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I was rewatching the 12 Days of Christmas episode and Logan said "I don't who True Love was in this. Was that Thomas?"
LAMPT rights
Yes. But also consider.. DR LAMPT or LAMPT JR
A doodle of my boys!! I wanted to add Remus and Dee, but HOLY CRAP their costumes are hard to draw!!
Thomas: If you took a shot every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Logan: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Patton: Drunk.
Virgil: Wasted.
Roman: Dead.
The Only One
Summary: Virgil has a secret that the Light Sides and Thomas are completely unaware of, but the Dark Sides unfortunately aren't. The Dark Sides are spending more and more time in the main area of the Mindscape now that Thomas and the Light Sides are trying to accept them as part of the famILY. What does this mean for Virgil?
From a Tumblr ask! :D
Link to AO3
TW: Blood, unsympathetic Deceit, minor violence, minor injuries, forced undressing, hurt/ comfort, angst with a happy ending, negative thinking, bullying, harassment, gender dysphoria, trans male character, misgendering, knives, no deadnaming but that doesn’t mean they don’t try.
Virgil curled his hands in the thick quilt on his bed. He’d encountered Deceit and Remus of all Sides that day and had hid in his room ever since. He couldn’t even be bothered to replace his shirt; he’d just thrown the tattered remains on the floor and crawled under the covers in shock, trembling with silent tears going down his face.
“Kiddo! Dinner’s ready!”
Virgil swallowed, trying to get past the lump in his throat. “Sorry Pat, I’m not feeling well,” he called back, voice gravelly.
Patton spoke more softly this time. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to hear that! Do you want me to bring you some soup or water?”
Despite his trauma, he smiled through his tears. He’s too good for me. “No thanks Pat, I think I just want to sleep right now.”
“Okay! Let me know if there’s anything I can do!”
“Will do.”
Virgil heard Patton move away from the door, and he sighed.
I should probably clean up the wounds. Don’t want them to get infected.
Virgil shakily stood and walked over to his bathroom. He winced. This is bad. This has to be one of the worst times. Thin cuts marred his skin where Deceit and Remus had used a knife to cut his shirt off. Thin lines of blood trailed down from each wound. Virgil sighed and went about disinfecting them.
You know they’ve been more active in the main Mindscape, you know they’d see you wearing a binder. Why did you have to be so fucking stupid? You could have just worn your huge hoodie like you used to and it would have been fine. They already beat the shit out of you once you changed your voice in the Subconscious, did you really want another beating that badly?
Virgil bit his lip as a sob forced its way past the lump in his throat and more tears streamed down his face. Soon, he’d expertly cleaned and bandaged his wounds and he started working on cleaning the tear tracks and makeup from his face. He cursed the Dark Sides for knowing to aim for parts of his body that would be covered up by clothes; if he’d been unable to hide the bruises, he wouldn’t have a choice but to tell the Light Sides.
The Light Sides won’t believe you. What, the Dark Sides they’re working on accepting just so happen to be evil transphobes who hurt you? And you’re the only Dark Side who’s not an asshole? Give me a break.
Virgil bit back tears. He was tired of crying over the Dark Sides hurting him. And if he told the Light Sides, they’d start asking questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. It was bad enough that they’d “outed” him as a previous Dark Side, causing their loving, wonderful Host to look at him with disgust.
Virgil shook his head. Thinking about that isn’t helping me calm down. He splashed a bit of water on his face and finished cleaning off his makeup. He curled back up in bed, hissing through his teeth at the new injuries, and resigned himself to a night of restless sleep.
/////
Virgil decided against wearing his new shirt and hoodie, instead opting for his old black ensemble. He felt like crying without a binder, but he also didn’t want to lose another one to Deceit’s knife and he was pretty sure a couple of his ribs were cracked.
Virgil made his way downstairs for breakfast, miserable. He’d put on extra black eyeshadow to hide the bags under his eyes and hopefully to draw attention away from the fact that his eyes were slightly red.
