The Only One
Summary: Virgil has a secret that the Light Sides and Thomas are completely unaware of, but the Dark Sides unfortunately aren't. The Dark Sides are spending more and more time in the main area of the Mindscape now that Thomas and the Light Sides are trying to accept them as part of the famILY. What does this mean for Virgil?
From a Tumblr ask! :D
Link to AO3
TW: Blood, unsympathetic Deceit, minor violence, minor injuries, forced undressing, hurt/ comfort, angst with a happy ending, negative thinking, bullying, harassment, gender dysphoria, trans male character, misgendering, knives, no deadnaming but that doesn’t mean they don’t try.
Virgil curled his hands in the thick quilt on his bed. He’d encountered Deceit and Remus of all Sides that day and had hid in his room ever since. He couldn’t even be bothered to replace his shirt; he’d just thrown the tattered remains on the floor and crawled under the covers in shock, trembling with silent tears going down his face.
“Kiddo! Dinner’s ready!”
Virgil swallowed, trying to get past the lump in his throat. “Sorry Pat, I’m not feeling well,” he called back, voice gravelly.
Patton spoke more softly this time. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to hear that! Do you want me to bring you some soup or water?”
Despite his trauma, he smiled through his tears. He’s too good for me. “No thanks Pat, I think I just want to sleep right now.”
“Okay! Let me know if there’s anything I can do!”
“Will do.”
Virgil heard Patton move away from the door, and he sighed.
I should probably clean up the wounds. Don’t want them to get infected.
Virgil shakily stood and walked over to his bathroom. He winced. This is bad. This has to be one of the worst times. Thin cuts marred his skin where Deceit and Remus had used a knife to cut his shirt off. Thin lines of blood trailed down from each wound. Virgil sighed and went about disinfecting them.
You know they’ve been more active in the main Mindscape, you know they’d see you wearing a binder. Why did you have to be so fucking stupid? You could have just worn your huge hoodie like you used to and it would have been fine. They already beat the shit out of you once you changed your voice in the Subconscious, did you really want another beating that badly?
Virgil bit his lip as a sob forced its way past the lump in his throat and more tears streamed down his face. Soon, he’d expertly cleaned and bandaged his wounds and he started working on cleaning the tear tracks and makeup from his face. He cursed the Dark Sides for knowing to aim for parts of his body that would be covered up by clothes; if he’d been unable to hide the bruises, he wouldn’t have a choice but to tell the Light Sides.
The Light Sides won’t believe you. What, the Dark Sides they’re working on accepting just so happen to be evil transphobes who hurt you? And you’re the only Dark Side who’s not an asshole? Give me a break.
Virgil bit back tears. He was tired of crying over the Dark Sides hurting him. And if he told the Light Sides, they’d start asking questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. It was bad enough that they’d “outed” him as a previous Dark Side, causing their loving, wonderful Host to look at him with disgust.
Virgil shook his head. Thinking about that isn’t helping me calm down. He splashed a bit of water on his face and finished cleaning off his makeup. He curled back up in bed, hissing through his teeth at the new injuries, and resigned himself to a night of restless sleep.
/////
Virgil decided against wearing his new shirt and hoodie, instead opting for his old black ensemble. He felt like crying without a binder, but he also didn’t want to lose another one to Deceit’s knife and he was pretty sure a couple of his ribs were cracked.
Virgil made his way downstairs for breakfast, miserable. He’d put on extra black eyeshadow to hide the bags under his eyes and hopefully to draw attention away from the fact that his eyes were slightly red.
He was shuffling into the kitchen when he froze. Deceit is here, why is he here, why is he here, why is he-
“How are you feeling kiddo?” Patton asked.
Virgil shrugged keeping eye contact with him and resolutely avoiding the other Dark Side. “Fine. Better.”
“That’s good! I thought that we should get to know the Dark Sides better, so I invited them over for breakfast! Although Remus didn’t show up, something about being on a ‘deodorant cleanse’?”
“Yes, Virgil, it’s so important to get to know each other better, don’t you think?” Deceit purred.
“I know you well enough!” Virgil spat back.
“Now Virgil, give him a chance,” Patton said, disapproval coloring his voice.
Deceit looked hurt. “Yes Virgil, why aren’t you giving me a chance? I’m trying here, and you’re just being mean.”
Dammit, Deceit can act well if he tries.
Deceit looked at Virgil with a sick smirk.
Virgil narrowed his eyes at Deceit. “Fuck. You.” and sank back into his room, his stomach cramping from hunger. He curled up on his bed and hugged his pillow, angry tears coming out this time.
I just wanted food! And now Patton thinks I’m an asshole! And the others will too! Fuck!
