He’s missing your touch despite the fact that you’re less than a foot away and your arm continually grazes his as you make your way through the grocery store. He was holding the basket with his metallic arm, the other one continually trying to be close to you, pinkies rubbing against one another - but you kept on pulling away, kept on reaching for a food item and talking happily about what you were going to make for him that night. Asking if he would prefer this kinda pasta sauce or another - but all that he could think about was grabbing hold of your hand and bringing it to his lips, taking in the sweet perfume smell, or slipping his hand into your back pocket so that he could feel close but you were just so - damn out of the way.
“When did you want to have Sam come over?” You asked, turning to face him, slipping the ingredients of the decided sauce into the basket, being so damn close. He kept looking at you, trying to think of something to say but his mind was back on this morning when you two were practically one person, rolling around in the bed, flesh on flesh, and needing - NEEDING that feeling again. “Buck?” You asked, not getting an answer out of him.
“It doesn’t matter,” He said, dropping the basket onto the ground. It made a sort of plastic hitting plastic sound when it reached the floor, garnering some attention from oher shoppers, looking for some sort of drama to spice up their Sunday morning routines. “Hug me.”
“What?”
“Please?”
You smiled with confusion, but you did, going in from the side, wrapping one arm around him. But he wouldn’t allow that to be the case, he pulled you in, both arms. Rubbing your back. Metal, flesh, all against the fabric of your t-shirt. “What’s wrong?” You asked, your voice muffled by his jacket.
“I just needed to feel you,” He whispered. Because you were real. The nightmares could confuse him sometimes. The flashbacks, the visions that he sometimes got, all of the negatives in his life which fuddled up his brain and made him wonder - but the touch, the touch was real, that wasn’t a part of any illusion or confusion in his head. “You never do this in public with me.”
“I - I didn’t think that you would be into that sort of thing,” You admitted, putting both of your arms around him now and squeezing him. “We’re getting a lot of attention.”
A/N: I think it might be good? Idk You let me know. But like frfr, don't just give me feedback in your mind, put it into words. Also I apparently have a thing for Bucky in a dotted apron soooo yeah.
FYI: time zone/era is open for interpretation. Bucky never became an avenger/soldat and steve isn't part of this one.
The wind that blew around you was warm and sweet with the scent of freshly bloomed flowers. Perhaps it was an act of kindness from some God trying to distract you from the cold bitterness settling into your bones. Closing your eyes you conjure the very memory that left you so desolate.
The sun snuck it's way through the curtains to illuminate the room, effectively disturbing the sleep that you always seemed to be craving. Waking up is always hassle but whenever you remember that you get to spend your day with the only person who tolerates you and you him, getting out of bed is the easiest thing. Bucky is crazy and the damn boy is never in one spot for to long and he always has something to say, but you can't imagine how boring your days would be if you guys had never met. well technically if your parents had never met.
When you were a child you parents had to move to new york for business and they decided that Brooklyn was the place to be. You had been Bucky's neighbor and the first day you guys moved in his mom had dragged him over with the most delicious angel food cake that he so proudly claimed to have made mostly on his own. He just loved cooking and baking since forever, he would tell you that he just liked experimenting with foods but you knew the truth was that the boy liked to eat and didn't have the patience to wait for his mother to come home.
Only a few years after your family had moved to Brooklyn you and Bucky had already built an unbreakable bond. You guys had found a beautiful cherry tree one day when playing tag and had deemed it to be your's and Bucky's spot. Whenever you had a bad day or needed time away from the world you guys would go to the tree and just pick cherries, in the winter time you and Bucky would lay under the tree and kick the trunk so that the snow would fall from the leaves. It was the place where at only 15 years old bucky swore he would open his own Bakery and to quote him "I'm serving my ma's food my way doll, It's gonna be the next best thing to hit New York."
You were laying on the ground with your hands crossed behind your head looking up at Bucky swinging upside down from a branch when he told you all this. You felt something you had never felt before at that moment, looking up at the wild haired boy who loved to eat, loved his family, and had the most ambition you had ever heard from kids your age. Your heart felt full and your cheeks grew warm as you looked up at the same blue eyes you had know for years now, only this time you notice the way they twinkle in the sunlight and how rosy his lips are. Now 7 years laters you and Bucky were preparing to open the very bakery he promised you he'd open. Banners were beautifully strung along the walls and cute retro china was set out, ready to be filled for opening day. There was no hesitation from you when Bucky had asked you to run the bakery with him, you were excited to spend your days with the person you hoped you would spend the rest of your life with.
At around 6:30 in the morning you had arrived at the bakery but it seemed that Bucky had beat you to it. The smell of fresh angel food cake and cocoa danced up your nose as soon as you opened the door. Closing your eyes you smiled at the memories that it brought back. Moving to the back you grabbed your Disney themed apron and placed your bag and coat in its place before scurrying over to the kitchen while trying (and failing) to tie your apron. There in all his dorkiness was Bucky wiggling around to the chordettes. He knew that you loved the 50's aesthetic so he found a way to incorporate it without going overboard, by adding little trinkets, a jukebox, and even those cute little dining tables. In fact at the moment he was wearing a ruffly red polka dotted apron as he frosted some cupcakes.
Apron tied, you were finally ready to get to work. You walked up to Bucky bumping his hip as you reached for some cupcake pans, "Whatcha doin here so early Buck, we don't open until 12" he looks at you with squinted eyes, "The hell are you doing here so early." "Woah,woah,woah completely unprovoked. I'm just saying cuz' you were the one complaining about the opening time being set at 8. Like damn." Breathing out a huff of air he wipes his forehead with a towel "I'm sorry doll, I'm just super nervous and I couldn't sleep so I came to start baking things. I already frosted the ice cream cakes and I just finished the pies, but I was thinking that maybe we needed some cupcakes too, even though we already baked so many pastries and stuff last night I'm worried it won't be enough."
