Wherein Penelope enjoys Colin’s favorite jam a bit too enthusiastically. Follow up to for your own good. You can also find this on AO3.
His wife lets out an all-too familiar pleased moan.
Unfortunately for him, it’s not at all in the usual circumstances. “Pen, stop it.”
She glares at him and the ferocity of the glare should frighten him, but it also means that she’s distracted enough to stop devouring his beloved raspberry jam straight out of the jar. “I most certainly will not. I know for a fact Cook already told you she'd set it aside for me.”
“I mean eating it like that.”
“Like what? Like I’m hungry?” she grouses. “Starving. All the bloody time.”
“Penelope!” he says her name with a gasp for effect. She’s not one for swearing, usually.
She shrugs, utterly unrepentant. “It’s true and it’s all your fault, you know –”
“Yes, Colin, your fault,” she insists before he can get another word in edgewise. “It's your absurdly hungry baby I'm carrying. Not like I'm craving any of my own favorite things,” she mutters. Stubbornly, she sticks her spoon back in the nearly-empty jar, scooping out a bit more jam, then licking it clean so slowly and carefully it’s obscene.
“Our baby,” he protests weakly. It's impossible that she really has no idea what it’s doing to him, he thinks, as he feels the last fraying vestiges of his self-control snap. “Christ, Penelope, can you please –”
She blinks innocently at him, twirling the spoon between her fingers, seemingly perplexed by his blasphemous outburst.
If she somehow really doesn't know, isn't it his husbandly duty to enlighten her? “You’re making me want to do things,” he says lowly. “You’re making me want you to do things to me.”
“Oh,” she says quietly, comprehension finally dawning.
He’s not sure if he should be relieved or worried, what with that sudden devious look in her eye.