Holden is the ultimate trash raccoon baby of the YCMAL 'verse. Move over Shithead!
Oh, but no, quoth Shithead: move over Holden. That's what got us in this mess in the first place!
Sometimes I like to imagine Shithead blundering in and out of people's lives like a pinball ricocheting through a machine, completely heedless of the effect he's having. And considering how long he's been in the league at that point, and his...less than clean style of play, he's blundered into a lot of them. Everybody's got beef with Shithead, except perhaps one Joey Munroe, accidentally Shithead's best hockey buddy.
(I truly don't know how I became so fond of a guy I called Shithead from the get-go. I blame Joey for this.)
So...at some point, Jacobi was on the Bruins and then Holden Chase. And then Holden gets swapped out for Shithead? Wow, Jared must hate the Bruins
Not only that, but at one point they all overlap.
At least they only play them twice a year? says Gabe, before he goes to check in on Jared's headspace and sends Dmitry to remind Bryce that Jared will be so mad at him if he fights, and even madder if he thinks Bryce is fighting on Jared's behalf.
(The idea of a fight between Holden and Bryce is so fucking funny to me for a few reasons, but it would not be funny to Jared.)
For the prompt: The Scouts find out Joey and Scratch are together?
Swapped the tumblr and Patreon weeks for the SOTW, which is almost 2k, fuck me, because the Scouts are chaos demons.
Training camp mercifully ends. The Scouts tear up the preseason, see what they have with the old guard, the call-ups, the newbies. Joey’s got some killer chemistry with the thus far unnicknamed Wilcox — he imagines whatever nickname he does eventually get is gonna suck for him, with that very dick-heavy name to riff off of — and Scratch looks good out there, doing his crash bang thing, and the future looks bright for them.
Except for the telling the Scouts thing, now that the last cuts have been made. They were maybe supposed to do it when the training camp cuts were done, and Joey maybe freaked out because he thought he’d have more time and there was perhaps locking himself in the bathroom until Scratch lured him out with his soft ‘Money’s panicking’ voice and nobody told anyone.
Joey has now learned firsthand that these dudes are exactly as oblivious as Willy and Scratch said they were, because Joey and Scratch haven’t really hidden their relationship, just done their thing, and absolutely no one has noticed they’re together. So they’ve gotta be told. Not for Joey, who could happily just wander under the radar, letting everyone put the b into (b)romance, but he knows it bugs Scratch, and not in the funny bugging Scratch way. Legitimately bothers him, the team thinking they’re just unusually close bros. So they’re telling.
Well. Willy’s telling. And Joey and Scratch take Trigger aside before the team meeting, checking if he’s willing to be muscle.
“I can stand behind Willy and stare,” Trigger says instantly. “You want me to stare? I can totally stare.”
“You do the best staring,” Scratch tells him. “Terrifying, my man.”
“Thanks, Scratchy,” Trigger says, and kind of — beams, which is actually more disturbing than the stare, Joey thinks.
Joey leans into Scratch a little. He still has best friend dibs. Boyfriend dibs doesn’t negate his best friend dibs, they just make them stronger.
Trigger stares at Joey.
Joey wraps an arm around Scratch’s waist and stares back. He won’t blink first. He refuses to.
Trigger’s eyes narrow.
Joey narrows his back.
“Guys,” Scratch sighs.
“Don’t interrupt,” Joey tells him.
“Fucking ridiculous,” Scratch mutters, and slips out of Joey’s hold to go talk to Willy, presumably about them being fucking ridiculous. Which is rich coming from the dude who had a slap fight with Joey this very morning over who got to drive.
Joey blinks first, because of course he does. He’s not a fucking goalie, you can’t beat a goalie at a staring contest, it’s part of their whole goalie thing.
“I win,” Trigger says. The monotone he says it with is frankly insulting. There should be more triumph.
Joey glances over to make sure Scratch isn’t looking, then sticks his tongue out.
*
Everyone, by silent agreement, is fifteen minutes early for practice. And by silent agreement Joey suspects it’s ‘Willy told them to and they’re scared to say no’. Once Willy’s established everyone’s there, he goes to lock the door, presumably to keep out any of the coaching staff if they show up early. “Trigger,” Willy says.