Setting down the trays you move to hug Bucky from behind holding him close to you. "Buck I know we'll do great your food is too good to pass up on especially when it's free." You place a soft kiss to his shoulder " I promise you'll do great, everything you do is amazing you try your hardest at everything Buck, You've worked your butt off and made mine considerably larger to get here, don't start losing your mind on me now." A cute little laugh from Bucky lets you know that he's hearing you and he isn't so stressed anymore. "I just want this to be perfect ya know?" with your head still against his back you nod, "I just want it to be a special day for my special girl."
You couldn't stop the slight blush that rose to your cheeks or the way that your heart suddenly started beating three times faster. You had also wanted to make him something special which is why you had got here so early. Finally releasing your hold on Bucky you straighten your apron out before gathering everything you need for some red velvet cupcakes. Bucky loved your red velvet cake so you loved making it for him. After hours of mixing, baking, and frosting had passed, you guys were rewarded with a bakery that looked as great as it smelled. "Alright doll, I'm heading out, I gotta go get ready. Meet you back here at 12 , Love ya." He didn't even give you a chance to answer as he ran right out the door. "Love you too."
You had stayed behind just a little while longer as you perfected your secret project. Carefully you added snowflakes to some of the cupcakes because you knew how much he loved snow even if he hated winter, some cats, flowers that reminded you of bucky, and one extra special cupcake. When you finish you decide to clean up a bit more and prepare some drinks for later before heading home to get ready. As soon as you got home you took a shower and did the simplest of make up with a light pink lip. You had decided to wear a dress to match the blossoming flowers that spring had brought. Pink with a yellow lace trim and flowers embroided all over the dress, matching it with some yellow flats.
You had decided that it was a perfect day for a walk so you grabbed a light scarf and slung it over your shoulders, grabbed Bucky's cupcakes, and headed over to the bakery. You felt as if a Hundred pounds had been lifted from your shoulders knowing that Bucky had felt the same way about you. You had decided that you would tell him today with your special cupcakes. As you rounded the corner you felt giddy and you couldn't wipe the smile from your face no matter how hard you tried. As you reached the bakery you saw that a majority of the people had already arrived and you knew that it would put Bucky at ease to see all the people enjoying his food. You stopped at the window, closing your eyes to take a deep breath to prepare yourself to join the celebration.
Opening your eyes you reached for the handle only to stop at the sight on the other side of the door. Bucky stood there arms wrapped around a woman eyes locked on hers as he leaned in for a kiss. It must have all happened in about 30 seconds but it felt as if time himself had slowed it down for you to watch the way he tilted her head and ran his tongue along her bottom lip before finally uniting their lips. Your heart dropped as quickly as your smile did and suddenly you felt so stupid for thinking this could be real. You willed yourself not to cry as you allowed your legs to carry you anywhere but there.
That's how you found yourself sitting underneath a blossoming cherry tree. A tree that held only happy memories because it wasn't a place you could be sad... back then. With your back against the tree and box of cupcakes full of unrequited love in your lap you realize how much you over romanticized Bucky. Opening the box you decide it would be a shame to let them go to waste. The first one you grab has a big red heart frosted in the middle, you let out a deep sigh before breaking the cupcake right down the middle. You shove half of the cupcake into your mouth and only then do you allow the tears to fall. You sat there for hours crying eating cupcakes, watching the sunset, and thinking about everything that Bucky did for you, as a friend. You realize you had no right to be angry at Bucky, after all you never told him how you felt you just assumed that he would feel the same way after so many years. With every broken memory another cupcake vanished.
He was always there for you, when no one wanted to come to your slumber party Bucky did and he even did all the girly things with you. Painting your nails, doing your hair, watching chick flicks, and pillow fights. once he even asserted that no one could protect you as well as he could, when you had decided to go camping with your friend from class so he insisted on taking you himself. Your friend was most noticeably gay so you had assumed he wanted to spend time alone with you. But now that you think back on those memories these are things that anyone would do for their bestfriend. And that's what you realized 8 hours and 11 cupcakes later.
The moon floated above you and as it's white rays settled upon the lake you decided it might be time to go home now. You get up and dust your dress off before leaning down to grab the mostly empty box. Turning around you are stopped again by what's in front of you. Bucky stands there brows furrowed as his eyes flash from you to the box in your hands. "Where the hell have you been, I've been calling you all day." swallowing the lump in your throat you go to answer but are interrupted. " everyone's been asking me about you all night and I had no damn idea what to tell them, but apparently you were just out here being inconsiderate. You go and tell me I can do great tonight, that you'd be there for me, but you weren't." You try to answer him but are again interrupted. "You could have told me something earlier instead of leaving me there like a dumb-" "SHUT UP!" this time it was your turn to interrupt him.
Taking a deep breath you look into his eyes before explaining. "Of course I was ready to be there today, you think I wore this dress to sit under a damn tree? Well I didn't. When I left my apartment I was ready and I was excited, so excited. I couldn't even stop smiling on my way over, but then I got to the shop and I saw-" Immediately you stopped as you realized what you were about to say. He cocked an eyebrow and shook his head slightly as if to say 'Hello?' "You saw what? What did you see that would make you abandon ship just like that?" Shame flushed through your being and you could no longer keep eye contact. "Nothing, you know what, it doesn't even matter. I'm sorry I was being dramatic I should have been an adult and dealt with it on my own time. And I'm sorry I abandoned you all, but the night was about you anyways."