He was shuffling into the kitchen when he froze. Deceit is here, why is he here, why is he here, why is he-
“How are you feeling kiddo?” Patton asked.
Virgil shrugged keeping eye contact with him and resolutely avoiding the other Dark Side. “Fine. Better.”
“That’s good! I thought that we should get to know the Dark Sides better, so I invited them over for breakfast! Although Remus didn’t show up, something about being on a ‘deodorant cleanse’?”
“Yes, Virgil, it’s so important to get to know each other better, don’t you think?” Deceit purred.
“I know you well enough!” Virgil spat back.
“Now Virgil, give him a chance,” Patton said, disapproval coloring his voice.
Deceit looked hurt. “Yes Virgil, why aren’t you giving me a chance? I’m trying here, and you’re just being mean.”
Dammit, Deceit can act well if he tries.
Deceit looked at Virgil with a sick smirk.
Virgil narrowed his eyes at Deceit. “Fuck. You.” and sank back into his room, his stomach cramping from hunger. He curled up on his bed and hugged his pillow, angry tears coming out this time.
I just wanted food! And now Patton thinks I’m an asshole! And the others will too! Fuck!
A few hours later, he couldn’t ignore the nausea anymore and decided to venture downstairs. He walked up to his door and pressed his ear against it, listening for any indication there were Sides walking around. Hearing nothing, he slowly opened his door and looked both direction.
Finally. I need-
“Doom and Gloom!”
Fuck.
Virgil turned his head and looked at Roman. He seemed excited about something or other.
“I have this wonderful new project! For Halloween! You’ll love it Virge!”
Deceit and Remus appeared behind Roman, smirking.
“Virgil? Who’s she, never heard of her,” Deceit sneered.
Roman jumped, but relaxed quickly. Virgil ground his teeth.
“I thought it was Veronica? Or no wait, Vanessa?”
Virgil glared at them. “That’s never been my name,” he growled.
“Oh, my mistake!” Deceit laughed, daintily putting a hand to his chest. He smiled. “Violet.”
“Hahaha! She’s a girl!” Remus shrieked, pointing at Virgil. Roman just looked confused.
Virgil held himself back and closed his eyes. He inhaled, opened his eyes, turned around, and walked downstairs. He heard Patton humming in the kitchen and smiled.
He entered the kitchen and opened the pantry to grab some cereal.
“Hey Virge!”
Virgil smiled at him and sent him a two-finger salute. Patton let him get milk in his cereal and start eating before he spoke up.
“Honey, I think we need to talk about what happened with Deceit this morning.”
Virgil’s stomach nearly revolted. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s no big deal. “Yeah? What about it?”
Patton sighed. “The way you spoke to Deceit… Is there something else going on?” Virgil whipped his head towards the fatherly trait. He’d been expecting admonishment and chastising, a demand to go apologize to Deceit. Instead, Patton’s eyes were full of concern. “I… what?”
Patton tilted his head. “I know you have a longer history with the Dark Sides than we do, and it sounded like there were things that weren’t being said out loud.” At Virgil’s baffled expression, he continued. “You can trust me, sweetie. Is there something going on?”
Virgil stared at his cereal bowl, fighting back tears. He moved the cereal bits around with his spoon.
I can’t lie to Patton, he’s just trying to help.
Virgil decided to tell the truth. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”
Patton sagged slightly at that. “Is Deceit stopping you?”
Virgil chewed on his lip. “No, it’s my own fucking fault.”
“Do you feel unsafe around us?”
Virgil jumped at the question. “No! I just,” Virgil’s voice choked off. “I can’t say,” he whispered brokenly.
“Oh sweetie, do you want a hug?” Patton asked.
“S-sorry, not right now.” The thought of Patton wrapping his arms around his body, especially without his binder, was too much. “Okay baby, let me know. Is there anything I can do?”
