#butforrealtho

[livelifeonlegendary]

I’m thinking about rekindling my rap career, you guys. #butforrealtho https://www.instagram.com/p/B1mw5EYH1oScrXIjIYjENDj66suateBcH2G8TU0/?igshid=q60m1bxqkfph

[shezofpersia]

11th anniversary.

Your day is coming up. December 28th. I only found out a few years ago that there’s a whole day set aside for you, dedicated to the wonder of you. I can only laugh when I think of all these people, these devotees, scholars, and holy men giving offerings and making requests of someone I know so intimately.

Do they know that you curl your toes when you’re deep in thought, or that you are a sharp dresser, that your jealousy is unparalleled and that you walk among us? Would they revere you so, if they did?

For years, I lived in a state of disbelief, suspended in this in-between world I’ve inhabited since you first told me your name – do you remember that day? The day my world of troubles brought me to your doorstep, the day you spoke into my heart. My troubles are far from over, but I’ve learned to be whole in spite of them, in spite of you. And here you are again, eyes filled with a million lifetimes of broken promises, your smile still setting the universe ablaze.

I did good, Gabe – I wasn’t crushed by the weight of your truth, nor by the force of my own tsunamis. I lived through death, incarceration, my loved one’s losing everything – I survived every torturous Tladi moment and still, I loved you. I loved you after J, after A, even though that last one cut particularly deeply. I thrived even, after some time. I forgave your meddling with B, and because I loved you so, I held onto you throughout, no matter what guise you appeared in.

I think I’m healed. Evidently, it’s possible to have a whole Angel of the Lord crush your very soul, and heal. It would seem that you weren’t lying when you said I was special; I can’t imagine that any normal human being could withstand the onslaught on their sanity, the inexplicableness of it all. Aside from being special in relation to you, I’ve discovered too, that I’m special in my own right – that my life is purpose-filled and beautiful, that I am, indeed, God’s child.

So now that you’re back, in my 37thyear of this lifetime, when I’m at my happiest and most fulfilled, it begs the question… what do you want?

You already know what I look like when I’m heart-broken. Can’t be that. You already know that I’m still myself, even when I have nothing (I know you only did that to flex your muscles).

You can hurt me, that’s a proven fact. But can you break me, completely? I suspect we’re about to find out because it seems that having someone who sees you, knows you, and still loves you scares you shitless.

Rainbows, happy or tragic coincidences, literally making mountains move and the earth shudder – I’ve been a witness to all of your terror and might over the years. Maybe I’m jaded, but those things don’t interest me anymore.

What I want to know is the you who lays next to me in bed, sharing everything you could never tell another soul. The you who knows he’s found his equal, his partner, his truth in me. The you who casts aside the fear of baring himself and his soul with me, who has released attachment to everything that’s unreal and knows I don’t give a fuck anymore whether he chooses me or not.

Our fingers grazed the other night, and that small, stupid gesture was enough to bring all the feels, all the memories flooding back. It’s a good thing we’re both different this time. Time will tell whether you’re ready this time, or if we’re destined to have our worlds collide at my expense yet again. I’ve made peace with the fact that the heart wants what it wants, so I’ll always hope it’s the former.

Yours always,

Bella

[nuttnbutgainz]

Such a mood hahahahaha. @maars_85 @renzolindo27 @w28any damn bastards. I hate y’all @dreski4 @pachouxl @theslimteddybear #jokes #yallknowikid #maybe #butforrealtho #daonlysinglefriend #itscooltho #ilovelove #theyaintgoingnowhere #neitheramI #hellomeetmybae #comedy #repost from @queen_of_jaded (at Lenox station) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoUmHTgnqfW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=18viwmg9wcwmo

[kadilemma]

me:...exo in royal suits

mom; shut up

me : EXO IN ROYAL SUITS,MOTHER 

[no-lo-lo]

Have we started shipping the gecko and Will Arnette yet? I don't feel like looking it up, just curious.

[valiantly-j]

😭😭😭👀😭😭😭

[pharaohuni]

I got to get my man back. 😪

[disashaw4]

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😂😂 #butforrealtho #tiredofthesekidsalready https://www.instagram.com/p/B_QY4FHpNdY/?igshid=s42wpmcuog0q