"The night was supposed to be about the both of us so it does matter if you saw something that made you want to leave. Just tell me doll, what did you see?" his voice is soft as he pleads with you. "I saw... well I saw you kissing that lady and I just wanted get away and ended up here okay!?" You said it all in a jumble hoping that he wouldn't be able to understand what you had said. But luck wasn't your friend so of course he did. "So seeing me kiss another person was so gross to you that you had to run away, what the hell? are you 13 again?" You hadn't admitted it outloud yet and it seemed that the dumbass in front of you was going to force it out of you.
Stepping around Bucky you pull your scarf tight around your body as you focus on not crying anymore until you get home. You distract yourself by thinking of all the love you saw in all the little things Bucky did for you. Dancing around the newly furnished bakery body against body as frank sinatra brought you heart to heart, watching rom-coms and ugly crying together, but by the time you get home you force yourself to face the ugly truth. The Love was always in your head. It wasn't real.
A new wave of tears blurred your vision as teardrops fell perfectly to the ground. "It's because I have feelings for you Bucky, and I now know you don't feel the same way." Sniffling you don't bother looking up because your heart is to broken for that right now. "I'm Just gonna need a little bit of time and I'll be back good as new like nothing even happened." Still unable to lift your gaze from the ground you decide to focus on the last cupcake left in the box. 'I Love You' is written in tiny light blue frosting letters. "I uhm, uhh." That brought your attention to Bucky, as embarrassment pulsed as strong as ever through your veins. " You don't have to say anything Buck, It's fine, I'll see you next week, on monday" you hand him the box as you go to pass him "I think you would have a better use for this than me I ate 11 others already so."
Imagine Bucky Barnes being in a cuddly mood while you’re trying to study.
“What the hell, Bucky! I’m taking an exam right now, what are you doing here?”
You could see that he was creeping in, stretching up behind the couch, ready to pounce like a cat. And just like a feline, it was at the most inopportune time that he could have picked since you had books all around you and a mug of tea in your hand, laptop open to reveal a tough question.
You were working on an exam right now, one that was done online, thank goodness. But that timer in the corner was ticking quickly down, and you were taking way too much time on this one question.
But despite your warnings, he was still coming in closer. You could see the corner of his mouth going upwards as he tried to fight back the smile, knowing that he was being an absolute brat at that moment.
“Bucky......”
He pounced.
You just managed to get hold of your tea and put it onto the table without spilling a drop, but your lap was now full of your boyfriend’s messy dark brown hair, and his arms were around your waist.
You sighed, and glared down at him. His movements had made one of your books fall onto the ground, making you lose your page. You rubbed at your temples, really not in the mood for this. He knew how busy you were - it was his encouragement that got you to go back to school but - fuck, man.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, popping his head up. “You totally know this, come on.”
You didn’t reply with words, just a loud groan as you looked at the book that was on the ground, trying to remember whereabouts in it you were. He was in the way of you leaning down and getting it. All that you could do was sit there and take it, especially as his metal arm held you securely. You did lean forward though and pressed the button to the answer you were pretty sure fit, but had been doubting yourself on.
“There you go,” He said, laying back down. You resigned yourself to running your fingers through his hair, causing a little moan to slip out. You couldn’t stay mad at that, you supposed. The exam was sent off and there was nothing more you could do about it except for hope for the best, and take comfort in the man that loved - and annoyed you.
Wordcount: 3827
Summary: Bucky has his kind of therapy. You have yours. Only - yours tends to be a little bit more eclectic than his.
Bucky Barnes was in therapy. It took him a while to admit that to you, that he had been forced into going after everything that happened with The Avengers saving the world against a big bad Titan. Actually, it was easier for him to talk about the big battle and losing Steve than it was to tell you about Dr. Raynor. You didn’t judge him for that. How could you? In this world where it seems like men would do literally anything to avoid therapy, even go on the run rather than open up. You thought it was a good thing, even though he told you that he hated her, hated it and didn’t really talk about anything. So in an act of showing him how good it can feel, how it can really free the soul, you started going to therapy too. Not Dr. Raynor. That would have been too weird. No, you found another therapist. More of a hippy type, truth be told. But you liked her vibes. And she had liked yours.
The office was furnished with macrame and wicker. Even the coasters on which you could rest your water-bottle or the mug of herbal tea that she liked to supply were macrame feathers. Home made from the looks of it. And old. A little frayed. But still very loved. You had liked that about it all - it wasn’t clean and sterile. It was comfortable. It felt like you were visiting an eclectic aunt who just wanted to give you some advice and guidance rather than someone that you were paying to listen to you. It wasn’t for everyone - but it did the trick for you.
You opened up to your Doctor - who refused to let you call her Doctor. “My name is Vicky. That’s who I want to be with you. Doctor is too clinical. Too cold. I want to be your friend, I want to be someone that you feel like you can turn to, that you can talk to.”
That had been exactly what drew you to her - which was weird because it was the same kind of pull that you had towards Bucky when you first met him. Two years ago today. You were walking out of the grocery store, carrying the couple of bags that you got towards the sidewalk so you could catch the bus home. It was New York after all. Driving was just an insane idea. It would have taken you three times as long to get home. Just as you stepped off the asphalt onto pavement, one of your bags ripped. That’s what you get for using plastic bags, forgetting your reusable ones at home. Apples, oranges, they went sprawling down the street. A couple into traffic. A truck ran over one. A cabbie yelled at you over one of the apples. Like you had meant for this to happen.
You gave the cabbie the finger and he went off with another honk. You tried to gather together what you could off of the sidewalk, but it began to make your other bags feel overloaded. You didn’t have much of a choice. Your bus was going to be at the stop soon. If you missed it, you were going to have to wait another half an hour and the heat was sweltering.
The cackles of some teenagers reached your ears. Just what you needed. A group of dumbasses haha and heehaw’ing at you dropping your vitamin C. And not doing a damn thing to help you.