“No. I’m sorry.” And with that Virgil broke. He dropped his spoon in his bowl and put his head in his hands, letting out the sobs he’d been holding in.
“Oh! Virgil, it’s okay! It’ll be okay!”
Virgil just shook his head.
“Would it be okay if I rubbed your back?”
Virgil nodded. He won’t be touching my front, that’s okay.
Patton immediately put a hand on Virgil’s back and began lovingly rubbing it.
“I w-want to s-s-say, but I c-c-can’t!!”
“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay,” Patton soothed, confused but beginning to understand that something was going on between the Dark Sides and Virgil and it wasn’t anything good. For now, he focused on calming Virgil down enough so he could eat. Eventually, Virgil’s cries petered out.
Patton kept rubbing small circles into his kiddo’s back. “There you go. Feeling better?”
Virgil nodded and wiped his face on his sleeve. He smiled at Patton shyly. “Sorry ‘bout that. Just freaking out for no reason.”
Patton frowned. “It doesn’t sound like no reason.”
Virgil waved him off. “It’s fine Pat. I’m probably just hungry.”
Patton knew it wasn’t just hunger, but he also knew not to push the issue any more. He grabbed a bowl of cereal for himself and chatted with Virgil, trying to make him feel comfortable again. He was happy that by the end of the meal, Virgil was much more relaxed and didn’t seem like he was about to burst into tears. Virgil cleaned his dishes and and sent Patton a two-finger salute as he sank out. Patton let his face fall once Virgil was out of the kitchen. What is going on with my sweet boy?
/////
The Sides all rose up when Thomas summoned them for the next video. Virgil had his normal hoodie on and zipped up and prayed no one could tell that he wasn’t wearing a binder.
“Hey Virge! You cold?” Thomas asked.
Virgil nodded, Deceit giggling at the lie.
Thomas turned to the camera and started filming.
“What is up everybody?! Today, I’m dealing with an important topic: when to come out.”
Remus giggled. “Like Virgil! She-” Deceit elbowed him, cutting him off.
Thomas frowned in confusion at Remus. “I mean, yeah, he told me he was a Dark Side, and that’s what I wanted to address this video.”
Deceit summoned a bowl of popcorn and crunched loudly, making sure Virgil saw the shit-eating grin on his face. Remus just snacked on deodorant.
Virgil paled and felt cold all over. His heart was pounding and there was a lump in his throat. Thomas turned to him.
“Virgil, I… I just wanted to say that I was surprised, and I still love you. I don’t care that you were a Dark Side before. You’re working with me now, and with the others, and who you are now matters way more than who you thought you had to be in the past.”
Virgil was shocked. He felt tears springing to his eyes. “You… you really mean that?” he whispered, incredulous.
Thomas smiled. “Yeah, I do.”
Virgil sagged in relief and smiled, a single tear running down his cheek.
“That’s totally how I expected that was going to go,” Deceit complained.
Remus just threw his deodorant on the ground in frustration.
Thomas ignored them. “Do you want a hug Virge?”
Before Virgil could panic and make up an excuse, Remus started shrieking with laughter. “She can’t! Then you’ll feel her tits!”
Virgil felt all of the blood leave his body.
Thomas just tilted his head in confusion at Remus. “What?” He looked at Virgil. “Virge? What’s going on?”
Virgil started backing into the wall and hyperventilating, new kinds of tears making their way down his face.
He knows, he knows, he just got over me keeping one big secret from him, this is a coming out video, he’s going to find out, he’s going to hate me, they’re all going to hate me, they’re going to send me back to the Dark Side, he hates me, they hate me…
“Come now Virgil,” Deceit purred. Virgil jumped when he and Remus appeared in front of him on the landing. “Let’s be fully honest with our Host, that’s what he would want, isn’t that right?”
