Discover Top Posts Tagged with #caed nua

Jul 8, 2020

Atonement

Edér and the Watcher have a long needed talk after the events at Cayron's Scar. When the Watcher shares her history, she gives Edér a few things to think on, and maybe even a spark of hope.

Read here or on Ao3

Have fun! Comments always welcome! :)

It was dark and well after dusk already. The nights around this time of year were cool, but not unbearable, so Edér didn't bother with finding his cloak first. He wished the others a good night and stepped out of Brighthollow. He stopped for moment, breathing in the crisp air and looking over the keep. It’d come along nicely since the day when they’d first come here. The houses in the courtyard were no longer ruins, but functioning buildings, housing the people that’d come to the reborn keep. It was beautiful, at least for his simple tastes. Though he could probably do without the creepy adra fingers around the chapel. Really, he kept waiting for that thing to just close it's hand and crush the little thing with everyone in it.

He sighed once and made his way to the chapel. He was in no hurry; he knew she’d be there. She always was, when they were in Caed Nua. Sleeping at the foot of the Eothas statue she had so lovingly repaired and dedicated herself. It seemed to be the only place she could sleep peacefully these days, no matter how uncomfortable that stone had to be.

He stopped in front of the chapel again and let the sight sink in. No matter how often he came here, it still made him a little unsettled. He’d told the Watcher that he’d remained steadfast in his beliefs and that was true, but still doubt gnawed at him. That he’d been wrong and Woden right, as always. And so the burning candles here and in the temple back in Gilded Vale both relieved and scared him.

He slowly drew in a breath, held it and released it again. Then he drew his hand through his blonde hair, just like his mother had always told him not to. He was here for a reason. It wasn't technically his turn, but everyone else had already been half dead on their feet, so he’d offered. Not that anyone was still keeping track anymore. Someone was always there to do it. To carry her back and put her to bed. In the beginning they’d tried to convince her to stay in the first place, but seeing as how that way nobody got any rest with her screaming and sobbing all night, they soon stopped trying. To prevent her waking up with a stiff neck every day, they always came to carry her back, once she was asleep. Well, it was mostly Edér and Kana and now Maneha as well. Pallegina had refused to enter the chapel and no one thought it worth arguing over. Aloth had tried taking her back once, but only succeeded in giving her a very rude awakening on the hard ground and breaking his own nose in the fall. He’d agreed that perhaps practicing a few calming spells might be the better option for him. Zahua had offered recently, but as much as Edér liked the guy, he did not trust him with the sleeping Watcher.

He stepped forward and pushed the door open. The warm light of candles spilled out the door, lighting up the night and giving a clear view of the inside. She was here, but not asleep and curled around the statue's feet as he’d expected. Instead she knelt in front of it in prayer. She looked up shortly when she heard him come in and then went back to praying. He remained standing in the door and felt awkward. Should he wait? She didn't seem like she was going to fall asleep soon and watching her just felt wrong. He felt like he was intruding on something private and personal.

He turned around and was about to leave, maybe come back a bit later, when she spoke. Much more softly than he was used to from her.

“Stay, please.” He hesitated a second, then stepped in and closed the door behind him. He knelt down next to her keeping as quite as possible. The church of Eothas had always been more forgiving in that area than he’d heard from others, but his mother had made very sure that he knew how rude it was to interrupt someone's prayer. He briefly thought about joining her in prayer for a bit, but decided against it. If Eothas really was still listening, she deserved his whole attention. Gods knew she needed it. Or maybe they didn't and wasn't that the issue?

“Thank you.” For a second he wondered if he’d imagined it. She hadn't moved, her robe was still bunched around her knees the same way and her priest's cloak was still gently falling over her shoulders like before.

“Well, if a priest tells you to stay in church, you better do,” he answered with a slight grin.

“You know that's not what I meant.” She still didn't move, so he turned back to the statue and let the smile slip. Did he know? Sure, there’d been plenty occasions where he'd helped her out, but that was the point of traveling in a group. They’d never felt the need to exchange words of gratitude before and he really couldn't think of anything recently that would change that. She seemed to sense his confusion or at least grew tired of the silence, because after a while she continued and he turned his head to her again.