“Oh, yeah, it’s so funny,” You called out to them, annoyed. “Laugh it up. What would you do if I was your mother or your sister huh? Would you just stand there and laugh?”
“Thing is -” One of the teenagers spoke up. Sports jacket. Probably some big shot on a football team somewhere or something. “- they wouldn’t use those cheap ass bags.”
You sighed. Fair play. How were you even supposed to argue with that? You managed to get what was around you and was chasing after a rogue orange when it hit somebody’s shoe. A black sneaker. A gloved hand picked it up. You followed the line of the dark jeans, up over the broad chest of the long sleeved-shirt with sweat marks around the collar, up to the handsome face above. “Ignore them,” The man said, slipping the orange inside of your bags. “Boys don’t know what to do when there’s someone good looking around other than to laugh and fuck it up immediately.”
“Thanks,” You said, “I thought I was going to have to chase that thing up to Manhattan or something. Rogue orange.” He chuckled at your comment, showing off a set of near-perfect teeth behind those pink lips. Whoa. “I’d - better get going,” You said, reluctantly. As much as you wanted to stand there and stare at this handsome man, it might get a little odd.
“Your bag looks like it’s going to break,” He said. He reached into his back pocket - men tend to have those pretty deep, lucky lads - and pulled out a folded up cloth bag. “Here. You can borrow this.”
You weren’t going to argue. These cheap bags - especially with the added load of the other bagful of things. “Thanks again,” You said, gratefully, putting what you had on the ground and started to transfer some of the things over. You were able to fit about two bags worth of stuff in there, thankfully. That made it so much easier. “I have a couple at home, I’m just always forgetting them,” You explained, not wanting to seem like you were entirely stupid.
“Happens all the time,” He nodded, handing you the things to put into the bag until you were able to lift it. Not too heavy. A real convenience.
“Oh, well - I’m that way so...” You said, pointing over your shoulder in the direction that you had been heading before the big split.
“I said you can borrow the bag, not that you can have it,” The man said with a gruff-looking smile, the corners of his blue eyes getting crinkles. “I’ll walk with you, make sure you don’t have anything else spill on you.”
“I don’t usually bring home men I don’t know the name of," You quipped. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell you his name. But he looked at the bag and sighed, finally admitting to it.
“Bucky Barnes,” He told you.
You looked over his face, and then, “Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you Bucky.”
That’s how it started. A rogue orange. Some jeering teenagers. You never forgot the reusable bags again. Bucky kept them near the coat closet for you, ready at a moment’s notice. He was always taking care of little things like that while you took care of him on the days and nights he had trouble sometimes. You told your therapist all about him. You wondered, sometimes, if he told his therapist about you. Things weren’t perfect, nothing in life ever is. You sometimes had little spats where he’d grab his coat and go out for a walk because he couldn’t handle the stress of seeing you upset. Sometimes you would leave, and come back to see him fixing something that he had broken. Even after so long, he wasn’t used to the metal arm. He’d grown accustomed to not having it in Wakanda - which he had opened up to you about a little. Sometimes he thought about just taking it off - and you told him to do what made him feel good, not what might make him appear normal to the outside world.
You were bringing up the recent argument to your therapist. “I know he’s holding back and I know he thinks it’s for good reason, all of that control but - I’m terrified of losing him. I just sometimes get the feeling that ... I’ve lost him before.” You didn’t know how to fully explain it but there was this fear, every time that he walked out the door.
“Have you given any thought to what we talked about last time?" The therapist asked. You played with the fringes on one of the pillows, running it between your fingers and nodded, slowly. “Would you like to give it a try?”
“Past-life hypnotherapy,” You muttered aloud. That’s what the therapist thought the reason for your anxieties were. There was nothing in your own life that might have made you feel that way. You’ve been lucky enough not to have feelings of abandonment. You were close with your family. Your former relationships, though they had fallen through for reasons, didn’t end with them ‘leaving you’ so to speak. So this was the outlandish theory of your therapist. To unlock your past life and find out the trauma and move on, somehow. It did sound insane. It sounded absolutely crazy. But in this world with people like Dr Strange, with aliens, with immortal Norse God, super soldiers, did reincarnation really sound so silly? “Okay. Let’s try it.”
“Excellent. Now, I want you to lay out on the couch. Don’t mind the shoes, love, you can keep them on if you’re more comfortable like that, I’ll be vacuuming later anyway.” You did bring your feet up, in whichever way you felt the most comfortable, and laid your head down on the pillow. Your arms were at your sides. You closed your eyes.
She started to talk. The words slipped in and out of your head. Like you were half asleep. You started to feel heavy. You tried to concentrate on the individual words but they slipped right out of your head.
The way that you had slipped -
There were so many people around. It was a wonder that you hadn’t been bumped more than once. But it was this one time that really got you. Two giggly women holding onto one another had knocked you clear over and kept on going without looking back. You had stumbled into someone who had helped you get back up onto your feet. “You alright there, doll?”
The voice was smooth, jovial, but concerned. He didn’t seem to be laughing at you. The lady he was with did, though. You saw her face before you saw hers, thanks to the height difference. A pretty little brunette in an embroidered dress. She let out a high pitch laugh and then tried to tug the man along. But he let go of her arm, unhooked, just to put both of his hands on your upper arms and made sure that you were stable.
“I’m fine,” You said, attempting not to glare at the woman who had laughed at you. You straightened up your back and then finally looked at who it was that was touching you. The dark green of the military was the color of all of his clothes, from his trousers to his shirt, jacket, tie and hat. A military man. How very kind of him. His date, however, seemed not to be the kind sort. She kept on walking. She looked over her shoulder expectantly, like she was waiting for him to follow. But he didn’t, he kept looking over you. “Like I said,” You repeated slowly, “I’m fine. There’s no need to leave your date waiting.”
