Mar 16, 2022
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The Crackblog Adventures: Why Ephraim Lite Should Not Marry A Caddy Bitch
I regret nothing.
Ephraim was sitting KICKASSINGLY down, his back to the door of the room Ephraim Lite and Caddy Bitch Seth had claimed. For some reason, Ephraim Lite apparently really digged Seth. And because Seth knew he was lucky to have a chance to score with Ephraim Lite (because he was too much of a bitch for EPHRAIM to consider fucking), they had gotten married that morning. Finally, Ephraim Lite would try to get like Ephraim by showing how she was almost as kickass at sex at he was.
…Any minute now.
“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO WHISPERING? THAT BETTER BE SETH FAILING TO CONVINCE EPHRAIM LITE TO LET HIM TOP.”
Ephraim Lite opened the door. “Brother, why are you outside our room?”
“WELL, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO GET THE FUCK LIKE ME, AND WERE GOING TO BED SETH.”
She nodded. “Oh.”
Ephraim smiled a kickass smile. “Good.”
“We’re sharing a bed.”
“And fucking.”
Her lame caddy bitch husband came to the door. “My liege, we discussed this. Prin-I mean Eirika is not emotionally mature enough to begin a sexual relationship, should she want one.”
Ephraim stared. “THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE TWO OF YOU GOING TO DO?”
Ephraim Lite jumped up and down. “We just decided that! We’re going to kiss until we fall asleep. When we wake up, I’m going to read Harry Potter with him, and he’ll probably get mad. If that happens, we’ll argue, and then probably kiss some more. Then we’ll eat candy.”
“…ARE YOU GOING TO FUCK?”
“No.” “WHY?”
“Because I don’t want to.” “WHY NOT?”
“I dunno.” She spun around in a circle, and Seth caught her.
“Ah! Please be careful, Prin-Eirika. I don’t want this day to end with you hurt.”
Ephraim Lite smiled at her Caddy Bitch. “It won’t.”
“Do you promise?”
She looked into his eyes. “Always.” Then she started to sob like Pansywood.
Ephraim rolled his eyes. “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING?”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! SNAPE! AND THEN LILY SAID THAT TO HARRY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!”
Caddy Bitch Seth sighed. “It was bad enough when this happened at the wedding…I should have made sure that word wasn’t in the vows.” He hugged Ephraim Lite, and probably touched her boobs, because he groped people because he was a caddy bitch loser.
Ephraim was impatient from talking to the two dumbasses for so long without seeing them try to strip each other. “LOOK CADDY BITCH I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY INTIMIDATED BY THE KICKASS THAT IS EPHRAIM LITE, BUT YOU’RE SHARING A FUCKING BED. FUCKING EPHRAIM LITE IS THE CLOSEST YOU’LL GET TO FUCKING EPHRAIM.”
Caddy Bitch Seth closed the door.
“THE TWO OF YOU BETTER BE GETTING NAKED RIGHT NOW.”
The last thing Ephraim heard before he walked away was Ephraim Lite asking Caddy Bitch Seth if they could snog with tongue.
Set rain to the fire-I mean what?
bubbleteacup replied to your post: MEG.
excellent :D
:C JEKR.
As much as I think Adele is the perhaps the cutest thing ever and a really talented singer, how does one set fire to the rain?