Elsa McFly doesn't live here anymore. Anna has been worried about her mother, but it certainly doesn't help that she disappeared from the face of the earth. Now she has to not only contend with Rapunzel fully realising how deep their connection runs, but finding out what happened to the other love of her life.
[AO3 LINK]
Elsa was gone in the morning. Anna knew she should have expected it, but finding her bed empty still hurt. Couldn't she just stay? Couldn't she show her that she mattered more to her than a one-night stand? The thoughts may have been unfair, but they kept coming regardless.
Then again, she did find a sweet note on her bedside table. It wasn't signed, but the contents had her smiling: 'You will always be my toga-wearing princess. Thank you for a wonderful evening, and I will see you soon.'
"Hope so, Mom," she whispered under her breath as she stretched and got up. No trace of "Elvira" remained, but she didn't need reminders. At least, not tangible reminders; her legs hurt and she was pretty sure that any kind of sexual activity would be off the table for a good week at least. They had made the most of their time, that was for sure.
Ignoring the stabbing in her heart – because despite her own reassurances, it still hurt to have Elsa skedaddle – she began gathering her clothes and a shower basket. Punz would probably be back soon, and she didn't need to see Anna like this. Truthfully, Anna didn't want her to, either; what she did with Elsa was private and only for them. Plus, and back to the original point, Punz probably really didn't want to think about it.
Her plans were dashed, just like her hopes that Elsa would stay, when she left her room to head towards the showers. The path led her right through the common room; there, on one of the couches, lay the sleeping form of her girlfriend.
"Oh, Jen…" She usually didn't call her that. It seemed to slip out when she was worried or sad. Dropping to one knee, she wrapped her arms gently around her girlfriend's form and drew her in close, startling her awake.
"Wha-?! Oh, I… I'm sorry, I'll move…"
But Anna shushed her gently, rocking her until she snapped out of it enough to realise she wasn't being chased off. "It's okay… oh, Punz, I'm sorry… I thought you were going to stay with somebody."
"Who would I stay with?" she breathed softly. "I barely know Kida. But… y-yeah, it's probably dumb that I said I would. Gosh… I'm sorry, Anna, that was kind of like lying, and I h-hate the idea of lying to y-"
"Shhhh. It's okay. It's okay, Punz."
After a moment or two, she got Punz bundled into her own bed. After all, she was still sleepy and worn-out from trying to nap in essentially the entire building's communal lounge room. Then she went off to shower. Bad as she felt about leaving Punz alone so soon after finding her like that, she knew she wouldn't want her to cuddle while she still smelled like…
"God, what am I DOING?!" Anna burst out at herself in the shower. Her predicament seemed just fine most of the time that she was technically dating two women, one of whom was her mother. Polyamory was a thing, wasn't it? But once in a while, she felt that flash of doubt that refused to be ignored.
Jennifer's words bobbed about her head, feeding that niggling feeling and letting it grow. 'Who would I stay with?', she had asked. Anna hadn't realised. They shared a dorm, but not the same course load, and she had thought her girlfriend's life would be far bigger than just school and work and Anna. Apparently not. Unbidden, tears rose to Anna's eyes, and she had to bite her lip to hold them back. While she had been off having mind-blowing sex, Jennifer had been alone. God, she even used a technique that she only ever practised with Jennifer – had she learned how to do it for their sake, or to impress Elsa?
And Elsa… had she seen Jennifer lying on that couch, been too busy to notice? Or had she slipped out too early to catch her?
Anna felt like she didn't deserve either of them. She was Elsa's daughter! Though that particular thought had little effect nowadays; it was too easy to remember the girl in 1985, especially after the treatments. But Jennifer… she definitely didn't deserve someone as sweet and kind and loyal as that.
Wiping the water from her face, she finished up, a washcloth wiping between her legs only for as long as it had to. She had already wasted enough time ignoring her girlfriend and didn't want to waste any more in the shower than was strictly necessary. It was still only early, and most students would be hungover – if not still drunk, honestly. That meant that her walk back to her dorm was unimpeded, save for the debris strewn everywhere. She paused just outside the door, closing her eyes briefly to prepare herself. One thing was clear: she would have to make it up to Punz.