Remus and Deceit grabbed Virgil and started pulling down the zipper. He cried out and thrashed in their hold until they were pulled away. He didn’t notice who helped him, he just collapsed on the landing and curled into a defensive ball in the corner, shaking like a leaf and hyperventilating.
“Virgil? Can you hear me?”
Virgil flinched and whined at the proximity of Logan’s voice.
“I can’t, I don’t want to, please don’t make me, don’t hurt me, please…” he whimpered.
Everyone’s hearts shattered.
Patton came up to the landing and leaned against the steps. “It’s okay sweetie, no one’s going to hurt you, I promise. No one’s going to force you to do anything. Can you try to breathe with me baby?”
Virgil let out another cry but nodded. Patton counted with him, occasionally glancing back at the Dark Sides. Roman had the Dark Sides cornered, sword pointed directly at them, making sure they wouldn’t hurt Virgil. After almost twenty rounds of breathing exercises, Virgil’s muscles began to relax from the cramped position they were in.
Thomas knelt in front of the stairs. “Virge?” he began cautiously. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Virgil’s breath hitched. “I’m sorry Thomas.”
“Buddy, no! You got attacked and got scared.”
Deceit laughed. “That’s not all Thomas! Go on, tell our Host what else you’ve been lying about!”
Thomas frowned at Deceit and looked back at Virgil. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. This… God, this has to be the worst time to be making a coming out video. Are you hurt at all?”
Remus laughed. “Awwwww, is the little girl hurt?”
“SILENCE!!” Roman roared.
Virgil flinched, staring at the Dark Sides with wide eyes.
“Virgil, hey look at me,” Thomas called softly. Virgil turned wide eyes to Thomas, the Host almost breaking at the tears he saw. “It’s okay buddy.”
Remus wasn’t done. “Take off her shirt!!”
Roman took a step towards them. “SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL RUN YOU THROUGH!!”
There must have been something in Roman’s expression, because the jeers stopped.
“Honey-” Patton began. He was cut off with a sharp inhale from Virgil as he laid a hand on the anxious Side’s back. He quickly withdrew his hand.
“I’m sorry baby! Are you hurt?”
Virgil sniffled. “N-not too bad.”
Thomas’ face twisted in anger, and the two Dark Sides sank out. Roman sheathed his sword after a moment and walked over to the stairs, worried about his anxious friend.
Logan spoke up. “Virgil, may I look at your wounds?”
“No!” he yelled, curling up defensively and hugging his hoodie closer to himself.
“I will respect your choices Virgil. However, I believe that it would be in your best interest to allow me to assess your injuries to ensure nothing else is going on and to help prevent infection.”
Virgil shook his head. “They’ve done worse, this is nothing, I’ll be fine.”
“They’ve done this before?!” Roman growled.
Virgil curled in on himself and nodded.
Patton shifted a little closer. “How have they hurt you in the past?”
Virgil’s breath hitched. “Th-they’ve beat the shit out of me when I changed my voice. I u-used to have a higher pitched voice and I didn’t like it. And when I changed how I dressed they beat me up for that too.”
“Oh Virge,” Patton breathed. “Do you know why they did it?”
“B-because…” Dammit, I’ve really got to say it, don’t I? “I-I’m a trans guy.” Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “The D-Dark Sides h-hated me for it, s-said I w-w-was a girl, but I’m not! I swear I didn’t l-lie to you T-Thomas!! I just, w-with how you’d t-taken the news of me being o-one of them in the p-p-past, I was scared you’d m-m-make me go b-back to them and I c-c-can’t…” Virgil dissolved into tears, unable to form any more sentences.
Thomas jumped forward and hugged Virgil close to him. Virgil curled into his Host and cried.
“God, Virge, I’m so sorry. I’d never hate you for being trans! Whatever I did to make you think that, I’m so sorry. And if they’re hurting you, I’d never want you in that position.”
Thomas held Virgil until his cries petered out.
They deserve to know. “Th-they’d cut off m-my clothes.”
