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I NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME ABOUT THIS
i’m low on gas and you need a jacket by pierce the veil / strattland parallels
specifically the final prechorus and chorus
i’m very sleep deprived and i don’t claim this to be my highest caliber of post but it’s something for sure
talk you through it breakdown + fav details
my dearest latest release on my ao3 is a fic I put myself to work on writing after seeing so many amazing best friend's brother's fics being discussed in minsungverse and thinking to myself wow. what if I yurified this. I also really wanted to write some rule 63 after a medium-sized break from writing and I juggled between this and pirate/siren and another canon compliant if skz were women before my heart finally decided that best friend's sister is the way to break thru writer's block
some really fun parts of writing the fic were a) returning my jeongsung besties agenda (this time they're sisters!) from a year ago. jeongin is my fav certified ootd poster and fashion oracle so I always have fun putting jisung's outfit through the jeongin-approval-meter. it's the most trustworthy indicator of a good outfit TO MEEEE
b) I loved using this fic to really truly force myself to play with space. it's so easy for me to position minhee and jisung on a couch or in a bedroom where all they have to deal with is themselves and their feelings, but past me thought the best way to fight her impending deadline for the fic was take minsung OUTSIDE!! okay but really though I think it made for a really nice minhee reveal for the Lee residence to have an elaborate, almost forest-like backyard that this beautiful 20 year old butch emerges from. I'm a sucker for delaying the tension, and only confirming that the 'person' is Minhee after Minhee directly addresses jisung makes it feel like minhee's addressing you, the reader, who knows something minhee doesn't (the fact that jisung is at the house to ask minhee for a KISS!!)
introducing the garden as a location also allowed me to characterise the beautiful girl who's been just the object of jisung's affections so far into something more.... side note I think u can tell how deeply I'm in love with the gentleness that comes with butchness through minhee but yes! the point of minhee growing strawberries was like...you know minhee's hot but Why in the World does jisung like her thaaaaat much. it doesn't matter how I write minho - that is a person who cares. gardening felt like the perfect way to externalise that care while also explaining jisung's affections without just recounting the past
c) THE KISS SCENE. I couldn't stop smiling writing this because I wanted to get across how nervous BOTH of them are about the prospect of kissing each other. there's also a sense of young-person--still-learning-how-to-take-up-space insecurity in minhee, who later in the fic grows into a very self-assured woman. like when she says "I don't want you to regret it" there's a touch of self-doubt in there, which is why I knew I needed jisung to stand her ground and pout her way into getting the kiss....they're perfectly matched <3
d) the jisung rescue. I think it's a little obvious in my fics how much I love the rain and this scene came out with that love front and centre. it's fully and completely inspired by love in the air season 1 episode 1, when payu rescues rain from the rain (hah) after his car breaks down (screenshot from the scene is below and also fun fact I included the rain as a motif in put this to bed also because of the s1e1 of lita). there are many questionable things about love in the air, sure, but I MAINTAIN that episode 1 of that show is an atmospheric masterpiece (and it might have everything to do with the fact that the show opens when it's raining)
e) mechanic minhee. i love writing minhee. she's charming she's charismatic she's the love of my life and it makes me so happy when people say they have a crush on her. minhee with her thriving garage was the ONLY image I had down on my outline before I started writing this fic. I went back and forth in between actually letting minhee fix jisung's car but in the end I decided that her chivalrousness would never let jisung just sit there shivering and cold while she fixes her car. and that instinct just came to me because I, me, the lesbian author, would never let a girl go cold in favour of fixing a car. the best thing about writing minhee is I can access my acts of service lesbian hive mind to consider the 'wait would she even say/do that' question. but also I think I keep Lee Minho as I know and characterise him central to how I write minhee, too. like I know in my heart lee minho would not make han jisung drive once their car broke down
also jisung's ramble-freakout after watching minhee take her button down off to reveal a tank top. this bit made mo my dearest beta giggle and so I am proud of it
f) had the put the screenshot FIRST because the mirror scene. the mirror scene was soooooo nice to write because I love slow simmering sexual tension and what's sexier than watching a hot woman in your room undress THROUGH THE MIRROR. also the back of minhee's chain dipping in between her shoulders. hot (I can't believe I didn't write the very same chain falling over jisung's face!!!! consider it canon now)
honourable mention to minhee's chest tape I love her and she is so sexy butch I think she should open a kissing booth . ALSO u may have noticed I described the notes of minhee's cologne somewhere in the middle of the fic. it's based on a real cologne recommended by hilarious fragrance tiktoker melissa nacional. she posted this one TikTok of her on a date with this girl who wouldn't stop telling her how good she smells and then she posted a follow up saying THIS is the perfume that got my date to book us a hotel room at the end of the night 😭 the perfume is white incense by precious liquid in case you were curious
also shoutout to han jisung's canonical phone brightness for finishing off this fic.