But not right away. Her girlfriend and roommate was already asleep again when she got back into the room. She hadn't moved from where Anna put her except to curl up a little. So Anna simply kissed her forehead, picked up her laptop, and got to work.
~ o ~
By the time Jennifer did wake up a few hours later, Anna was ready. The minute she sat up, she was holding out the calendar app on her phone. When she only blinked at it blearily, Anna knew she would probably have to elaborate.
"Mani-pedis! We have an appointment at five."
"Wha…? Who are you and what did you do with Anna?" They both laughed, even if one of their laughs was clearly a sleepy one. "But… what's this for? You've never had a mani or a pedi your whole life."
"Sure I have! Just… okay, not since I was in junior high, and even then it was a 'just for fun' thing. But it's never too late to start!"
Her smile a little pitying, Punz said, "You don't have to do this. Seriously, I know I messed up by lying about having somewhere to crash, but… you don't have to 'make it up to me' for being with Elsa. She's part of your life. Everything's fine."
"But… I messed up too…" Anna said softly. "And I-"
"No, you didn't," Punz interrupted. "You did nothing wrong. You had a nice evening with someone important to you, and I don't want to ruin the memory of that by letting you think you did something bad. I'm the one who messed up by lying."
Anna didn't agree with her, but Punz was becoming agitated and she didn't want to make it worse. Instead, she just said, "Well, okay then. But we're still doing this mani-pedi. Think of it as a… a thank you? Maybe?"
Punz smiled again, this one far less pitying. She leaned forward to kiss Anna gently on the nose. "You're welcome, dork. Let's go get our nails did."
"...okay, never say it like that again."
Laughing as she finally peeled herself out of bed, she demanded, "What? Why not? Isn't it cool?"
"Not when you say it."
"But…"
~ o ~
Two months flew by after that. When she saw Elsa at Thanksgiving, it startled her to see her looking slightly older and with a few more wrinkles again; did the treatments not take? But a private word later explained that Elsa had donned a prosthetic face to affect the appearance of her own age. It was almost funny that she miraculously turned back time and now had to use such means to turn it forward again, for her family's sake.
Though of course, Kristoff and Anna knew. They just couldn't let John and Wendy in on the secret, or anyone else in Dell Valley. It seemed they had decided the time wasn't right to tell them Elsa would be moving overseas. Yet. But they couldn't avoid it forever.
Christmas was a similar affair. Apparently, despite her previous insistence that she would hang around through the holidays, Elsa had literally left after Black Friday and driven the time machine straight to December 23rd. The only reason she showed up early was to have a night with Anna before the rest of the family dropped by…
Which they did. Not one like the last time, but they held hands and kissed here and there. Cuddled in front of the TV. It was simple and sweet, and a different kind of glimpse at what life could be like once they finally were done with this experiment of theirs.
Christmas itself was a lot of fun, and the family got along the same as they ever did. It was kind of nice to forget the greater worries and just enjoy the holiday. She and Elsa and Punz were getting used to keeping the strange nature of the mother-daughter relationship under wraps by now, so there were no slip-ups that were noticed by the siblings.
Everything was wonderful… until the day after Christmas. When Elsa made her announcement.
They were all sitting around the kitchen table, leftover Christmas morsels spread across the lacquered wood. Veggies and chicken and ham, all piled high, with pie and custard still sitting in the fridge for dessert. John and Wendy were helping themselves to food – though only a sparing amount. If they were anything like Anna, they too were probably still stuffed from yesterday. Elsa looked a little queasy, but Anna's wasn't sure why. At least… not at first. But with the way Elsa was touching the mask on her face, and the way she kept shifting her gaze between Anna and Kristoff…
Anna only had a moment to realise what was about to happen and brace for impact before it was already happening.
"I hope everyone had a happy Christmas," Elsa began, smiling softly. There was a slight quaver to her voice, and Anna wasn't the only one to notice it. John and Wendy stopped arguing over the last drumstick and sat up straight, looking concerned.
"Ma?" John asked. The corner of Elsa's mouth quirked up at his tone.
