So Never Again. Just saw this post and the way she looks up at him there is on a level with Mulder’s famous Fallen Angel eyes and his reaction to her? He doesn't melt? He chooses violence and being a dick? Please tell me why.
i LOVE this question because it is so easy to see it from scully's perspective. it's her episode. but you really have to think about mulder's perspective.
for mulder, this seems out of nowhere, and in his mind she was extremely inattentive with his informant on a case he's taking seriously. he doesn't understand what she's really asking or what the problem is, and a big part of that is she doesn't exactly either. it's almost like she's blaming him for the stand still in her life, but at the same time wants to be seen & appreciated (in a way that she understands, can feel, can see). and i don't think she could have figured it out the way she needed to with mulder. she needed the safety of talking to a stranger, someone inconsequential to her life. (like there's no way she could have that "other fathers" conversation with him lol) so ed jerse is the one to give her that. (she does with ed what she can't yet do with mulder. something neither of them are ready for and she isn't brave enough to do yet. and like. idk i just think she needed this! regardless of mulder lol)
like: "this isn't about you. or maybe it is, indirectly. i don't know." the one thing she got right is "i don't know" lol so of course mulder is confused!!
if you place leonard betts first, she's contemplating what she's leaving behind. has she had any impact working on the x files? on mulder? who is going to remember her? what evidence of her life will be left? in that office...it looks like she's had very little effect. (but i do not subscribe to this one.)
if never again is first, which i like better lollll (it makes more sense to me. i understand why people like lb first, it's more clear cut. it puts a reason behind her behavior. but i just don't think it quite fits. scully literally doesn't know what's wrong. if she was already worried about cancer, i think it would come across differently. but she's frustrated & confused and she wants for something she can't admit, express, pinpoint, articulate? idk what word i'm looking for lol) scully's just hit that point in her pattern again, her cycle...it took her four years, and after some rough cases (paper hearts – she couldn't help mulder despite how she tried, el mundo gira – a dead end. and idk, so many of their cases. and she's always wrong, he always does the crazy thing, he's always hurt)...well anyway, at the end he's still asking "all because i didn't get you a desk?" he still isn't quite understanding, until she says it's her life and he almost says "yes but it's become mine." he doesn't say it, they sit in silence, and in leonard betts, he tells her she did a good job & should be proud. all his little jokes like he's trying to make her laugh, to get back to their usual banter. because he wants to make her smile. so he understood at least a little by leonard betts. but they also come to a silent understanding. i just love the way kae talks about it. and i think the end is kind of the explanation for the beginning. the end is the real answer to the whole episode, and what it took to get there...and this post here, kae just understands him and talks about him in a way that i feel. it's exactly what i see in a way i could never articulate. (and she does my favorite thing!!! connects different moments. the characterization is so good.) and she has such a special insight to both of them, different patterns, but to me two sides of the same coin.
and so, either way, at the beginning of never again, he's completely thrown because he doesn't know. this is when their bad verbal communication and personal issues/insecurities/fears take hold. they're both so good at taking too much responsibility.
we're seeing into scully's mind a bit, but we aren't really seeing into his. but he's afraid, he doesn't want her to leave (something he's feared for a long time), he thinks space is the answer to whatever's going on. but he's also kinda needy and he can't just say that. so he calls her and they misunderstand each other again and she makes a date. he isn't trying to be an ass but he's scared & defensive, and he gets like that when she makes him nervous. like whenever she believes (beyond the sea, revelations, all souls, en ami). it feels like that to me. he's afraid, but this time he thinks he's the problem, their work is the problem. and he kinda said the worst thing he could say to her at that moment. "you were just assigned" — he has no idea how she understood that, how it hurts her. (and she's not thinking about how he means it, what he thinks/feels/fears.) and really, it's because she sucks at just saying the thing as much as he does. it takes them a long time to work out their direct communication. their unspoken communication, the way they work on their cases doesn't translate to their personal relationship. as intimate as their partnership is, working through their own issues takes time and it's those things that hinder them moving forward for so long. ya know?
i think @randomfoggytiger talks about it beautifully here — in depth essay on never again. here they touch on mulder's fear/walls & scully's insecurities/needs. it's a journey!! which they talk about here. and i forget what this one was (lol) but i'm sure i saved it for a reason: a little master post. i love the way foggy breaks things down, especially visually. it's something i could never do.
i also reblogged some other never again posts. not completely on topic but it's all connected!! (you can definitely go through my never again tag to see more probably too!)
