#caelia;

[cxstark-blog]

☆150215★

[ text : caelia ] ready or not...here i come.

he endured it well. he saw her enjoying herself with others. he noticed her giving away kisses for charity. it was normal for boyfriend to be wary as long as he did not completely prevent his girlfriend from having a social life. cesare was fine with everything as long as she gave him the last hours of this festival. he wanted to have fun with her too. he wanted to see her smile that he loved. he wanted to hear the sound of her voice and laughter that he liked. he wanted to have her around because he appreciated her company. longing for her took the best of him when he announced the beginning of their hide-and-seek game slightly earlier. he did not want to waste time without her presence anymore. for the occasion, he changed himself into more comfortable clothes: a pair of dark skinny jeans, a white t-shirt and, for the colours of the occasion, a simple pink zipped hoodie. people would never know, but he was always more fond of the simplest things rather the fancy ones. it was probably due to his stepmother's influence. he put the hood on his head while thinking. cesare actually could not believe what he was about to do. his right hand found its way to his pant's back pocket. 'there they are.' he sighed as he took the items out. two rings. he still could not come to terms with what bryn characterized as 'adorable'. to think he remembered this little detail. he, while tucking the pink ring in his front pocket, hoped that she was going to love it. he was not going to wear his ring for no reason. he held his ring in the air and contemplated it. it was a ring that came with a promise. "ah." he takes out another item from his pocket, and this time it was those glasses that only a minority saw him wearing (that minority being his peers in certain classes). it added more to the mystery of his person. he was really trying not to be noticed. those glasses were not only for reading (because contacts sucked after a while) but they were a link to jarvis (an invention that both dan and him tweaked). "jarvis, lead me to...kore..." he was not exactly cheating, because they never talked about the rules of the games. the raven-haired followed the directions calmly his hands in the pockets of his half-zipped hoodie. it seemed that she had chosen wisely. "jarvis, what about you show a way to arrive from behind?" very relaxed, he continued to follow the instruction. in the end of jarvis's intricate high-class gps direction steps,  there she was at last. he hoped that he did not make much noise to the point that she was aware of his presence. he was slightly evil and he wanted to frightened her a bit. without a warning, he pulled her into a back hug while snickering. "boo."

[cxstark-blog]

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

Mother Theresa

[cxstark-blog]

caelia;

[ ❥ ] "ask yourself if the person is worth it and how they make you feel. if they’re worth it then you’ll know what to do, idiot. just take some time to think about it. that’s all i can say, ces." - penelope.

                                           mea est caelum meis. peccator sum indignus sit gratia .

the stark could lie to his mind, but he could never lie to his heart. the stark could believe his words to be the truth, he could condition himself to do so, but his heart would always remember. no matter how he looked at it, he clearly understood that he was trapped at the bottom of the pit. he had vowed to follow a path of string-less hedonism, but he broke these unholy vows, because of her. it was never meant to happen. she was the variable that magically appeared in the equation of his life. the only variable that he had not foresaw in his calculations. she landed into his life unwelcome. she was bother. he tried to substitute her or erase her, but he failed. back then, she was made of stone. she lacked colour. he was disinterested in her. all of his life, he had always been more attached to older young girls anyway. there had been lorelei. that bitch who knew damn well how to play with him. she threw him away like a vulgar piece of trash when she got bored. at that time, when penelope appeared under pepper's orders, there was eydis, his lovely christine, who caught his attention at the ball, the precious daughter of one of his father's enemies.

it was a mistake. that fateful night. strangely enough, he did nothing. he was with a woman and did not aspire to fornicate with her. wilson did open a wound. flashbacks of a war that had shaken his world. he needed company. he needed someone he could trust with his darkest secrets and his broken lifeless corpse. he needed a gentle soul to breath life into his shell. he found a temporary solace in the comfort of her room. for one night only, he lowered his guard down and slept by her side. he told her things that no girls ever had the privilege to here. he showed her his more vulnerable yet bratty personality. she witnessed everything that only a person so special to him could see. he was thankful, but he never told that. it was just a matter of pride. pride. ego. two of the thickest walls surrounding him. that night, he decided that he would keep her by her side. she was no longer as annoying. she was not the most beautiful in his book, but she was undeniable adorable. he noticed that she even she her cold façade that night. he felt her warmth and cherished it. he felt lucky.

everything was back to normal the next day. his amused grins. his teasing. his daring escapes. his work piling up. he did not want her to remember his fragile state. he made sure that she never found out about his psychological tests or his meds or any other details of his past.

he still does not understand how it happened. his defensive barrier had been breached. he became clumsy as a casanova. he yielded on his activities. when he met her again, out of the professional context, they were in the hallways breaking the rules. rules had always been guidelines anyway. what will the school do if he hugged a girl? detention? at that moment, the mere rule never crossed his mind. he was his amused self like every other time. penelope said something that enticed his curiosity. her silence in front of the question. for a moment, he thought that she liked him. the whole world knew that penelope hated his guts in all honesty. she was always so cold and unattainable. then, the conversation to a more serious turn. it made him question his motives and his feelings for the first time. he became terrified, because love was a taboo to him. he hated love. he feared it. heaven knew how much he wished that he never be caged again. he avoided those chains. eros was evil. or was it karma? fooling around to run away and ending up in this situation. her words of advice stroke a cord in him. she was asking too much. he did not want to come up with the answer. actually, he did not want to confirm it. at that point he already knew. he trailed off with an analogy. a stark and his secretary. he never asked his father, but he could assume that it was destined. three generations since the creation of stark industries. three generations of player bosses and faithful secretaries.

cesare saw it as a curse.

"she is my heaven, my sanctuary. i am sinner unworthy of her grace." that was the answer. she was worth it. he would turn his life around for her. but, to him, he was certain that it was an unrequited love. someone once told him that goddesses do not fall in love. as time went by, he ended up believing it. at least he knew that penelope was not going to leave him behind. she promised. she confirmed it. she proved it. "mea est caelum meis. peccator sum indignus sit gratia ."

penelope was his 'caelia', his heaven; his 'regina quoque cor eius', the queen of his heart. he was going to cherish those feelings and suffer in silence. he was terrified that a confession would end up shattering his world. as long as she was by his side, he was relieved and happy.

he was done thinking.

[cxstark-blog]

sanctuary.

the raven-haired wondered why it was happening to him? he sighed and stopped thinking about it while he reviewed all of his papers and homework. he made sure everything was done, so he could be free. she never complained when he did his work. she never complained for anything. it was hard to get into her head and to try to understand her or to read her mind. she always had a control over her expressions. sometimes, she truly embodied death: cold, dark, silent, still, reserved, lifeless but beautiful. he never was sure how to deal with her, because she would often misunderstand his motives or his very words (even though, to be fair, he always went in circle). now and then, he would always push her buttons just to see her annoyed. that adorable face she could make quite often made him wish that she only shows that side of her to him. was that a hint of jealousy? stark shook his head. that was not right.

he had his phone in his head and debated rather or not he should call her. texting was convenient and fast, but it lack any appeal. of course, he could add emoticons, but nothing beats a conversation. she must be truly special to him to get such a treatment. it was almost a scientific fact that guys only call people that means to them generally (aside for jobs or other important affairs). exhibiting sings of anxiety, he glanced at the number on the screen several times, before, finally, dialling it. it was not his first time calling her, so why? cesare sighed "...hey, pen. it's ces. i have good news for you. i'm done. i'm actually ahead of time." why was he acting professionally towards her? "...how are you doing anyway?"