seen from Bulgaria
seen from Germany
seen from Canada
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from France
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Macao SAR China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Singapore
seen from South Africa
I'm less "full crash out" than yesterday, but still spiraling a little bit. Mr is going on a three-day work trip, which I think will be good to give us both a bit of breathing room. I'm still beating myself up, but I am trying to (re)focus on what I can do now rather than the mistakes I made in the past.
I'm the one at fault, but my brain is so desperately searching for someone else to blame.
But nope! I did this! All by myself!
The good news is that my period is back to normal. I also finished my work at 11pm last night, so I'm in the clear through the end of the year. There's more to do, but the big deadline has been met.
We're having my mom, brother, FIL, and FIL's girlfriend over for dinner, as is tradition. I'm making my Famous Prime Rib and accompaniments.
I'm also having a lot of Feelings about things at home. I can kind of ignore it, but I think I need to call up my therapist (it's been a couple years since we talked) and chat with her so I can figure out how I want to do with these things.
Everyone was getting on my goddamn nerves last night. T was complaining, Mr was not listening, the dog was whining.
I successfully used my words to tell people to knock it off instead of exploding with anger. But I felt very angry!! Admire my restraint.
Cue my period starting today, so that contextualizes why I felt like I was on a hair trigger. But everyone was acting extra annoying yesterday, regardless.
My brain is torturing me with anxiety about this time-sensitive thing that I keep putting off. I can't deal with it for a couple weeks because of reasons, so I have to keep reminding myself that yes, I did put it off, but I now have a plan to tackle it and that will have to do.
I realized yesterday why I'm so anxious. It's grape harvest time! This always sends me in to a tailspin because it involves asking for help from people (Mr, vendors) and I haaaaate asking for help! And the schedule is complicated and it's expensive and and and.
So it's my annual freak-out and that's why I'm so out-of-sorts.
what would it be like to not be constantly crippled by anxiety
It's time for my regularly-scheduled "I'm so overwhelmed and I can't carry-on" week. This time, it's a combo of Monday + busy week at work + wine business + consulting + perimenopause. A real cocktail of misery!
