This has been continually bothering me for the longest time but I think I've finally, finally, reached a conclusion that I think I will be able to settle on (for at least the next few years!)
Basically this internal 'what if architecture??' debate has been recurring on and off this whole past year and especially in these past few weeks/month. I write//talk to myself to sort out my thoughts, but I think I can finally articulate it now so.. (:
FOR:
1/ SO recently I decided to check out the course structure just because I felt like it. This was a bit spazworthy because holyshit they have the coolest freaking units ever. One of the units is entirely based on colour choices. Yes, actually. I don't actually think I would be able to take it seriously but nevertheless it would probably be the best thing ever.
Another few units they have is pretty much extended replicas of HSC Visual Arts, complete with gallery visits and reviews of contemporary art exhibitions; and experimenting/making works using various media including painting, drawing, and printmaking, etc. It would be like doing visual arts 24/7 and finally being able to completely focus on it
2/ From an ideological point, I have this unexplainable, irrational belief that past experiences all mean something to your future. I did art classes for eight years - the only extracurricular activity to make it to high school and through most of it, at that. I remember the joy of building and constructing models and structures for various presents and projects and LOL even the highlight of playing The Sims for me was building ridiculously lavish but tastefully themed mansions and I would spend hours perfecting the interiors and colours. Sometimes I feel as if I am predisposed to become an architect/interior designer or some related field.
3/ I haven't been doing like amazingly/spectacularly in commerce. Which is mostly because I don't try as hard as I should, but well, the most basic mentality is that you like the things you're good at (and if you don't have to try to be good at it, it's even better). Which pretty much sums up why I liked art when I was younger - because my first art teacher thought I had previous training/told me I was a natural.
((so yes, if you want me to like doing something, stoke my ego. LOL. this is actually a bit depressing because it's true.))
AGAINST:
1/ In the same way, it's not like I was always drawn to art. If I wasn't best friends with Antonia in Year 4, I never would have known or wanted to go to art classes. If Anna Zhong didn't want to do visual arts for HSC, I never would have even considered it. Art has always been more of a hobby for me and as I've told a few people, I actually don't like to identify myself as an artist because I feel like it's too much pressure and I don't see myself as particularly artistic.
2/ Also I feel like art is way too stressful for a working environment. The other day I did not want to move from my bed because I was so uninspired about this project I was working on and I felt like moving/being normal was too much until I could resolve this and think of something (which I did so hurrah but yeah). Working in such a creative field would probably be really emotionally draining if I went through this process every time I felt uninspired.
3/ These are actually the main reasons but I re-remembered/realised that I see my future occupation as a means to an end, a way to make a living and support myself financially for all the other great things in life. I don't mean to say that I will do something I hate to get money, but I believe I don't necessarily have to do something I completely love to be satisfied with my job. Job/financial security is actually a really big priority for me. Given the unstable nature of the architecture field, I feel like commerce, with its versatility for a range of professions and its relatively high demand, would be the preferable option. There's a bit more to this but it's a bit difficult to explain and would probably be easily misconstrued so you can ask me if you really want but I'll just leave it there (:
I don't believe that you have to love your job to be satisfied. I also don't believe that choosing something else means I have to sacrifice my interests.
so TL;DR, I have once again decided against architecture but instead of an unstable resolution, I'm really at peace with this and actually feel really good about everything now. And who knows, maybe this resolution might give me more motivation to do better/try harder for commerce (: