hm thinking about Kevin and his first year as a rookie and how it all goes wrong.
First off, him thinking he can go cold turkey sober after being in active addiction for 3 1/2 years (Not how it works) and it turns out your professional team is a lot more rigid when it comes to "extra practice time". Especially with a former Raven.
Not having a partner and sleeping alone for the first time in his literal life. Finding an apartment with windows so it doesn't feel like the Nest but now it is too open and too wide. He feels like he always has eyes on him. Within a few weeks of moving in he has blackout curtains covering the entire place.
You also can't tell me that the Ravens don't have a reputation in the pro league considering their uncooperative nature and refusal to bend to anything outside their training. Kevin may have been a Fox for years but he was a Raven for 10 and they know who they're adding to their roster. All in the wake of the Raven's baggage being unearthed and Kevin Day being half the remaining face of it.
And all while the line between Kevin Day the player, the person, and the persona all blur as he tries to mix media personality with unending demands for perfection.
Since this used to be such a hot topic of discourse in the fandom, I’m keen to know your thoughts on Adam’s major
This is an ask I am delighted to have received, because this is a topic I have devoted far too much time picking apart. I wish that meant I had a succinct answer, but to be honest you knew what you were getting into sending me an ask. Especially an Adam-related ask. I have many, many thoughts. Not just because I'm writing college age Gangsey and I've devoted a lot of time to this concept, I genuinely just find this thread of thought fascinating and ripe for character analysis. Mild spoilers for Adam's arc in The Dreamer Trilogy, especially Greywaren.
Dissecting Adam's college major, I think, hinges entirely on what state of character development he's in, how many majors he's tried, how attached he stays to Ronan, his relationship with himself and his perception on success. More on that later, but it's crucial (I think) to know what major Adam chooses, what he'd enjoy, and what actually thematically works for him.
So, starting with canon knowledge, I'm fairly certain he's confirmed to be a psychology major as of Call Down the Hawk/Mister Impossible. This could be me making a logical leap, but he's “studying humanity” which points to Psychology or Sociology. I'm actually very fond of Psych major Adam, for numerous reasons I'll get into in a second. But yeah. And we know he's struggling quite a bit during this period of time, with identity and a loneliness he can't seem to break through. And after this, he transfers to multiple colleges in quick succession, before ultimately not graduating and entering into his ultra-mysterious government job. (I have mixed feelings on this.)
Here's how those years pan out, in my head: Adam transfers out of Harvard, to an equally prestigious college. He tries a new major, this time, knowing Psychology didn't work. Maybe the study was the problem, so he reapplies himself in an equally enticing discipline. I'd like to think, after all the occurs in Greywaren (especially with Ronan deviating and able to access things outside of the Barns, outside of Adam) he regresses a bit and tries for pre Law. Pre Law, to him, comes with the pressed suit and success he idealized as a child. It feels fitting, after a perceived failure, that he'd latch onto his adolescent definition of success. I think he'd do well, apply himself, perform admirably, but ultimately realize he fucking hates lawyers. And it doesn't click. Nothing passionate in him, just a resigned way of being. So, another transfer. Another Adam Parrish reinvention, another fresh start, a clean slate. What follows is a series of identity rewrites, different uniforms and backstreets and passions and sets of friends and parents to fabricate a new existence. And each one takes him further and further away from what he really wants. This culminates in the government email, from all his work along the ley line, all his whispers in the world of magic, and ends us at the Greywaren epilogue. (This is me weaving headcanon into the epilogue, not quite how I'd write Adam's story, but this is ending we've been given, and I find the serpentine nature of it immensely fascinating.)
Now, moving into majors I actively enjoy, say, reading or writing in. This is not a diss on any other assigned major - I can be persuaded to enjoy Adam in nearly any major or career, especially if it's written out well. That's part of the problem, is my opinion. I'm going to be kind of mean to Adam here, so let me start on a positive note: Adam is very academically inclined. Not even as a form of survival, he's just... a smart kid. He enjoys picking the world apart and analyzing what surrounds him. He's got the work ethic for traditional education, he's polite and listens to authority, he's inquisitive and skilled in academia. Whether he likes it, who's to say? There's little he indicates in regards to pleasure gained in academics. I'm actually of the mind he likes school because it is 1. A key to success and 2. He is good at it, and Adam likes being good at things. I fully believe he'd do well in nearly any academic path he picked, because Adam doesn't necessarily need joy to succeed academically. Just the drive to prevail and endure. So, taking this in mind, I think half the problem is Adam not really... enjoying any of these fields, just being good at it and seeing success at the end of the tunnel. The other half is his fucking identity crisis. What does he want? Who does he want to become? Those things directly conflict and make it truly difficult to find a major he'd want to pursue. He's being tugged in so many directions. Hence, while I think Adam would go to college as a means to an end, I've never actually seen Adam as someone who enjoys the actual act of school and academia. (I do think he enjoys perceiving and questioning and investigating the world, prying and analyzing. He enjoys problem solving. I digress. That wasn't the question.)
