A Silent Call Out
There is someone I wish to call out but I cannot as the name of a blog I love will be put to jeopardy so I am gonna do this without mentioning any names.
Someone demonized me, called me a liar, a bully and twisted my words so far off and even perpetuated I was supposedly believing their bully when all I ever did was damage control to a situation where the said person would have eventually get a call out for wrong choice of words in a statement that could be interpreted as anti X rhetoric. (I will not mention the label because hell yeah it will be a real drama one for tumblr so let us just call it as X.)
We, the handlers of the blog, have decided to take a matter privately and ask the person to fix their wordings and make things clear without any public callout that a bunch of anons suggested. I was not present during the initial fiasco but I read the message and the anon asks that followed so I get what happened. As the other mods were busy with stuff, one mod and I split up the damage control work. My co-mod handled the anon asks and I went to talk to this person.
Of course, I was a third party so I decided to stay impartial both to the anons who view the statement as anti rhetoric and to the one who made the statement. (Let us call them D, short for a total dick.) I started off with trying to see if the person has anti rhetoric or not so I mentioned cases where X people were actually assholes and but also cases where X people are not supposed to be forced to do Y thing which seemed like the way the anons interpreted it.
When I told D, I was met with a whole ton of context from the person, such as an X person blocking them, another person(possibly the same as X) supposedly bullying them, spreading rumors and that person was supposedly behind the anon asks our blog got and apparently some other user who sided with their supposed bully. But as there was no proof to their words, I still chose to remain as a third party and do what I was supposed to do: for this person to clarify their statement and not get a public callout and be burned at the stake.
They then go off topic and talk about shipwars and anti drama which was strange because we suddenly are going so far away from our original topic. They even mentioned a ship that was now deep in discourse when we never touched ship discourse at all. Just the undertones of X-people rhetoric on their statement. I mention this and wanted to get to the point but they still babbled about shipping discourse and it was so weird because it was so out of place.
I get clear to the point and tell them to better word their statement if their intention was different and not meant as an attack to X people. The statement, you see, was poorly worded and could be understood differently so if they weren’t really trying to go have an anti-X statement, they could apologize for the poor choice of words and better word their statement. But then they babble again about this supposed rumors(tm) I have never once heard or knew the context of and about bullies I have never heard of. They try to worm names out of me but I could not give any because there was no name, HOW THE FUCK CAN I FUCKING FIND A FUCKING ANON??? So I said I could not disclose the ask. And besides, I figured I needed to ask the other mods if it was okay to disclose asks so I decided to not disclose the info and the screenshots of the anon asks at first.
They then accuse of letting their alleged bully run free and I tell them there is none, no one there is bullying them or at least in the context of our blog. There were anon asks but I could not tell if they were bully tactics or simply people who misunderstood the statement as anti X rhetoric. The anon asks may have been a method, possibly but there was no definitely confirmation that they were in fact their supposed aggressor(s) and that was the intent of the anon asks.
I finally try to go back to the topic which is the poorly worded statement and if it falls to the wrong hands, there could be chaos. They then tell me I am in some kind of influence by the anon by choosing to be impartial and appealing to logic rather than being sympathetic towards them. To make it worse, I was accused of not reading their statement.
I felt that we weren’t getting anywhere so I reiterate my statement and word it as nice as I could. I start with clarifying that we are not accusing D of having anti X rhetoric but that the statement was poorly worded and there may be an interpretation to it that could lead to an anti X rhetoric and that is causing issues for our blog and I finally mention they were in fact anon asks so whoever bully they said I was in cahoots with was not identifiable and non-existent (at least in the context of me corroborating with them) because they were ANON ASKS. I mention how the anons have asked us to call D out but the mods discussed the matter and instead to a more civil private talk instead.
That was when my co-mod sends me screenshots of D demonizing me in their post. I, then, made a list of my points which they keep dismissing with their supposed bully issue:
We acknowledge the ask was not necessarily anti X rhetoric but the poor word choices makes it looks as such.
I do not think they are an anti and since they have agreed to my sentiments that pretty much goes against anti X rhetoric.
The poor set of words have led to a flood of anons asking the blog for a public call out in which we decided to have a private talk with D instead.
I don’t appreciate you for demonizing me when I only asked you to properly word a statement that may lead into confusion and a bad situation.
I then give an imaginary scenario where a poorly worded statement (Z shippers are assholes) leads to generalization of a certain label instead of a call out to a certain faction inside that label with anti rhetoric (Z shipper antis are assholes). I tell them of the process on how to do that and ask them of the same for their issue.
They then again mention the whole attack issue with their bully and that the anons were all that bully but I again choose to stay impartial because I had no proof except for their word that anons are supposedly D’s cyberbully and I wanted to focus on the issue at hand and preventing further damage. They then start to attack me and say I know them better than themselves, which I never said anything about at all and that I talked them down by being impartial, apparently.
