#c;0419

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_melting 、

《 ★ rkxroyal 》 a handful of convex members know why yixing is anxious when groups start to mingle backstage and eclipse isn’t too far away from making their way to them. suddenly, he has a hand around woohyun’s forearm and his mouth is agape without a single word making it out. vowels and consonants can’t meet on the tip of his tongue and it makes sense when jennie is one of the few people that can turn his brain to mush. he’s wanted to reach out to her for so long, not over the phone, not via text, but in person, and he’s this close to it. 

there’s a voice in the back of his head telling him he can’t. he shouldn’t act familiar with her at all for her sake. female idols deal with more scrutiny and there’s already been one convex-eclipse rumor randomly started by a well-known netizen. there doesn’t need to be more, especially when he should set an example as leader. that’s the same logic he applied to reasons why he should break things off. 

chuckling sheepishly, he loosens his grip on woohyun’s arm and pats the older’s shoulder, “you look handsome today hyung. the perfect picture of royalty as always.” 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_thanks to 、

                                                MTV THE SHOW WINNER 19.4.30                                                         CONVEX 、 아주 NICE

it’s as if all the korean he’s studied over the years fails him when he doesn’t make the immediate connection. being in the top 5 on inkigayo a few days ago felt like a dream but being called for number one? if it wasn’t for the reactions of the members surrounding him, he would’ve taken longer to snap out of it, to realize it’s actually happening and not a dream. short of asking someone to pinch him, it feels more real when the mic is passed to him and he can barely see past the lights and the tears he blinks back. where does he start— “thank you to our ceo, our company, the staff and coaches, everyone. our fellow company mates who have supported us along the way and will meet us one day on stage. thank you to our family and friends who have walked this road with us.” even those who are no longer here, he thinks, wishing he was brave enough to say it. because they lost a member but they gained strength. that’s how he wants them to be, to grow and become stronger each time some thing brings them down, from the injuries in the rain to almost scandals. 

“thank you to our fans who have shown us more love than we could ask for, thank you for having faith in us, for working hard for us. we promise to work even harder for you and to show you a better convex every time. you give us very nice reasons to say mansae! you make our hearts shake,” he manages to get the last part out, his voice shaking just as much as he sniffles a little. “this is thanks to you,” yixing nods, holding the trophy up. “we love you! aa—” he almost hits the member next to him with the trophy when he turns and he’s handing it over to another member, the mic following as he hugs whoever’s closest. he still can’t believe it’s real. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_ocean eyes 、

《 ★ rkjennie 》  he wonders if she knows he went to her debut showcase and he would’ve gone to the more recent one if they weren’t busy preparing for the comeback. between learning the choreography, filming the mv, and the showcase before the live stages this month, he didn’t know when he had a chance to really breathe. since the prank, yixing doesn’t feel like he has been so far and he wonders how much of everything is a prank. how much of his life is a joke to other people? is he a joke? 

it’s a concern he hasn’t had since primary school when he was bullied for living in the housemaid quarters of the meng household. the sad look on his nainai’s face when she found out made him decide not to let others make him a laughingstock. he learned how to lead conversations in other directions, how to make people laugh at things that were actually funny, and how to avoid being hurt by words so easily. he became stronger but right now he feels weak standing a few feet away from her, fighting the urge to call her pretty girl again and act like nothing changed, like this month isn’t supposed to be theirs, an anniversary they didn’t get to have. 

when he reaches her, he makes sure to bow, avoiding her gaze so he doesn’t sink into those ocean eyes again. “it’s the bewitching women of kt~ your mv looked very cool! the rap is my favorite part.” he didn’t have to say that, he shouldn’t have, but a part of him wanted to and that was enough for him. enough for him to make a foolish decision and stare into her eyes again. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_hold on tight 、