“For everything. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn't for you. And all I've done in return is put you and everyone else in danger. You have no reason to follow me, no duty to uphold. I owe all of you, and you in particular, a great debt.” He sighed long and hard. The war had taught him many things. Mostly that life was too short to drown in misery, so he did his best to just take things as they came. But sometimes it became a bit much. Especially when it concerned her. In the last few months Edér had grown rather protective of her. Though she was certainly capable enough on her own, he couldn’t help himself. With her certainty and confident faith, she reminded him of Woden. And so, he never liked it when she got like that. He much preferred her conviction fuelled rants and childlike delight to her gloomy moments. They’d been getting more frequent lately, which was understandable but still emotionally exhausting. He turned around and sat down with his back against the statue's pedestal. Maybe it wasn't Eothas' attention she needed right now.

“Is this about the abbey?” It had to be. He was far more bothered about what had happened in the crater, but he knew, that had hardly been a question for her. They would have to talk about her lack of self-preservation at some point, but this wasn't that point.

She put her hands into her lap and lowered her eyes. He could see her swallow hard and start rubbing her fingernails against each other, a gesture he’d learnt to identify as a nervous habit. He sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot today, but after the last few days he could forgive himself for that.

She opened her mouth only to close it again and chew on her lip. It took her a few tries to shape her thoughts into words and he waited patiently.

“I drowned them. They asked me to let them go, and I drowned them. All because of a sense of duty to a goddess that isn't even mine.”

“One of them asked you, the others were already so far gone they jumped us every chance they got. And even that guy was rambling to his dead wife before he managed to scratch together his last bits of brains. Releasing them wouldn't have helped them.” The floor was getting more uncomfortable. Or maybe it was just the topic. “Remember that guy I told you about? The one with the roasted chickens? In one of his fits he bit a child’s fingers off. The night after he bashed his own head in. You really think that’d have been better?”

A light rattling could be heard. The sunstones of her prayer beads were clanking together, she was shaking so hard. He leaned forward and gently put his hands over her's. The rattle stopped.

“They chose to serve their goddess, and in return I drowned them.” He gripped her hands a little tighter with one hand and used the other to carefully lift her face, firmly looking her in the eyes.

“They chose their fate. It was cruel and they didn't deserve it, but it wasn't your fault. You let them fulfil their duty and gave them a new chance on the wheel. They would’ve drowned with or without you, but at least now they were the last ones, right?” He smiled and did his best to put the same warmth into it he remembered from the temple back home. From before the purges.

It seemed to work at least a little, since he could feel her hands relax just a little and saw her shoulders sag. Her lips twitched a little upwards and suddenly he became aware of his own tension leaving him. He squeezed her hands again before letting go, leaning back and stretching a bit.

With some shuffling she got off her knees and sat down properly as well. She was still chewing on her lip and started fiddling with the prayer beads.

Now that he wasn’t busy with a distraught friend anymore, he noticed how dark it actually was. The stained-glass windows never let much light pass through, even less at night, so the only source of lighting were the numerous candles that never seemed to go out or burn down. He'd always liked those. Still, the chapel was very different from the temple, a lot smaller for one. It probably hadn’t always been dedicated to Eothas, but time had erased all evidence of what else it could’ve been. The temple had also been more open, though not quite as open as it was now. Still had a ceiling.

“...I was apprenticed to an Ondra priestess once, you know?” she mentioned suddenly, in a tone so casual she could’ve been talking about the weather. Well that was... huh. He was so shocked, he forgot to be uncomfortable for a second.

“I never... I never thought you'd be...” He really didn't know how to react to that. “Is Ondra like, different in Aedyr?” he settled on asking. She smiled wider and wasn't that worth the cold ass and stuttering?

“Not really no. And I'm not, that's why I didn't stay, really it was just for a few weeks. The idea of just forgetting your issues didn't seem right to me in the end. Lord knows, I would have had enough of them. But the nuns of the convent raised me too well for that.” Her smile became sad again.

