#br-4dly

[trooperst-3v3]

Asked Hux today why I keep getting sent to re-education. Like, he knows I'm loyal to the First Order. I would have sabotaged the ship ages ago if I wasn't.

He said, "Your loyalty was never in question, ST-3V3. In fact, you're probably the most loyal trooper we have besides BR-4DLY. but sometimes, ST-3V3. . .sometimes. . . we just need you out of our hair for a few hours, and you get into less trouble when you're trapped in a classroom watching How to Be a Super Trooper videos all afternoon."

. . .

To be fair, the videos are pretty great.

[trooperst-3v3]

So, who got Hux for Secret Santa?

As the Supreme Leader, he got a lot of gifts, so I'm not really sure who exactly his "Secret Santa" was. He'll have to tell you that.

Thought I heard he did end up getting a gift certificate for a year of free music lessons, so that could possibly be a failed attempt by someone like BR-4DLY at sucking up to leadership, or just Ben Solo messing with him. Could go either way.

[trooperst-3v3]

This is the worst possible day.

We drew names for the Life Day Secret Santa.

I got BR-4DLY.

Emperor’s ghost I hate him so much. I think I’m going to cry.

[trooperst-3v3]

Brought my engineering class on board the Finalizer today for a tour of my workshop and a lesson on tool safety.

Afterward, they shadowed me on a few maintenance calls and got to be my little helpers while I fixed some small things.

One kid said it was way cooler than BR-4DLY’s phys ed class. I was so touched that I gave everyone an A+ for the day and some chocolate pudding from the mess hall.

Ha. Take that, BR-4DLY.

[trooperst-3v3]

Managed to drop my favorite Life Day orb and shatter it all over the floor. Fortunately, Gary also serves as a very adorable Roomba, so cleanup was pretty easy.

Unfortunately, I now need to find something else to put on top of my Life Day tree until I can save up for a new one. So I just asked everyone I ran into today what I should use, and got some very helpful suggestions:

General Hux: Where in the actual hell did you find a tree? We live in space.

Supreme Leader Ren: Ugh. Are you just asking me because my godfather was a Wookiee? Fine. Wookiees don’t actually put up Life Day trees; they live in them. It’s a more secular tradition, so put whatever you want up there.

M4-RT1N: Does Sp’encer’s Gifts still sell those plasma ball thingies?

BR-4DLY: I could probably fashion you a nice one out of papier-mâché  and some spare LED bulbs, if you’d like. I know we’re not usually the best of friends, but if you can’t be nice to someone on Life Day, when can you? ‘Tis the season, after all!

Deej: I hear on the moons of Iego, they use Angels. Well, symbolic ones, anyway.

BR-4DLY can stuff it. I’m putting a photo of my girlfriend on top of the tree.

[trooperst-3v3]

Settled into a nice star system for the time being. Having access to the remains of the First Order’s bank accounts will keep the food and payroll going for a while, but if we’re gonna acquire more ships and more soldiers, most of us are gonna need part-time jobs to help fund our mission.

AR-T13 is an excellent ferrier, if any locals need their space horses shod.

Mitaka is directing some shows for a few community theatres.

BR-4DLY is working the customer service desk at the Maul-Mart (I don’t know how he does it, either. He says he’s just really into helping people.).

I’ll be selling my services as a general handyman and doing droid repair when I have the time. Call me if you need me.

But not tomorrow. I’m busy tomorrow. Deej got a side gig as a cage fighter, and I gotta go cheer on my girl while she kicks a lot of ass. W00t!

[trooperst-3v3]

Hear ye, hear ye! Towards the end of October I am celebrating my birthday with the Art Deco Soirée! There will be refreshments, music provided by Hux and his backing trio, and a burlesque performance by moi! 1920s attire is suggested for this fabulous affair, so come one come all! All First Order personnel are invited! -Phasma 💋

1920s on which planet?

Sorry to ask, but I didn’t get specifics once, and ended up at a 1950s party where it was apparently Dathomir-themed and everyone was all dark robes and heavy makeup and here I was dressed like a 50′s Quarren because someone told me it was Mon Calamari and BR-4DLY still teases me about it and says my tentacles looked stupid and I absolutely cannot go through that again, man.

Also, what time should Deej and I be there?

[trooperst-3v3]

This is High Command. Who installed 20 toilets in conference room Aurek?

Look, I'm pretty sure no one said *specifically * where the new toilets were to be located. I was just told a level, not a room.

I think it was pretty brilliant, though. Just add a soda machine and a mini fridge to the conference room and your meetings can last as long as you'd like with minimal breaks!

We are about to achieve some seriously next level efficiency on this ship.

That said: If you hate it, it was probably that dumbass BR-4DLY's fault.