Trigger stands at his full height, crossing his arms across his chest guard. Joey is pretty sure nobody told him to wear his equipment, but he’s doing it anyway. Maybe it’s for the extra height from his skates, not that he needs it. Maybe it’s because the padding adds to his size — again, absolutely doesn’t need it. Maybe Joey should just shrug and chalk it up to Trigger being inexplicable, instead of something scary like ‘Can use skates as knives this way. Knife kicks.’
“Before any of you leave this room we’re going to establish something,” Willy says, taking a slow loop of the room, making steely eye contact with players by turns. “And I’m going to need verbal agreement from every single one of you, or there’s going to be a problem, got it?”
“You said he doesn’t get crazy intense until playoffs,” Wilcox mumbles to Tank.
“He doesn’t,” Tank mumbles back. “Maybe he’s getting like, less chill with age.”
“I am young and beautiful and I will make you suffer if you say one more thing about me aging,” Willy says loudly.
Tank and Wilcox shrink back.
Someone didn’t take his twenty-seventh birthday well, apparently. Joey makes a mental note to mention it as much as humanly possible.
“This isn’t about hockey,” Willy says. “Though I will have you know I am completely reasonable about hockey, even during the playoffs. You could all show a little more intensity.”
Everyone has found somewhere to look that is not into Willy’s eyes, Joey included. Unfortunately he finds Trigger’s instead, and apparently Trigger’s already doing the stare. Joey looks at Scratch. Scratch makes a face at him, and Joey makes one back.
“Really, guys?” Willy says. “I’m doing a speech for you and you’re making faces the whole time?”
“You haven’t made the speech yet,” Joey says. “You’re just lying to everyone about how fucking terrifying you are during playoffs.”
The Scouts murmur agreement, all still avoiding Willy’s eyes.
“What the hell is this even about?” Wilcox asks Tank, low but plaintive.
“That is an excellent question,” Willy says, meeting Wilcox’s eyes, and Wilcox shrinks back again, looking like he wants very much to go back to Chicago, where presumably they were more normal, and where he was, apparently, the Willy. “Thank you, Dik-dik.”
Oh no, poor Plural Dick. He’s never escaping that one, especially since it’s couched in the plausible deniability of it being the name of an animal, not that they need it. Exhibit A: Shithead. Joey regrets mentioning the willies and cox to Willy, this is honestly his fault. “I’m sorry,” he mouths at Dik-dik, who just looks confused. He doesn’t know yet. He doesn’t know he’s going to be Dik-dik forever. Poor innocent Dik-dik.
“Okay shitheads and Shithead,” Willy says, clapping his hands together. “I called you here for reasons other than you slandering my age and beauty and totally normal level of investment in winning games, you absolute fuckheads.”
Eyes: everywhere but Willy.
“You guys were amazing when Money got outed,” Willy says. “True teammates. I have never been prouder to be on this team, except, you know — playoffs. No offense Money.”
Joey shrugs. It’d be weirder otherwise, honestly.
“So obviously you’re a great group who accepts and supports your teammates,” Willy says. “And I expect that to continue. Or Trigger will rip your head off.”
“And eat it,” Trigger says.
“Don’t make it weird, Trigger,” Willy says.
“And eat it,” Trigger mouths behind Willy’s back. Joey doesn’t know why he has to be making eye contact with Joey while he’s doing it. Joey’s obviously not going to be uncool about his own relationship.
“Are you coming out?” Tank asks.
“No,” Willy says. “Well I mean, who cares, may as well, I hook up with men sometimes, but — stop murmuring.”
The murmurs continue. Joey suspects Willy has lost control of the room. He hears a confused ‘but he picks up women like, constantly’, so at least Joey isn’t the only one who reacted like that, though it’s still embarrassing.
“Money and I are together!” Scratch yells. He’s standing in his little corner, fists clenched, and Joey kind of wants to go and hug him but he’s too busy scanning every single face for a single sign of disapproval or disgust or anything right now so he can report it to Trigger and Trigger can rip their fucking heads off for looking at Scratch that way.
