“⋆.if you hear a sound, don’t turn around
it’s just my heart breaking ⋆.˚”
•characters: jonathan byers x fem!reader
•summary: unrequited love has never felt more heartbreaking. hearing and seeing the one man y/n was in love with being so disgustingly in love with another women made her realize maybe love wasn’t for her…or maybe she was wrong for once?
•tags: angst to fluff, friends to strangers to lovers,unrequited love, miscommunications, no upside down or scary creatures au, still placed in the 80’s, cussing, jealous y/n, platonic steve harrington, might be out of character and some scene might be changed but this is fiction so :p, height difference (unspecified), y/n becomes a nurse.
•a/n: listen i’m a steve girl and i love jancy entirely too much but i need jonathan too, i’m greedy. and it’s kinda unfair how little people write for jonathan, also i was most definitely listening to “be like a woman” by chris rainbow while writing :)). reblogs,comments and likes are greatly appreciated!!!
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eight years y/n fell for jonathan byers, eight long years of being in love with the big brown eyed man felt like she was trapped in hell. who would’ve thought something so sweet like love would hurt so badly, every passing day felt like her heart was getting ripped out of her beaten and bruised chest.
but that heartbreaking feeling didn’t appear until recently when he started letting nancy into his life. once there was a time when y/n and jonathan were inseparable. super glued to each other, when one was around the other was sure to be there as well, trapped in their little world of bliss, but during their sophomore and junior years of high school things changed, they changed drastically.
nancy wheeler came into the picture, with her pretty hair, perfect girlish outfits, shiny polished nails, soft voice, bright smile and to make matters worse, she was freakishly smart, a pretty face with a pretty life and a great brain, the whole package. at first y/n didn’t think they would become a thing, nancy was dating steve and it seemed like she loved the popular boy and didn’t really mingle with people that was opposite for her and her boyfriend but suddenly nancy started spending more time with jonathan, coming into school together, having lunch together, leaving school together and even spending time after school at either his house or at the local library.
something sharp pierced y/n’s heart, she couldn’t wrap the idea of being replaced, being discarded before she even told him how much she loved him and cared for him, but that’s the hard truth about love. love could be beautiful and pure but at times it can shatter you into nothingness, breaking your heart into something bitter and grotesque.
the day steve and his small brained “friends” spray painted those humiliating words on the local movie theater about nancy was the break in the camels back, steve shouting degrading comments to jonathan and shoving the lanky boy as if he was a punching bag, his words dripped jealousy and anger, it was clear steve was hurt from how much time both his girlfriend and “the school’s freak” was spending together, feeling abandoned and used by nancy and humiliated that jonathan was the one who basically took the one girl steve loved.
jonathan snapped from all the verbal and physical damage steve was causing and throw a hard punch, the fight was nasty, hostile and messy. the sound of impact was loud, you can hear the sound of the punches splitting skin open. y/n rushed immediately to the byers residence after hearing from her classmate about the fight, the sky above her was bruised in a dark blue-purple color, her heart beating out of her chest from adrenaline, anger and fear. her legs running across the over grown grass, her feet thumped against his front porch then with shaky hands she banged onto his wooden door
moments passed and finally the door swung open, nancy opened the door, y/n breath was caught in her throat, her heart stilled for a second “y/n, hey..you’re probably here for jonathan right?” her voice soft as always “…yeah, i heard what happened. is he okay, can i come in?” y/n said, her eyes darting behind the curly haired girl, trying to see any signs of his existence “he’s fine, he just has a bruised lip. he’s resting so maybe right now isn’t the best time for you to see him” nancy replied, a frown making its way onto y/n’s chapped lips, this didn’t feel right, it isn’t fair a girl who just randomly showed up gets to be around the person that’s most important to y/n, gets to tell her whether or not she can see her best friend “i won’t be long, i just want to see him. i won’t even wake him up” y/n said, her voice smaller and quieter now “sorry, maybe some other time y/n, i’ll tell him you stopped by” and with that she closed the door, concluding their conversation and sending her off back home.
the entire way back home y/n couldn’t see her path back home, eyes blurred with hot tears, chest tender and sore from how much it’s been holding back. maybe she was being dramatic about this entire thing and by tomorrow jonathan would be by her side again and they’ll both be united again but that delusion quickly evaporated into thin air when days, weeks, months passed with no contact from the boy. months passing by with him completely ignoring her, spending more time with nancy and leaving her on her own, bleeding out from her heavy heart.
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a year has passed and that devastating feeling of loss was still present, not as aggressive but still there, still aching and raw. things changed and in the worst way, jonathan completely abandoned y/n and officially stopped being her best friend, her other half and is now dating nancy wheeler. but randomly on a hot july day, steve and y/n became acquaintances then friends, she found out after graduating and finally being freed from the illusion of the social ladder they had way more things in common, especially with losing things, losing people that they cared so desperately for.