Thomas froze and tightened his arms.
“They what.” Patton said, voice flat with blinding fury.
“Th-they w-wouldn’t go farther th-than that!” Virgil added quickly. “They’d j-j-just cut off m-my clothes t-to try to p-prove I’m a girl. Th-that’s why I’m n-not w-wearing a b-b-binder today. Th-they cut up my l-last one with a knife a-and hurt m-my ribs.”
“Oh baby…”
Logan adjusted his necktie nervously. “I… Virgil, I am so sorry they hurt you. I believe I understand another reason you don’t want me to look at your injuries. May I ask you some questions instead?”
Virgil bit his lip and nodded, still curled against Thomas.
“Does it hurt to breathe?”
Virgil nodded, and Thomas loosened his grip slightly.
“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain when you breathe?”
“Um, like a 5? It’s not too bad.”
“I am glad to hear that. Are you experiencing any difficulty breathing?”
“Not really, no?”
“Alright. Let me know if you do. Would you consent to stay with one of us for a few nights until we’re certain there aren’t any other ill-effects?”
“Y-you don’t mind?”
Roman frowned and tilted his head. “Why would we mind?”
“...I dunno.”
Logan sighed. “We want to help you Virgil. Please tell us what is bothering you.”
Virgil hid his face in Thomas’ chest, muffling his words. “They s-said I was gross.”
Roman actually snarled while Patton gasped and Logan and Thomas’ faces hardened.
Thomas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them and kissed the top of Virgil’s head as he held the trembling man.
“You’re not gross Virge.”
“Y-you’re just saying that.”
Logan hesitantly placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Virgil, I am not one to mince feelings.” Virgil huffed a laugh at that. “You are objectively not “gross.” Remus and Deceit are wrong.”
Virgil lifted his head and looked at Logan. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
Virgil relaxed against Thomas. “Can I… Can I wear my old stuff until my ribs heal? That hoodie’s bigger, it helps with… yeah.”
“Of course you can kiddo!” Patton rushed out. “If it makes you feel better, go for it!”
Virgil frowned and looked at the Light Sides and Thomas suspiciously. “You’re all taking this… really well,” he said slowly. “I’m the only one like this. Not even one of the other Dark Sides is like this. Aren’t you freaked out?”
“Kiddo, no!”
“One’s gender would never make me forsake them!”
“You identify as a man, therefore you are a man.”
Thomas hadn’t spoken yet, and Virgil felt tears in his eyes.
“Virgil, buddy,” Thomas began. “I… I fucked up, didn’t I?” Thomas’ voice grew thick with tears. “I somehow made you think I think less of trans people.” Thomas buried his face in Virgil’s hair to hide his tears. “I-I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. I promise I’d never think any less of you. You’re still my facet, my Virgil, and this is just one cool thing about you.”
Virgil pressed into Thomas. “I don’t know why I had to manifest this way. There’s no reason for it!”
Thomas rubbed Virgil’s arm. “We may never know why, and that’s okay. We don’t need to in order to accept you and love you.”
Virgil closed his eyes, exhausted. “Thank you, Thomas. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”
Thomas squeezed Virgil as tightly as he dared. “You were scared.” Thomas smiled before he sung. “It’s okay. We’re your best pals!”
Virgil snorted. “Dork.”
“Damn gay.”
“Don’t you mean- oh, I get it.”
Patton and Thomas giggled.
Roman stepped closer. “Virgil, would you like to stay in my room tonight? The bed’s big enough to fit all of us.”
Virgil looked up at Roman and smiled. “Sure Princey.”
Later that evening, when Virgil is surrounded by the Light Sides, he smiles to himself.
The Light Sides might be clueless morons, but I guess I could get used to this.
For the ask meme: The cat's out of the bag (literally)
Virgil gets turned into a kitten by the Dragon Witch. The other sides and Thomas have to take care of him until he changes back after a month.