Hello please can you help me? I'm looking for a fic that's set during the season of secret sex and one chapter has them in LA, they've taken a few extra days and Mulder is loving beach Scully and they're in a hotel and she starts crying and he asks why and she says because she wants something she can't have and he says anything she wants he'll go get right now and she says she wants a baby and he's so delicate with her. It's set over the course of the whole season though I think. It's really driving me nuts, does this sound familiar at all? Thank you!
This description sounds a bit like He is the Master of His Fate, She is the Captain of Her Soul by @scullylikesscience, which is a WIP last updated in 2018. It has taking extra time in Los Angeles, the beach, and talk of a baby in a hotel, though not all in the same chapter.
The fic's summary: Story begins during the final events of “The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati.” It then chronicles a canon-compliant progression of Mulder and Scully's relationship throughout Season 7, including the beginning of their love affair, and on through Seasons 8 & 9. The story will conclude post-IWTB, and may or may not incorporate Season 10 & 11 storylines.
first, i tend to think of their relationships in phases. like:
season one: building trust and bonding. they genuinely like each other but it's a process! it takes time to create that bond & partnership. they really create such a good foundation naturally. they don't force it.
seasons two & three: BEST FRIENDS. they trust each other, they love each other, they rely on each other. their roles are set, their bond just gets stronger. season two really sets the tone for true friendship & personal value, not just work.
seasons four & five: it's a Struggle. their relationship is shifting but they're not there yet. it makes things hard but their partnership & friendship are solid. that is not the issue. (although, bad blood is also peak best friends)
season six: tension. surrounding their feelings, trust and getting their shit together lol (genuinely the season of them figuring it out)
season seven forward: THEY ARE IN LOVE. they are all in. s7 they're putting s6 lessons into practice, their communication is improving. s8&9 are hell for them but their love is never the question. coming back to each other is also a process (season seven is them putting the lessons into practice)
iwtb: married. everything is good & terrible. they are haunted, always haunted.
revival: coming back to each other, learning they can be together again despite everything. they never let go and they never will.
i think there's been a lot written about their characters and journeys, at least somewhat related to this. i think i'm recalling some of @randomfoggytiger meta posts about their different struggles, characters, trauma, etc. (the ones i think about a lot: scully teaches mulder to hug, milagro, how the ghosts stole christmas, mulder + s5, mulder / scully family in depths, mulder / scully typing, mulder / scully fight flight freeze — highly recommend, i think foggy puts a lot of things into words that are behind my reasoning)
in the beginning, mulder believes scully is sent as a spy. he's kind but he needles her about aliens, her thesis, her science and she gives back as good as she gets. but scully is so genuine and earnest. she cares about the truth and victims and justice. i've always thought she was excited to work in the field and specifically with mulder. whatever she thought of his spooky moniker, she also knew he was a brilliant man & a good agent. she was prepared to learn from him, regardless of what their cases would be. i don't think she believed all the rumors, i think she's intimately familiar with the rumor mill. and scully always had more of an open mind than anyone gives her credit for.
SO she spends the pilot trying to solve their case and get as much information out of him as possible, she wants him to trust her and she's trying to show him that he can. scully's got him chasing after her on their second? day on the case. she shows him real vulnerability, and imo, a tendency to believe despite her skepticism. and that's when he starts to give her a real chance. mulder's smile when she runs into his arms says sooooo much. AND THEN!!! he is vulnerable with her. he tells her about samantha & it's all he cares about. and she takes him at his word.
