#bunghole stuff

[up-in-my-bunghole]

I need Charlie to talk to her people!!

The biggest thing with Charlie this season (and with her character in general) was blind positivity. Her whole idea is that if you try hard enough and believe in yourself and your own goodness enough, it'll happen. But people are more complicated than that, and the reasons for "sin" are convoluted and tangled and heavy with pain.

I need her to talk to Vaggie because DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT FLASHBACK??? It explains how she interacts with others and herself so much more and rewatching season one with that in mind explains the pain behind her demeanor so much more. She was raised in a totalitarian environment, a soldier before a person, and I want Charlie to ask her about it so she can understand the pain that Heaven has caused her and help her heal.

I need Charlie to talk to Angel! Because after the failed redemption that he got pushed into, they didn't get to reconvene (for many reasons) and I need her to see why her actions hurt him. I want them to talk about why the exercises didn't work for him, why he ever got into drugs and risky prostitution in the first place, what his sins meant to him!!!! I don't think Charlie understands why Angel got into these things, and with the exercise in season one with the kid and the crackhead proved to me that she's under the impression that drugs are tempting because they're "cool."

I want Angel to tell he about the harsh reality of addiction, and how no addict wants to be an addict. It's degrading, risky, isolating, and not something people prize. It's a hook in your core that you have no choice but to follow, and for a lot of people it's the only way out of the tragedies in their life. From what Angle has said on the show he uses as a form of self harm and escapism, so I imagine he got into it either from someone offering "a way out", an impulse decision he couldn't take back, or both. I want Angel to be asked about it, humbly and truly, and have him give the reason Valentino has his soul and every tactic he uses to manipulate, isolate, and abuse Angel for his benefit. I want him to let his walls down with her and share every way he has been broken to explain why he is who he is and why he is where he is.

I think Charlie would struggle with the information, of course, but I think it'd make her understand why sinners happen in the first place and therefore understand her role in their redemption much better.

I JUST NEED THEM TO TALK AND LISTEN TO EACH OTHER!!!

[up-in-my-bunghole]

November 5th this year as a Destiel fan and a Hazbin fan has felt like a fever dream and I genuinely have to keep putting my phone down and telling myself "they're just your blorbos, they're not real"

[up-in-my-bunghole]

Hey can anyone who does fanart or knows how to art draw Charlie hugging Alastor after he returned from being presumed dead in the finale and having his facade twitch from the pure affection and unconditional love she has for him that he never thought he'd care about thanks

[up-in-my-bunghole]

I think as a writer/artist/creator that wants to get back into making stuff again I got the idea that there's already so much art being produced all the time that I found trying irrelevant when in reality there is just such a vast community of different people making stuff that it just makes it look like others can do it faster and everyone is making masterpieces on the regular.

I know that the more you create the better you get and the more consistent you can get, but also I don't think a lot of people realize just how much fanart and fanfiction is circulating and it's gotten to the point where people just expect it on demand, so I've always been too nervous to get back into it.

So this is a message for all the people who think their art is pointless in the grand scheme of the internet: it matters! Your creativity and imagination matters and you should make your blorbos kiss because you can

[up-in-my-bunghole]

Something I've been thinking about a lot with becoming an adult is that the kind of self discipline that really makes your life better and more fulfilling (and also the hardest form of self discipline imo) is that it's a million small decisions to live better.

I always had this idea of being a badass adult that consisted of long nights pushing to work or study or exercise that exerted me near my limit.

And that's absolutely part of it! That kind of work and dedication is important!

But the hard decisions start from the second I wake up. Telling myself that I could sleep in and avoid being awake for a little while longer but getting out of bed instead to give myself a few minutes of sunlight. Picking up after myself after a long day because tomorrow I'll thank myself for doing so and I don't want to live in a mess anymore.

It's the constant resistance of giving up because it's easier that way; familiar and safe in my mind. But my body is getting stiff, I'm not making art anymore, and the days are blurring together like this. I understand life this way, but I don't want to stay here. I can't stay here for the rest of my life

So it's picking up my laundry when I'm tired so maybe I'll feel more inclined to throw it in the wash tomorrow. It's setting aside my projects and the lure of couch-rotting to feed myself because I know that my body will start eating itself if I don't take care of it, and I want my brain and body to be capable of great things. It's not letting myself slip back into my old ways and my stagnant habits by saying no a million times over.

Because I deserve better. And I know that the more momentum I build by living better, I'll have a day where I'm proud of who I am and like myself. I know I'll feel better when I give myself the chance.

It starts small, over and over and over again. And for me that means making quesadillas at midnight.