“Frankly, you lost me at 'apprentice’.” He really should've taken the coat, then he'd at least have something to sit on, because he had a hunch that this was going to take a while.

She sighed deeply. “It's a rather long story, really.”

“I’m not going anywhere for a while.” He'd come to give her some peace and if he had to sit on a cold stone floor for a while, he would without complaint.

She remained silent for a while and Edér sat and waited unmoving and patient. He might’ve seemed like dim-witted country bumpkin to some, that didn’t mean he couldn’t be thoughtful when he chose to be. When she started talking it was first haltingly, becoming more and more fluent the longer she talked, as if a dam had finally broken after years.

“I grew up in the city of Mithlon. It's the religious centre of the Aedyran Empire. Almost all big religions have their headquarters there. My parents worked as secretaries in some temple or other, I don't remember. The thing is, I had... issues as a child. I was... violent. Angry all the time. I don't know why, I just was. That didn't exactly endear me to my parents. And then came the point when I completely lost their love. I pushed my sister out the first story window of our house. For no real reason, I just wanted to hurt her. My parents grabbed her and ran with her to the nearest healer. When they came back, they packed a few of my clothes in a bag, brought me to the Eothas temple and left me there. They said only the god of redemption could help me now. I never saw them again. I don’t even know if she lived.” She fell silent after that. He desperately tried to think of something to say, to end the painfully heavy silence.

“Well, I'd say he did help you,” He said with a rather awkward smile. No matter how hard he tried to reconcile the picture of a raging and violent child with the compassionate and faithful young woman in front of him, he just couldn't imagine it. Sure, she had bad days like everyone else, but even at her angriest, she always did her best to settle things the non-violent way.

“There was a time when I didn't think so,” she continued, while looking up to the statue and moving her fist in the eothasian prayer sign. Three spots, for Eothas’ three main incarnations. The heart for Eothas' compassion, the shoulder for Gaun’s tools and actions and the forehead for the Dawnstars' unity. “I became better with time. I was put into the children's Sanctuary, a place where all children who need it are welcome. It's mostly used by the temple's apprentices and a few orphans. The nuns and monks were patient with me and slowly I got... less angry. But I still didn't feel like I belonged. So when the time came to decide on a future for me, I never even considered just staying and becoming an apprentice myself. Still, the temple life was all I knew, so I looked into different faiths. Magran seemed the obvious choice.” Edér blinked at that, as he had a sudden epiphany. “Is that why you argue with Durance so much?” He furrowed his brows and made a face. “You know, aside from the obvious reasons.”

She smiled a little. “It’s part of it, yes. He isn't entirely wrong about the Aedyran view of Magran, though. I've been with the Magranites only a few months, but they were indeed a bit... strict. A lot more disciplined than I've seen in the Dyrwood. That's partly why I left again. That and the fact that they called every bad thing happening to anyone a test. Just like he does.” She sighed, looking like all energy had left her. A testament to how much the last few days had really taken out of her. Usually she would have started fuming with righteous anger and gone into a long speech about unnecessary violence at even the mention of Durance's practices.

“When I returned to the temple, I was... disappointed. And scared. That they'd send me back there and make me stick with a decision I regretted.” Her next words were laced with a strange melancholy Edér couldn't exactly pinpoint. “I still had a lot to learn back then.”

“Of course they didn't make me go back. I got my old bed back and was asked to take up my old duties, meaning chores mostly and the occasional messenger job. After a few weeks I decided to seek apprenticeship at the Galawain temple. I was accepted, but again, I didn't stay long.” She laughed a bit and tilted her head back to look at the ceiling. Or maybe just not at him. “They were... a tad bit obsessed for my tastes. The hunt this, the hunt that... You'd think the priests of the changeling god would welcome a change in perspective every once in a while. But no, if you can't shoot it while waxing poetically about the importance of strength it isn't interesting for them. So, I left once again. Even more afraid of returning than before. But, again, I was welcomed back with open arms.”