“don’t you ever think back to when things didn’t hurt? when things weren’t how they are now?i miss when the most felt emotion wasn’t sadness. i know it’s corny but fuck…” y/n spoke, her body floating weightlessly around the cool water of his pool “all the time. i can’t even close my eyes anymore because if i do, all i see are memories of the more simple times” steve confessed, his leg brushing against hers “is this about jonathan?”silence fell, a cool breeze hitting her face “yeah…i’ve accepted that i’m no longer important to him and we possibly won’t even be anything but did i really mean nothing to him? all the pure and joyful moments we’ve had meant so little to him he’d just throw them out like that?” y/n admitted now sitting next to steve on the edge of his pool, she felt the restriction in her throat and the burning hot feeling in her eyes, how pathetic can she get still crying over him, over the boy who passed by her like she never existed, even after graduating he still couldn’t look her in the eye “i understand that feeling wholeheartedly. there’s times where i stay up at night just staring at my ceiling numbly thinking the exact same thing. you aren’t alone in this” his warm arms embraced her frame, his large palm rubbing up and down her damp back as a loud cry ripped out from her
that night was the worse from the many nights she’d stay up and thought of the man she loved, she thought back to how he’d spend nights talking to her after sneaking out at ungodly hours of the night, she thought back to when he’d make days like these so much more brighter and light, his gentle voice still haunts her mind and soul like he lived within her. she just missed what was, missed him and the safe feeling she’d feel when he was around, missed his comfort and warmth, missed how he smelt, missed his stupid jokes and his awkward side smile.
she missed her other half and as the years passed that feeling just didn’t go away, it didn’t hurt as much but it was still there.
it’s been three years since y/n and jonathan stopped being friends. steve,robin and y/n were inseparable, they worked at scoops together got fired together, they worked at family video together and got fired together , they even worked at a radio station but that obviously didn’t work because they got fired together for the third time. now they’re all working at different places, steve was a baseball coach and sex education teacher at hawkins high, robin went off to attend smith college and y/n became a nurse at hawkins hospital.
everything was finally a peace, y/n had a stable routine in her life, she fell asleep without thinking of a certain someone, she woke up without that lingering ache in her chest, she could look in the mirror and not see a broken soul staring back at her through swollen eyes. she was her again, her once faked smile was real and that was enough.
y/n finally got off of work, she absolutely loved her job but some there were times where she was grateful the day was done and she didn’t need to stand on her feet for hours and hours. as y/n walked to her car, the chilly night wind howled out, her hands ruffling through her cross-body bag for her shiny silver car keys, when she felt the ridged edges of her keys she looked back up and stopped in her tracks, her eyes went wide and her breath stilled as if it was sucked out of her lungs or kicked in the stomach, the face she thought she had forgotten, the one person she tried so hard to keep pushed down deep in her brain, the one who left her behind like she meant nothing, the only man she loved
“jonathan?”
he stood next to her sleek black car, she same car she bought with the money she saved up for during her junior year, that day was so sugary sweet, he was there saying how proud he was of her and being able to be responsible and mature she was. jonathan expression was unreadable, his body tense and awkward, unsure if he should speak or run like the coward he was
“what are you doing here?” y/n spoke again, not knowing what else to do, here stood the man she wished would come back to her but now that he’s actually here and standing in front of her…she didn’t know if that was truly what she wanted
“i-i’m sorry. i’m sorry y/n. i can’t imagine what i’ve put you there, i can’t stomach the thought of what i’ve done and how badly i fucked up. i’m sorry i waited this long to say these words but, fuck, y/n i’m so sorry for leaving you behind and hurting you and being an awful person” jonathan finally spoke, words coming out thick and regretful, those same gentle brown eyes she used to stare deeply into with so much love were now puffy and bloodshot red “please y/n, i know there’s no way i can make you forgive me but i’m sorry…me and nancy aren’t a thing anymore…we had an argument and she said something that opened my eyes to everything…” his eyes spilled tears, his cheeks rosy pink “she…told me about the day me and steve got into that fight. she lied about you not stopping by and checking up on me, she admitted to lying about you and steve dating after we graduated, she admitted to lying about you not wanting to be friend with me anymore…she called our relationship “puppy love”…i thought all the things she told me were true, were real…but i was just blinded” jonathan cried out, grabbing at his chest like he was protecting his bleeding heart, y/n knew that feeling all too well. she knew how much pain he was in, the man who left he bleeding out and broken was now bleeding out and broken in front of her. love can be pure and innocent but it can also be twisted and cruel, she knew that all too well