“I tried to find the girls that knocked you over but-” Another friendly voice. A skinny little blonde boy. He had a nice smile though. But you had the oddest feeling of deja-vu ... but for something that hasn’t happened yet. “Are they okay, Buck?”
“Looks like they’re alright,” ‘Buck’ said, speaking for you.
“Really, I’m fine,” You assured the both of them, but found yourself looking back up at Buck. He was a handsome man - but leaving, and apparently taken. “There was no need for you to go chasing them down. I know not to expect an apology. Thank you though. I think you’d best be chasing after your own girls now.”
Buck looked over your head and then shrugged. “Our dates are malcontents,” He said with a shrug. “They’re just here to try to get a look at Howard Stark, I’d wager.”
“His technology is really advanced, I’ve heard,” Buck’s friend said.
“And I’m here for the fun,” Bucky finished. “What are you here for, doll?” He called you the name again. It didn’t go over your head the way that his eyes did.
“The fun,” You admitted. “But I was thinking about leaving. My sister was supposed to meet me here and she’s just not to be found. Probably found herself a handsome man like you two fellas to keep her company,” You laughed. “It was a pleasure, Buck and - Buck’s friend.”
“This is Steve,” Buck said, immediately, bringing his friend forward, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. The size difference was astronomical. “And he’s the only one who ever calls me Buck. It’s Bucky. Well, James Buchanan but I prefer Bucky.”
“Well hi there Bucky and Steve, names for both faces. It was nice to meet ya. Maybe I’ll see you around,” You gave a wave and turned to walk off. It was hard to take your eyes off of Buck’s face. Everyone else around seemed so bland in comparison. But before you took two steps, a hand clasped yours and you spun around back into him.
“You never gave me your name,” Bucky said, smiling charmingly.
“I-” You barely got a word out before you suddenly found yourself waking up. You were holding the fringed pillow up against your chest, squeezing it tightly.
“Y/N, Y/N,” A soft voice kept repeating. As you were coming out of your dream state, you began to notice the colors on the walls, the macrame. It was all so bright and so vivid. So colorful.
“Where am I?” You asked, feeling like you were coming out of a daze.
“You’re in my office, y/n,” The voice said. “Vicky. Let’s sit up now, and get you a glass of water.”
She explained to you that you had gone into a trance easily enough. You were not explaining what had happened but you were saying some things out loud. Buck. Buck’s friends. It all came back to you. Not just the trance, because for a moment or two there, you really did feel like you were back there. Back in the nineteen forties. Where you had a sister and you attended The World’s Fair where Howard Stark was presenting some of his inventions or something. Tony Stark’s father. What a world. What a life you must have lived then. But then an ache hit your heart, hit your stomach. Bucky had left you then. He would have gone off to the war. He would have been deemed missing, fallen from the train during the fight against The Red Skull, fell down and down and down when he was taken by the Russians and turned into The Winter Soldier.
You had cried for a while on that couch. And Vicky had broken her protocol and sat next to you and rubbed at your back until you felt well enough to go home. You made another appointment. You felt like you were going to need it. Because you had promised Bucky that you’d make dinner tonight and you were going to tell him all about this.
-
He came home late. Late and grumpy. As he peeled off the gloves that he used to make himself more normal and took off his coat, the smells of spices from the tacos that you had made seemed to make him not slouch as much as usual. “That smells good,” He seemed to say reluctantly.
“Tastes even better,” You hummed from where you set out the different ingredients. “I couldn’t wait. I was dipping into the salsa. Come on, Buck, take a load off.”
“Okay doll, okay,” He said, giving in. The use of that word. That name. It sent a shiver up your spine. Because it was the first time that he had said it to you today - but it was also the third time that you had heard it from you today. He must have noticed your reaction. Damn those sharp eyes of his. “Everything alright?” He asked, looking around the apartment. Looking for anything off, or any sort of threat.
“No one is here,” You assured him. “Everything’s fine. Just - something very odd happened at therapy today.”
“Your therapist is just odd in general,” He said. He picked up a spoon and started to put the filling in his taco shell. “What was it this time? Were your chakras off? Were you not able to open your third eye wide enough?”
You cracked a smile at that. “Vicky means well,” You said, adding some of your favorite toppings onto your own shell. “But I have a uhh - a bit of a weird question.”
“Okay....” Bucky eyed you over the table. His hands were still moving but his face remained expressionless. No- not quite. There was a puppy-like curiosity in those beautiful eyes.
“Do you remember the World’s Fair that you and Steve went to - where Howard Stark was presenting some sort of flying car type thing?”
“I never got to see it,” Bucky said, a smile spreading as he remembered it. “It was right before I got sent out. Got a little err - distracted. Why?”
“You met someone that night. A couple of girls tripped them up and they nearly fell down - you saw the whole thing. Your little date laughed at them, kept walking - did you, did you blow her off for this person?”
Bucky looked conflicted as you caught his eye. His hand was gripping so tightly, the taco shell broke apart in his hands, sending bits of cheese, sour cream and taco shell all over his metal hand. “How do you know that?” He asked, his brow furrowed. His eyes were narrowed. You went to get a napkin to help him clean up but he held you away with his flesh and blood hand. “HOW?” He yelled, making you flinch.
Okay, so maybe you didn’t go about it in the right way. With that accusing look, you realized your mistake. You waved the napkin in the air like it was a white flag of surrender.
“Past life hypnotherapy,” You said. “That’s what Vicky and I tried today.” He snorted. He still had trouble believing that you called her Vicky. He couldn’t ever imagine calling his therapist by her first name. Absolutely ridiculous. “Because we couldn’t figure out the source of this anxiety that I have about-” You froze up, realizing that you had never actually revealed that part to Bucky. You didn’t want to put pressure on him. He had enough of it as it was.