A few hours later, he couldn’t ignore the nausea anymore and decided to venture downstairs. He walked up to his door and pressed his ear against it, listening for any indication there were Sides walking around. Hearing nothing, he slowly opened his door and looked both direction.
Finally. I need-
“Doom and Gloom!”
Fuck.
Virgil turned his head and looked at Roman. He seemed excited about something or other.
“I have this wonderful new project! For Halloween! You’ll love it Virge!”
Deceit and Remus appeared behind Roman, smirking.
“Virgil? Who’s she, never heard of her,” Deceit sneered.
Roman jumped, but relaxed quickly. Virgil ground his teeth.
“I thought it was Veronica? Or no wait, Vanessa?”
Virgil glared at them. “That’s never been my name,” he growled.
“Oh, my mistake!” Deceit laughed, daintily putting a hand to his chest. He smiled. “Violet.”
“Hahaha! She’s a girl!” Remus shrieked, pointing at Virgil. Roman just looked confused.
Virgil held himself back and closed his eyes. He inhaled, opened his eyes, turned around, and walked downstairs. He heard Patton humming in the kitchen and smiled.
He entered the kitchen and opened the pantry to grab some cereal.
“Hey Virge!”
Virgil smiled at him and sent him a two-finger salute. Patton let him get milk in his cereal and start eating before he spoke up.
“Honey, I think we need to talk about what happened with Deceit this morning.”
Virgil’s stomach nearly revolted. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s no big deal. “Yeah? What about it?”
Patton sighed. “The way you spoke to Deceit… Is there something else going on?” Virgil whipped his head towards the fatherly trait. He’d been expecting admonishment and chastising, a demand to go apologize to Deceit. Instead, Patton’s eyes were full of concern. “I… what?”
Patton tilted his head. “I know you have a longer history with the Dark Sides than we do, and it sounded like there were things that weren’t being said out loud.” At Virgil’s baffled expression, he continued. “You can trust me, sweetie. Is there something going on?”
Virgil stared at his cereal bowl, fighting back tears. He moved the cereal bits around with his spoon.
I can’t lie to Patton, he’s just trying to help.
Virgil decided to tell the truth. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”
Patton sagged slightly at that. “Is Deceit stopping you?”
Virgil chewed on his lip. “No, it’s my own fucking fault.”
“Do you feel unsafe around us?”
Virgil jumped at the question. “No! I just,” Virgil’s voice choked off. “I can’t say,” he whispered brokenly.
“Oh sweetie, do you want a hug?” Patton asked.
“S-sorry, not right now.” The thought of Patton wrapping his arms around his body, especially without his binder, was too much. “Okay baby, let me know. Is there anything I can do?”
“No. I’m sorry.” And with that Virgil broke. He dropped his spoon in his bowl and put his head in his hands, letting out the sobs he’d been holding in.
“Oh! Virgil, it’s okay! It’ll be okay!”
Virgil just shook his head.
“Would it be okay if I rubbed your back?”
Virgil nodded. He won’t be touching my front, that’s okay.
Patton immediately put a hand on Virgil’s back and began lovingly rubbing it.
“I w-want to s-s-say, but I c-c-can’t!!”
“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay,” Patton soothed, confused but beginning to understand that something was going on between the Dark Sides and Virgil and it wasn’t anything good. For now, he focused on calming Virgil down enough so he could eat. Eventually, Virgil’s cries petered out.
Patton kept rubbing small circles into his kiddo’s back. “There you go. Feeling better?”
Virgil nodded and wiped his face on his sleeve. He smiled at Patton shyly. “Sorry ‘bout that. Just freaking out for no reason.”
Patton frowned. “It doesn’t sound like no reason.”
Virgil waved him off. “It’s fine Pat. I’m probably just hungry.”
Patton knew it wasn’t just hunger, but he also knew not to push the issue any more. He grabbed a bowl of cereal for himself and chatted with Virgil, trying to make him feel comfortable again. He was happy that by the end of the meal, Virgil was much more relaxed and didn’t seem like he was about to burst into tears. Virgil cleaned his dishes and and sent Patton a two-finger salute as he sank out. Patton let his face fall once Virgil was out of the kitchen. What is going on with my sweet boy?
/////
The Sides all rose up when Thomas summoned them for the next video. Virgil had his normal hoodie on and zipped up and prayed no one could tell that he wasn’t wearing a binder.
“Hey Virge! You cold?” Thomas asked.
Virgil nodded, Deceit giggling at the lie.
Thomas turned to the camera and started filming.
“What is up everybody?! Today, I’m dealing with an important topic: when to come out.”
Remus giggled. “Like Virgil! She-” Deceit elbowed him, cutting him off.