《 ★ rkjinwook 》 nothing is better than being with your closest friends when your dreams come true. yixing might not have all of his best friends in convex with him, especially now, but he had yien and jinwook still. he has nine members to love with his whole heart and now they have a trophy to show for all their hard work. a physical culmination of their dreams coming true one more time, he’s almost shaking by the time he gets to jinwook and hugs him tight, so tightly yixing doesn’t know where he ends and where jinwook begins. 

he’s going to melt into each member at this point, making up for the tears he holds back because he had to give the initial thank you speech. “jinwook-ah, can you believe it?” hands pat jinwook’s back and he can’t tell if it’s to comfort himself or his friend, laughing joyously as he starts spinning, taking the vocalist with him on this delirious journey. “we did it, a number one! say something in jeju dialect,” he says with another laugh, barely audible with all the noise surrounding them from the cheers of the other members to the music starting to play.  

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_runnin’ like crazy 、

their popularity among students surprises him and he feels more stunned than he did by the few that recognized him when they handed out candy at a university. performing for their comeback showcase had been exciting but this felt different, this was more surprising. those who came to the showcase were there because they already liked them but when going to a high school, they run the risk of not being recognized by the students there. it seemed safer that they went to a female students only secondary school but the possibility was still there. the energy carried from the stage to the audience and back and forth until he felt like it was uncontrollable. electricity coursing through his veins, goosebumps on his skin, and his own excitement reaching a high it hadn’t in a few weeks, he’s soaring. 

he forgets everything in this moment. on this stage, he knows nothing but the music, how his body moves like it has to. each step of the choreography practiced and yet it seems natural. it all comes natural to him when he’s in a mood like this. almost manic, he feels like he’s running like crazy with his only destination being the end of one song until the next. each jump, he’s going higher, physically and emotionally. every time he’s told himself to let go, none feel as cathartic as this, as feeling as if their recognition is growing little by little. more people will see their talent. they have to. who can resist their suspenders anyway? 

the lyrics become his mantra and he feels nicer each time they say it. after practicing the song for hours, whether it was in the practice room, the waiting room, or at their shared home, it takes him until now to realize how much the song reminds him of the type of energetic music he listened to as a kid, cleaning and dancing to them like it was meant to be. maybe it is and that’s how his love grew so much. all he knows right now is he’s in love with the music. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_late bloomer 、

something’s wrong. the atmosphere feels off from the moment minwoo starts dancing and yixing can’t recognize the steps. minwoo is a great dancer, yixing’s admired their coach since his first lesson with him, but the steps are different. nothing looks the same or feels the same. the air becomes heavy, groomed brows barely discernible from the other as he frowns, watching intently to see if he’s missed anything, he’s at a loss for words. 

if it was only him, he’d be less concerned but they’d all learned the dance together, spoke about it, taught each other, gave tips and pointers while waiting for their turn to be monitored. when all of them work together, in sub-units, different groups, or with all twelve of them, there’s nothing they can’t do. yixing genuinely, whole-heartedly believes in this, in them. this moment doesn’t make him doubt his team members and he’s upset that minwoo tells them with such conviction that they’re wrong. the confusion and disappointment on their faces has his clenching his fists tightly at his sides and he can’t fathom what’s going on. 

this can’t be right. how could all of them be wrong? three of the leaders in one unit, also all wrong, and he’s more bothered that some of the team members are ones that have concerns about dancing. all their hard word could fall apart because of this and he doesn’t know who this person is. he doesn’t know who the person is digging their nails so deeply into his palms that he swears he could bleed. he doesn’t know where this anger comes from. 

his past haunts him once more as he reminds himself that he is his father’s son and he bites his tongue, tells himself to hold on because this’ll pass. this can’t be it. everything will be okay. it’ll be okay, yixing. minwoo isn’t the only person he doesn’t believe in this moment. the sudden smell of chicken is jarring and he doesn’t understand at first. fists are still curled and he’s unaware of how long he’s held his breath, unsure of how he was able to hold it for that long. when they’re told it’s a prank, he lets go, takes a deep breath, but he feels the same in the end, questioning himself with sore hands and a need to avoid eye contact as he laughs.