My Adam Parrish college major headcanons, my personal view, breaks down into: what I think he studied, what actually makes sense in the context of his character and his qualities, and my self-indulgent “omg i wish he studied it he'd love it.” I've already talked about what I think actually went down. I think he bounced through majors. Specifically, psych and sociology and law, maybe two or three more. But maybe more on my other opinions:
So, for an Adam Parrish major, I think there's some criteria that must be met:
1. Something in STEM. Adam is, at his core, very tactile and factual. He's not just the “science guy” for a joke. He's literally hardwired to perceive the world with the scientific method. I can't see him not studying a science pathway.
2. Monetary success. I don't even care if this seems reductive for character development, I actively think Adam would sit down, chart all career options, and choose the ones with the most profit. He'd balance passion and interest with a lucrative career. Whatever job he gets has to pay well.
3. Something that makes a good impression. I think Adam cares about what people think of him. I think he wants a diploma that brings a swell of pride in him. Something people find impressive, because it proves he is impressive. Rags to riches when it's done. For all his work after TRK, he still cares deeply what others see him as.
4. Something challenging. Adam canonically needs to be mentally occupied. It serves as a distraction. It keeps him sane. I don't think he's enjoy or want to pursue anything that isn't at least a LITTLE academically stimulating.
5. Something that lets him help people. This is largely a TRK headcanon, where he mentions as he leaves the trailer for the last time, that he wants to help all the Adams he knows are stuck there. I love this, actually. I genuinely adore this idea. Adam is good with kids. He cares about helping people, wants to become the person he needed the most when he was a kid. I adore this idea. I think this is a criteria that he keeps close to his chest, and it doesn't always have to be met for a great story. (I actually find the idea of Adam sacrificing this desire in favour of success wonderful ground for character study.) But at my very core, I love Adam pursuing a degree that opens doors to help people. However that looks.
Now, I can gush about majors I'd actually give Adam. In a lot of fic I write or miscellaneous commentary, I reference Adam being a psych major. I love love love Adam being a psych major. I have no clue what the fandom consensus is, but this is genuinely so fitting for his character. Not even narratively. Like, as a person, Adam being a psych major makes sense. Specifically, Adam being a psych dropout makes sense. (I do not think he gets a psych degree. I think he switches majors. Allow me to explain.)
I used to loath psych major Adam. I hated it. And then, I sat down and thought about the implications of psych major Adam. Adam, who picks the world and the people around him apart. Who operates as a fly on the wall, psychoanalyzes and makes assumptions based on human behavior, who's learned to read body language and intent. Who hones in on microscopic self expression, who builds assumptions and makes rash judgements based in behavior alone. Who sits and builds hypothesis on behavior based on empirical evidence. Introspective, analytical Adam Parrish who spends half the fucking series psychoanalyzing his friends and strangers in grocery stores and himself.
Adam spends so much time picking his own self apart, trying to understand who he is. And I find that, on a more sentimental level, pursuing psych gives him clinical distance to pick himself apart? There's a way to understand who he is and what that means about his role in humanity as a whole. The phrasing of that statement in the cut Adam chapter, set at Harvard, specifically speaks on studying humanity. I find that fascinating? I love that he seeks to comprehend human nature, and I think a part of him wants to apply that inward and figure out who he is. For a character who isn't entirely sure who he is or what he wants, a major pursuing that knowledge has to be crack. And it's why I think he'd drop it.
I don't know if this is common sentiment, but I've always heard two jokes about psych majors: they trauma dump like no one's business, and they'll always always change majors. I think Adam, first of all, fucking hates other psych majors. Specifically because I think Adam, who I adore (really need to stress this), kind of struggles to comprehend other people could suffer too? It's a point of contention in the base series that Adam sort of builds this monopoly on suffering, that he alone is the sole bearer of burden. It makes him clash with Ronan, with Blue, with Gansey. No one has suffered as much as Adam has. And that is said with love and understanding that Adam's childhood fucking sucked. That he has every right to acknowledge how difficult his life has been. But oftentimes, his self esteem and his mental health make him incredibly self absorbed and prone to dismissing other suffering as lesser or insignificant. No one is worse than Adam Parrish, no one has suffered more. (And if that sounds harsh, please reread the cut chapter. His perspective on Ronan in TRB. On Gansey. His actual textual arguments with Blue and Ronan when they call him out on this. I adore him, I do this too, that belief that I alone have suffered and no one else had. It took years of therapy to deprogram. It's not a moral statement on my end, it is something I find unfortunately relatable about Adam and something I appreciate has been stressed in his characterization.) This is to say I think he'd be fucking annoyed with psych majors psychoanalyzing each other. There's going to be an element of, "you don't know what it is to suffer." and rolling his eyes at other kids. I reiterate: Adam would hate other psych majors. (Which has great comedic potential, btw.)