Thomas frowned in confusion at Remus. “I mean, yeah, he told me he was a Dark Side, and that’s what I wanted to address this video.”
Deceit summoned a bowl of popcorn and crunched loudly, making sure Virgil saw the shit-eating grin on his face. Remus just snacked on deodorant.
Virgil paled and felt cold all over. His heart was pounding and there was a lump in his throat. Thomas turned to him.
“Virgil, I… I just wanted to say that I was surprised, and I still love you. I don’t care that you were a Dark Side before. You’re working with me now, and with the others, and who you are now matters way more than who you thought you had to be in the past.”
Virgil was shocked. He felt tears springing to his eyes. “You… you really mean that?” he whispered, incredulous.
Thomas smiled. “Yeah, I do.”
Virgil sagged in relief and smiled, a single tear running down his cheek.
“That’s totally how I expected that was going to go,” Deceit complained.
Remus just threw his deodorant on the ground in frustration.
Thomas ignored them. “Do you want a hug Virge?”
Before Virgil could panic and make up an excuse, Remus started shrieking with laughter. “She can’t! Then you’ll feel her tits!”
Virgil felt all of the blood leave his body.
Thomas just tilted his head in confusion at Remus. “What?” He looked at Virgil. “Virge? What’s going on?”
Virgil started backing into the wall and hyperventilating, new kinds of tears making their way down his face.
He knows, he knows, he just got over me keeping one big secret from him, this is a coming out video, he’s going to find out, he’s going to hate me, they’re all going to hate me, they’re going to send me back to the Dark Side, he hates me, they hate me…
“Come now Virgil,” Deceit purred. Virgil jumped when he and Remus appeared in front of him on the landing. “Let’s be fully honest with our Host, that’s what he would want, isn’t that right?”
Remus and Deceit grabbed Virgil and started pulling down the zipper. He cried out and thrashed in their hold until they were pulled away. He didn’t notice who helped him, he just collapsed on the landing and curled into a defensive ball in the corner, shaking like a leaf and hyperventilating.
“Virgil? Can you hear me?”
Virgil flinched and whined at the proximity of Logan’s voice.
“I can’t, I don’t want to, please don’t make me, don’t hurt me, please…” he whimpered.
Everyone’s hearts shattered.
Patton came up to the landing and leaned against the steps. “It’s okay sweetie, no one’s going to hurt you, I promise. No one’s going to force you to do anything. Can you try to breathe with me baby?”
Virgil let out another cry but nodded. Patton counted with him, occasionally glancing back at the Dark Sides. Roman had the Dark Sides cornered, sword pointed directly at them, making sure they wouldn’t hurt Virgil. After almost twenty rounds of breathing exercises, Virgil’s muscles began to relax from the cramped position they were in.
Thomas knelt in front of the stairs. “Virge?” he began cautiously. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Virgil’s breath hitched. “I’m sorry Thomas.”
“Buddy, no! You got attacked and got scared.”
Deceit laughed. “That’s not all Thomas! Go on, tell our Host what else you’ve been lying about!”
Thomas frowned at Deceit and looked back at Virgil. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. This… God, this has to be the worst time to be making a coming out video. Are you hurt at all?”
Remus laughed. “Awwwww, is the little girl hurt?”
“SILENCE!!” Roman roared.
Virgil flinched, staring at the Dark Sides with wide eyes.
“Virgil, hey look at me,” Thomas called softly. Virgil turned wide eyes to Thomas, the Host almost breaking at the tears he saw. “It’s okay buddy.”
Remus wasn’t done. “Take off her shirt!!”
Roman took a step towards them. “SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL RUN YOU THROUGH!!”
There must have been something in Roman’s expression, because the jeers stopped.
“Honey-” Patton began. He was cut off with a sharp inhale from Virgil as he laid a hand on the anxious Side’s back. He quickly withdrew his hand.
“I’m sorry baby! Are you hurt?”
Virgil sniffled. “N-not too bad.”
Thomas’ face twisted in anger, and the two Dark Sides sank out. Roman sheathed his sword after a moment and walked over to the stairs, worried about his anxious friend.
Logan spoke up. “Virgil, may I look at your wounds?”
“No!” he yelled, curling up defensively and hugging his hoodie closer to himself.
“I will respect your choices Virgil. However, I believe that it would be in your best interest to allow me to assess your injuries to ensure nothing else is going on and to help prevent infection.”
Virgil shook his head. “They’ve done worse, this is nothing, I’ll be fine.”
“They’ve done this before?!” Roman growled.
Virgil curled in on himself and nodded.
Patton shifted a little closer. “How have they hurt you in the past?”
Virgil’s breath hitched. “Th-they’ve beat the shit out of me when I changed my voice. I u-used to have a higher pitched voice and I didn’t like it. And when I changed how I dressed they beat me up for that too.”
