Right at the Edge.
Do you ever just stop and think about how much you care for a person? Like actually pause from what you’re doing, and daydream about the moments that that person made you feel special, moments when that person made you happy, moments when that person made you feel that somebody actually cares about you. Well, do you?
Do you ever think about how easy it would be to just love that person with no reservations? To just let them know how much you would want reciprocate the wonderful things that they have done for you. To make them feel special too. To make them happy. To make them feel loved?
But then you take a deep breath, shake your head slightly, and get back to what you were doing. Because you know, you can’t do just that.
You care for that person you’re thinking of right now. But you don’t love them enough to see yourself grow old with them.
You know that that person isn’t the person you’re going to marry. And you’re stopping yourself from falling over the edge because you know, oh do you know, that it wouldn’t last.
Sometimes you even ask yourself, “How would you know if you haven’t even tried?”
And the answer will always be the same no matter how the question is phrased: you’re too scared.
You’re too scared to try. You’re scared to fall in love and have your heart broken when it’s time to part. You’re scared to get the both of you hurt.
Sometimes, you even think about just letting loose and dealing with the consequences when they have actually arrived but that’s not you. You’re not that carefree girl-next-door who acts on whatever she feels impulsively. No, you’re the type to overthink about every single detail, you’re the type who worries about the future when you don’t even know how the present will go. You set your mind way too ahead in the future that you miss the now.
You think you’re preventing the possible casualties that you don’t realize that you’re actually adding more pain to the wound.
“You’re not being careful. You’re being a coward.”, you say to yourself as you take another deep breath and try to forget about the thoughts that just crossed your mind.
You’re right at the edge and you refuse to fall.
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Keep it under fire,
Brish