, boundaries about navigation.