“Oh Virge,” Patton breathed. “Do you know why they did it?”
“B-because…” Dammit, I’ve really got to say it, don’t I? “I-I’m a trans guy.” Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “The D-Dark Sides h-hated me for it, s-said I w-w-was a girl, but I’m not! I swear I didn’t l-lie to you T-Thomas!! I just, w-with how you’d t-taken the news of me being o-one of them in the p-p-past, I was scared you’d m-m-make me go b-back to them and I c-c-can’t…” Virgil dissolved into tears, unable to form any more sentences.
Thomas jumped forward and hugged Virgil close to him. Virgil curled into his Host and cried.
“God, Virge, I’m so sorry. I’d never hate you for being trans! Whatever I did to make you think that, I’m so sorry. And if they’re hurting you, I’d never want you in that position.”
Thomas held Virgil until his cries petered out.
They deserve to know. “Th-they’d cut off m-my clothes.”
Thomas froze and tightened his arms.
“They what.” Patton said, voice flat with blinding fury.
“Th-they w-wouldn’t go farther th-than that!” Virgil added quickly. “They’d j-j-just cut off m-my clothes t-to try to p-prove I’m a girl. Th-that’s why I’m n-not w-wearing a b-b-binder today. Th-they cut up my l-last one with a knife a-and hurt m-my ribs.”
“Oh baby…”
Logan adjusted his necktie nervously. “I… Virgil, I am so sorry they hurt you. I believe I understand another reason you don’t want me to look at your injuries. May I ask you some questions instead?”
Virgil bit his lip and nodded, still curled against Thomas.
“Does it hurt to breathe?”
Virgil nodded, and Thomas loosened his grip slightly.
“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain when you breathe?”
“Um, like a 5? It’s not too bad.”
“I am glad to hear that. Are you experiencing any difficulty breathing?”
“Not really, no?”
“Alright. Let me know if you do. Would you consent to stay with one of us for a few nights until we’re certain there aren’t any other ill-effects?”
“Y-you don’t mind?”
Roman frowned and tilted his head. “Why would we mind?”
“...I dunno.”
Logan sighed. “We want to help you Virgil. Please tell us what is bothering you.”
Virgil hid his face in Thomas’ chest, muffling his words. “They s-said I was gross.”
Roman actually snarled while Patton gasped and Logan and Thomas’ faces hardened.
Thomas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them and kissed the top of Virgil’s head as he held the trembling man.
“You’re not gross Virge.”
“Y-you’re just saying that.”
Logan hesitantly placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Virgil, I am not one to mince feelings.” Virgil huffed a laugh at that. “You are objectively not “gross.” Remus and Deceit are wrong.”
Virgil lifted his head and looked at Logan. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
Virgil relaxed against Thomas. “Can I… Can I wear my old stuff until my ribs heal? That hoodie’s bigger, it helps with… yeah.”
“Of course you can kiddo!” Patton rushed out. “If it makes you feel better, go for it!”
Virgil frowned and looked at the Light Sides and Thomas suspiciously. “You’re all taking this… really well,” he said slowly. “I’m the only one like this. Not even one of the other Dark Sides is like this. Aren’t you freaked out?”
“Kiddo, no!”
“One’s gender would never make me forsake them!”
“You identify as a man, therefore you are a man.”
Thomas hadn’t spoken yet, and Virgil felt tears in his eyes.
“Virgil, buddy,” Thomas began. “I… I fucked up, didn’t I?” Thomas’ voice grew thick with tears. “I somehow made you think I think less of trans people.” Thomas buried his face in Virgil’s hair to hide his tears. “I-I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. I promise I’d never think any less of you. You’re still my facet, my Virgil, and this is just one cool thing about you.”
Virgil pressed into Thomas. “I don’t know why I had to manifest this way. There’s no reason for it!”
Thomas rubbed Virgil’s arm. “We may never know why, and that’s okay. We don’t need to in order to accept you and love you.”
Virgil closed his eyes, exhausted. “Thank you, Thomas. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”
Thomas squeezed Virgil as tightly as he dared. “You were scared.” Thomas smiled before he sung. “It’s okay. We’re your best pals!”
Virgil snorted. “Dork.”
“Damn gay.”
“Don’t you mean- oh, I get it.”
Patton and Thomas giggled.
Roman stepped closer. “Virgil, would you like to stay in my room tonight? The bed’s big enough to fit all of us.”
Virgil looked up at Roman and smiled. “Sure Princey.”
Later that evening, when Virgil is surrounded by the Light Sides, he smiles to himself.
The Light Sides might be clueless morons, but I guess I could get used to this.
