Thinking about Ace Day yesterday got me thinking about my own sexuality. (Or lack thereof)
It's hard to explain in my case, but I always struggle with what to identify with. Am I purely ace or aro, or both? I know I'm some form of grey.
But I just found out today my cousin is expecting a baby of his own soon. And nothing weird me out more than sex and babies. Like, wtf?
All my life, I've had no intention of ever having or wanting kids. Sure, maybe a relationship sometime. But the whole idea of the pregnancy or birth thing just grosses me out. I couldn't imagine the idea of another human being growing inside me. Gross.
But on the other hand, I DO get crushes and get emotionally and physically attracted to people.
I mean, Mark exists. But I only seem to get crushes in certain circumstances. Again, Mark is a prime example of this. He's genuinely kind, caring, SUPER handsome and amazing. And I have a RIDICULOUS crush on him!! 😊
Yet I've never been on a date or had a relationship. And I'm fine with that. Nothing bores me more than talking about relationships and kids. Even when other people talk about relationship problems, its nothing to me.
But it's not that I don't care, it just doesn't affect me. Like if you dislike or are not interested in something, you're not going to care much about that particular subject.
Partly maybe bc my parent's relationship was a shitshow. And my mum's remained unmarried for 20+ years. Idk.
But just my thoughts. I wouldn't mind maybe having sex once in a while, I have written about it fic wise, but otherwise its not a thing for me. It weirds me out mostly.
Sure, I can talk about and joke about it, but the mechanics of it elude me. And I'm not prudish, I just don't get it. It's weird.