#burned thoughts

[dreamofwhat]

when he finally decides to walk away from you, don't remind him all the ways that you used to love him close your eyes and bury his laugh deep in the crevices of your mind forget every time he made you smile think about the times that he made you cry because his words felt like swallowing shards of glass focus on when you watched as he pulled your heart out of your chest and winked at you as he crushed it forget until you feel numb until the only thing left is the numbness and you crawl out of bed for yourself, not for him until there is no knot in your throat every time you hear his name until the memory of his eyes isn't heavy anymore until you fit back into your own life the way you used to before he broke you

july 3, 2017 // j.c.

[dreamofwhat]

Amused— By the own blood that trickled Down. Red Droplets surround Her caramel-colored skin. Love— Dazed her and She believed it Was all she ever needed, All she ever wanted. But The tears— They said otherwise. The tears Acknowledged Lies. The in-between Was never for her, Floating like a feather. Falling like a leaf. She wraps herself in The blanket she has Worn Out. Like the words “I love you”. Worn out Like the soles on a shoe Of a newspaper-selling boy. The end Is near.

sylvia plath // j.c.

[dreamofwhat]

you're sitting there next to him and it feels like your heart is going to fall out of your chest but for infinitely different reasons than before. you realize that there is nothing left to love in the body of this man who you used to know. he reaches for your hand and you shudder because there is nothing you dread more than the touch of his fingertips. you know that they no longer exude comfort. you're sitting there next to him and he's looking at you with red-rimmed eyes. he reminds you of yourself after every single time he broke your heart. he's begging you to stay, to give him one more kiss. he says that he'll be better now, for you. he'll do anything to keep you. you're sitting there next to him and you almost caress the scar on his left thumb. you think about how you were both eleven when he first tried to impress you. there is a lifetime of memories between the two of you and you almost wish that you did not have to throw it all away. you're sitting there next to him and you understand that it is no longer your place. your time together is over. your love has expired. you get up, you walk away and you don't turn back, no matter how much it hurts.

next to him pt. 3 // j.c.

[lexygoodpaster]

If we’re dating

Don’t fuck me over. Even if it’s easy to, I’m more gullible than a dog who thinks you threw it’s toy but you really kept behind your back.

If you have a problem with something I’m doing, come to me. If you insist on complaining to someone, it better not be some other chick. I will leave faster than my dad did when mom got full custody.

If you cheat, don’t worry about me being angry. I’m not going to burn your stuff or call you names. I’m just never going to talk to you again.

If you are busy and can’t talk, that’s all you have to say.

If you think your family is fucked up, don’t worry, me too.

If I can’t talk to you about certain subjects, don’t be surprised when I don’t talk to you about anything of value at all.

My mom will tell you I’m crazy. She’s right.

I’ll always find something to be mad about. For that I’m sorry.

I’ll tell you I’m pissed. But I probably won’t tell you why. I’m too used to my feelings being invalidated for that.

I’m am one insecure motherfucker. Match my excitement and want to be with you.

I would do anything for you. Just ask.

If you feel it, say it. I can’t be mad at you for telling me how you feel.

if you think it, say it. I would love nothing more than to know your thought process.

If you notice it, tell me. I’ll appreciate it.

I’m not too prideful to be vulnerable with you. You shouldn’t be either.

If you insist on breaking my heart, the least you can do is act like you still want it after.

I have trouble knowing my self worth, please do not take advantage of this.

when I say I want to die, I mean I want to die anytime I am not in your arms and I don’t get to see you smile.

if you get lucky enough that I begin to love you, and you manage to get me to tell you..

then understand I am not perfect

understand I will do anything for you if you ask

understand I have been through hell and that’s not an understatement

understand, please understand that I am scared to open up and be fucking vulnerable

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #107

[lexygoodpaster]

Beauty. Based solely on opinion and what pleases your mind. It's good until it's bad. Till the beauty of someone starts to rip at your mind. The way they wrinkled their nose after kissing you becomes the very thing to send you over the edge. Picking on you as a joke, isn't funny anymore. The beauty of those you thought you loved is gone. The chemicals have run out.

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #92 

-dopamine and adrenaline

[lexygoodpaster]

I always said I wanted to go home. I've now realized that home is not a place I can stay it is the memories I use to have with the people I use to know.

excerpt from a book I'll never write #90

[lexygoodpaster]

I'm not her. I never will be her. I probably will never be anything like her. I know that I am distracting you from her but that's all I am, a distraction. She was your everything. Your first true love. But I'll be your second.

excerpt from a book I'll never write #89

[lexygoodpaster]

maybe you don’t love me. maybe I’m not your number one, or the person you think of twenty-four/seven. but for me, I love you more than anything. you’re my number one thought, my number one everything. I’d give you the moon if you wanted it. I’d find a way.

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #88