#c4-r0l

[trooperst-3v3]

Phasma, Mitaka, and I are planning on starting a big band with the officers. She will be the singer, Mitaka will play the piano, and I of course, will play lead saxophone. So far, I am searching for four other saxes, four trumpets, four trombones, and the rest of the rhythm section- bass, guitar, and drums. Please let anyone know if they are interested.

-Hux

I'm gonna need you to be more specific.

When you say "I am searching for more saxes..." etc., are you, like, asking me to to bring a squad of stormtroopers to a nice music store and confiscate the good instruments? Or do you just wanna know that I heard C4-R0L in IT used to play bass for a punk band on her off days?

[trooperst-3v3]

For anyone wondering why I might go out of my way to bother C4-R0L when I like her so much: sometimes, we just need to amuse ourselves. And believe me, that woman can give as good as she gets.

After the Wi-Fi was back up yesterday, I headed back to my quarters. In that short time, she’d already programmed my shop doors to refuse to open unless I answered a riddle.

I stood there for ages like a Hufflepuff trying to get into the Ravenclaw common room, until BR-4DLY passed by, heard the door screaming “WHAT HAS A HEAD AND A TAIL, BUT NO LEGS?” at my sobbing form, and finally said, “Emperor’s Ghost, ST-3V3, it’s a fucking coin.”

He thinks he’s SO smart.

I hate him so much.

[trooperst-3v3]

How to annoy C4-R0L in IT:

Stand next to her while repairing a broken router so she can get the ship’s Wi-Fi running again, but refer to it as “Wience Fiction” the whole time.

I was hit in the face with a stapler today, yet I have no regrets.

[trooperst-3v3]

Productive morning meeting today.

C4-R0L announced she had fixed our problems with laggy Internet.

It seems General Hux had grown tired of typing the 27-character Wi-Fi password into his datapad every time he came on board, so he changed it to...”Password.” Naturally, literally everyone in the vicinity immediately guessed what it was.

Anyway, C4-R0L changed it back to something much more secure. Our Internet runs waaaaaaaay faster now without half the galaxy leeching our Wi-Fi.

[trooperst-3v3]

Why does everyone want my droids?! Emperor’s ghost, people, get your own!

General Hux heard about C4-R0L and asked to borrow K8-T3 for Halloween, but I told him I wasn’t lending out all of my babies to be costume accessories.

“It’s not for a costume,” he said. “I just want her to stand at the entrance to my quarters and punch anyone who thinks it’s cute to try trick-or-treating at my door.”

Ugh. Very funny.

I tried to tell him, “No,” but Katie overheard and got really excited, and I didn’t have the heart to crush her dreams.

Sigh. At least I still have my Gary.

[trooperst-3v3]

C4-R0L from IT asked to borrow my droideka for Halloween. Said she was going as Indiana Jones and it would make a cool accessory.

I was all, “Um, what?”

She was like, “When he’s all rolled up into a ball, he can be the boulder that chases me through the halls!”

“Yeah, okay. Well played. He’s all yours. Just have him back by midnight and remember to oil his joints if he starts getting creaky. He’s an old man and needs extra love.”

[trooperst-3v3]

I can type. I wouldn't chew anything important. ~lizard monkey

Just because someone can type does not mean they don’t chew on things they shouldn’t.

I can type like a champ, but there’s a reason C4-R0L doesn’t let me borrow her ink pens anymore.

[trooperst-3v3]

Had a weird one today. Mitaka says he gets really nervous when he has to do those meetings where it’s just him standing in a room with a bunch of holograms. He’s not into public speaking to begin with, and trying to communicate with what looks like a room full of angry blue ghosts just makes it worse, so C4-R0L and I teamed up to help him out. ‘Cause we’re nice like that. We made a neat little program for the holoprojector that, when turned on, displays all holograms in goofy underclothes. He loved it. Said it made him feel ten times more confident. Apparently, it’s way easier to give a speech to angry blue ghosts when they’re wearing kitten-themed boxer shorts. He gave us both extra dessert rations in the mess hall. Nice.

I just hope he remembers to turn it off before Hux or whoever has to make a call.