#calmdxwn

[calmdxwn]

ACT I A halt; her calves brushing smoothly together. She whips around and looks into vagueness. A slight scent hid under her nose. That was where she’d like it. Unseen, unnoticed. But she had been holding her breath without notice. Heave in and out – take it in but don’t let it get to you. Right?

ACT II Remember the cut and fold when mixing while baking? Remember that eagerness as it rose inside the heat? She felt that same sensation watching it wave back at her; the way it sliced through itself and the same return, the familiar hunger inside her pits. It led her here – in the trance that was the repeat of her show. Her toes curled at the sugary feel of the scape below her. She watched it again and again. She wondered if it would ever spill over, or will it ever tire the way her loins did after countless replays. She took her place in the empty audience, still wondering, if it would tire the way the orange faded into indigo.

ACT III She’s still magic. She could tell by the way it surrounded her, bobbing up and down her waist, her knees. Its flimsiness, playfulness, giddiness, almost tipped her over. But she believed she owned it – it belonged to her. For reasons undecipherable, maybe. She hovered her feeble hands gently above the level, and it follows her motions. It is still obedient, therefore she is okay. She is okay even if she can’t make out a plane from a star, even if her neck is caressed and kissed coldly. The cold felt warm from where she sat, she thought. Yes, she’s still magic; she can still make it believe her tricks.

ACT IV The midnight blue settled skyward, a quiet breeze shushing the beach into serenity. The waves tossed and crashed, keeping the humble glowing moon company. She savored the feel of being out like this: alone with the elements. She’s never felt more at home, vulnerable in a sort. Moonlight washed over her, and the sea had grown, in the sense of the word: taller, broader, fuller. The pull of the satellite was magnetic, commanding the tides higher as the night darkens. She asked herself, “What was the moon to it?” “What did it want from me?” “Why must this happen every time?” The moon was the very reason it never let her leave so soon. It wasn’t jealous of her, the sea just had to be, and she was the unlikely victim. And she knew in every step that nothing would change, ever. She just sat there like the boulders coated wet, letting the moon undo the spell she had bounded to the sea. She let the night, and everything beneath it, undo her one more time.

ACT V The truth washed over her in blinding white light, unlike the soft glow of the night before. She counted her steps this time as she made the journey back. Sand still clung to her wet feet, stuck between the spaces of her toes. Her thighs were shivering, but the sun slowly crept onto her skin. It felt just as comforting as being in the water.

“Hey, it’s me. I’m okay, yeah.” “Well, it’s just like you said: you have to just feel it, you know? Just see how it goes.” “I guess I dwelled on it a little too much – yeah, I know the universe owes me nothing, I understand that.” “Sometimes it gets like that, huh?” “I’m okay, just … yeah, I’m okay.” “I’m on my way, I’ll be back soon, okay? Okay.” “I’m okay, I’m okay. See you again soon.”

“It’s okay to be sad. Heave in and out.” She told herself, a calm ushering straight from the sea itself.

Neap tides.

Ahhh, it’s been so long since I wrote again, I just finished my first semester in college! Of course, that had its ups and downs, hence, this piece right here.

Here’s to being more human, riding the tide, and coming back better than before. Or maybe, just okay. Happy New Year. :)

[calmdxwn]

cinder

I am made of xanthine; an exuberance in passion, a passion in the liberties. Watch the doves fly; my heart wishes the same greatness. Hear the winds sing; my voice desires the same conviction. And in my own miniscule, I can will these for myself. I walk among dreamers’ clouds; I breathe with the sea’s depths. This gentleness - like honey sunshine whose warmth sticks to your skin, or candlelight that flickers behind twinkling eyes - is the beat of my heart.

And yet, the world’s toils will create monsters out of its own children. The sun will hide behind clouds that turned gray. The sea will swallow ships whole, the winds will sweep the land arid. Exuberance will tire from the turpitude, and passion will lose its path. The worst of it all is when doves scuttle far from the cinder in the trees that burned from xanthine candlelight blown wild by the tempests.

[calmdxwn]

Unknowingly, I reach out my hand Hoping you'll fall to me  Like my eyes draw to you  From Sunday mornings From lonely window sills Unknowingly, I buried myself   In this ankle-deep cold  Waiting for a one-in-a-million moment  Only to let time make you slip through my fingers To longer moonlit nights  To the depth of my bones that ache for you

Snowfall

[calmdxwn]

They had a good reason for telling us to take it slow. We now lay a distance away, the brokenness in our bones numbing, the passions bleeding out our skins. Our time together didn’t compare to the time we spent apart.

calmdxwn, Collision

[calmdxwn]

sliver

I look at her, and she is the one I love. I never knew her. I never really saw her. Or so she likes to say.

This girl, who always stood a certain distance from me, who never but adamantly speaks, who always had a scowl on, who never saw herself either, was loved by me despite me never seeing her.

I only saw the flashing lights I stood little against beneath the city skyline, and how she always cooped herself up in her tiny office working late. I saw the dust and smoke stain the sky, and how I lost count of how many times I caught her cupping her chin in her hand as she loses track of how many thoughts race through her mind. I saw the downpour from gray skies, hurried scampering around me drenching my trousers; while everybody retreated inside, I waited out with an umbrella listening to her heavy cries.

Her light shone as dim as the stars. And it doesn’t compare to Venus, or the slow trail of aeroplanes across the night. But I cared not about beauty or luxury.

I still tilted my head skyward, I still craned my neck to the midnight blue, I still waited for the oranges and pinks and purples to settle south everyday. 

She was my star, a pearl lost in the evening ocean, a treasure. And I never saw her at her best. I never saw her that way, because she says everything is uglier up close, and the circumstances make the chances even blurrier. But she shone with might, every night, even without me seeing. I didn’t need to see her either, I just know that spark is there  when I reach my hand up, clutch at it, and drag it back down my chest.  She was what everyone told me to reach for.

That is how I see her. That is how she lives in me. That is how I love her.

[calmdxwn]

You came into my life like a storm surge; sweeping me off my feet, drowning my senses. The sense of disaster had us holding onto each other.

calmdxwn, Introduction

[calmdxwn]

Amidst the Finiteness

Cast your eyes skyward and count the colors of the atmosphere; relative are its emotions to the little people clueless to its whims.

Encounter the worst of the tides, swelling with tempt and rage; they will shape the shores, they will soften the ridges.

Livid are the philosophies of restless men, riding carousels eternally; uphold doubt, rid of lethargy, elevate wonder, bury ignorance.

Embrace your bones, your skin, feel the warmth of your own self; build a home inside your ribs and let love pulse around you.

Stillness is a skill against the roaring crowd; be unwavering, counter the flow, shout against the mountain gales.

Towards the end of every ever is a tired pair of captivating eyes, a charming smile that captures your senses; meet the phenomena of possibility often.

Irrevocable are the carvings on the walls, the cracks on the cave, only in depth and damage will they change; speak your name, without pomposity, but courageously.

Allow the lilies to grow in the wetlands, and the trees in the city; those who wilt are they who had no chance given to grow.

Lost are the gods and deities with human limbs but wear crowns of gold; the Earth need not more of godliness to worship, but rather, more humanness to live up to.

[calmdxwn]

Though the smog, there is the scent of morning dew. Though the crowd of roars, there's songbird music. And though iniquity and disgrace, there are still flowers on the sidewalk.

Flowers on the Sidewalk, calmdxwn