There’s a murmur lull.
“Thank you, Scratch,” Willy says, looking unusually flustered. “Nick and Joey are in a romantic relationship, and I know you’re all going to be supportive of that relationship, or so help me Trigger will eat your heads. Any questions?”
The question is obviously rhetorical, but Shithead puts his hand up, because of course he does.
Willy sighs. “Yes, Brandon?”
“Is Scratch or Money the one who—“
“Anyone but Brandon!” Willy says over him. “Anybody. Anybody at all. Put your fucking hand down, Shithead.”
“I just wanna know,” Shithead mumbles.
A tiny rookie who hasn’t said a single word above a mumble since he got to Kansas City puts his hand up.
“Roscoe?” Willy says.
“How do you all prefer to identify?” Roscoe asks. “Like, gay or bi or — if you don’t want to say, that’s totally fine, I just don’t want to assume.”
“Roscoe, you beautiful soul,” Willy says, and Roscoe goes very pink. “You tiny little angel.”
“I’m 5’10”,” Roscoe mumbles. Which is a lie. From a tiny little angel.
“You adorable little liar,” Willy coos, then barks, “Put your goddamn hand down, Shithead.”
Shithead slowly lowers his hand.
*
“I think that went well,” Joey says after practice. Him and Scratch got a lot of supportive shoulder claps and ‘happy for you guys’ and, more irritatingly, ‘finally, dudes’, and Roscoe — now officially Rosie after he blushed through Willy’s compliments, poor guy — gave them this solemn little nod like his tiny nineteen year old ass was some wise old soul.
Shithead keeps staring like he wants to put his hand up again, which is annoying, but whatever, and Trigger hasn’t stopped doing the stare, which made end of practice shootouts fucking unnerving, but whatever, and there were some periodic murmurs that started up during breaks between drills, to the total bafflement of Coach until Willy presumably mumbled a catch up in his ear, but all in all it went pretty well, Joey thinks. Comparatively.
Willy stares at him.
It is fucking terrifying. They never needed Trigger at all.
“What?” Joey says.
“Do you want to be YCP Ambassador?” Willy asks.
“Fuck no,” Joey says.
Willy sighs.
“Does—” Willy says.
“Scratch says fuck no,” Joey says, because Scratch can’t defend himself from where he’s trying to talk Trigger into wearing a normal non-stare again.
“Do you think Rosie will want it?” Willy asks, sounding hopeful.
“Maybe,” Joey lies, just to make him feel better. “I get it though. It’s time to pass the torch. At your advanced age — help, Scratch!”
“If you mentioned Willy being old it’s your own fault!” Scratch calls back.
“I don’t know why I do anything for you guys,” Willy says, from where he’s twisting Joey’s arm up behind his back. He wasn’t taken unawares, obviously, he knew there’d be repercussions, but he always forgets how fucking strong Willy is. Also dirty. He got him in the ankle and took him down before he could blink.
“It is in hockey years,” Willy hisses. “And I don’t have a Cup yet.”
It isn’t even old in hockey years. There is literally a forty-one year old on their team. Willy’s closer in age to tiny angel Rosie than he is to Bogeyman.
“Put the man’s arm down, Willy,” Scratch says. “Trigger’s in ripping heads off mode and I don’t know how to turn it off.”
“I wouldn’t rip a head off for him,” Trigger says.
“Hey,” Joey says. “Uncool man. You’re supposed to at least pretend you’d rip heads off for me. That was the deal.”
Trigger shrugs, stares.
Joey stares back.
“Are they having another fucking—” Willy says from behind Joey.
“Yes,” Scratch sighs.
Willy lets go of Joey’s arm with a sound of disgust.
Ok but why is Shithead a shithead? I don’t want to really like him if he did something truly awful.
He's just...kind of a shithead.
It's a dual nickname? One of them is that he's an absolute shithead on the ice. He's viciously competitive and absolutely ruthless towards anyone in the way of his goals (sometimes literally his goals). Big guy, will steamroll you and then insult your mother and then score a goal so pretty it makes your eyes water. One of those players you absolutely hate but you'd want on your team in a heartbeat. But he crosses the line more than occasionally.