“Anxiety about what?” Bucky asked, his tone still harsh. “About what, y/n? About me? About being around me?”
“The opposite,” You said, knowing that you had dug yourself into a hole and the only thing you could fill it with was the truth. “Whenever you go off for more than a couple of hours, even going and seeing Sam, it makes me worry like crazy that you’re just not going to come back. That either you were going to leave, just decide not to come home or - or that something bad was going to happen to you.” He didn’t answer to this. He kept looking at you. He didn’t soften up in the slightest. “We hashed through everything. My family life, childhood, my exes, my friends, but nothing before you had ever given me this reason. So she had an idea and I went with it because what could it hurt right? And then I saw it all. Well, not all of it. Just some of that night. The falling. You helped me. You made sure that I was okay. You called the girls that you and Steve were with malcontents. Steve tried to find the girls that knocked me over but he couldn’t and I was going to leave but you took hold of my hand and - you called me doll. Steve called you Buck,” You said, going over it in your mind like you had the entire ride back home. “I swear, I’m telling you the truth. The reason why I get so afraid of you leaving is because - you did. You left for the war. And you never came home."
“But I did,” Bucky said. “Eventually. I’m home now.”
That was true. He was. He had come back both missing a part of himself and being overfilled - a broken teacup from Alice in Wonderland that is spilling over. “Yeah, you are, love. You’re home. It’s - it’s been a crazy day, if it stresses you out we don’t have to talk about it.”
“It’s okay. Just - give me a minute.” He turned it over in his head as he went to the corner of the room, opened up the closet and brought out the broom. He swept up his mess into the dustbin, threw it out. Throughout all of this, you just watched him while trying not to show it, trying not to seem like you were staring. But you were waiting for another reaction, anything.
He washed his hands at the sink. Dried them on a paper towel. Crumpled it up, threw it into the garbage can. Perfect score. It went straight in. The man had aim. He picked up another taco shell. Started to fill it. You took a small bite of your own, the hardness of the shell cracking against your mouth. The zestiness of the salsa.
“So you’re clumsy in all your lives then?” Bucky finally said, nearly making you choke. You had hardly been expecting his comment. You swallowed it down and then started to laugh.
“That does seem like a common theme, doesn’t it?” You chuckled.
He finished making his own but before he ate it, he walked around to your side of the table and put his arm around your waist. “That’s two lives you fell for me in,” He said, confirming your earlier suspicions. He was just so damn charming, so easy to fall in love with. Even if he often denied that he was worth loving, he had to know what that smile and those eyes did to people. “How about we just live in this one as long as we can, and not worry about a third?”
“I like the sound of that,” You agreed, leaning in towards him. His lips grazed against your cheek, and then closer to your own. Closer - closer - closer - past?
His teeth closed around your food. “Oh no, oh no no no,” You said, pushing him away as he wiped crumbs from his mouth. He had that grin on his face. That sneaky one. “You keep that up and you’re going to your next life sooner rather than later, Buck.”
Imagine Bucky Barnes falling for you even though you’re part vampire.
Bucky was a supersoldier who knew other supersoldiers, witches, sorcerers, a hulk, and had fought against aliens - actual aliens, so when he found out that there were vampires, he wasn’t the most shocked person in the world.
In fact, he hardly batted an eye - but he did take to wearing turtlenecks when you two worked with one another. You took it well, laughing and promising that you would never feed upon a friend, which oddly set his heart aflutter. He didn’t have many friends, only Steve and - well, he would reluctantly say Sam as well. It felt good to be thought of fondly, and even better that it was someone like you, someone that he respected and genuinely liked.
A little too much, it seemed. He’d find himself distracted on missions that you were together on, more worried about your safety than actually getting the job done. You called him out on it when he stopped you from getting shot, which did ultimately compromise the mission. “Do you not have faith in me, Bucky Barnes?”
“What?”
“Do you think that I’m such an incapable agent that I need you to watch over me like a hawk?” You asked, your bright eyes glowing against the darkness of the night. “I’ve been taking care of myself for nearly as long as you have, and I’m quite good at it-”
“Never said you weren’t,” Bucky grunted.
“You wouldn’t treat Sam this way,” You said, softer. “Can you please just - trust I have this?”
“I do,” Bucky argued. “I know you do.”
“Then what is it?”
He groaned. He ran his fingers through his hair which he had been growing back out. Short didn’t work for him. He didn’t feel like he could hide properly when his face was exposed, then brought his hand back to the steering wheel. “I just don’t like seeing the people I love get hurt. I’ve seen it enough times.”
A heavy silence took over the car as it sunk into you what he had said. “You know what I am,” You said, quietly.
“Yeah. And you know what I am,” Bucky retorted.
You rested your hand on top of his knee. He flinched at the feeling, but didn’t try to jerk himself out of your grip or try to move your hand. It was gentle. It was so gentle. He side-eyed you and then went back to looking at the road. The rest of the ride was permeated with the silence but it felt more comfortable this time. A twinge of hope was in his heart. Something he hadn’t felt for a very long time.
Requested by: Anonymous
Wordcount: 2543
Summary: You, a daughter of Thanos, go through a lot during your time on Earth. And everything always seems to center around one person.
The first time that you had met Bucky had been under ... less than ideal circumstances. Everyone in the Avengers, including yourself, had been trying to find him. Hunting him down. Though you had the best of intentions, having heard all about him from Steve, there were others among your group who didn’t. Tony for example, was on his own revenge quest, wanting to kill him. Things were breaking apart between the group. There probably wasn’t even going to be a group after this.
