#brainsquirrels

[keltaithecrafty]

Just ADHD things...

Me: OMG, I am so excited, I have so much energy, I can’t wait to get going on all these ideas I had like... like...

...

also me: what the fuck was I going to do?

*stares at computer like it’s going to answer me*

*sighs* Fuck.  

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my aesthetic: being able to tell somebody something I think they might not like hearing/mildly conflicting/not absolutely positive, WITHOUT spending the whole day gnawing with anxiety about how they must surely hate me now and I can never talk to them again.

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Come on brain, can’t you let me enjoy the afterglow of Wasteland for a bit before we go into that stage where I have to feel like shit about every single thing I did and said, what I looked like, about how loudly I laughed, about being bossy and organisey, and basically have to regret every aspect of my own existence in a public space?  

I’m tired, brain, and I miss my peoples. Leave me alone

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It would be really fucking nice if I didn’t always have to initiate contact with my friends. And realistically I understand, I get it, I do - it’s because they’re busy and I am less busy, time gets away from busy people and it’s probably not because they secretly just don’t like me and will only spend time with me if armtwisted into it. We’re not geographically close, meeting up takes effort, organisation, energy

But right now I’m just really fucking exhausted with being the one who gets in touch, who proposes plans, proposes dates, reminds and pokes and prods about still not having picked a date. Being the one who makes things happen, because if I don’t, things just plain don’t happen and I don’t see them.

Sometimes it’s just really fucking gutting to remember they are a bigger part of my life than I am of theirs.

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Squirrels

It’s still so surprising to me when other people just... get over things? Like, I’ll say or do something awkward/annoying/offensive. And I’ll spend the next (however long) obsessing about it. How I shouldn’t have said/done that, how they’re definitely unhappy with me and hate me now, what the hell I’m going to say when I see them next. If I’m going to apologise or explain or just hope it doesn’t come up.

And then... they’re just over it? There’s nothing? Maybe they were annoyed in the moment but now things are cool?

Baffles me every time.