EDIT:
I can't believe I forgot the scene that made me giggle the most. 'before you came into my life, I missed you so bad' is one of the most romantic lyrics I've ever heard and I also loved building the comfy image of a sleepover with Felix where minhee gets a chance to peek into an intimate slice of best friendship. also there's a callback to the call me maybe lyric later in the fic when minhee comes to rescue jisung
I also thought, after setting up this call me maybe scene: jisung has been YEARNING this entire fic. I think it's only fair if minhee exhibits some yearning too. which is what led to the borderline domestic fantasy that minhee shares right after jisung recalls the call me maybe memory
okay NOW that's all
THANK U FOR READING if u did <3
Something To Give Each Other - close(r) reading
the new historicists would love me the way I can't help but infuse everything with cultural context.....here are my Something To Give Each Other notes:
Home Sweet Home: Food as a Metaphor for Love, The Moon, and Love
Lee Minho, on the record: my love language is a) teasing and b) taking care of people.
which is why it was important to me to make food the heart of this narrative. preparing food is a process. it takes time and love. it nourishes, but it can also be a tool for survival. later in the fic, once minho's reunited with jisung, he makes jisung and ahra, his daughter, food as a means of taking care of them. he also teases jisung, going back and forth until jisung's mission to cook alone turns into minho and jisung's desire to cook together. cooking is infused throughout the story and that is my personal shoutout to Lee Minho <3
in the fic, minho's only ever seen paying attention to the process of making food when he's back home. he associates certain foods with home, and home with love. it's all one big circle.
the opening of this fic is my fav metaphor I've written recently
my goal was that once the fic is over the reader should feel like they just went on a circular journey. minho brings himself back home, right where he started. everything swirls into everything. there was never a beginning or an end—only a return.
you know what else goes on circular journeys and brings itself back where it started?
the moon!
minho and jisung meet on the day of the solar eclipse, and it isn't a coincidence. the moment moon passes between the sun and the earth, their paths cross. this could mean several things, and I never intended it to have a single interpretation
is minho the moon, setting out on a journey away from home and back where he began, eclipsing his own life, rewriting what once was into something new? or is jisung the moon, appearing suddenly in between minho and the clear night sky, orbiting around minho, always close but never close enough until one day, years and years later, minho comes back home and witnesses how jisung can eclipse his life if he lets himself love and be loved? or is the moon something else entirely, watching over minho and jisung, keeping them company as they wait for their lover to return? there's a bunch of other things the moon could be. a witness, a ceremony, a timekeeper (lowkey also a voyeur).
I put on my best opening-monologue-from-a-movie voice to tap into the energy I wanted for the intro because the best uses of the second person 'you', in my opinion, are the ones that work to do more than just relate to the reader.
so if I was in a lit class, I'd probably say that my use of 'you' here is didactic. but I'm not in a lit class so I'd rather put it this way: I wanted the reader to know that minho comes from a loving, healthy, and beautiful family that is patient with him. a family that teaches him things. the hallmark of asian wisdom is advice. I've grown up with my parents giving me advice (especially when I didn't ask for any) and it's a love language in itself. What I'm doing through this opening scene is:
teaching the reader that family matters to minho, and that his family's values shape how he tells stories
teaching the reader that jisung is important to minho from the very very start
teaching minho (and foreshadowing) that if he wants to return to the soft, gooey centre of his memory, he has to return to more than just jisung. because even though jisung's the centre of minho's favourite memory, his favourite memory begins in his room. it features his town, the sea, the moon, the town storyteller. it features the traditions that make minho's hometown what it is.
and therefore the opening monologue of the fic implies that it's present day minho reciting the opening of the story.
even though "Minho remembers the day he met Jisung like it’s a taste he could never forget", he's an imperfect narrator. he's trading the "hardship of now for the romance of later" and forgetting that when things were hard with jisung, the people of the town kept him connected, that it's more than just jisung that'll go on to bring him back. that it'll be chan knocking on his door; changbin loving him enough to deliver a long lost letter; ahra, a daughter he doesn't know the existence of yet; his parent's decision to sell off a house—among other things. after all, home is where the heart is <3
Oral storytelling - Mani, Karva Chauth, and the lover who waits
a fun fact about me is that I'm indian, and I grew up on oral storytelling not as a religious practice, but as a cultural exchange that brings people together. much like my tradition, south korean folklore can be exchange orally. a key narrative structure of many (but not all) oral storytelling cultures is that they're cyclical. these oral stories often teach the main character a lesson, they rely heavily on parallels, and they're circular. they're not meant to have a definitive ending.
