"THEY MIGHT NOT FIND ME PRETTY, THEY MIGHT NOT FIND ME ATTRACTIVE" Constantly contemplating this always made me conscious, even before gaining those 10kgs. Seeing the social media flooded with beautiful and striking pictures, I often judged myself and could hardly face reality. One of my closest friends once mentioned, "Your pictures were 8 earlier, now they are 5." I was never 10. Maybe because there was some scope of improvement (let's be optimistic, no offense taken). So finally, 'Saumya Chaudhary' had a rating of her own. "Haha and I thought only Google gave ratings", I wondered. But those words affected me and made me question myself. I was afraid to come in front of the camera. I couldn't stand in front of the mirror because I hated myself. I decided to avoid taking pictures of myself till I lost all those 10 kilos. Therefore, I was left with no content to post on Instagram. And Instagram iced the cake by lowering the engagement. Here, I got another validation that my pictures were not that great. This is what happens when you are unaware. I constantly judged myself on the number of likes I had on my posts. I couldn't fit into my own clothes. I had no clue about how to dress the new body of mine. Now I think it's okay if we have no clue sometimes and we do not know where we are headed, but we must push away the negativity and move on. "You might be thinking why I am writing all this, I had this thing inside me for so long. And I wanted to put it out. Someone in this big big world might relate with me." #saumyachaudhary #backyardblender #BYBwrites https://www.instagram.com/p/CB5utGCJZbP/?igshid=1r5gk09opnvzy