#butcher box

[the-crap-i-cook]

Ribeye steak, mushrooms and baked potato. The steak is from Butcher Box. The quality of the meat is high but a ribeye should be twice as thick.

[anatomizer]

Hey, quick question: what the fuck?

[anatomizer]

noticed you understandably turned off replies on this post https://www.tumblr.com/anatomizer/725569234413961216

I wanted to thank you for your response to my message in the "replies" section

that makes a lot more sense, like I said my intellectual disabilities make it hard for me to understand things, so your message to me in specific really helped clarify that <3

only just got back on tumblr, and will probably disappear for a while again

but wanted to quickly thank you before I left again c:

Yeah, I've had comments limited on my posts for a hot minute. That post in particularly has intermittent attracts everything from unrelated discourse rabbitholes, to bigots intentionally derailing. I'm not interested in platforming any of it.

I am glad my reply helped, though! Thank you for your question, too. :) You really got me reflect on how to better clarify a topic that's important to me.

Hopefully you've been enjoying your return to Tumblr. May your time off the site also be a lovely time. Please take care!

[anatomizer]

cop behavior ☝️

[anatomizer]

Hey! I find what you recently posted about sexuality really interesting because I'm constantly going back and forth wondering if I'm on a similar boat about sexuality as you describe. I've wondering for years whether I'm ace, or if I just haven't experienced enough to understand what sex can really be. I'm curious about it, if you feel like it could you expand on how in what way exactly you find sex is different from just masturbation? What do you experience now that you didn't before?

I can only describe my sexual experiences ranging from boring to unpleasant (although I haven't had that many, for good reason but it's still true) so I'm always very curious what people find so appealing about it, I can't shake the feeling that im missing out.

Obvious disclaimer of "my experiences are not universal" aside, the most concrete comparison I can make is to scratching a hard-to-reach place. If you have an itch, it feels good no matter how you do it.

But if somebody else is doing the scratching? That's something special. Like when friends scratch each other's backs after tracing pictures on each other at a sleepover. Or your partner scratching your nose for you because your hands are full. Maybe even a kind stranger in the bathroom who adjusts a tag for you after you drunkenly complain your shirt has been bugging you all night.

And like... those all feel different. Between the different contacts, the differing contexts, the different needs. And maybe some (or all!) of those things simply don't sound satisfying or nice for you. Whatever the case, the contact coming from another person is the defining point. Does that make sense?

[anatomizer]

how do I become more like you. like how do I start out and find my way into that life? I'm so so serious

Honestly? There isn't a one size fits all answer to this. I had to start with spaces where I couldn't contain my passion. Getting past my anxiety, shyness, and trauma was too much otherwise.

So I dipped my toes into community art spaces and local politics. I care so hard about these things, getting stuck in my head about them was more difficult than looking like a fool.

And it turns out people really, really enjoy authenticity. Being genuine matters more than being respectable, especially with other queer people! So connecting with community in those spaces became a mounting eventuality.

The more I grew my social net, had experiences reassuring me it was okay to be out there, this all got much easier. I'm still extremely shy! Getting close to people is hard for me! But knowing others is cooperative. Everybody else is bringing their own strengths and support to these relationships.

[anatomizer]

Genuinely where do you meet all these cool queer people. Bars? Apps?? Location-specific hobby that they happen to frequent??? Where should I be looking

For me personally? Hook-up/dating and BDSM platforms like Grindr or FetLife, local politics, artist/creator collectives, and open invite parties/community events. That's where the freak and geek like me are at.

Queer people are literally everywhere, though! It just comes down to showing up and out.

There is no secret handshake. Your community is not hiding from you. Family can't find each other if we're all just waiting to stumble across one another, though.

And when you are out? I will bet actual money that you will discover your existing social circle is queerer than you thought.

[anatomizer]

Your post about queer love was really beautiful, broke my heart in a good way. Do you have any advice for finding queer community irl? I’ve never had the chance to experience it and its been pretty lonely on my own, only knowing straight people.

I'm really glad it resonated with you (and apparently so many others)!

On the sentimental side of things: I guarantee that family is closer than you think. This also ate me up for ages. In retrospect, I recognize how that belief made it harder to recognize my fellow queer community.

What scares bigots more than anything is the inexact boundary between "queer" and "straight". The cisheteropatriarchy tries to define one so there can be a definite other. An honest conversation is enough for it to crumble.

For me, it started with some honest, non-judgmental dialogues. I answered clumsy questions from the straight people around me. I asked them big questions with no wrong answers. And steadily, a lot of those "straight" people revealed they just weren't in the community.

Numerous, countless people are comfortable enough with a cishet life not to push too hard. It works, they are fulfilled – but it also would have been okay another way. This is the domain of the lifelong BFF; of cis dudes affirmed by femininity; of the blissful widow.

And the longer I have been unapologetically out, the more those "straight" people divulge. Where they admit their spouse was an exception. Or they would have been fine born another gender. So on and so forth, until I eventually found queerness is everywhere. At that point, it became so much easier to follow trails to queer communities.

On the logistical side of things: you are going to have to venture out into meatspace. I realize this sounds patronizing, but I've realized it needs to be said. Online spaces are beautiful and necessary, but easy to devolve on Web 3.0.

Gay bars and BDSM clubs are the community meeting spots of yore. They still exist, and can be found in more places than you think with some digging. Check community events for leads if searches prove unfruitful. Pride centers and LGBT clinics are also phenomenal, and often have support groups and resources.

Social sites and dating apps like OKCupid, Meetup, FetLife, and Taimi are major digital queer meeting spaces. Look for platforms that 1. allow you to specify relationship/event type, and 2. provide room to elaborate on your identity. These will frequently be spaces where you can network and make platonic connections. Other people are looking for the same, and will be thrilled to spot you!

Above all, you can and should make your own queer spaces. Even if it's just you and one or two friends right now, make your own dedicated queer event. Have a standing brunch, make a book club, whatever. Invite the curious, the questioning, and the newly out with open arms. Family has a funny way of finding each other when given the opportunity.