I tried to mirror that with the ending of the fic. it's not exactly an open ending because minho's making a promise to jisung, but it's up to them to figure out where they go from that point onwards. and minho's back to his own childhood home, but now it's jisung's. so it's a circle, but the process of moving through orbit changes things!
Another lovely element of oral storytelling that I brought into the fic was the knowledge keeper. the knowledge of minho's hometown is 'kept' by mani, who lights the torch to mark the beginning of the festival that celebrates the solar eclipse. oral storytellers are crucial to the continued passing down of knowledge between generations
also, the story that mani tells of the woman who waits on the shore is partly inspired by my heritage. in hinduism, we have a festival called Karva chauth, where married women fast for a day and then view the moon through a sieve. this was done to pray for the safety and health of the women's husbands.
when I was younger, I hated the idea of Karva Chauth. why the hell should women be the only ones to fast for their husbands? of course, there are still ways in which the festival's still used as a means for control. but now that I know I love women, I love the idea of redefining the festival outside of its typical origins. would I fast for my future wife? results inconclusive. but the idea of holding a sieve up to the moon to pray for her safety and health is romantic enough to make me view the festival with softer eyes.
Mani's story of the woman who looks up to the moon and waiting for your lover comes straight out of my culture. of course, me being who I am, I like to believe that the woman in the fic is waiting for her wife who went out to sea. but that's up to interpretation, too :)
A few smaller notes:
Ceremony
a recurring motif in the fic. Minho and Jisung run away from their graduation ceremony together, they meet during a ceremony for the solar eclipse, Minho runs away from Jisung's wedding ceremony. and as the fic comes to a close, Minho and Jisung return to the shore for their own kind of ceremony
Garlands
the garlands in the fic are based off of 'gajras', which are typically made up of a thread woven through jasmine flowers and worn in the hair for special occasions (and sometimes for no occasion in particular)
Rising Sun
the painting that present-day Minho has up opposite his bed in his big city apartment is 'Rising Sun' by Gerrit Wijngaarden. From an 'About the Artist' blurb:
"The red thread in his work is formed by silence, together with some sort of threat or melancholy, on the background or foreground.
With his still lives the abstract values are important, like colour, form, composition, contrast and substance expression.
In the landscapes and interiors, you can find the sense of life of the artist."
Show, don't tell
I avoided writing the scene where Minho shows up to Jisung's door the day before his wedding and confesses his love to him and instead challenged myself to reveal as much as possible without keeping that actual moment a secret, meant just for Minho and Jisung.
so you first find out that Minho showed up to Jisung's door through Jisung's letter to Minho. Then, you read the scene of Minho sharing Jisung's first dance at his wedding, which is the day right after Minho confesses. You see the moments that punctuate that scene, but you don't actually read the scene.
it was fun to think of plot was an accessory to a scene rather than a way to actually spell out a scene!
Ahra
This 7 year old child intimidated the shit out of me when I started writing this fic. here are a few of my google searches from when I was writing her
my personal fav was when I googled 'can 7 year olds read'. a good representation of how little I knew. let it be known that you can write anything you want as long as you let google teach you and learn as responsibly and in a culturally aware manner as possible!!
Ahra is thought to be an old Korean word for the sea. There's no definitive translation for this, so you can check me on it, but that's the knowledge I worked with when I chose Ahra as the name of Jisung's daughter.
And finally, this one's obvious, but my fav circular parallel of the story:
end of act 1:
end of act 3:
whew. long one because I remember wayyy more. I guess writing these right after I write a fic has some use, after all. thank you for reading if you did :)
lines of dis/connection: how to stay with you and pink pony club
I claimed my prompt for msficathon in the last few months of 2024, when I didn't know that i would go on to write how to stay with you? (htswy) in January of 2025. As much as htswy was inspired by the tropes I thought that the giftee of the fic would love, it was also a trial run for what I knew was going to be my toughest fic so far: Pink Pony Club!
I wanted to put down all (ambitious. let's go for what I remember instead) the things that connect them because I'm sure I'll go on to forget the intense amount of work that actually went into writing Pink Pony Club. likeeee no other fic of mine has needed me to write a whole another 50k fic as a prerequisite!!
Structure
htswy and Pink Pony both share a three part structure, but their parts are flipped around. the resolution comes at the end for both, but the conflict is dispersed into chapters 1 and 3 in htswy. meanwhile, the conflict is restricted to chapter 2 in Pink Pony (although the internal conflict is kinda a slow burning thing that persists beyond chapter lines)
structure breakdowns:
htswy: present, and alone - past, in Thailand - present, with Jisung
Pink Pony: high school - university - california
in both the fics, there is one section in which minho/minhee is left alone. in htswy, I open the fic with minhee alone, reminiscing a time the reader doesn't know about yet, wishing she could go back. in Pink Pony, the middle of the fic finds minho left alone in his hometown, reminiscing jisung and wishing he could go to him.
like author like fic. clearly the first line of connection is that both minhee and minho are YEARNERS.
