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Scammers, Liars, and Bridges: Signs and Stars that Lead Back to the Biggest Scammer of Them All

I’ve never been scammed before. I thought I would never give money to some African prince or alien abducted toddler... and I didn’t. Instead, I gave a total stranger details on how to locate me and who to ask for when they come knocking on my apartment door with a murder weapon and a body bag, nbd. Of the worst case scenarios that were running through my head when I realized what I had done, that actually wasn’t one of them, that’s just the thought I’m having now as I consider what shocking twists the Universe might have in store for me. No, in the moment, I was imagining being sent a little box with a bomb (a bomb-in-the-box ---are you the parent of a soon to be scammer or liar? For a limited time only, and just in time for the holidays (!), get them... bomb-in-the-box!...) (I will confess my mind did indeed take a little trip there and I fully developed that little horrific thought and to spare you from it I deleted it, but if you too are going there, *pounds chest with fist and nods aggressively* queue me up bro I’m totes with you and I’m not judging). Anyways, I recently started watching Manhunt: Unabomber on Netflix and that was my mental limit for the worst thing someone could do with your name and address and telephone number.

But let me go back to the near beginning. I had an idea at the end of October that I would like to manifest $10,000 in two months, so really by the end of the year (I’m kinda wu-wu so if that doesn’t fly with you, fly fly away cuz this blog is not for you), and literally the next day I found a nanny opportunity on care.com that would allow me to do exactly that (if I was hired immediately). I had a lot of internal conflict the first week when I was considering the make-for-real life possibility of becoming a nanny--did I really graduate the best university in the country to sit on children? -- was this really what I’m meant to be doing right now?? -- what would my family think? and all my make-for-real friends who I don’t call, text, or see literally like ever???--- all bah-garbage thoughts, I decided, because like I said, I’m wu-wu and I like a bit of juju in my life so I decided to go for it. Literally 20 applications later, I come across this one that requests a resume to be sent to a personal gmail account. And thus begins the recipe for scamming. Ingredient #1 a seemingly reasonable request. I had created my care.com account back in high school and maybe this is a big no-no in the guidelines but I haven’t read those guidelines in 5 years, plus I had seen in my search a similar request made by “Premium” account holders so I thought meh seems legit. Now, I sent in a professional general resume that had my name, address, email, and phone number on it without thinking twice about revealing those details. The first step of my downfall. They responded with some long winded story about a 2 year old daughter who just had surgery on her leg and would not be able to walk for a while and HERE’S THE KICKER, all they requested was my complete “honesty and authenticity” as they requested my name and address so they could send a check for advanced pay for a week (I know-- it sounds pretty fucking scammy when I look back on it now) and for me (ME!) to purchase a wheelchair ahead of time as they were moving to the area. As I’m writing this, I now see the irony and the ovaries it must take for a scammer to demand honesty and integrity. Given, all this information was already on my resume, I re-sent it, though demanding to speak with them over the phone and letting them know I would not take any actions until doing so because I seriously did not have any clue what the fuck was going on. So Ingredient #2, #3, and #4 for a successful scam: desperation, positivity/empathy, and naivety. I had a nephew who passed away from cancer a few years ago and I have a soft spot for parents who are dealing with a sick child and I have worked in hospitals and dealt with the bizarreness of the medical insurance world so I had a zillion scenarios running through my brain---were they moving from a different state/country/planet?--was I fated to care for yet another child with a fatal disease??--how the fuck was that little girl going to make it anywhere if IM the one who has the wheelchair??? In the end, the question that bothered me the most was why they were evading my requests to speak on the phone and eventually why they gave up and stopped responding... Ingredient #5 for a successful scam: forgetting the biggest scammer of them all, the Universe. In the end, what made me feel like an idiot for being scammed like that was not the disgusting human on the other side of the screen, but the emotional trip I had gone on from the moment I had that idea to earn the most money I ever had in a short period of time and seen a solution presented to me and the rollercoaster feelings of feeling like a bum, an imposter, and a nobody to later owning my situation and wanting to trust and have more faith and then finally to this morning when the big scam was revealed, wanting to go jump off of a bridge, granted a small one, and survive, but still make it look dramatic and epic and gratefully anticlimactic.

But like I said, I love wuwu and juju and am an aspiring positivist at heart, so on the bright side this all reminded me of my very first tumblr blog http://youdonotknowmylife-blog.tumblr.com where you’ll kindly find unoriginal thoughts (aka endless reblogs), an obsession with 1D, which I can proudly say has waned 80% (Harry, “if you love me, let me know”), but most urgently, reminders that God was totally orchestrating a comedy routine in my life. I’ve been meaning to start a blog for a while so maybe this was the Scammers way to light a fire under my ass. #blessed #scammedbutstillalive #almosteverythingismake-for-real

#blessed #scammed #butstillalive #almosteverythingismake-for-real