"I have some news," she continued. Anna watched her siblings carefully. Both seemed to want to interrupt and guess, but were staying quiet out of respect. "Or rather, your father and I have some news."
"You're pregnant!" John blurted. The whole family turned to look at him. "What?"
"She's pushing fifty, you idiot," Wendy sighed.
"So? Didn't you see that new special about the woman who is almost sixty who got pregnant? This stuff happens!"
"No, John, I'm not pregnant," Elsa interrupted with a weak laugh to head off further bickering and keep them on the subject at hand. "I am… moving out."
Instant. Furore. And a comical gasp from Anna that was fake enough to break through some of the outrage.
"What's up with you?" Wendy managed to ask, but Kristoff was already shushing them because John was still babbling something about "one of THOSE moms" that was probably going to get him slapped.
"Now, now, we've been discussing this for a long time. Your mother and I are still good friends; we'll always be close. I would never mind living with her, either way, but… well, you go on, dear."
Nodding her thanks, the clearly-nervous Elsa took in a deep breath. "So… I'm not just moving out, but moving away from Dell Valley. There are a lot of interests I've been wanting to pursue, and I simply can't do that here. I want adventure in the great, wide… somewhere. While I still have time."
"You sound like something out of a musical!" Wendy cried out, pounding her fist on the table. "This is unacceptable! Where will you go? Who is going to take care of you?"
"I don't need anyone to 'take care' of me. I'm not an invalid."
"But you are getting up there, Ma," John reminded her with his index finger raised. "You can't be so idealistic that you won't face facts; you're gonna want to be around here when things start falling apart."
One withering look from Elsa got him shrinking back, and Punz had to suppress a snicker at the tactless man. Shaking her head, Elsa looked around to all of them. "I'm sorry if this is a shock to you. But I was sort of waiting for all three of my babies to be grown and out of the house before I moved on with my life."
"Moved on? Jesus, Mom."
It was impossible to pick who had said it, but it seemed that all the fight had gone from Elsa in one fell swoop. The woman visibly sagged, eyes falling to the table as she lowered herself to her seat. John and Wendy were still arguing, bouncing off one another in their fervour. Kristoff was trying his best to get them to stop, but went largely ignored.
"Hey, guys-" Anna began. It was a mistake.
"Anna!" Wendy cried. "You knew about this? And you're letting her?"
"Oh, I- what? How can you say-"
"Well you didn't seem all that surprised. What other secrets are you keeping? Don't you realise this is going to tear this family apart?!"
Wendy's words rang the loudest, and most painful. Everything seemed to freeze for a second before, to everyone's surprise, Punz stood up.
"Elsa- I m-mean, Mrs. McFly, wanting a chance to be happy is… going to tear this apart? Or… is that not your reaction, Wendy? Sorry, I know I'm kind of new here, but you aren't being very supportive."
There was a light sniffle, and all heads turned to the end of the table where Elsa sat. She didn't look up at her family, though if she had she would have been met with a stoney silence as John and Wendy, contrite, stared down their plates of food.
"Of course you should be happy, Ma," John began. "But do you have to bring everyone else down while you do it?"
Anna snorted. At least no one was yelling over the top of anyone else now. "Bring who down, John? None of us live at home now. You only come over on special occasions now, which is only like three or four times a year." Her eyes grew hard. "So what the fuck is the problem with Mom being happy when the only person it really impacts is Dad, and clearly he's known about it for a while?"
"Dad, you can't let Mom-"
Kristoff laughed over the rest of those words. "Let her? What have we been teaching you kids that you think Elsa can't make her own decisions?"
"I'm over here a lot more often than John is, though," Wendy snapped back at Anna. Ignoring her father, which made the man sigh and rub at his face. "Don't you care that… I mean, I'm going to miss you? Or did that not factor into your decision?"
Elsa's features grew dark and severe. "Of course it did! Don't you dare tell me what I do and do not feel, Wendy Moira Angela McFly!"
The entire table got very quiet at her outburst. The tears were still on her cheeks, but her face had gone furious as she lost her ability to suppress her feelings. Punz sat down, a little scared to see Elsa so angry, and the others weren't expecting it much more, either.
