@box-of-muses / Seto Kaiba
I’m sorry about the other night. I wasn’t making much sense, and it’s not making much more to me sober. Yet, I’ll try to explain myself as best as I can--in order as best as I can remember. There was a lot of alcohol involved, but I think I owe you a better explanation than whatever that was.
So, let’s start with the kiss--the first one. I was feeling affectionate, I think; I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea, but I’d meant to kiss you on the cheek or forehead--somewhere friendly--and I missed. And then you kissed me. I shouldn’t have laughed, but... after everyone always accused me of having feelings, there was Seto Kaiba kissing me and what appeared to be very seriously at the time. I suppose it just struck me as some kind of vindicating irony for all those years of harassment. I didn’t, but you did.
That sounds even more awful in text, I’m sorry. Still, despite that, I meant what I said when I don’t know how I feel. Granted, I really was trying to flirt with you then, because--like I said--I’d gotten the idea in my head that you had feelings for me and I really didn’t mind being kissed by you. At this point, I’m much less sure of anything, but I was so stubborn. I’m an idiot sometimes; I’ll admit it, but I thought if I accepted those feelings I’d make you happy. We’d figure something out (and have a very nice Valentine’s). Yet, I really just made things worse, didn’t I?
I thought I was considering how you felt, but really I was just a pushy drunk jumping to conclusions. Which, I think, leaves the question of what I really want. I tried answering that a few times, but I never did a very good job. So, what I want, as clearly as I can word it: if you have feelings for me and want to date, then I’d like to try. If not for your sake, then because “I don’t know how I feel” doesn’t mean that I never will. I think I could be happy with you, if that’s how things turn out.
Although, If you don’t, then I’m happy with things as they are. Because, above all else, I value you as a friend. I bought those rings to prove that to you, albeit I think I forgot that I’m the only one who’s that embarrassingly sentimental. I digress. You don’t have to answer this right away--if there is an answer, at all. I expect I was mostly making an ass of myself. I care about you, which will have to be a separate letter unto itself at this point. Alas.
I hope you can forgive how obnoxious I was, and that the day finds you well.
