#cabbage muttering

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Tadaaa! Finally out of backstitch hell.

Total time 9 months

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I’ve been poking through different religions and their approach to being queer, and boy pagan and witchy paths seem to have a really hard time divorcing themselves from the gender binary. Even if the individual group of practitioners has worked on including trans people and enbies, there’s still a default that energy is masculine or feminine. There’s only two options, and sure you can mix them if you’re genderfluid or nonbinary (for what is an enby to these books but a mix of the binary) but you can’t actually have a third option. Oh no, masculine and feminine are concepts and they’re definitely divorced from your personal gender, but the spiritual world is based on a binary.

If one more book or blogger suggests embracing gendered things to ‘heal your relationship with the Divine Feminine/Masculine’ because you’re uncomfortable, I’m going to claw my own skin off.

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Ages ago my uncle gifted me a large box of thrillers so I could study the pacing from an editor pov, and because I’m currently in medical limbo (can’t quite work, can definitely think) I’ve decided to try and crunch my way through them (and the rest of my tbr pile). This is going to be Suffering™️. This is a bunch of white men writing 10-30 years back who like cops being able to shoot people. If I find one writer who is normal about PoC or women I’ll be shocked.

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Why does the backstitch part of a cross stitch take so long :( my estimate of three weeks wasn’t supposed to be optimistic :(:(:(:(

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Now that I have finished my accounting certificate, my adhd has decided I can start languages mode again. And because the adhd is driving, that means the insane part of me is cackling madly and piling languages into the shopping cart while I sob helplessly about sustainability (and my other hobbies, which the adhd has also shoved into the cart).

I spent a year at the end of uni doing three foreign languages simultaneously and it was hell. I remember being a living pile of porridge lurching from class to class, mixing vocab and grammar between all available languages. The adhd shopping cart has seven languages in it and I can’t get the adhd to put any of them back, because I have reasons for all of them. The adhd is trying to argue for another four.

I am being held hostage by my own brain. And on the one hand I’m grateful that my health is good enough currently for this to be a problem. On the other hand. I’m supposed to be job hunting.

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Morbidly curious if people think of me as a random objects blog who occasionally has suddenly strong opinions at 4 am, or if there’s anyone who followed me for a post I made and has just accepted I’m in magpie mode 90% of the time.

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They've run me through nearly every ADHD med in the book, and it's been deeply frustrating for me because I usually can't tell that I'm even on a medication. And then I realized that in the last week I've:

Done my homework in a reasonable time instead of at the last minute

Broke out my sketchbook twice, spontaneously

Got through a chapter of a book that's been painfully slow. Like, one paragraph at a time before putting the book down slow.

The laundry has mysteriously been put away.

It would have been nice if the explanation of "when are meds working" was "things will just get done when they weren't before". Criteria are useful! Give them to me! This has been a horribly run science experiment!

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Listening to my business management teacher talk, I understand everyone who runs con games on corporate types

These guys treat anything like it’s scripture and wisdom from on high, and they’re so tuned to buzzwords you could just word salad at them and get everyone to agree with you

It would be so easy to sell them something fake. You just gotta make it shiny

(This man is, in other words, a fool)