A fond smile found it's way onto her face and Edér couldn't help but return it. He knew the feeling of nervous anticipation and following forgiveness well enough. Oh, how often had he returned home bashful after a prank gone wrong, yet his parents had always made sure he knew he was loved after they’d given him an earful. But her smile soon faded again and the fatigue was back.

“After that, I just wanted away. I felt like a burden. And so, when a giftbearer stopped by the temple on the way to one of their settlements by the coast, I decided to join her. The idea of sacrificing my memories and burdens seemed appealing at the time. I took my still packed bag and left with her in the morning. It was quite a way and all the while I watched her do her duty. I tried to ignore it, to finally stick with my decision, but my doubts grew every day. It wasn't just the bad memories she wanted to take from people, but also the good ones. The last things they had of loved ones. ...The memories of the bad things they had done.” She lowered her head and pressed the bracelet of her prayer beads to her forehead.

“I wanted to forget, but in the end I couldn't go through with it. When we reached the abbey, I thanked her for her teachings and turned around. But I couldn't quite go back either, so I spent days just wandering the coast. That was the first time I was ever really alone. Looking back, staying away from everyone and everything at that time was probably not the smartest decision I ever made. I started obsessing over the idea that I wasn't enough. That what I was trying to do wasn’t enough. That I had to do something more extreme. So, once I got myself properly I worked up, I went and found the nearest Rymrgand temple.”

“Wait, there's a Rymrgand temple in Aedyr? I’m not an expert, but isn't Rymrgand worshipped in the White that Wends?” Focusing in on the neutral information was much better for now. He would have time to have a small mental breakdown over these revelations later.

She furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms with a piece of her usual fervour. “You’re not wrong, but for some reason Rymrgand is like Skaen in that way, if you just look hard enough you can find him anywhere. And that's the thing, I don't understand why! As much as despise Durance's way of thinking, as silly as I think Galawain's hunting shtick is, as harmful as I believe Ondra's suppression tactic is, I understand their believes. I get what they expect from their actions. With Rymrgand there's just no point! The whole faith is based on the inevitability of the all-encompassing end and the virtue of patience and Rymrgand doesn't do jack shit anyway! So they're all wasting their time praying to a god who has no intention of listening or acting either way!” She huffed loudly and threw her hands into the air before settling down again.

Thankful for the return of her fire, Edér decided to keep her going for a bit if helped her emotional state. “But faith is supposed to be selfless. Only praying to a god because you want something is against, well I think pretty much every religion. Except maybe for Skaen, that guy's just weird...”

She took the bait for a religious discussion he was not at all prepared for and started gesticulating wildly, launching into a passionate speech as she always did when someone dared question her faith. “The point isn't how you live your faith, it's why you take it up in the first place. What you work and pray for. What you hope to accomplish with your god’s help. Technically that's different for everyone, but there are constants. All the gods stand for something and for that we rally under their banners. The Ondrites wish for oblivion for the world from it's pain, the Magranites seek to purify and sift out the ones they deem unworthy, the followers of Skaen avenge their own suffering. We Eothasians, we want to bring hope to people and help them find their redemption if they need it. We all want to help, no matter how misguided some are. But Rymrgand doesn't actually do anything! All he stands for is the unescapable death of everything and fair enough if you're looking forward to it, but Rymrgand teaches that everything ends in due time, so you're not even allowed to do anything about it! Rymrgand's faith literally stalls itself. All you can do is sit, pray and die over and over until the end which comes whether you do that or not! And they are entirely aware of that! The high priest of the temple told me immediately after I stumbled in, and he seemed so proud of it too!”

Edér didn't think she'd taken a single breath throughout the speech. With her head almost as red as Durance's she looked much more like her usual righteous self. He hoped that it would be enough to not let her drown in her past again, but thought it better to get it over and done with now, instead of letting it fester another 15 years. Perhaps he wasn't as smart as Aloth or Kana, but nobody could say he hadn't learnt from his own mistakes.

“So, what’d you do then?” The redness receded again, but the energy stayed. She was still more solemn than suited her, but he could see her determination to finish the story and maybe, finally put the past behind her.