y/n quietly walked in front of the shaggy haired man and pulled him into a hug, even though her heart ached with hurt and betrayal, it squeezed with empathy for him. she didn’t forgive him but she knew he needed to let all that hurt out “i’m so sorry y/n, i fucked up, i fucked up something so beautiful just for an illusion. i hurt you, i know i did and i hate myself for that, i hate how much i’ve lost…” jonathan cried out, his frame shaking roughly and his hands gripping tightly around the her coat sleeve. y/n couldn’t say anything back, how could she? she was confused with all kinds of emotions, sadness seeing her childhood best friend crying and shaking, anger because she couldn’t believe he had the courage to show his face and come here spilling everything out like that as if he wasn’t M.I.A. for years now, happiness because maybe this twisted situation could bring back her best friend she once lost…and a tiny ache behind her ribcage that felt a little too close to love, the same love that had her become a shell of a person and broken
after that night in the parking lot where jonathan suddenly appeared, spilled all his truths, cried in her arms and then drove him back to his mother’s home to his request, they haven’t spoke. it wasn’t because jonathan abandoned her like he once did, no, it was y/n this time. jonathan called her house phone mornings and nights but she didn’t pick up, he tried catching her during her lunch breaks but she would run away the moment she heard the same gentle voice that made her heart leap, he’d leave small bouquets of her favorite flowers, he remembered, with handwritten apology letters attached, he tried everything and not once did he give up, not this time. but y/n didn’t know how to feel
she didn’t know what to do next, and how to react to him suddenly being in her life again. she tried years to forget him, his face, his smell, his presence and it almost was successful until that night, seeing his face and hearing that voice again made her feel that same feeling of love, the same feeling that made her depressed for months on end. his words kept repeating on an endless loop, his “i’m sorry’s” and “i hate myself’s” but most importantly him saying “she lied” “she admitted to lying” all this time nancy lied to jonathan and he believed each of those lies instead of coming straight to her, his best friend, his other half, he believed nancy and didn’t even think of coming to her. it was driving y/n crazy, on one hand she should hear him out and hear more about what happened but on the other hand it feels like the damage was already done…
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y/n told steve everything about that night with jonathan. steve sitting on her soft couch, a movie they rented out now paused, steve was just as shocked and confused as y/n, not knowing what kind of advice he should give his friend “so…the reason he left you and stopped being friends with you wasn’t because he was tired of you, it was because nancy lied about almost everything and he believed it and was hurt. then after years passed she admitted to lying and now he’s trying to apologize and take his place back into your life again?” steve questioned, trying to get on the same page as y/n “yup, pretty much. and now for the past couple of days he’s been calling me before and after work, he’s been leaving my favorite flowers at my door step with a new apology letter attached to them and even trying to run into during my lunch breaks” y/n explained further “first of all, he can’t take that place because i’ve filled it in, and second of all, i think he’s actually being genuine. i know you don’t want to hear that but when had jonathan never not been genuine? yeah he fucked up believing nancy and leaving you and you shouldn’t forget how that made you feel but also…i think he’s actually trying to fix the relationship you guys had” steve said, not knowing what else he could say to validate her feelings but also validating how jonathan must feel. steve had been there before, he knows how horrible it feels to be used in that way
“yeah…i think i should probably hear him out. i am still hurt by what he’s done, but i also need some closure and the only one who can do that is not only me but him telling me everything.” y/n said, leaning back into the soft cushion of her couch, moments passed by with them resuming back to the movie and stuffing their faces with the buttery popcorn steve made then suddenly
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
echoed out, the sound of the movie still sounded but everything went still in her apartment “it’s late, were you expecting anyone?” steve whispered out “no, only you…can you check it out?” asked y/n, not wanting to get caught first by the person who would be knocking this late, steve snickered at the panicked expression on y/n’s face and got up with a groan to the door, his palm twisted the knob and he froze, it was jonathan “uhh, y/n i think this one’s for you” steve spoke out, his eyes still glued to the male in front of him, y/n walked to the door and froze too, she definitely didn’t expect jonathan to be standing there, his brown cashmere sweater covered with his thick plaid jacket, wrapped around his thick fingers were her favorite flowers, a handwritten letter and something she never thought she’d seen again, it was the scrapbook they made together, pictures that kept so many memories and good moments, stuck in time, a time where they didn’t experience the bullshit they faced later on in life
“jonathan…”
“y/n”
they both spoke at the same time, they both mirrored the same expression, eyes wide, lips frowned and eyebrows pulled together “can we speak, alone, please?” jonathan finished, his voice desperate, steve read the room immediately and decided it was definitely best to leave the two of them alone and figure out the messy situation they were going through, he grabbed his jacket and his car keys and headed straight home, jonathan stepped inside the warm home handing her the flowers and the letter but the scrapbook still in his grasp. y/n placed the flowers on her coffee table and the hand written laid on her lap, they sat next to each other on her couch and waited until the other spoke
