i wasn’t going to write something because ik people already have/are going to keep phenomenally analyzing imogen in the last episode so i didn’t feel the need to but it’s been three days and i still keep thinking about it so fuck it—
the way imogen has been so, so painfully human through the aftermath of her falling out with laudna is just. it’s absolutely delicious and everything i could’ve wanted. and her outburst with orym was so illuminating because you could just tell it was the tip of the iceberg and yet so much leaked out (and isn’t it so fitting that her outburst was silent? that she ranted and raved some of what she’d been keeping buried but it was in the safety of her mind and the mind of a willing friend? that she wouldn’t have even said any of it if orym hadn’t asked?)
she recognizes that she’s being petty and unfair to laudna. she can tell that the rock was probably unhealthy or even dangerous for her (and she possibly remembers laudna insisting it wasn’t her who broke it in the first place, that it was that demon in her head, but that’s too much to handle because then imogen’s been icing out her wonderful wonderful friend for nothing), but then again, the fact of the matter is that laudna did break her trust, and shouldn’t imogen be allowed to feel that hurt? laudna was the one person imogen could count on after years of betrayal from the thoughts in people’s heads, and now she doesn’t know if that can be true anymore
besides, it’s the practical thing to keep quiet and withdraw; she knows herself well enough to know she can’t deal with it right now so she shoves it down (there’s so much going on, they’re on a job, they’re in another city and it takes so much energy just to keep the voices at bay, and even her stupid magic is out of control and she’s bald and tired and terrified of sleep, and that safety net of the rock, toxic though it might’ve been, is still gone)
but she also can’t completely compartmentalize her emotions because fuck, she can’t help but care so deeply, and dusk is here, and they’re sweet and friendly and fun and it’s not their fault but also they keep shoving the fact that laudna’s doing just fine without imogen in her face and she’s trying to keep it together, damn it (does she want laudna to hurt too, or is she just lonely? is that so horrible, that she misses the comfort of her closest friend? but then again, it was her own doing that there’s a barrier up in the first place, and maybe she should bring it down and admit to laudna that she was right anyway, but she can’t)
and she’s smart, she knows people, she knows that jealousy is an ugly, useless thing, and she’s a little embarrassed about it, but she’s still brimming with it and brimming with hurt and it all feels so big but also laudna’s smiling in the daylight and maybe it wasn’t that big a deal after all and maybe she’s overreacting and maybe that’s somehow worse