You could sympathize with Bucky after hearing more about him from your best friend. Steve was the only person on Earth that you felt like you could depend on, and a huge part of that was because he was the only one who knew your story. That you weren’t exactly ... human. You were one of the daughters of Thanos, but like your sister Gamora, you had run away from the tyrant to live your own life, to try to stop his plans. That you still loved your siblings, because like you, they had been brain washed into believing an evil ideal, even if they still followed that. You couldn’t get all of them out, as hard as you tried. Corvus and Proxima - they were never going to come around. It hurt.
So of course you related to Bucky. He had been plucked up from his own home, turned into an assassin. Hunted by every government agency in the world. All the while trying to remember who he was.
The airport. An unlikely place for a fight. You didn’t know Bucky very well then, only what Steve had told you. But you had this strange instinct to trust him entirely, even if he had killed Tony’s parents. So you were on Steve’s side, fighting against your - well, your friends you supposed that you could call them. You with your fighting skills, and your slight magic - not nearly as colossal as Wanda’s but you could pull a couple of tricks out of your sleeves. You went up against Natasha - your sparring partner of many months. You could predict her movements. The sequences that she tended to use the most.
She wasn’t as good as Gamora, but she was close. And you had been able to beat Gamora on more than one occasion. You were able to take her down, and then worked on the others with your group, stopping a couple of attacks from raining down on Bucky. He wasn’t able to thank you in the heat of the moment. But he looked like he wanted to.
That was the start of the glances. Communicating with eye contact rather than saying something. Or even actions.
-
You weren’t able to participate in the fight against your siblings. You simply loved them too much and couldn’t bring yourself to take them down the way that the rest of the Avengers were doing. You hid. It was the cowardly thing to do. People died because of this decision. But even though these circumstances were crazy, Steve hadn’t told anyone about your connection to Thanos. He was still respecting your decision of keeping it hidden. It seemed more important now, everyone would turn against you in an instant. They already were, since you weren’t helping.
You mourned them. Corvus and Proxima especially - they had been the closest to you, took care of you, helped to raise you. You cried on the ride all to the way to Wakanda, where you were finally going to join the fight against your father. The same father who had killed your sister. You were absolutely going to be a part of that - your final rebellion against your father.
But you lost. You were near Bucky and Steve, and watched the former fade into dust right before your eyes. His gun fell onto the ground, clattering onto the hard dirt. You were left behind along with a handful of others. Tony. Steve. Nat. Nebula, thankfully, so you weren’t entirely alone. And you confessed to them, you told them, about how you were Thanos’s daughter, just like she was. And though they were angry that they had not been told about this in the beginning, they accepted you.
Like Natasha, like Steve, you never gave up on trying to find a way to bring everyone back. While Tony was living his best life out in the woods, you were keeping in contact with your sister, with Captain Marvel, trying to figure out where everyone could have gone. And how you could bring them back. It was Bucky that was in the forefront of your mind. We never had the chance to get close, not with him going to Wakanda and being put on ice, while you hid from your responsibilities as an Avenger. But he was still there in your mind. The haunted look behind his eyes that you knew that you shared. There was something about him that attracted you - and it wasn’t just those good looks that even you couldn’t deny. It was a shared past. A shared hurt. He had his trigger words that Zemo had attempted to use, you had your siblings - though you didn’t anymore, it was just you and Nebula against the world now.
But you did eventually find a way. Time travel. Who would have thought? In all of your travels through the galaxies before finding a home on Earth, you had never come across it before. But the portals opened. Dr. Strange came through. People were coming from all over the world - because of the snap that had killed Tony. You would mourn him later, in your own way. But there was still fighting to be done.
And you succeeded. Everyone was brought back - the evil parts of your family were defeated, and the world seemed to go around again, with only a few losses - though they were important ones. The world lost Iron Man. You and your friends lost Tony Stark. The billionaire who made himself into a Superhero. The world lost Back Widow. You and your friends lost Natasha. The strongest woman that you had ever known, throughout all of the galaxies. The world lost Captain America. You and your friends lost Steve. He came back as an old man to say goodbye to you, to Sam. And he told you, asked you, pleaded you, to take care of Bucky in the future. A promise that you made, but you weren’t sure that you could keep very well. It didn’t feel like it was your place, but that look on your old friend’s face - you couldn’t say no to a dying man.
-
Time passed away from under you. You got so involved in your post-snap life, living as a bounty hunter to make money to finance your small apartment. You didn’t get anything from the government for all of your help, no pardon in going against the Sokovian accords, not a damn thing. Just trying to make up for everything in the only way that you knew how, and that was bringing down bad guys. Even if they were just bastards who got into bar fights and fled before the police could get them. Once in a while you got a murderer, or something juicy, but it was mainly the aggressive and cowardly bastards who did home invasions or sexual assaults.
And then the news came. A new Captain America was named, and given the shield that Sam had passed onto the Smithsonian. And Zemo managed to escape from prison. You brought out your cellphone at that, went through the names, pausing briefly on Sam Wilson’s. But then you went back up the list to stop on James Barnes. You haven’t used the number since he had give it to you - didn’t even know if it was still in service.
You pressed the call button and held the phone to your face.
And that’s how you ended up in this place, fighting against John Walker.
Bucky got knocked to the ground. Sam saved his ass by beating on John with a flip-kick which you joined in on. This man - this fake Steve, was going to use the shield to try to decapitate Bucky and you just weren’t having that. With a sound of pure rage, you jumped onto John’s back, wrapping your arm around his neck, trying to cut off his airway so he would at least slow down. He had the fighting thing down, he was gifted. It was just a shame he was a goddamn prick. While you were doing this, he was still going HARD against Bucky and Sam. What you were doing wasn’t working, so you focused on those legs of his instead, trying to kick at them and avoid blows from your friends.