to me, this is something that sets the tone for most of their relationship. scully follows him because of his passion and belief, because she believed him when he said the truth was out there. she accepted that work was what mattered most to him and despite her crush, she chose to stay and follow him. she makes that decision over & over again. even when he makes her crazy, even when he gets himself into insane situations. and season one is all about building their trust, radicalizing scully. already before the end of season one, they trust only each other. mulder may show that trust slowly, taking bigger chances with her as time goes on. sharing the personal, letting her know about his informants, introducing her to his friends & eventually deep throat...he listens to her advice, her skepticism, her science and he genuinely appreciates it even if it frustrates him a lot. like when he thanks her in e.b.e., he's frustrated but it's real. he was listening. he recognizes her value to the x files and himself by season two. that conversation in sleepless about 'oh yeah, it's great. i don't know how i put up with you for so long' and 'i learned that from you' and 'i still have my work, and i still have you. and i still have myself.' and this is the "safe" territory for them. they know how to work together and they understand what that means. or they think they do, until scully is abducted and the stakes are raised. (kae wrote about mulder recognizing love in loss once. that's always really stuck with me.) mulder's guilt complex runs high. it's a huge part of his reaction in never again, scully's "my life" and 'we're not even going in circles, just an endless line' and "not everything is about you" is piercing in a very specific way to him. in that moment at the end, they choose silence and it persists for a long time. as does the way they talk around their feelings, their relationship. and mulder specifically is very avoidant. he makes several comments throughout their partnership about her leaving, not wanting to ruin her record or hold her back. and it's just so crazy, because scully eventually tells him that she holds him back, he doesn't need her. scully wants to be needed, and mulder wants her to stay but he 'doesn't want to see her hurt.'
the whole point is they put the work first, their partnership. it was a conscious choice. eventually we learn they both had relationships with people they worked with. i really do think it would make both of them hesitate to get involved with a work partner. generally speaking, scully is a "rule follower" but she doesn't have a problem breaking rules when she thinks it's justified, when she believes it's the right thing to do. no matter who's instincts she's listening to. that's a pattern we see very early on.
THEN they get so comfortable in their roles, believer mulder & skeptic scully, that later on as those things start to shift, they're afraid to change. mulder tells scully her science saved him over & over and in season six she clings to that (completely misunderstanding what he ~really meant, like kae talked about). season six is all about them figuring out what a relationship between them would mean.
but by that point, they had started to figure out some of their own issues. like in never again, scully is struggling with her patterns. so she does something she doesn't do often (i don't think one night stands are ooc, but they're not necessarily her norm. it seems like a periodic thing she may do when she gets That feeling.) scully needs to know she matters, she needs to see her impact. in never again, after paper hearts & el mundo gira, i think she's really hurting in that respect. she doesn't see at this point the impact she's had on mulder or as an agent. you can't tell she works in that office -- no desk, no nameplate, barely any personal items. just some books. initially, they're having two conversations and only partially aware of it. at the end, mulder doesn't seem to understand the issue, but at the end of leonard betts, mulder validates scully. verbally!! directly to her!! he starts to get it. they're not very good at talking directly, that's why never again and the cancer arc, and after, are so difficult. they talk about everything with metaphors, or they're okay sharing little pieces of them. their trauma & pain when forced to.
and season five is ... fraught. as so many other times, but scully nearly died and mulder feels guilty. randomfoggytiger talks about mulder in season 5 here. and the thing about these two, they're traumatized over & over again and they just keep going. but they are deeply affected. i've talked about how not okay scully is, and it takes her so much time to freely lean on mulder. she relies on him & their work, but she doesn't necessarily let him in too far. she holds people at a distance, she's so aware of loss & death and the effects of it, like she talks about in emily. and it isn't really that they need to work through their trauma. it's so much more about letting someone help shoulder the burdens, see them vulnerable. they do that and they do it for each other freely & often. but...for scully, she's always the strong one. she isn't really, but she thinks she has to be. she doesn't want to be another crusade for mulder, someone else he needs to protect. but at the same time, that's what partners do. she takes that "job" very seriously and so does mulder. (but so early on, it isn't because it's part of their job. i think that's extremely clear with scully in tooms & e.b.e., mulder's reaction in lazarus, to her abduction. you can see the progression so clearly.) but they can't protect each other from everything. mulder couldn't save her from being abducted, getting cancer, emily, or being burned alive...scully can't protect him from what happened to samantha. and that's a hard truth. it's something they accept for themselves as fbi agents, but is nearly impossible for them to accept for their partner. it's why scully threatens boggs, why mulder wants revenge on the men responsible for her abduction, why they go as far as they do for each other. they are relentless. (for mulder, he's always blaming himself. often, he wants to protect scully from himself even though he isn't the danger. he isn't the one harming her and he knows how far scully would go. like in endgame 'why didn't you tell me?' 'because i knew you wouldn't let me go through with it' and he runs off on his own because he doesn't want her to risk her life for his crusade, for the answer he needs & seeks.)