“i know this is sudden but i needed to spoke to you, to see you. i know i came in full force last time but everything i said was true. i didn’t purposely push you out of my life, i full heartedly regret every single thing i’ve done to you that caused you any pain, i’m so sorry. i believed in a person who lied about everything, lied about you and i stupidly believed you, without even asking you and speaking to you. i just couldn’t stomach the fact that maybe you didn’t care for me, and you moved on to steve without me…without me even being truthfully about my feelings.” jonathan admitted, his eyes on hers, wanting her to understand him, to understand he was telling the truth and wasn’t hiding this time
“that’s where you’re at fault. why would you think i didn’t care about you? you know how hurt i was when you left be alone? left me vulnerable and hurt, the day you got into the fight with steve i ran straight to you. she said you were resting and i shouldn’t disturb you, she said she would tell you i stopped by. after that you ignored me like the plague, i cried everyday and every night, i wished on every star that one day you’d come back to me. jonathan, you’ve burned me bad” y/n spoke, her eyes leaking thick tears, tears she swore she wouldn’t shed over him
“i promise y/n i didn’t know any of that, she told me different, she told me you don’t want anything to do with me after that fight, i just believe it but fuck, i’m so sorry. i’ll die trying to make it up to you, i promise. i’ve been so stupid about everything. i didn’t even tell you how much you mean to me because i didn’t want to lose you and mess up our friendship but i eventually did anyway…” jonathan cried out, the hot tears dripping down into his sweater “yeah…i love you so much but i didn’t want to ruin our friendship but fate wasn’t on our side with that one.” y/n sighed out
“you love me?”
jonathan asked, his round eyes filled with tears looked at her, hope behind them “you said “love” not “loved” please tell me you love me, please. i know it’s selfish, i know i don’t deserve it but y/n i’ve been in love with you for all these years now,please i can’t lose you again” jonathan desperately said, his big palms holding her warm face like it was made out of rose petals and cotton “…i love you. i’ve loved you since the moment we met, i loved you even at your worst days and even through all the pain i still loved you” y/n whispered out, tears still falling, sliding down her cheek to his hand and down to the sleeves of her sweater “oh my gorgeous girl, i love you, i’m so sorry i left. i promise i’ll be by your side even after death. i’ll be there even through the bad and the good, i’ll sacrifice everything, myself, just to see you smile and be happy. i’m sorry for everything” jonathan said, pulling her frame into his, the roles reversed, now it was y/n crying and shaking into his frame, him holding her as she broke down in front of him, vulnerable and raw.
“i missed you, my soul missed you, i can’t imagine myself messing up anything with you again. i couldn’t live with myself if i did. please y/n i’d do anything just for you to be in your life again” his arms still wrapped around her frame like she’d disappear, y/n snapped and grabbed his face into her tear soaked hands and pulled him in into a deep kiss, a desperate kiss. a kiss she’s been saving for this exact moment,jonathan kissing back immediately, grabbing onto her face. they moaned into the kiss softly, then y/n pulled back, bitting his bottom lips softly, breathless and satisfied
“i love you” jonathan sighed out, eyes puffy, a grin on his pink and swollen lips
“i love you” replied y/n, her expression copied his
y/n never thought the night would end like this but she was glad it did. she cried in his arms and eventually fall asleep in his arms, after all he was always her peace, her comfort. the warmth she so badly missed, even if she didn’t admit it out loud, she knew she couldn’t fully return to herself without her other half.
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the morning felt light, the warm sun rays hit her face like the sun kissed her good morning. her eyes cracked open and immediately his heat, felt his steady heartbeat against her heartbeat. he didn’t leave her, he stayed like he promised.
her plushy cheek pressed against his chest, savoring the moment a little longer just in case this was a dream that’ll come to an end, his arms tightened around her frame and he cracked his eyes open like how she did moments ago “good morning gorgeous girl” jonathan smiled, looking down at at the same woman he’d rip out his stil-beating heart if she asked “good morning, you stayed” y/n said, her eyes fluttering shut, humming happily “i promised i’d stay, even after death” he spoke, kissing the crown of her head tenderly “let me do this right. i want to start over and do what i should’ve done before. i’m going to take you out on a proper date, i’ll make the reservation, i’ll pick you up and all you have to do is be your beautiful and amazing self. does tonight at 8 sound good to you? if not i can definitely change it “ jonathan said, his hand rubbing softly and slowly again her back, his eyes filled with kindness and patience, those were the sam brown shes she fell in love with. she kissed him tenderly, feeling all flustered and lovesick
“tonight sounds perfect.”
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