They said I rambled on and on and on but they made no mention of already clarifying the statement so how was I who was talking to them to know? I did not know they have actually already clarified it and then proceeded to demonize me afterwards(the demonizing I saw earlier but the clarification I did not and that was a terrible mismatch in timing of information, I regret.)
They, then again, say I am high and mighty for staying impartial and not being emphatic towards their statement that the ‘these anons are my bully’ when I have not been given proof of such except for their word. I say our blog’s intention is not to bully D but to ask them to help in damage control for the both of us. We could’ve taken the easy route and called them out but that was not done. We only ask for them to better word their statements. I got no reply so I then took my sweet time to read through the clarification and the demonizing statements.
The contents of the D’s antagonizing statements were as follows:
They kept pushing there that I was biased towards their bully
They twist my “Apologize for the poorly worded statements and better word it” to “apologize to an X person who did not treat them kindly”
They then make vague statements about bullying all the while my name tied at the top hinting I am supposedly allowing it
They then say I am supporting their aggressor who they think is this supposed anon in our inbox (which by the way we lack any other information for an informed reply and the only thing we have is their hunch)
They insinuate that I condone abusive behavior by not being empathic towards them and not blindlessly agreeing to a statement of a total stranger instead of appealing to logic
that I trust the anon’s words more than theirs (when I have said that their statements aren’t anti rhetoric but just not properly worded ones and could lead to issues and a different interpretation that may lead people to think it is anti rhetoric.)
They then continue to reiterate my impartiality as something negative to their bully being the anons and call me a liar and that I was under their bully’s influence since I chose to stay impartial as there was no proof except for their hunch that the anons are their bully. I ask them where I have lied and where I was under the spell of their aggressor exactly and their reply was that I refused to agree to their hunch that the anon is their bully and that my impartiality is some kind of tactic I used against them (a person I am trying to not get publicly called out at some point just told me my impartiality and lack of empathy to a subject matter I am a third party to without any given evidence except one based on a hunch called me all these things “FOR NOT CARING.” Apparently, I did not care enough.)
They then go and tell me I should have talked to them sooner but I honestly only learned of the matter a few good minutes after engaging them in conversation. I only knew and really understood the matter when I saw the anon asks and asked my co-mods what the fuck was happening.
The weird thing was suddenly after I sent the anon ask messages (since I finally got a clear from the other mods), their tone suddenly changes. They start rambling again about their supposed bully whose context I can never get, really, since the explanation is a mess and all over the place. Then they tell me I could delete the post. I tell them that I am sorry if I was blunt and appealed to logic and hurt their feelings by not being emphatic(tm) enough but that I still do not appreciate them antagonizing me. They again say my impartiality is a tactic against them. I tell them what to expect with a statement that can be misinterpreted? And that I was treated unfairly and antagonized. They then say it was a misunderstanding. They removed the antagonizing statement. They call the demonizing statement ‘harsh.’
HARSH? HOW IS THAT JUST HARSH? You twisted my words, called me a liar, a bully and you call it ‘harsh.’ You defame my name and tied me to bullies, THE ONE FUCKING GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT REALLY FUCKED ME UP FOR YEARS YES YOU HAVE FOUND MEI’S ONE BIG NOPE ISSUE, all for what? Making yourself look like the victim? I tried to fucking help you out of a sticky situation and instead you choose to antagonize me for what? For you play your fucking pity party? So you can further antagonize your bully by antagonizing someone with zero relations at all to that fucking shitty person? ALL I DID WAS TRY TO HELP YOU WHILST STAYING IMPARTIAL, APPEALING TO LOGIC AND NOT BEING OVERLY EMPATHIC SINCE I AM ONLY HEARING ONE SIDE OF A STORY. AND I AM DOING WHAT NOW? ALL THOSE ACUSTIONS.
HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU FUCKING TWIST FACTS AND DEMONIZE ME WITH THE ONE THING I ACTUALLY FUCKING HATE WITH A PASSION?! WITH THE ONE FUCKING THING THAT FUCKED ME UP SO MUCH I HAVE TO CONVINCE MYSELF EVERY SO OFTEN THAT I AM OKAY AND THAT ALL THE SHIT PULLED AT ME WAS NOT ON ME BUT ON THEM?! HOW DARE YOU EQUATE ME TO A BULLY FOR REFUSING TO BE EMPATHIC ON A SUBJECT I BARELY KNEW ANYTHING ON AND FOR FOCUSING ON TRYING TO FIX AN ISSUE THAT COULD LEAD TO A SHIT TON OF BRICKS TUMBLING DOWN FOR OUR BLOG AND FOR YOU ALL THE MORE?! HOW DARE YOU FUCKING INSINUATE THAT I AM A FUCKING BULLY BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO APPEAL TO IMPARTIALITY AND LOGIC INSTEAD OF ACTING ALL BUDDY BUDDY WITH YOU? HOW THE FUCKING DARE YOU EXCUSE WHAT YOU DID BY CALLING IT HARSH(tm) AND NOT APOLOGIZE FOR IT