There is a big 'anyone but the Scouts' contingent when they make the Finals (WHEN DON'T THEY), partly because...when don't they? but also particularly because people are like 'fuck that dude I don't want him getting a Cup'. (This is also shared about Willy by anyone who got flattened in the postseason. So specifically about Playoff Willy. Regular Season Willy's okay, if annoyingly good. Playoff Willy? Fuck that guy.)
And I think the best way to describe him off the ice is that fuckboi persona Bryce used? It looks pretty similar to how Shithead actually is. He thinks everyone's much more interested in his sex life than they are, he's more than a bit of a misogynist (that particular breed of 'MY MOM'S AN ANGEL <3' misogynist --...Robbie), and he can blurt out a lot of dumb, thoughtless stuff, though it's not meant to hurt anyone. He's just not very...thoughtful, I guess is the best word I can think of. What you see is what you get with him. Often that's loud and obnoxious.
But as Joey has mentioned he wasn't a shithead when Joey got outed, had his back immediately and was one of those most vocal about it (Joey is unaware of a moment in a game shortly after when an opponent used a homophobic slur and Shithead was very 'MY TEAMMATE IS GAY >:(' about it and there were maybe some hands thrown.), and he puts everything of himself into the team. So Shithead is meant fondly enough by most of the Scouts. Like, he's a bit of a shithead, yeah, but he's THEIR shithead.
Okay, so obviously Joey is great and all, but why does Shithead like him more than, say, Willy or any of the unnamed (because Joey is a recluse) players on the Scouts? Does he have other solid friends or does he tend to bounce around groups (a la fuckboi persona Bryce) for the same reasons? Taylor, I can't believe you got me so invested in someone named Shithead D:
Shithead has the utmost respect for Willy as a teammate and competitor but also he scares him a little? (Joey thinks Playoff Willy is intense, and he is Not Wrong, but uh. Regular season Willy can be pretty intense when you're his liney and you're slinking back from a bad call that just put you down a goal and someone on the bench is NOT HAPPY WITH YOU ABOUT IT and he will LET YOU KNOW IT). And Playoff Willy as a liney is uh. Intense.
They work very well together but they're not buds. Basically the hockey version of a good business relationship with someone you have nothing in common with (did Shithead mention he's scary already? it bears repeating)
Shithead does, like fuckboi straightsona of Bryce, bounce around a lot between groups within the Scouts. Usually he's with the young dudes which they find kind of funny because he's old (he's not in fact old, but you know. Hockey years.) He's got a 'crew' (in quotes because he totally calls it 'my crew') back home but not so much on the Scouts. He's not a full on outcast, he's too good a player for that and the Scouts are too good a room for that, but he's a bit of a floater, and like Joey does not hang out much with the team outside of team time, though unlike Joey, that's not because it's his firm preference.
Joey's just always really nice to him. Like, okay, sometimes Joey is NOT nice to him -- he literally sicced Trigger on him early in IAS, though like, Shithead insulted Joey and Scratch's MOMS, so obviously he did -- but it's in a funny friendly mean way not an actually mean way. Shithead appreciates it.
Scratch is also pretty nice to him. They're both good dudes. Shithead's genuinely really happy they're happy together, though it may come out wrong. That's just what happens when words leave his mouth.
(I would like to apologise to everyone for dragging you all with me in this 'let's think a lot about a dude called Shithead' adventure.)
How similar are Holden Chase and Shithead with their shitheadness hockey wise? They sound kind of similar when their play styles are described and their both first liners if I'm not mistaken, maybe future hall of famers??
They're both huge shitheads on the ice, but they're built differently: Shithead's a power forward who'll happily steamroll the competition. And he's fucking massive. Like, almost Scratch's size (but much much better at hockey, sorry Scratchy). If he's coming and you're in his way, you are no longer in his way: either you moved of your own volition, or he moved you.
He's one of those players where commentators always say 'that's a big boy', sounding weirdly horny about it. He's a big boy with a beautiful set of hands. Him and Playoff Willy make up two thirds of the most infuriating line in hockey every postseason, and frankly it doesn't matter who their third is (and it's changed over the triple-final saga) -- those two alone will do it.
