These are MY experiences with the Borderline Personality Disorder, but I don’t want you to worry, I am past all of that due to longtime therapy and meds that let me live an almost normal life. What I write is just to make you understand Dex a little bit better. And to make you understand why this show and character is so important to me.
I know that you will abandon me, so I push you away before you can leave. But if you really go away it is your fault. Why have you left me?
I will do everything for you, because I couldn’t survive when I disappoint you. If I disappoint you, you don’t love me anymore.
I know I get obsessed with people very quick and in ways that are not appropriate. I put you on a pedestal. You are my hero and you can do nothing wrong. Until you do.
I get angry a lot, especially when you treat me wrong. How you treat me wrong? Just look at me wrong and I want to yell at you. But I don’t, because I would be alone again if I did.
I am impulsive and my mood swings go so fast that nobody can keep up with it. Also the way I view you can change from one second to another. Right now you are the best person in the world, but if you hurt me, I can’t even understand that I ever liked you. You are trash and I treat you like that. But then you are nice again and everything is forgiven. I will be good again, please don’t leave me.
When I am alone I feel bad. I feel bored and numb and I don’t know how to handle it.
I am honest, I have no idea who I really am. I wear so many masks that I have lost myself.
Sometimes I don’t even know what is real anymore. I drift away into a dissociative state and it is hard to ground myself in reality.
Sometimes I feel so numb, that I have to make me feel something. And sometimes I feel so much, that I don’t know where I can release this pressure. That are the moments when I hurt myself, because that is better than feeling too little or too much.
I walk on the Borderline and it is a slippery slope.
