No, you know what- I take your creepy obsessive Spamton and raise you a self insert that not only rolls with it, but takes control of the situation like: "You know, since you moved in, I felt I had to get you a present." "Oh you shouldnt-" *it's a collar* "... what?" "Well since you don't pay rent, follow me everywhere and keep stealing my stuff Ive concluded that I adopted you." *places hand on cheek* "I always wanted a cute pet." (I am sorry I am so embarrassed writing this, imma go try to sleep and fail.)
OH HO HO! YOU ARE ON MY LEVEL NONNY YES YES
plot twist: he loves it