“Well for one, I left immediately after the high priest finished his grand introductory speech without so much as a goodbye,” she said and frowned. “Not one of my proudest moments, I admit, but at that point I was so disillusioned and broken, that I couldn't have dealt with more bullshit, without throwing myself off the next cliff. I trudged back home after that. I don't remember much of the journey, but I know that I stumbled back into the convent in the middle of the night and almost hammered Ydona's door in.” She smiled softly staring into the air behind him, with a warmth Edér knew was reserved for very few people. He could claim with no small amount of pride to be one of them, though he was starting to suspect, that her smile for Aloth was still on another level. A matter to meddle with later. And he’d definitely have to, Aloth was more likely to become an animancer than admit his feelings to anyone about anything and the Watcher respected his personal bubble too much to do it herself. Iselmyr would be a helpful accomplice in that endeavour. But later.

For now he had to ask: “Ydona?”

The smile didn't fade, but her eyes focused on him again. “The subprioress of the Abbey of the Dawnstars, where I grew up. She manages the Sanctuary and is for all intents and purposes my mother. She has the patience of a saint and with all the kids she has to keep under control, she needs it too.” She paused and frowned a little. “Actually, with the saints we had recently, maybe that's not the best analogy.” Edér couldn't help but snort at that. “Yeah, I don't know if ‘patient’ is the word I'd use for Waidwen.”

She chuckled before continuing again. “Well, Ydona always had more patience for us than we... than I ever deserved. And I needed it that night more than maybe ever. I must have looked like a Cean Gwla after days of travel, little food and less sleep. When she saw me, she shooed me inside, made me some hot soup and then stuffed me into bed. I spent the whole night and following day alternating between sobbing into her chest and sleeping like the dead. I assume she had someone take over her duties when I was asleep, because she stayed with me the whole time. It took me another night to finally calm down, and then I told her everything. Everything that had piled up over the years. And she just listened.”

She paused and her smile widened suddenly. “A bit like you right now, actually.”

He just smiled back. No words were necessary here.

“Anyway, after I was done crying my soul out, she asked me what I wanted to do now. Truthfully, I had no idea,” she said with a slightly distant tone, like the idea of not knowing one's path was a foreign concept, that needed to be contemplated. Edér was more than a little jealous of that.

“So, I spent the next weeks following her around like a lost puppy. I helped her with her duties and was, essentially, her secretary. Those were some of the most peaceful weeks of my life,” she said with a contented smile. “After a while a letter from the Abydon temple arrived. Ydona had me read it to her. It took me a while to realize, that that was probably no coincidence. Especially considering how suspiciously descriptive the letter was.” She chuckled.

“It made me think, as it was probably meant to, and after giving it some thought, I asked to join Abydon’s clergy. And coincidentally Ydona had something to do at local temple anyway, so she escorted me there. It was only a day’s journey, but I appreciated it. There, master Waylon welcomed us and I was initiated as an apprentice. I spent the next five years in that temple.”

“Was it like the little one they have in the White March now?”, Edér couldn’t help but ask. Abydon was the only other god besides Eothas he’d ever been interested in. Not enough to actually seek him out, especially since he would’ve had to go down to Defiance Bay for that, but the honest simplicity of a hard day’s work had appealed to him nonetheless.

She thought about it and then nodded. “Essentially, yes. Just a lot bigger, with more people. That makes it both more crowded and yet more personal at the same time. Not everyone there is a priest candidate, the majority are normal students. They call the temple the Crucible, because it’s not only used as a temple, but also a place of learning for many different crafts, though blacksmithing is certainly the most popular one. The actual apprentices of Abydon are taught separately, so we got a bit more attention than the average student. I liked it quite a lot actually, master Waylon was a good teacher and a personal friend of Ydona, so he knew of my problems and made sure I acclimated well. It was exhausting, but satisfying. It was the first time in my life I was actually happy.”

“Since you’re wearing Eothas’ colours and not Abydon’s, I’m sensing a ‘but’,” he quipped and leant forward to put his elbow on his knee and placed his chin onto his palm.