Hmmm I'll admit I'm not very good at coming up with fluff on the fly, but if you want a bit of humor or a distraction, I just posted a new chapter of Monster of a Deal. Oh! Actually I do have a headcannon that Thomas has nights set aside to make each side feel special. Things like cuddle nights for Patton (&Virgil), debate nights with Logan, improv nights with Roman, and conspiracy nights with Virgil (Pat comes in later with cookies so they don't go to bed scared).
AWwwww, Thomas taking time to make the others feel special is everything. And Pat with the cookies! The best dad.
Touch Starved Logan
Warnings: General depression, eating disorder mentioned, physical aggression mentioned, maybe cursing I can’t remember Notes: I’ve never written anything like this, this will all be entirely inaccurate- I apologize Pairings: Platonic Analogical, maybe platonic LAMPT
Logic was not an emotion. It was not a feeling; not something that you can easily block out and ignore. Logic wasn’t related to emotions and feelings. Therefore, Logan wasn’t related to them, either. Logan was logic. Logan did not have feelings. Logan didn’t get emotional.
Or so he thought.
Logan was familiar with the term ‘touch starved’, or ‘skin hungry’. He’s done research on the term before, learned everything there is to learn on it. He just.. Never thought the term could be used towards him.
As said in an article he’d read about touch starvation, “Touch deprivation is a condition that involves little or no stimulation by way of physical contact with other people. Human touch has been proven to be vital to emotional, psychological, and physical growth in infants and to some extent in older children and adults. Deprivation can cause developmental deficiencies in babies. Studies have shown that in extreme cases, touch deprivation can lead to infant death. In adults and older children, touch deprivation is related to conditions such as depression, aggression, and eating disorders.”
And thinking about it, he showed symptoms of it all.
And quite frankly, that scared him.
Logan wouldn’t deny he’s been feeling depressed lately, but blamed it all on working too hard; he has been loading much more on himself than usual.
He’s been easily aggravated and snapped at the Sides much more than usual this past month, going so far as to threaten to hit them sometimes. A single glare was enough to silence them these days, managing to subdue Roman’s dramatic nature and Patton’s happiness by his mere presence.
And maybe he forgot to eat some days and didn’t keep down the things he did eat.
But he didn’t think it was all that important, to be perfectly honest. Maybe he’ll brush his hand over someone else’s “on accident” more often. Or bump their shoulders together more. Maybe ask Patton for a hug every once in a while.
Yeah, the idea of needing human touch and getting negative side effects from touch deprivation spooked him quite a bit; he was logic and therefore shouldn’t be feeling like this. But, what can you do? It wouldn’t be that big of a deal, right?
Truth is, Logan didn’t realize how bad it was, until he actually initiated his plan.
It was early in the morning, and as usual, Patton and Logan were the first ones awake and therefore the only ones in the kitchen, Patton making breakfast while Logan sipped his coffee and helped set the table.
It was a good time, Logan supposed. They were the only ones there and it wasn’t like Patton would turn him down; Patton could be six feet under and he’d spring back up to give anyone a hug when they needed it.
“Patton?” Logan piped up after the whole morning being spent in silence, Patton jumping at the sudden sound and almost burning himself on the hot pan.
“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to startle you.” Logan quickly apologized, realizing he probably should have been more careful about gaining Patton’s attention.
“It’s fine, Logan! What do you need?” The cardigan clad Side replied with a reassuring smile.
“I was just wondering if you would..” Logan trailed off, a frown taking place. Now that he was thinking about it, it sounded a bit needy, didn’t it? And wouldn’t it be odd, coming from Logan? And probably awkward for Patton, too. He knew his recent aggressive behavior had been scaring him and the other was already visibly tense, probably from being in the same room as Logan. Thinking about it, probably also the reason why he startled Patton so much by speaking.
