Sep 24, 2019
Related
Father Smith: Roof is getting redone today.
Me: Will they have to come into the house???
Father: No
Brother Smith: Morning
Father: Roof is getting redone today.
Brother: Will they have to come into the house???
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Indonesia
seen from Finland
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Colombia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Belarus
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
Related
Father Smith: Roof is getting redone today.
Me: Will they have to come into the house???
Father: No
Brother Smith: Morning
Father: Roof is getting redone today.
Brother: Will they have to come into the house???
My little brother rarely offers me anything, but when he does, it’s tea.
I despise the never-strong-no-matter-how-long-it-steeps leaf dilutions to the core of my being but I tend to accept it from my brother because that horrible, hot-water bitterness is the taste of familial bonding and my physical form cannot hold me back from that.
The great water fight p4
Me: (sitting at table)
Brother: (approaches)
Me: (snatches up watergun and shoots) headshot
Brother: You've broken my heart AnD my trust
Me: I can't keep wearing these outside pants
Brother: ????
Me: When they're on, I can't curl up in my blankets, I can't- um
Me: That's it. That's all I can't do
Me: They gotta go
Real Family Lets it Go
Me: Call the police if I'm not back in 5 minutes, because I've probably been murdered.
Brother: So shouldn't I not call the police then, since you'll already be dead?
Me: You don't want them to *catch* my *killer?*
Me: I am not the only person in the family who can eat the same meal daily. He [Brother] has definitely spent a week eating only pizza.
Brother: No I haven't!
Me: At some point in his life.
Brother: I definitely have.
Me: Funny joke.
Father: What?
Me: Nevermind. Hey Ma, funny joke.
Mother: Neutral expression of boredom.
Me: BROTHER FUNNY JOKE
Brother: Heh.
Me: (sadly) Hey, random person on the street, funny joke?
Stranger: HAHAHA YOU'RE SO FUNNY OH MY GOD I WANT TO PUT YOU IN A BOX AND SHAKE YOU TO MAKE JOKES FALL OUT WHEN I NEED TO SMILE
But I asked YOU
Me: Hey, can you taste test this before I give any to Mom?
Brother: Yeah, sure. (takes food)
Brother: (leaves room)
Me: Brother?
Brother: (returns) She says it's "interesting."
Me: Screw you too (laughs)