Holden, while not small at all (he's 6'2", 205, which puts him around Dan and Bryce’s size) is more of an instigator/agitator/annoying as fuck opponent and he's a lot more psychological about it than Shithead is. Half the time if Shithead's pissing you off it's because you're pissing HIM off. He’s got a temper, and it’s easy to rile him up. Holden's doing it to draw a penalty. He wants you to blink first, and he will do just about anything to draw those penalties. He's one of the more penalized players, because he’ll get caught doing antagonizing shit that isn’t strictly legal, but he's also one of the players that draws the most penalties. Players hate his guts.
Both have crossed the line physically and injured players before. Both have histories with the department of player safety (and when it’s first liners you KNOW they did some bad shit if they’ve been suspended). Shithead will cross a line when he’s pissed, but he’s also inadvertently injured guys just because he’s huge and physical, with no ill-intent on the play. Holden doesn’t quite seem aware that there ARE lines.
Shithead is 100% going to make the HHOF and it will bother many people who will still grudgingly admit he deserves it. Holden probably won't, but he's a bona fide first liner any team would love to have (but currently hate in the meantime).
I have such a hard time remembering the actual names of the characters on the Scouts. I have been reading It's a set up since the very beginning and it's only VERY recently that I've realized Tate = Willy... Is there a cheat sheet somewhere that lists the characters and their hockey names vs real names?
Here’s your cheat sheet of the mains, along with their hockey roles (and Shithead who is not a main but is such a shithead he gets frequent mentions. Plus he’s a pretty important piece of the Scouts’ consistent success, which Joey has alluded to a bit, but not to the extent he’s pivotal to that team.)
Joey ‘Money’ Munroe
second line winger, 2nd unit PP, 1st unit PK, Joe of all trades. Clutch as hell. Coach’s favourite if he’s going to be quite honest. Money in the damn bank.
Nick ‘Scratch’ Angelopoulos
Bottom six centre, 3rd/4th line but never in risk of being sent down because they need his role and he does it consistently well. Good faceoff stats too. Gritty player on the checking line who’ll punish you if you have possession. Checks with his entire body, hard but clean (most of the time)
Tate ‘Willy’ Williams
Face of the franchise. First line centre, coveted by all. Consistently in the top ten in the league and often in the top five. Has the hands of an angel. Goalies do not like him. Still bitter about 4th place finish in the 2018 Olympics, he will get a medal in 2022 or SO HELP HIM.
Leslie ‘Lee/Trigger’ Barton
One of those backup goalies you love to have, who gives the starter the confidence that he can take a night off without the team suffering for it. Has the potential to be a starting goalie in a few years, albeit not for a team like the Scouts.
Brandon ‘Shithead’ Simcoe (’Simmer’ rather than ‘Shithead’ if it’s to the media)
Elite power forward, can score and can also take you down. Talks a lot of shit too. Aggravating as fuck to play. Has no scruples about doing anything he needs to do to help his team win. Is a Shithead, but he’s the Scouts’ shithead. Fans of one franchise love him, fans of 29 franchises hate his guts. Team Canada Gold Medal winner (2014, 2018). (Canadian fans of the other 29 franchises have mixed feelings about that.) Just missing the Stanley Cup for his trophy shelf, as he’s got gold in Juniors, Worlds (twice) and those Olympics. There’s going to be a lot of grumbling the day he’s inevitably inducted in the Hockey Hall of Fame. Plays like it’s still 90s hockey.
Owen ‘Only Man With a Real Name’ Thomson
Grad student, always sleep-deprived, gives good advice but would never take any of it, loving grandson who reluctantly went to hockey games turned reluctant hockey fan because he cares about his friends?? Dream Man Turned Dream Gay Best Friend for Joey, It’s Complicated with Willy. Unsure how he got adopted by a hockey team.
"Bryce Skypes him after a win in Kansas City. It was an ugly game from start to finish, and Bryce didn’t help matters, but he looks pretty serene for someone who was screaming at the guy in the other penalty box an hour ago" Who was it?????