"Mom… listen-"
"No, you listen," she told John. "This is my journey, and the decision isn't yours whether or not it's necessary. I love you all so much that you'll never truly know, but just spinning my wheels here, doing this tiresome job, without having seen the rest of the world… it's not what's right for me anymore. There's something else out there, something that I intend to find. So please, just… if you can't support me, then just… don't make this any harder?"
"Sure, Mom," John breathed, clearly very put in his place. But of course, it couldn't be that easy.
"No," Wendy snapped, standing up from the table. Her own eyes were misting over by now, cheeks reddened. "I'm sorry, I… this isn't fair. It's just not fair for you to expect us to…" Throwing up both hands, she turned on her heel and stomped to the front door. There was barely a pause as she yanked it open and left.
And that was when Elsa just… broke. She didn't make a sound as she stood up, though the chair scraping along the floor was more than enough. Everyone turned from the door to look at her, but Elsa was already out and heading towards the bedrooms.
"I'll go and find Wendy," Kristoff offered, voice low. Anna merely nodded. She felt Punz slip a hand into her own, but she could hardly react. Anger boiled inside her, flowing through her veins.
But at the same time, so did the overwhelming sadness. This was the dysfunctional family she remembered; always at each others' throats. The only difference had been that Elsa had gone to her room, and not to the liquor cabinet. She wanted to cry, or scream or something. Instead, she looked at her brother and said nothing. At least he had backed off, and he certainly did look somewhat contrite. Coughing gently to clear her throat, Anna said, "I… think you should talk to Mom…"
There was nothing she could do. She could offer empty words of comfort, but the only people who had any control of the situation were Elsa, John, and Wendy. And if at least two of those people could reconcile their issues, the differences and beliefs… well, that was better than nothing.
As soon as they were alone, Anna curled in on her girlfriend. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but that didn't matter. "I thought it'd go better than that," she said softly. "Even- even without our weird thing, I don't know why it's such an issue for Elsa- Mom… for her to finally do what she wants to…"
"I don't know, Anna…" Punz said softly. Her hands trailed through Anna's hair, stroking the scalp beneath gently. "Wendy must have a reason, though… right?"
The way she phrased it was of little comfort. At the same time, there was little point in wondering, either. There were only two possible outcomes: Wendy would come back, or she wouldn't. All they could do now was wait.
After a while, John came back, looking distinctly shaken and with wet eyelashes. He went right past them into the kitchen, then came back with one of his dad's beers. Cracking it open, he only glanced at Anna and Jennifer helplessly before taking a swig.
"How did it go?" Punz asked. The only one who felt like talking out of the two.
"Terrible. But… well, not really terrible, just hard. I think I get it now. Still don't understand what she thinks she's going to find out in the world that she can't find here. I mean, the internet has everything now, right? What's the difference?"
"The difference is that it's Elsa, not you. Maybe looking at pictures of places she wants to go isn't enough."
"You two would say that, after your big summer," he snorted. But it wasn't in an unkind way. "Maybe it's a girl thing."
"Or maybe it's just a thing," Anna grunted.
"Maybe. Anyway… now I feel like a jerk. But I still want her to stay, too. That's weird, right?"
Sighing, Punz glanced at Anna, then at the hallway. She clearly was less than comfortable doing this with people she wasn't related to, and had no business bossing around, but the situation was important enough to ignore the boundaries of her comfort zone. "It's not weird to want her to stay. She's your mom. Just kinda mean to guilt her into giving up something she really needs."
"How… how long has she been thinking of this?" John asked. Anna shrugged.
"A while now. She was scared everyone would react like this and I told her not to worry." She scoffed, looking away. "How stupid."
"I'm sorry…"
"Yeah? Well I hope you told her that."
Silence descended upon them. Anna had nothing left to say, and it seemed that John didn't, either. Their ears pricked up when the sound of footfalls coming up the path reached them, but it soon became clear whose it was.
Kristoff opened the door, looking drawn and defeated. His eyes met Anna's, and within them swirled a deep sadness. They had both been hoping for a positive outcome, it seemed. And why wouldn't he have, truly? Elsa's happiness meant just as much to him as it did to Anna.