She smirked and mirrored his posture. “How well you know me, oh wise man!” They laughed together and she leant back again, reclining onto her hands. “You are of course right. I was happy and maybe I could’ve been content there in time, but I was still missing something. Abydon just wasn’t my calling, though I didn’t quite know what was. I thought about it long and hard, if I learnt anything in my time there, it was patience and persistence. The conclusion I reached was incredibly simple. I wanted to give back what was given to me. I wanted... want to help people find redemption and hope, like I’ve been helped. No matter how many tries it took me and no matter how often I failed, I always had a home and family to return to and I was forgiven, even if I didn’t always realize it. The priesthood of Eothas is my calling.” She smiled at the statue so brightly, Edér was almost convinced Eothas would come back to life through her willpower alone.

“When I understood that, I went to Waylon to tell him about my plan to leave. He didn’t seem particularly surprised, now that I think about it,” she trailed off a bit, frowning, but quickly continued again. “He accepted my decision and made me an offer. If I stayed another half year, I would be allowed to take the final exam with the blacksmithing students and earn myself the proof of a finished apprenticeship. That way I could return home with an achievement this time. And since I saw no reason to hurry, now that I’d finally found my way, I accepted.” She looked at him with a mischievous smile, as if she was about to share some incredible joke. “My final work-piece was a hammer.”

Edér snorted. “Well, I hope it was better than the one you made in the White Forge, or that proof is a pity-proof,” he teased good-naturedly.

The Watcher gasped in mock outrage. “How dare you, my hammer was perfect! Obviously, since the Eyeless actually came.” That remark killed the light atmosphere with the memory of the recent horrors and they sat in an awkward silence for a few seconds.

She cleared her throat and launched back into the story and Edér was glad he didn’t have to face this particular issue quite yet, though he certainly would later, when he’d had time to let it all sink in properly. “Anyway, I passed the exam and then made my way home. I hadn’t told Ydona of my plans and apparently Waylon hadn’t either, because she was visibly surprised when I arrived. I held the same speech for her as I had at every temple before, requesting apprenticeship. She didn’t even let me finish and just hugged me. She gave me a set of initiate robes, that fit suspiciously well, and I was officially moved into the apprentices’ quarters. Meaning of course I could actually take my old bed back.” She was clearly trying to make up for her earlier remark with those jokes, but as forced as they were, they still did their job and the air got a bit lighter again.

Her eyes suddenly became glassy and her face took on a serene look. For a second Edér thought she’d gone into a watcher’s trance, but then she continued speaking. “That night was the first time I ever prayed and actually meant it, with all my heart, and it was the first time He ever spoke to me. Do you know what He told me?” She turned to face him and he saw not the flaming priestess, not the suffering Watcher, but just a young woman filled with calm, undying devotion.

He stayed mute and just blinked at her dumbly. Her smile grew wider and somehow even softer. “He said: ‘Welcome home.’” She faced the statue again and Edér was certain the candles on the altar shone brighter. The light gleamed and flickered, throwing shadows on the statue’s face. It seemed alive in that moment.

“I want to tell Him the same, when He returns,” she said, still looking up to the stone face above them. It was a statement of absolute certainty, lacking any sense of doubt that it would happen and for the first time in fifteen years, Edér felt like he could share it.

The spell broke as suddenly as it had come and the moment was over. The light was as dim as before, the statue just stone and the Watcher a normal mortal like him, who knew the future no better than anyone else. Edér found himself staring at her, unsure if what had happened had been real, or the product of the last few, very stressful days finally catching up to him. He was so engrossed in his thoughts, that it startled him when she continued.

“He didn’t speak to me often, of course. I was ordained only two years before the Great Silence started, and before that I was just one acolyte of many. But He always answered me when I needed Him most. That’s why I was so confused when He stopped, all of us were. Though it took us a bit to even notice. News of... the Godhammer took a few days to reach us, so most, myself included, blamed themselves at first. In the beginning I wasn’t too shocked. After all He didn’t always answer and we’d heard rumours of Readceras, though not much, so maybe He was just busy. When the silence persisted, I thought maybe I’d displeased Him somehow and spent quite some time meditating on what I’d done. When I found nothing, I went to Ydona and confessed my issues to her, she admitted the same problems and we became suspicious. Slowly the other priests and acolytes came forward and then the news reached us. It was... a turbulent time.” She sighed deeply but gifted Eothas’ stone incarnation one last loving smile, before turning to Edér again.