I also believe, for all that pursuing psych might help him achieve some theoretical enlightenment, it'd also make him immensely uncomfortable. Strip him bare and force him to confront his demons. I don't see Adam “emotional repression” Parrish being willing to sit in his own human complexity. I think he likes the idea of knowing himself, but there’s a vulnerability in self analysis that Adam does not sit well in. Love him, tho. You go king.
My other reason revolves around him canonically enjoying debate on the human perception and experience. His conversation with Aurora, the way he experiences with love, revolves around discussing if two people perceive colour the same way. Which leads me to believe if Adam actually sat with psychology past the first two semesters, he'd love the theology and concepts of psychological study. Diving into the human brain, with a scalpel and vigour, appeals to Adam as a way to understand the world. The more I discuss it, the more I convince myself I adore psych student Adam who realizes he maybe hates other psych students and can't handle the reflection staring from his textbook. Adam, love, go to therapy. He would hate therapy.
But in my heart of hearts, he doesn't stick with it. For aforementioned reasons. I just think it feels too real. But god, in some universe Adam Parrish went into juvenile psychology.
My more self indulgent Adam major is another one I kind of fucking hated at first, before I came around. I love engineer major Adam. I do. I really really do. Specifically, mechanical, civil, environmental, or architectural engineering. First of all, applies for the same reasons I like him in a psych major - solving the world by picking it apart. But it takes a step back, sticks with those laws of nature upon which Adam so desperately clings. Math, science, physics. Tangible, real, results. Results you can calculate. Minimal human variability. Factors you can always account for. There's a way to change the world and comprehend it in a way that doesn't demolish his reality (he struggles with things that break his perception of the world, specifically magic). And this ties into another element of Adam I like: the joining of two impossibilities. I adore Adam restructuring cities, buildings, landscapes to accommodate ley lines. It's why I pick those specific engineering disciplines. It combines this scientific side of Adam Parrish, his comprehension of the world, with the magic that has informed his existence. He can pursue his goals, protect the ley lines, and make some good fucking money doing it. I will always always always adore engineering Adam. This is my actual answer. Engineer major Adam. Who started as a psych major and realized there is nothing wrong with the title of engineer, that not being a lawyer or a doctor or some revolutionary public figure does not mean failure - it is uniquely his. He didn't take engineering from anyone. It's a pursuit all his own, that weaves together the numerous contradictions of Adam Parrish.
(Architectural Engineer Adam is one I adore because it is 1. super self indulgent and I know this and own up to it, and 2. Every fucking architect I know is some weird ass cryptid control freak who goes on and on about making a lasting imprint on the world because of fucking course. Detail oriented freaks who never drink water and stay hunched over our damn fucking computer that keeps crashing while we enable our CAD software fuck you computer i have arthritis-) But tbh, I veer into Environmental or Civil engineering with a special soft spot for Architectural Engineer Adam I don't think is canon but I will never let that idea go and I will push that agenda. However, realistically, Environmental or Civil Engineering.
(I do enjoy all other Adam variants. The thematic power of Law student Adam, I think premed Adam is hot, I love love me a forensics or criminal justice Adam. I am so pro Adam being written into any major. This is just my approach to writing Adam in college.)
Thank you for attending my TED talk. As you can see, I think about this a LOT. Like, way way too much. I think about the Gangsey in college so fucking much. And Adam's journey through college is, really, a way to navigate his character arc. Imo. Hope you enjoy this.
I want to breakdown that Kevin & Jeremy scene in TGR where they chat about Jean and the Nest. Particularly there are aspects of the convo that have been taken out of context / misread and I think play a huge disservice to the nuance the scene holds.
Preamble: Jeremy, Kevin, and Jean are my favorite characters in the series. I am their unpaid lawyer and I think they're all doing their best in the face of the Mafia Cult. They are both protecting Jean the best they can and this is the heart of what the "fight" is about.
Undercut for everyone's sake.
Jeremy tries to break the ice between them bringing up how much he would have loved playing with Kevin. Kevin barely engages bringing up that he would be nothing without Evermore. He may idolize the Trojans but he, Kevin, had to be a Raven.