and season six!! it's so special because scully knows she's important, he gave her a whole speech about it. they nearly kissed. but they don't talk about it, the silence is maintained in favor of their partnership. and season six is a special brand of putting them in situations. at certain points, their partnership & trust are tested and leading up to those points, they tend to show how solid they really are. like in drive, when their communication is cut off but scully can understand that mulder is avoiding the police traps for a reason and he knows she'll catch onto the clues he manages to drop & that she's working hard to figure out the science/medicine, that she's doing the legwork on their cases that she always does. scully's asking him to get out of the car, but not to abandon it and they spend most of the season slowly putting together a blueprint for a relationship between them. knowing there are feelings between them, on both sides, completely reciprocated but it's a struggle. they learn something, and it's erased. or like the lesson in the unnatural, it takes a while for them to really get it. to put it into practice more consistently. there's a new freedom after one son too, with most of the syndicate killed at the hands of their own stupidity. and literally, neither of them can actually let go because the x files is both of their lives, they both have a very significant stake in the work and that will always connect them. (no matter how they're forced away from it at different points, no matter how they hesitate sometimes.) but it's also always deeper than that. because "you made me a whole person" wasn't just true of mulder. scully is never more herself than she is with mulder. i've said it a few times, but the x files was scully's dream job lol not only does she get to use everything in her arsenal, but she cares & she can be weird & a little mean. mulder gave her a very special kind of safety. scully loved teasing him for his beliefs, she always found it endearing and i just. think that's for a reason. he believes what she can't, and she believes what he can't. (you know, my usual)
i just think about the difference between all souls & all things. mulder is terrified of scully's believe in all souls, but in all things, he interprets her words through her faith. he wasn't afraid. it was from a distance in all things, but she's also talking about a man she considered the love her life & might have married. but scully's sitting on his couch telling him all about it.
in the revival, scully comes back to the x files for mulder. but she's the one loving the case in mulder & scully meet the weremonster. and where mulder's disbelief & cynicism in the patient x/the red and the black scare her, she's not afraid of it weremonster. she kindly tries to guide him back to it, or rather, gives him the opportunity to find it himself. like he helps her light the candles & talks to god through her in nothing lasts forever. they're not really together but they're always together. it's always about working through something, understanding themselves & each other, and accepting/embracing some truth. like in all things, "what if there was only one choice?" in a way, there is only one choice. the one they made over & over. scully in squeeze & tooms & little green men, mulder in one breath & redux & requiem. all their choices lead to the other, and they almost mourn other choices. but scully would do it all again, she wouldn't change a thing. mulder can't do it alone and there's hope. the truth they both know. the only one they know.
Just saw a post about 3 and it has been a looooong time since I watched it but I would love to know what the deal was with that. Thoughts?
oh i LOVE 3. it's a hard episode for me to watch for a lot of reasons. mulder's depression is more palpable than ever, his guilt complex & self punishing ways.
i actually made a thread on twitter of what i think are the important scenes, because i just think...people very wrongly hate this episode. the whole point is how mulder is not okay without scully, that she was endangered because of their work and he can't accept that. like this explains perfectly what he does in one breath: he screams like a madman at scully's doctor & the hospital staff, he plots revenge, he tries to quit, and ultimately, he listens to melissa & sits by her bedside urging her to wake up.
mulder barely speaks in this episode. he talks to local law enforcement, he talks to the suspect, and he talks to kristen. but there's so much of him just alone.
as kae said to me: there's no one to explain anything to
"i only need one thing" and "i don't sleep anymore"
and the reason kristen matters, beyond the fact that she's in danger & she's a victim of abuse, is she understands him & he understands her. they are kindred spirits in a certain way.
kristen can't look in mirrors, and he can't sleep. they both feel this guilt & intense self hatred. they share loss & pain. and they may be different but those differences don't matter when they're feeling as low & lost and hopeless as they are.
mulder was meant to save kristen, but she saves him. it's heartbreaking because this woman deserved a chance too. she deserved to live and have better. but she chose to stop her abusive, vampire ex the only way she knew how and save mulder. she thought he was worth saving.
in the end, he's facing his failure. holding scully's cross that he's wearing around his neck. something he has never understood about her, the only piece of her he has.
one of my favorite things about this episode is that his grief over scully is very different than his grief over samantha, as in it is not brotherly. it's painfully romantic to me. people get caught up in the fact that he sleeps with kristen while wearing scully's cross, but the whole point is he's repenting. to me, this look likes self harm. it's something he understands as punishing, but is also clinging to the only human connection he's found. the only true understanding he's felt in scully's absence. kristen is the one person who has truly seen his pain, understood scully's importance. it isn't "just" a lost love, this is something brand new to him. he's lost his friend, the only person who has stood by him & faced his grief with him, the only person who trusts him with her whole soul, the only one who hasn't hurt him (purposely, purposefully). again, something kristen understands despite seeming not to have experienced this herself. mulder shares this vulnerability with her without really sharing anything. he doesn't know how to. so yes, they do something so very human and sleep together. and immediately afterward, everything goes up in flames.
