#bummer things

[aliciameade]

I've really been struggling the past few months, professionally, socially, creatively, emotionally.

The smallest issues break me down when they wouldn’t have even made me flinch in the past. I can’t focus. I’m struggling to get my brain to work and do things I know it can and should do.

I think a year of quarantine conditions has finally caught up with this introvert. I’m tired of being so alone. I want to work with my teams. I want to see people while doing fun things. I want to get fresh air and move around but it’s been cold and blizzards, and gyms make me take pause with COVID conditions, and then I broke my toe and can’t do any of that anyway.

I want to feel I have purpose and lately I’ve felt like nothing but a failure. I’m missing deadlines and dropping balls and forgetting things, or flat-out ignoring them. I lack motivation to be productive, and that’s not me at all.

Today, I really worked on changing my thought patterns, sitting at the table to work instead of on the couch, trudged forward through my task list for the day, took a lunch break, etc. It helped to at least mimic a sort of normal work day, to feel productive. And I got one of those lights to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder, because maybe it’s too much inside and not enough sunlight.

But I am really, really struggling and I don’t know exactly why, or how to fix it, and that is not a cool feeling for someone who, despite these struggles, still wants to fix All The Problems.

I want my New Year New Me phase of 2020 to make a resurgence. I hope it will soon.

[aliciameade]

Getting on a plane in 3 weeks to spend the better part of March in southern California.

Sunlight, warm temps, family, the outdoors.

Here’s hoping it helps shake off the funk.

[davidbeat]

"Taxi Driver"

[davidbeat]

Pop Milk - "Get Wet"

[jonesherself]

For all the billionaires who wanted to donate when notre dame burned, they could actually save lives with that money but of course nowhere to be found. Already got their tax write offs I suppose.

[futzingbishop]

After three hours of statistics homework, plus another three reading HTML and picking a fucking font for a fic cover art, I'm finally going to bed at the ripe old time of 5:46am. Everything sucks, good night

[chiquorinha]

I had made promises to attend friends' weddings, but now, my financial situation is kind of precarious and I just can't do it.  I feel really crappy about it, because they're both 'long time coming' type weddings and I really want to be there, but the money just isn't there.  It's like they're having destination weddings, with me in Guam--it's a serious expense.  My attempts to keep up with my preferred frequency of travel since we moved here have just drained us dry, no matter how well I think I budgeted.

I'm going to ask a couple of family members and see if they can spare a bit here and there, or maybe see if Navy flights can get me close enough to be able to get a ticket from somewhere in the States.  After my last attempt at trying the Space A flights, though (15 flights attempted, only 2 actually showed and there were no spots for me), I'm leery of wasting the time--it's a 45 minute drive each way to the Air Force base and there's no way to know if the flight has even arrived, let alone I can get a seat.