But Jeremy is very direct with Kevin saying the truth out loud. "Your hand is broken because of Edgar Allan." There is no double speak, no innuendo, or implication. Keep in mind through all of Neil's trilogy the most we hear Kevin talk about his "accident" is the "Never been skiing" line. Something Jeremy directly points out in his later narration.
So we have the tone: Kevin is Nest born and made and Jeremy is not afraid to say the scary things out loud. This will go well.
Needle drop: Did you know about Grayson?
Again, Jeremy is not censoring himself or couching this conversation. It is straight forward and honest and of course it is. It should be! Jean has had his abuse hidden for years and deserves someone who can voice it directly. Ironically, this is exactly why Kevin sent him to California in the first place. Their kindness matters indeed.
"All Ravens know a variation of the story" is one hell of a way to phrase it. Not, "I knew-", not "Jean told me-". It's almost passive and offers nothing personal about his own feelings or views on Jean's assault. It is uncomfortably neutral for what they're bumping against. It makes me wonder if he is feeling out how much Jeremy knows before getting into anything.
Jeremy then follows up asking if Kevin was assaulted and Kevin gives the Raven answer:
"They had no reason."
Jeremy reacts as anyone should hearing such a thing but Kevin keeps on because Jeremy needs to understand how The Nest and its "punishments" work. It's how the Ravens view it. It is how Jean, who still views himself as a Raven, still does. If they're going to talk about this then Kevin needs to get this central lesson and language out of the way: 'The Nest's abuse was purposeful and was in-built to make us think we deserved it.'
This was not a random act of violence but calculated abuse to break Jean.
This is the heart of this discussion: Kevin is trying to give Jeremy the language of the Nest and Jeremy is in real time having all the horrific things about the Nest be confirmed.
Jeremy moves on asking why Kevin didn't defend Jean earlier in the summer. The conversation is now shifting away from the nebulous Nest to Kevin himself.
This is a very fair question considering Kevin's pull as Exy's biggest name.
Kevin has also been supportive of Jeremy in the past which, with the context of Jeremy's freshman year, shows he isn't unwilling to put his neck out for someone. Just not Jean!
Which is baffling for Jeremy because...its Jean! His ex team-mate! The person he pulled every favor to get out of Palmetto to California and has been hand holding Jeremy through the transition process about.
If he was willing to support Jeremy publicly, why not Jean?
Because it would mean Jean would have to say something to defend the Ravens. He would never choose himself over them. These are the people who legally owned him and, to Jean, still owe him even if the leash changed hands.
Particularly the line: "He will always betray himself first." is so damning.
Jean was raised in a pit ripped away from his home and tortured daily by his teammates. He learned how to fawn, how to give up to survive, and only lived because he made Kevin a promise. When they assaulted him, he was made to say he wanted it. When they called him a whore, weak boned, etc he nodded along to their projected truths and labels.
Kevin will not sit there and make Jean say he wanted it or he liked it, not again. He will not make him publicly defend his abusers when having to do it to the Raven locker room alone nearly killed him. What would national attention do?
He cannot think of anything more cruel to Jean than outing his assault in the Nest, making him defend the ones who did it, and having countless people know what happened.
And keep in mind this is all happening in the wake of Aaron's trial where Kevin just saw the very same thing happen to his own Partner.
With this, it clicks together for Jeremy. This is a major step in his own arc of understanding how truly awful things were in The Nest. This is not a fault of Jeremy's but a reminder of how EXTREME Edgar Allan is.
Jeremy cares for Jean and frankly is getting a crash course into "deprogramming your cult victim 101" with almost no warning. Everything about The Nest was schlock rumors on message boards to jealous teams ruining their image. Sure, they suck to play against but every team gets carded. But this? THIS! It feels like glimpsing a whole other world.
And this is barely scratching the surface of how awful Jean had it.
And Jeremy can't accept it!
There has to be other Ravens who would side with him. Who will rally around Jean and support him if he went public. Jeremy's whole life is his team. They are the reason he's still alive and his own found family is made up of his teammates. There HAS to be another Raven who would side with him.
And what does Kevin say?
"You don't even know what his truth is."
There is so much Jeremy still doesn't know and it is not Kevin's to share. The Moriyamas trafficking Jean, the deal that gave him his semi-freedom, the state of Exy itself, Riko, and more we as readers don't even know about. To Kevin, this discussions is just the tip of the iceberg.
And as a show of it, Kevin digs himself in even deeper bringing up the age of consent to press how fucked it all is. The Ravens would use this loophole against Jean and use it to damn him. There is no case unless Jean puts himself out there and it will be their word against his own.