And if John and Wendy reacted so terribly to the news that Elsa was off on an adventure, well… there was no way they would ever be able to reveal the full extent of their relationship. Not that Anna had ever had any plans to do so, but it had been a comforting thought: family would always accept one another. Not this time, it seemed.
"Try not to be too hard on her," her father was saying as he dropped into a chair at the table again. "This really did come out of nowhere for you kids. And… your mother's moving overseas, it's a big change."
"Wendy isn't a 'kid'," Anna snapped back immediately. "She's older than me, and the one throwing a tantrum."
"Yes, but she's also very close to your mother, Anna. She might not be over here every weekend, but she does try to call if she can't stop by. It's going to be a big change, having to figure out… you know, Skype calls or whatever."
She knew he was making things up, trying to pretend the change really would be that Elsa was moving away. Not that she would vanish from the planet only to reappear a month or two later. So Anna only nodded and looked down at her hands.
"I did say I was sorry," John muttered, a little late. "And gave her a hug. I don't want her to hate me, or think I hate her. Just wish she'd reconsider."
"Maybe she will." Kristoff clapped his son on the forearm. "But if she doesn't, I don't want to hear another word out of you against her plans. You're not too old to take over my knee, you know."
That got him to half-laugh, half-snort, "DAD!" But at least it broke the tension in the room, and the others chuckled weakly. Nothing was going to put them in a good mood, but at least they weren't moping quite so much.
John left not long after that, though. He knocked on Elsa's door to say goodbye, but there was no answer. She had probably fallen asleep, Anna thought, but she didn't voice it. It wouldn't help anyone.
"We'll let her know," Kristoff offered. John nodded, just once.
"Thanks, Dad. I'll uh, I'll drop in to see her during the week, maybe?"
Anna and Kristoff shared a glance that was, blessedly, unnoticed by John. "Sure," Kristoff said. "How about Friday night? We can all have a week to think and… and cool off…"
John nodded. In a way, Anna was proud of him. She had been sure he would kick up the most fuss because… well, because that was the kind of person he was. He didn't always think about others. This was different – a good different.
There was little left to say after that. John finished off his drink and then excused himself. Punz began cleaning up the failure of a dinner. Anna joined her not long after – and there wasn't much to clean up, really. Just to put the food back in their containers and wash up the plates that had actually gotten that far.
"What did Wendy say?" Anna asked Kristoff quietly, once she had summoned some courage.
"Just that she needed time to think. She was kind of tight-lipped after that outburst. It's…" He sighed and shrugged. Clearly, he didn't know what to say, either. "I'm going to try to talk to your mother. Who knows if it'll do any good, but…"
They let him get on with it. Nearly an hour passed before he came back out, looking a little drawn but no worse for wear than that. Flashing a weak smile toward Punz, Anna slipped in to take his spot.
"Hey," she whispered, caressing over her side. She was curled into a ball on their bed, facing away from the door. She hadn't even taken off her shoes in all that time, still looking exactly as she had when she made the announcement.
"Go away, Anna."
"C'mon, don't be like that." Elsa didn't respond, so she kept petting. "I'm sorry everything went to shit."
"I feel stupid for being surprised. That's the worst part; I should have known this was going to be… difficult, and it was, and I'm still shocked anyway. Disappointed with myself."
Frowning, Anna whispered, "How they reacted… it's just… they're being babies."
"Exactly, Anna. They're being babies. My babies."
"Well…" She didn't know what to say to that.
"I'm their mother. Your mother, too, in case you forgot somehow. I'm being irresponsible. Motherhood doesn't end when they grow and leave the house."
"But it does! Like, you're still family, but now it's up to them to finish growing up on their own, right?" When she got no reply, Anna curled around Elsa's back and snuggled close. "I'm sorry. But I think… they'll get better. John already is, he just had to flip out for a second first."
"But what if it doesn't?" Elsa asked quietly. She sounded so fragile. "What if- what if, by doing this, I do manage to- to tear this family apart?"
"No, you won't. If – a really big 'if' – something were to happen, then… it wouldn't be your fault. Whenever I wanted to try something, you let me. John wanted to play football and even though some of his games were really far away, and you were worried about his safety, you made it work. Same with Wendy's dance – and that was expensive, too! Events halfway across the country and everything."