She frowned a little and asked: “What were we talking about again? I’m afraid I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent.” He shifted around a little. Now that his focus wasn’t completely occupied, he noticed how cold and sore his butt had gotten. “I think we started off with you explaining how you were an Ondra acolyte once. Seemed like you had to get something off your chest though, so don’t worry about it.” He sent her a lopsided grin, while trying in vain to get some feeling in his lower half back.

“Ah yes, I remember. Well, now you know my full life story I guess. I suppose it’s only fair, with how much you’ve told me about yourself,” she said, looking tired, but also relieved. “Thank you for listening to my rambling. I think, I just needed to spell everything out for myself. Get it out into the open.” A pang of guilt shot through him at her words. He himself hadn’t managed to muster the courage for that yet. He’d come close with her, but his deepest doubts were still tightly locked away. He pushed the feeling out of the way; dwelling on it now wouldn’t help anybody. Maybe they’d find something on that battlefield and the problem would solve itself. Hopefully. And besides, right now his curiosity outweighed any sense of shame.

“You know, I always wondered how they thought about Waidwen elsewhere. When they crowned him, a few of our priests went to Readceras, but with the war starting soon after, there wasn’t really much time for an opinion to form. You know, aside from ‘fuck this guy’.” As soon as the words had left his mouth, he regretted them. She’d already relived a lot of painful memories today, not to mention the shit that’d gone down just in the last few days; poking at the wounds even more for the sake of his curiosity, was hardly sensible.

Thankfully the Watcher didn’t seem to mind his intrusiveness. Her face took on a thoughtful look and she gnawed on her lip, considering her answer. “Well... that’s a bit of a loaded question. The thing is, most of us, at least at my temple, didn’t even know about him, until Readceras was lost. The rebellion itself only lasted a few days from when it really started, so when we heard about him, the borders were already tight. The Fercönyng forbade every contact with the colony, or not colony, under threat of permanent exile. I know of some who left anyway, but most were... hesitant. Eothas never mentioned anything before. Even afterwards, He never answered any questions regarding the situation in Readceras, in neither direction. That left us rather confused on what to do. A lot of debating was going on, especially when the war started, but before anyone could decide on anything, it was already over again. Since the Great Silence started then, we had little choice, but to assume Waidwen was telling the truth, but there’s still a lot of debate over what exactly happened then and what Eothas’ purpose was. So, the only universal opinion on him in the clergy is ‘Huh?’.” She gave him a helpless shrug. “Although I believe the Fercönyng would probably agree with your assessment,” she chuckled after a short moment.

Edér laughed with her. Mostly because he didn’t know what else to do. Her reply had given him a lot to think about, for example that apparently Eothas hadn’t told anyone of His intentions, not even if He had any intentions at all.

Once they’d grown quiet again, Edér moved to get up, joints cracking. “Well, thanks for the answer, it’s... something. But this old man needs to take a walk now or my bones are gonna get stuck in that position.” He groaned and stretched his arms out, cringing at the sound. He really wasn’t twenty anymore.

“I’m pretty sure I’m sure I’m older than you,” she told him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes at her. “Yeah yeah, keep showing off, elf!” He was sorely tempted to pull on her pointy ear, but ultimately decided against it. With how tired he was, he probably wouldn’t have been able to avoid her retaliation.

At the door he turned his head to her again. “I’m gonna come by before I turn in for the night, alright?”

She nodded, moving to her knees again. “That’s fine. I’ll just finish here and then we can go back.” He highly doubted she’d be going so much as being carried again, with how her shoulders had started dragging and her excessive blinking, like her eyes didn’t want to stay open anymore, but he let her pretend.

With one last look back, Edér left out the door and stepped into the night. And immediately regretted not bringing a coat once again. He shivered once and the goldpact knight on night watch around the corner glanced at him with clear judgement for his bad choice in clothing.