My jet lagged braincell is reaching for something irresistible/redux ii linked. Probably my two favourite episodes. Do you see it?
i think i have thoughts!!
as i'm rewatching irresistible, i keep thinking of elegy and the way scully tries to handle everything on her own, the visions she has (seeing herself in the dead women, seeing the dead woman before they get the call). which obviously also reminds me of christmas carol/emily, all souls & orison. christmas carol/emily scully is getting phone calls from melissa and only calls mulder once she learns emily is biological daughter. in the end, she asks mulder for time alone with emily and she stands alone at her casket, with mulder waiting behind her. in all souls, she's working a case as a favor and initially only asks him for help finding the girls in danger. he stays on when he becomes worried about her. and the whole time, she's seeing emily. it starts & ends with scully at confession. and in orison, she's hearing that song. which she heard when her sunday school teacher was murdered, and it's that song that gets mulder to her apartment in time. scully leaned on mulder more in orison than she did in the others. in irresistible, she's trying very hard to be okay with the case. she peppers mulder with questions but handles her emotions about it on her own, as mulder tries to tell her it's okay to have a hard time. he lets her know he's there and she can take a step back, and she goes back to d.c. and meets with karen kosseff, afterwards ready to come back and help people. but in the end, it's her that needs help, she fights hard against donnie pfaster, and in the end she falls into mulder's arms. the consistency of mulder trying to support her and respect her boundaries, worrying when she believes or sees signs is consistent throughout the series. and every time, she lets him to an extent and he gives whatever she accepts. it also reminds me of patient x/the red and the black, maybe one father/two sons but that one is more of a struggle for them and yet, she still calls him when jeffrey spender calls her about cassandra.
i think these are the maybe more obvious connections my mind makes. like they are consistent thoughts i have whenever i watch these episodes, and i'm sure i've talked about it some before.
as i'm watching irresistible, what i think of in reduxes is how mulder tries to be strong for scully & support her. mulder lifts her chin and hugs her at the end, in reduxes, he's holding her hands, kissing her hands cheek forehead. when she turns to her faith, he accepts that. she tells him 'i'll be praying for you' and he jokes 'say a few hail mulder's for me' but so sincerely. i love that when they think she's about to die, her faith is not an issue at all. they'll struggle with it when it comes up a bit longer, but to me, this helps him get to where he is in season seven (all things) and the revival (nothing lasts forever)...and when they eventually work out a lot of their issues through season six lol
there's a very particular vulnerability in all of these episodes, things scully shouldn't handle alone. but because of who she is, she tries. so she goes to therapy, she denies, she closes up but can't hide how she's feeling. especially not from mulder, so she slowly lets him in more & more. even as they struggle, this stays consistent. they're still taking steps forward. she trusts mulder and relies on him, his strength. she relies on the work. (she's a workaholic just like him, especially when it becomes personal and not "just" because she believes in him.)
there's something specific in mulder's tenderness with scully when she's hurting, feeling more vulnerable.
i also keep thinking about 'because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake.' the way they rely on each other, him saying she could change his mind if it was right. she wants him to blame her for the man killed but he won't, and he won't name skinner as the responsible conspirator either.
something about the grace she shows everyone in these horrible situations (mulder, bill, maggie, the victims).
okay. so now i'm watching gethsemane/reduxes and i feel like my brain is on fire!! i'm still not connecting it to irresistible, so i think you need to share your thoughts!
but my mind is connecting it to pine bluff variant and fight the future. the start of redux, where mulder is talking about treason — how he can't let it persist directly connected to scully's confusion & worry in pbv. because mulder would not commit treason.
something about his voice when he tells her the dod agent died from a gsw to the face, that he can't go to the fbi, that someone in the fbi is part of it...reminds me of e.b.e. they create this whole plot to get answers. scully has to lie. they can't communicate this time. the worry & pain & grief (also at the end of gethsemane) is so reminiscent of her abduction, a uselessness & inadequacy that consumes him. but this time they can do something. (similar feeling to the red and the black, when if he could give scully her memories & prove it to her, he would. his determination to stop it from happening to her or anyone else again.)
