On Buddy Passes and Self Expression
If you haven’t heard the news, outrage culture has gotten ahold of a story of two young girls and their father who were flying United on buddy passes and were refused entry to the airplane until they changed their outfits to something in compliance with the dress code for buddy pass passengers.
Let’s start with what a buddy pass is. First of all, that term is slang. As a perk of employment for an airline, and each airline can make their own rules for this, an employee can designate someone to fly “free” (and I put this in quotes because you still need to pay all taxes associated with your ticket, you just don’t need to pay the airline). But there are a LOT of catches.
The first catch is that you aren’t guaranteed a seat. Ever. You board last, if there are any seats. Last, as in after dead heading crew. Last, as in after paying passengers who have missed their flights or passengers hoping to catch an earlier flight. Last, as in after they announce that they oversold the flight there is no chance of you boarding it. If you have to be somewhere at any time, buddy pass isn’t the way to go. Good luck getting on a flight. To fly by buddy pass, you have to allow two days to travel and hope that you can find one flight from RDU to MIA on American in that two-day span that has one measly little seat open for you and your buddy pass. #BeenThere
The second catch is that there are decorum rules. You have to appear and behave within guidelines set by the airline you are flying. Of the two airlines I have buddy passed on, one was certainly more strict/conservative/puritan than the other. There were rules for appearing at the gate with any blood alcohol content (even if you are a legal adult); don’t do it. There were rules for drinking while in the air; don’t do it. There were rules for swearing; don’t do it. There are rules for in any way being anything other than a fully compliant brown noser to airline employees; don’t do it.
There were rules for pretty much anything that would cause a temperance movement grandmother to clutch at her pearls and declare, “Well, I never!” And all of those were to not do it or even though it has been 37 hours since you arrived at the airport and there is finally a seat for you, you won’t be having that seat.
And then there is dress. Each airline has its own dress code. No, the dress codes aren’t public. Neither are the decorum rules, for that matter. But they exist and are codified and it is incumbent on the airline employee who provided you with the buddy pass to inform you of these rules, because your behavior and dress not only reflects on that employee but can be used to discipline or dis-employ the employee. Yes, when an airline employee gives you a buddy pass, they put their job in your hands.
Now, are these dress codes ridiculous? Absolutely! There is one where I can fly in jeans without holes or in well-tailored shorts that come to my knees, but not in a sundress with spaghetti straps. After missing out on two flights for not meeting dress code, my brother now always flies in his interview/funeral suit which might be overkill based on the nuances of the dress code, but they won’t be bumping him from the flight for dress code, even though any business traveler can tell you how uncomfortable it is to fly in a business suit. Even when I pay full freight and could rock some yoga pants and a tank top, so trained am I by the buddy pass system that I show up to the airport still in a maxi skirt, high collared blouse, and cardigan (again, overkill).
Are these dress codes subjective? Absolutely, again. Hence why those who fly frequently on buddy passes opt for overkill. Because overkill is unambiguous and you are getting on the plane rather than debating whether the bluejeans you are wearing are “dark” jeans vs normal or vs light jeans. No one has time for that, and gate agents get testy because they cannot close the doors until you are on board (and did I mention you are the absolutely last person to board?) and they really have to go the bathroom.
Are you trading your self expression for 1/4 price airline tickets (I came up with this figure because a $400 RDU to MIA ticket becomes just ~$100 of taxes)? AB-SO-FUCKING-LUTLEY!
But I’ll do it. If the airlines wanted me to show up in a clown suit with a purple (rather than traditionally red) puff ball nose, I’d do it and I would dye my own puff ball nose to be in compliance with the dress code. You can absolutely buy my self-expression for $300 worth of airline transportation. IT IS FOR SALE!
But here is the thing that I think outrage culture didn’t understand: there is an agreement when you use a buddy pass and that agreement is
I play the role you want me to play complete with costume in exchange for you whisking me across the sky in your metal bird
. I have agreed to my part. You have agreed to your part.
Just because outrage culture doesn’t like the role I have agreed to play - which is its own discussion - doesn’t mean that I didn’t agree to it. I did. So thank you for hating the choice I made and all, but back the fuck off. I made it, knowingly.
Except these girls don’t seem to have been apprised of that choice that they made. They showed up at the airport and used their buddy pass, so the airline certainly expected them to live up to their half of the agreement. Ignorance of the law is no excuse, and all that.
So, either they didn’t because they wanted to be rebels and fight the man (doubtful, based on the way they complied), OR the person providing them with the buddy passes didn’t explain the girls’ responsibilities. I think it was the latter.
So, in this case, the people outrage culture should be outraged with is just one person: the airline employee who provided the buddy pass.
Dislike the airline’s poorly codified, arbitrary, sexist, and antiquated behavior and dress codes all you want. But please understand that there are people every day who agree to these terms, even knowing them.
These girls were done a poor turn by someone uninvolved (and painfully so) in the dress code. They cannot have decided whether they might have simply worn a dress to the airport or coughed up their hundreds of dollars to keep wearing leggings if they didn’t know the terms of the transaction.
Ignorance of the law? Buddy pass provider, what’s the excuse?