Edér ignored him and started his round around the courtyard, the fresh grass crunching under his boots. While he’d been in the chapel, Belafa had risen further and the sky was bright with stars. Edér couldn’t help but stare. The night sky had always been beautiful, but with the Watcher’s words at the back of his mind he could look up for the first time in fifteen years and hope. Nothing had really changed and yet something had finally broken loose. Maybe it was silly, but seeing her complete and utter trust in not only Eothas, but also His return, had restored some of his own trust, if not in Eothas, then in her, and that was enough for now.

He walked past the double doors of the keep and to the training grounds. At this hour they were empty, but some poor sod had forgotten his sword. Edér picked it up and started swinging lightly at one of the practice dummies. The repetitive movement was almost meditative and gave him the opportunity to process the story he’d just heard and loosen his muscles. As shocking as it’d had been at first, he found it made more sense than expected. Her rather impressive knowledge about and at times seemingly personal grudge against the Magranites. Her steadfast defence of Abydon, even in the face of another god. And of course, the hammer. He was in no way an expert in blacksmithing, but even he’d been able to tell, it was a perfectly functional hammer. He’d been impressed at the time, but hadn’t given it much thought.

After a few minutes Edér let the sword sink and leant it against the wall for it’s owner to find it again. Walking along the keep’s outer wall, he made his way towards the forum. From there he turned around and slowly started making his way back. The wind was starting to pick up, making the night even colder and his fingers were adamantly reminding him that he wasn’t a pale elf.

Back at the chapel Edér carefully cracked the door open and peeked inside. This time his suspicions were proven correct. Soft breathing could be heard from inside and when his eyes had grown accustomed to the darker light, he could see the Watcher slumped over the statue’s pedestal, a cleaning rag still in her hand.

Making sure his steps were as soft as possible on the stone floor, Edér entered the church. With an exasperated smile he gently pulled the rag from her fingers and placed it on the altar next to the candles. The priest technically in charge would take care of it in the morning. When he moved to pick her up, she didn’t stir and just continued snoring quietly. The strain of the last few days, months truly, had finally caught up to her.

Once he had the Watcher safely tucked into his arms, Edér allowed himself a pause to just feel her breathe and remind himself that she’d done the impossible and survived the collapse of Cayron’s scar. When she’d broken through the ice shaking and hacking, they’d all nearly broken down with joy, but with the following events there’d been no time to really let her miraculous survival sink in. Now seeing her calm face in the dim light of the candles with nothing else pressing on him, Edér could finally feel himself relax.

Leaving her behind down there had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done, but he’d known that arguing would’ve been useless. The look she’d worn then, he’d seen it once before, on Woden’s face when he’d left for the war. Edér hadn’t been able to stop him either. So instead of wasting time, he’d made a promise to himself. He’d honour her sacrifice and continue her legacy, and that started with getting himself and the rest of their team safely out. He’d basically had to drag Aloth by the scruff of his neck.

Her survival changed nothing about his promise. Edér already knew, he’d follow her to the ends of Eora if he had to. In these last few months, he’d felt more at home than since before the war. He hadn’t expected much, when he’d joined her in Gilded Vale, after all, what could you expect from a lunatic running around Gilded Vale completely covered in Eothas symbols and staring at corpses. But since then he’d grown attached to the lunatic. He’d failed his brother, one way or another; he wouldn’t fail his honorary sister, even if he wasn’t certain yet what success would look like.

When his arms started getting heavy, Edér noticed how long he’d been staring and shook his head. Obviously he was as exhausted as everyone else. Time to get both of them to bed. He pushed the door open with his shoulder and carefully manoeuvred them through without hitting her head on the frame. With sure steps heading back towards Brighthollow he found it in himself to thank Eothas. Whatever had happened, whatever was still going to happen, hope had found him at last.

#Pillars of Eternity #The Watcher #Edér #watcher wednesday #fanfiction #writing #talking #childhood memories #friendship #backstory #sibling love #religion #because the pantheon of this game is pretty cool #guilt #Caed Nua #bad sleeping habits

yanara126-writing