Elsa let out a small noise. "How do you even know that?" she asked softly. Anna closed her eyes, placing a kiss on the centre of Elsa's neck.
"Because… I've been looking through the family photo albums, and talking to Wendy sometimes. Dad sometimes. You know, in my timeline they asked if they could, back when I was little. And you had to say no because we just didn't have the money. And I think that's when things started going downhill. You couldn't make your babies happy, so why should you be, too?" Sighing, she pulled away. "You made them happy here because you could. You had the time and the money to make it work for them. They should respect you enough to realise that it shouldn't be any different for you, now that they're grown up and it's your turn."
She probably wasn't helping. Elsa said nothing, and Anna didn't know how to convince her that she should be happy. There was a sinking sensation in her gut, and it took her a little while to figure it out. Seemed her body understood a lot more than she realised. And the last thing she wanted was to make this about herself, but the question had to be asked. And whatever Elsa's reaction, Anna would just have to accept it.
She refused to be one of the people who argued about someone else's decisions.
"Do you… maybe not want to do this anymore?" The words were innocent enough, but despite Anna's intentions, the meaning was still clear: Am I worth this pain and upset?
"That's… a very big question. But… I'm doing it. Too late to turn back now." She rolled over to kiss Anna's face. Her cheeks were drenched with tears already, and she moved in for a hug quickly so Anna wouldn't have the chance to see how anguished she was. "They already told me that this procedure can't be reversed, except through the natural course of time. In a little over a decade and a half, I'll look vaguely like I did before I ever set foot in the DeLorean."
A little "oh" croaked out of Anna's throat as she thought about that. So it really was too late. "But… the masks…"
"Yes, I could do that, but… oh, what would be the point? Living a lie even worse than the lie I've been living the past thirty years. It would just…"
"Yeah," she agreed with a frown. "I'm sorry, Elsa. This whole thing sucks."
"It's not your fault. And listen." Her hands came up to trap her daughter's cheeks between them. "It really isn't. I know it's tempting to feel as if it is now, but… if it's anyone's fault, it's mine for… for seducing you-"
"I didn't stop you," Anna countered with a quiver to her lip.
"So?" she burst out. "We were both teenagers! Just because I'm not one anymore… back then, we were the exact same age with the exact same responsibilities, and that's that. I'm tired of playing the blame game, either with you or myself as the guilty party. It happened. We felt what we felt, and maybe it was wrong, but either way… it was powerful, and real, and… and I think it's worth doing this to pursue a love like that."
Nodding, Anna looked away for a moment. She was so… relieved. Every time this subject came up, she felt a very strong and unassailable fear that Elsa would crumble in on herself, would realise what the hell she was doing and call the whole thing off. How wonderful that she wasn't! Even with John and Wendy upset, she still wanted her, still felt dedicated to their being together. It made her feel loved in a way that neither Elsa nor Punz ever had quite been able to reach before, despite their very sweet and earnest efforts.
As she had heard before somewhere, love isn't just a feeling. It's an action. And Elsa's actions touched her very deeply.
Anna couldn't help herself. She kissed Elsa, long and deep, hands cupping her cheeks and wiping away the sticky tears. Elsa didn't fight back; on the contrary, she pushed forward, bringing their bodies even closer as she rolled, just barely, atop Anna.
It didn't last long. As much as Anna would love to kiss Elsa until the cows came home, this really wasn't the best time – and it wasn't just because the mask made it feel weird. Kristoff and Punz were just outside, and though it was highly unlikely that they would enter – at least, not without knocking first – it still seemed like a poor choice.
"I love you," she said softly, slowly extricating herself. Elsa didn't put up much of a fight. Even less so when she tried to follow and Anna gently pushed her back onto the bed. "Stay here, okay? Punz is already cleaning up everything; we can take care of you for once."
Nodding, Elsa let herself be tucked in. She looked tired – the side-effects of a highly emotional afternoon, it seemed. By the time Anna was shutting the door behind her, Elsa's eyes had already fluttered closed.
"Love you," Anna whispered against the wood. Even if the closed door was the only one who could hear it.
To Be Continued…