Family ties
The reason I felt like I needed to write htswy before I wrote pink pony was because of the mommy issues. it's so hard to write parents who suck!! there's a thin line between melodramatic and parent who actually sucks and strikes a chord in people who Get It.
Minhee and Minho are also, of course, connected by their queerness and how it changes their relationship with their mother. if I had to map them down it would look something like:
eldest lesbian daughter > the mother who could do better < the only gay son
there are other things that tie minho from Pink Pony and minhee from htswy together. they stay quiet instead of lashing out. they make themselves comply, even at their personal expense.
there are things that differentiate them, too. I find those wayyyy more interesting.
In Pink Pony, Minho has family ties that force him to leave. Minho's mother has an active presence in the fic—she's overbearing. She tries to be the conduit through which he experiences the world, but that doesn't ever work out well (when will the parents learn!). Minho suffers, but he finds family in his friends and gathers the strength to leave. He cuts his mother off and hopes the future will treat him better.
For Minho, the escape comes at the end when he gets to California and lives the first day of the rest of his life.
In htswy, Minhee has family ties that don't let her leave. We start the fic with her stuck in the family business because of her overwhelming sense of duty. her mother isn't an active presence, but the weight of the obligations she put on Minhee as a result of her absence is everywhere. minhee isn't an only child—she has a sister she cares for, loves, and feels another (much less self-destructive) duty towards. Minhee loves her sister. She loves her parents, but she doesn't know how to negotiate the control they have over her lives.
For Minhee, the escape came in the form of a temporary window in between two phases of her life. Jisung, Thailand, and a summer vacation.
Even though Minhee's escape passed her by, Jisung strong-arms her way back into her life. An arranged marriage and a sexually-tense boxing match later, Minhee grapples with the things her sense of duty towards her parents have forced her to do—which brings me to...
Hope
both the fics end with a hope for a better future, which feels obvious but was incredibly hard to actually map out when Minho and Minhee were going through things that could leave them pessimistic about love, the future, and family for the rest of their lives.
Which is why they didn't find hope alone.
Minho finds hope in community. He finds it in dance and the fact that he can build new routines. he finds it in a family that looks different and feels better.
Minhee finds hope in a second chance. the one ghost that haunts her makes its way back into her life and she resurrects it!! makes it real!!! talks about it!!! says sorry in every way she knows how.
Heartbeats
From htswy, the city and its heartbeat, reminding Minhee of everything she wishes she was
From Pink Pony, the church and its heartbeat, reminding Minho of what he is
The epigraph
And finally, "To love makes one solitary" guided the first chapter of htswy and the second chapter of Pink Pony.
"fear no more, says the heart."
"it is a thousand pities never to say what one feels."
these fics are ode to recovery, love, and to second chances. and third chances, and fourth chances, and fifth chances. I hope you give love all the chances that it needs, and I hope the same for me too 💖
i underestimated how hard modern genshin characters are to draw … like i’m somewhat used to the older characters level of detail (read: i draw fischl too much) but the newer ones are something else ;_;
🦈 INTRO !! 🦈
HELLO BUNNYBLINKS NATION!! this is my blog for uhhh everything i guess. art, writing, yapping, etc. i might make sideblogs in the future but for now this is it!
more info under the cut vvv
if anyone's wondering about the next chapter of the story, dont worry im working on it. procrastination is the big problem i had lately hmm.. like im juggling through college work, reading inky mystery (trust me im on instrument arc and im actively freaking out/hj), doodling, and writing
what a mess really. i'm also more active on twitter so i pretty much yap more about my ocs and interests from there. if anyone wanna read the yap sessions then let me know (ask box is totally open for those topics or AU related!) because im a nonstop yapper when it comes to my oc x canons, ocs in general and this AU.
anyway thats an update from me and i see people liking the alice art lately.. im too shy to interact in IM community aahghuahhhh
okay now that i rewrote the plot of my AU story. I've been thinking about rewriting the prologue for a hot minute because it didn't really feel like the beginning of everything. like yeah, of course ortensia dies from the ink illness but you know what, i'm breaking the "ortensia dies for the plot" trope. She doesn't die but more like taken by a demon and it made it look like she "died" from the ink illness. and then she was turned into a doll-like angel who lives on in her own realm because angelic souls found her in a horrible mess and rebuilt her with doll joints. I guess it makes sense in a way? but yeah, and also because she deserves more recognition, i love her SO much :(