And Jeremy walks away. He can't stomach how legitimately awful all of this is. That his friend can't get justice for the horrific things he went through VOICED by someone he saw as a mutual friend! Someone he respects!
We also so rarely see Jeremy angry and he is furious in this scene.
But Jeremy doesn't want Jean's secrets. And Kevin doesn't want to give them away. Because this whole "fight" is about two people who desperately want to protect Jean and are using the language and tools they have to do so. Who both know he has had such little say in his life that taking away his choice in telling Jeremy just feels cruel.
And Kevin again affirms that the last thing Jean has for himself is the right to say nothing. Let the rumors exhaust themselves and live as he has been for the past few months. He knows this isn't fair but worse would be Jean having to play jester to the Perfect Court, making a mockery of himself for the Raven's sake.
Jean has never been allowed peace. He has never been allowed a choice in his image, in his wants, in his life. Jean just told Kevin he has a hobby in cooking. He has likes! And friends! Real ones! And they seem to love him too.
This is more than he has ever had and Kevin is not about to ruin this for some justice that he knows deep down would never come. Not with the police in the Moriyama's pockets or the Ravens ready to ruin him in anyway they can.
But Jeremy tries one last time: What about you? Don't you want peace?
But Kevin shuts it down. He turns it on Jeremy who vetoes the conversation before it can even begin. They're using each other's avoidant tendencies against each other and they stall out.
But the scene ends on a positive note. Jeremy affirms the still sees Kevin as a friend. That he understands what Kevin is trying to do for Jean even if Kevin cannot admit it yet due to his own guilt / complicated feelings irt Jean and his abuse.
And Jeremy ends it...we don't know. He skims over his own feelings on the fight and Jean and The Nest focusing on the safety Jean has now in their home. Oh Jeremy Knox the narrator you are.
In summary:
Jeremy wants better for Jean. He wants justice for Jean. He wants to give Jean everything he was denied for so long. Jeremy is not wrong.
Kevin wants better for Jean. He wants peace for Jean. He wants Jean to have everything he was denied for so long. Kevin is not wrong.
I do think Dan is allowed to have complicated feelings re Kevin & Wymack, I just hate that it is all on Wymack's behalf versus (imo her actual fear) of being abandoned by someone she sees as a father.
I also wish we got that scene between her and Kevin and I wish we saw more of their relationship in general. Dan wears a #01, she's Kevin's captain, they were friends in the drafts! It would make that moment feel so much impactful and personal beyond Dan protecting Wymack and feel less out of left field reaction wise.
It really sucks that there's so much tension between Jeremy fans and Kevin fans when I think they have some really neat parallels as characters and foils for what "Jean needs" in his recovery. I also love Jeremy and Kevin's friendship and the way they genuinely do like and respect each other.
Angelica Laslo, Jeremy's Nan, is mentioned only a few times in canon but boy do they linger.
What do you mean the only other name that haunts Jeremy's narrative besides Noah is his grandmother? What do you mean that one of the few pieces of himself he left at Laila's was her movies? That after the fire he tried to pry open her DVD cases to see if any of them survived? That he admits they're easy to replace but that isn't the point? That part of his breakdown that led to him using was her death?
Did she wrap Jeremy in her ostrich feathers and sing him old show tunes as a kid? Was she the only person in his family who ever accepted him all based in winks and nudges? Did she ever go to his games? Was her death sudden or slow from old age? Did he show Cat and Laila those films and it felt like showing them a piece of his heart?
I really waffle on the Why of Kevin’s reaction to Andrew going to Easthaven because even in the novel everyone is like??? You wanted him clean the most and like, sure, it could be a moment of Kevin’s fear eclipsing everything (knowing at least part of it is Riko wanting to isolate Kevin at Palmetto) but I could also see him being scared Drake was only half of Riko’s plan to hurt Andrew.
I also have very mixed feeling on how Easthaven is handled and how little time on the page Andrew gets for being traumatized AGAIN right after Thanksgiving.
And then like within weeks of being released his car, his safety net, is completely destroyed.
things that haunt Jeremy's narrative yet never he never speaks directly to the reader about:
His grandmother (Her DVDs, her death his senior year being one of the listed reasons for why he started using, him taking all theater classes as electives before pottery with Jean)
Mourning Barkbark
His actual feelings about being a lawyer
His actual feelings about Exy
His actual feelings about his ability to go pro
His actual feelings on what happens to him after graduation
Noah.
JOSHUA
Jeremy only "remembering" being choked hard enough to leave bruises once Laila points them out...and in his own narration blames himself for it.