“Get off of him!” Bucky yelled at you, as Sam just narrowly missed hitting you with his wings.
“Aim for the face, not for me, you idiots,” You groaned, tightening your grip on his neck. Or at least you attempted to. He managed to flip you off of him, landing on your back on the hard, concrete ground with a loud oof. All of the air had been pushed out of your lungs at that moment. Bucky’s face was what you saw when you opened your eyes, and he was holding his metal arm out to you. You took it, grabbing on firmly, and lifted yourself up while Sam kept trying to land blows on John.
“You okay?” He asked. You noticed he never asked Sam that when he got hit - but you had taken a pretty bad fall. Your shoulders took the brunt of the damage, your neck protecting your head as well as it could.
“Yeah, focus on the task, Barnes,” You said, letting go of his hand and running back into the fight. He followed you in, grumbling something under his breath. “What was that?”
“Nothing.”
“Yeah, that’s right, nothing,” You scoffed, getting lost in the heat of the fight. John Walker was somehow holding off all three of you. He was holding his own, which showed his skill - if only he was fighting for the right side.
“Why are you making me do this?” John asked Bucky, holding him up against a metal column a moment later. You were back on the ground, holding your stomach where he had just delivered a harsh kick. Bucky looked at you, not John, your eyes meeting as you staggered up onto your feet. And then Bucky was thrown. Sam went after John again, and you went running towards the fallen soldier, helping him get onto his feet.
“Come on, you have to get up,” You said, feeling sore but determined.
“I’m okay, darlin,” Bucky said, coughing.
“Then act like it.”
“A little help?” Sam called, annoyed as he was fighting against John on his own. You gasped as the fake Captain America managed to get him down, ripped one of his wings off. Oh, now you were mad. Even Bucky had to back up a bit because if there was one thing he knew, it was not to get too close when you’re this angry.
A broken arm, a few more kicks, you were all laying on the ground in all different degrees of pain. You managed to crawl your way over towards Bucky, because he took a lot of the hits today. “Hey - are you okay?” You asked, much like he had before. He nodded, his body curled around the bloody shield. You managed to rise up to sit on your knees, breathing heavy, exhausted. “Anything broken?”
“No, no, you’ve fixed everything,” He muttered, but you caught onto it. He reached out to you with his arm again, but this time, it was flesh and blood. It was warm, and you took it, holding onto his hand. That feeling of relating to him - it had only grown more and more in your time together. Since the fight at the airport, fighting through the snap to get him back, and now - now with him being on his own.
“Everything?” You questioned.
“Yeah,” He said, and forced a smile, though it looked more like a grimace through his pain. You lifted his hand to your face, kissing the top of one of his bloody knuckles.
“Are you two really doing this now?” Sam groaned.
“Shut up, Sam,” You and Bucky said at the same time.
The falcon with the broken wings got up onto his feet, staggering a little, walking out of the building. You and Bucky stayed there, him laying on the ground, you kneeling beside him. “When he threw you down, I almost lost it, doll,” He said, his bright blue eyes staring into yours, never breaking the eye contact. “Took everything in me not to pick you up and carry you outta there. Even though I know you you’re stronger than you look.”
“You think I didn’t almost lose it when he was gonna kill you with the shield?” You asked, caressing his stubbled face with your other hand. “Maybe this really isn’t the best time-”
“With people like Walker and Karli out there, who knows what we’ve got for time. I’ve lost everything before, I’m not losing you now,” He said, a darkness floating in his eyes. Possessiveness. He really meant everything that he was saying. “I love you.”
“You’re such an idiot,” You said, laughing. “You’re making it sound like some sort of deathbed confession when all you really need is a bath with plenty of salts, a good massage and some polysporin. Come on, let me help you up.”
There was a defeated look on his face when you helped him onto his feet. His arm was around you. The both of you were just walking bruises at this point and leaning on each other only hurt more but at the same time, you were both reluctant to let you go. “How can you love me after everything I’ve done?” You asked, quietly, walking towards the exit of the building.
“I’ve done worse.” He said, bitterly. “Do you think you could...”
“Love you? I already do. Idiot.”
“You gonna stop calling me that anytime soon?”
“Winter Soldier doesn’t have the same ring to it as idiot, so no. I’m sticking with that one.”
“JUST KISS ALREADY DAMN. ZEMO AND I GOT A BET AND I WANNA WIN!” Sam called from outside.
“Why can’t he be the idiot?” Bucky muttered, both of you taking slow steps. A smile curled onto your face as you came to a stop again. You were leaning against this chest, and looking up at him from there put you in the perfect position to press a kiss onto his lips. His soft, irresistibly pink lips. “Because he’s asshat. And that’s not a term of endearment like idiot is.”
“Can we not tell him?” He asked, smiling against your skin. “I want him to lose so badly.”
“-and this is your/friend’s/name, my best friend since like kindergarten,” You said, introducing your boyfriend to the other members of your most inner circle. “The one you really need to impress if we’re going to stay together, obviously.”
Bucky didn’t look the least bit nervous - you had done wonders for his confidence. Instead of being shy, he walked right up to the person that you were introducing him to, fleshy hand out for a handshake. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“And I have heard all about you,” Your friend said, taking the offered handshake.
“Well, hopefully not all,” Bucky said, putting his arm around you and gave you the charming smile that you had seen in those photos of him from the forties.
Your friend raised an eyebrow at him. “So I do have some stories to learn - we’ll talk soon.”
“Hmm...” Bucky said, watching as your friend went to mingle with the rest of the party, since you would probably stick through Bucky’s side throughout the rest of the night. “Was that good or bad? I can’t tell.”
“They don’t talk to people they don’t like,” You said with a grin. “So definitely consider it a good side. Just ... don’t say everything. Not sure if they can handle the whole...”