mulder is always so careful with scully. scully believing her cancer was given to her to make him believe, because of him...he never wants her to be hurt and yet he can't protect her. all of this turns into saving her. (directly to the revival even where he has to be the rational one, support her through her grief & hope.)
redux ii: the thing that makes me crazy is mulder getting to the hospital, making a scene so similar to one breath. (obviously this is my first thought!) he's not as violent until skinner tries to stop him going in to see her. and my god, mulder's face when he sees her lying there. it's almost worse than later in the episode when he sobs silently next to her. it's the way that in one breath, he has no idea what's wrong with her. here he does but he still doesn't know why she's in the icu. he doesn't know that her cancer metastasized.
there's something about the way mulder is fighting so hard for scully that reminds me of lazarus & one breath & irresistible. withdrawn, worried, angry. at a complete loss without her but he does everything he can. lies to the government, breaks into the dod? the pentagon. the affection is next level compared to those. it's the same gentleness & support, but there's hand holding & kisses & caresses. she begs him to let her help him, save him. to not protect her. like scully telling him she was fine all through irresistible (telling him she's back & not going anywhere in firewalker) but she can't tell him that this time. all she can do is beg him not to protect her, to let her give her death meaning, but that wouldn't be something he could live with. tarnishing her name, hurting her family on top of losing her. something here about beyond the sea too. the first time mulder uses her first name, touches her cheek in comfort. gets angry at her for endangering herself. the second time she's shown him inclination to believe, and it scares him this time. because she's vulnerable. the start of physical affection beyond touching her lower back, the hug in the pilot. in season one, tooms, he goes on about her record. later in requiem, he'll talk about family & living and everything she's lost. leaving her behind while he goes back to oregon. (i used to wonder how he convinced her to stay, but i think she couldn't take the risk of leaving him behind again.)
this is worse than colony/end game with samantha. the cruelty. before it was clones, trying to fight their creators and save themselves, hopefully others. ultimately willing to die to protect the original samantha clone. this time, his sister is calling csm her father. and he's trying to expose csm's lies and she flees. dangling his sister this way, with another painful story. "please don't, fox!" fucking CRUEL.
mulder saves scully but he's bearing even more scars from this. this is another reason i don't know if he could have kept going without scully. samantha rejecting him...mulder's vulnerability to csm is almost too much. he could so easily fall for it, like he does with diana in one son. but everything csm tries, only makes him more obstinate. csm has given him nothing and taken everything. mulder is so close to losing the only person he has. the only person he trusts, the only person who trusts him, follows him, loves him.
"maybe they are miracles, but i don't dare call them that." scully's faith is something so special. she's been struggling with it, and turns back to it when she has nothing else. when she has no idea of the chip or treatment will work. and she's talking to her doctor about medicine & miracles. to scully, ultimately, they are the same.
something else that does remind me of irresistible is how hard scully fights too. she tries the chip, she accepts her doctor's treatment, she opens up to her mom and tries to return to her faith. she does everything she can (she always does). scully tries so hard to put up a strong front for mulder, for her family all throughout the series. and like she did in irresistible, it falls away when she just can't do it anymore. she fought donnie pfaster, she got her gun despite her injuries from the crash & falling down the stairs. she crumbles when mulder lifts her chin to look her in the eyes. she crumbles when she feels a miracle is all she has left and she can't turn to mulder in the moment. but she can turn to maggie & religion. she only turns to others when she has no other choice. and ultimately, i think we know it's the chip that saves her. she chose to listen to mulder and tells him "you'll be in my prayers."
i wish i could figure out why exactly "because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake" hits so hard. it's like a preface to fight the future hallway scene.
something about the way mulder doesn't care what happens to him and scully can't do anything and what's more important than his own life is holding someone responsible for what was done to her, without her knowledge or consent and now she's dying. and he gets at least one of them, even if he wasn't at the top. blevins & csm dead. scully in remission and alive. mulder not being prosecuted. this is one of the best endings mulder & scully have. (skinner having not betrayed them and not getting wrongly accused.)
okay i can't keep ruminating on this. please share your thoughts !!!
but there are definitely some !! i would argue tfwid, i think it's a big part of what's happening in never again, how mulder is during the cancer arc (why he's trying to make her laugh in leonard betts & telling her she did a good job etc, why her face does that THING when he acknowledges her birthday *and* gives her a very mulderesque gift but she tucks it away to joke with him & keep it light, why he loses it in demons), even how fiercely protective she is in paper hearts and why that failure hits her so hard. i think that's exactly what kaddish is all about. their reactions to each other in court in tunguska/terma. like they are hitting the point of no return. and the script notes for the final scene in never again....there's a lot 😭
Thank you so much for all you do, your fic lists and your Old School X series are some of the best things on the internet. I've been amassing a mental library of fics and have gotten to the point of thinking I need some sort of system to keep track of them all and I was wondering if you have a system that you use. @randomfoggytiger recommended that I ask you and it took me a minute because you are famous to me and I didn't want to bother you!
It's not a bother at all! I'm also not famous, at least I don't feel like it, but it's sweet of you to say.
My X-Files fic organization system is not really one that would be of help to anyone else, unfortunately. Much of it is in my head, with me remembering authors and/or titles, and/or remembering where (AO3, tumblr, Gossamer, etc.) I first read a story when all I can otherwise remember are vague story details. So I start there when trying to recall a fic.
I also have a very large number of stories saved. I started saving XF fics during the show's original run, so I mean it: it is A LOT of stories. I did not start this saving with an organization system meant to last years and years (who knew I'd care?!), and it's too messy for me to recommend. It still gives me an easy place to search for a story I know I've seen (if not read) before. I also often remember enough of what I read to have ideas of what to search for if I'm looking for a specific fic or something that fits a particular theme.
TL, DR: I can't help much in developing a good fic tracking system, I'm sorry! But I'm still happy to have gotten the nice ask.
I love your thoughts on the cancer arc and your second post reminded me that Mulder straight up murders the guy who was surveilling him. Now it's been a minute but were there ever any consequences for that? Like officially or otherwise? Like on his soul? Or was it just a case of ooooh it's Blevins and the FBI was so embarrassed that they just gave him a lil freebie?
oh i love this question. i think he got a freebie 🤣 like blevins oversaw the x files for a while, he had a decent amount of power within the fbi. to out a man in blevins' position and being right is actually pretty insane. it was illegal surveillance, scully was dying because of what blevins did/was part of. like they were investigating her cancer, an approved investigation. whether there was any real proof tying blevins to it barely matters because he ran (and then was killed, made to look like a suicide?) all the marks of a guilty man, even though i'm sure he was a small player, most likely a pawn, the perfect fall man. in the end, even though mulder killed a man and broke into a government facility...this time he was right and kind of saved the fbi's asses. (and arguably, possibly helped cover up the bigger conspiracy for the moment. but what mattered then was scully so.) AND if they tried, mulder+scully would have dug up more, and bringing that to the fbi's attention, into a court of law would have been very bad. so like other times, i'm sure csm was pulling some strings. and skinner 100% would have been backing them (even without csm pulling his strings).
i also don't think this was a kill that weighed on his conscience at all. the man he killed, while also probably a pawn, had to know enough about the syndicate. he was part of the conspiracy, undergoing illegal surveillance, at the least keeping tabs on their progress and at worst helping hinder it. which is why he started burning the files when he realized mulder found him out. he didn't simply run, he was protecting his investigation and the men behind it.
it always comes down to how mulder will do anything for scully, and that very much includes killing people endangering her, hurting her, trying to kill her. like in unruhe, he wanted to know more about gerry schnauzer but he didn't hesitate to kill him and he didn't feel any guilt over it. (mulder would do this for anyone being victimized, he regrets not killing the man in young at heart idr his name rn lol and he doesn't hesitate to shoot him when he's holding that woman hostage. but scully is of personal priority, and after everything she's been through, i think he's quicker to react & go to extremes.) like somewhere recently, i mentioned fight the future, which is only a year after this. he gets shot in the head and finds his way to antarctica to save her. he doesn't for a moment question if he can, or should, or what scully would do for him. he just does it. and thankfully, well manicured man hands him the cure. (WHICH i love that wmm does this, because the syndicate knows the best way to take mulder is out is by eliminating scully. but what they did doesn't eliminate her. wmm recognizes this is only going to hurt them. very much like what could have happened in reduxes. antarctica is what solidified that killing either of them, or splitting them up, was not an option. at least that's the way i see it haha)