“.. Nevermind.” Logan decided to just forget it. Maybe Virgil would be open to watch a movie together or something and he could cuddle with him then and pass it off as him being sleepy.
“Wondering if I would, what?” Patton insisted. If there was something Logan wanted that Patton could give, he’d gladly do so.
“Nothing, it’s silly.” Logan replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“C’mon, Teach, nothing you could say is silly. If you want me to do something, it’s probably for a good reason!”
“It’s merely something to satisfy my own desires; it’s not important. I promise.”
Patton pouted, but dropped it, finishing his pancakes and piling them on the plates on the table just as Virgil and Roman came walking in, Virgil looking as tired and moody as ever. Roman tensed ever so slightly upon seeing Logan but pretended everything was just fine, and sat down at the table to eat. Logan’s frown deepened and he felt guilt coil around him. Roman was unsettled by Logan just being in the room, just like Patton.
Finishing his coffee, Logan washed the cup in the sink and started to leave the room.
“Hey, Logan, where are you going?” Patton asked with a frown, though it looked more like a pout.
“To my room. I have plenty of work to do.”
“When was the last time you ate with us?” Virgil spoke up suddenly, voice deeper than usual due to being tired.
“.. Unimportant.” Logan replied instead of giving a proper answer, continuing to walk out.
“Wait, Logan!” Patton whined, reaching out and grabbing Logan’s hand to stop him, successfully managing to do so, as when he was touched, Logan stopped functioning.
The Microsoft error noise sounded in his head and he could practically see the blue screen and the “Logan.exe has stopped working”.
Warm.
Patton’s touch was warm.
It seeped into his skin and for a second, the cold left him, and all focus was on Patton’s warm hand and the gentle hold. Patton invaded his senses.
He could feel Patton’s warm hold, smell the sweet scent of vanilla from the other’s shampoo, hear his concerned voice-
Oh, wait, Patton was talking to him.
“Logan? What’s wrong? What are you looking at?”
Logan blinked, drawing his gaze from empty air to where their hands were linked together, and in an overwhelming burst of panic, ripped himself away from Patton and immediately vanished, ignoring the startled cry from the other.
He reappeared in his bedroom, cradling the hand that had been held, shivering at how it seemed to be even colder than before after being touched, before a wave of shame crashed over him.
He just completely broke apart as soon as Patton touched his hand.
Perhaps his touch deprivation was more serious than he’d initially thought.
Instead of trying to fix this, Logan kept himself locked up, but even more so than before.
He only left his room when absolutely necessary, usually at night time when he was absolutely sure everyone else was asleep so he wouldn’t risk being seen, or worse, touched.
It was definitely doing some damage, too. He could no longer sleep without holding something, having resorted to stuffing a heating pad into a pillow and cradling it as a makeshift human body, got a weighted blanket, and even went so far as to steal some things from the other Sides so he could sleep soundly with the scent of them surrounding him.
For the first time in the week he’d been living like this, he was summoned by Thomas.
He looked up from his book to see Thomas, Patton, and Roman standing around; Virgil was not present.
Patton audibly gasped and Roman’s jaw had dropped, Thomas’ hands flying up to his mouth.
“What?” Logan finally croaked, clearing his throat. Had he really not talked in that long? It hurt to actually speak out loud, and it was audible in the way his voice rasped.
“Have… Have you looked in a mirror?” Roman managed to get out after a minute of stunned silence.
“No? I would have no need to.” Logan replied, suddenly feeling anxious. What did he look like? He must have looked awful to gain that reaction.
“Well.. You look a little like Virgil, but.. More.. intense?” Thomas tried to explain, doing so badly. But, Logan got the gist.
“I apologize for my appearance, then, I suppose I should have tried to.. Fix myself up.” Logan replied, even though he had no idea he would be summoned in the first place.
“What’s been going on? You look like you need to really talk through some troubles.” Thomas replied, immediately tossing the original reason for summoning him out of the window so he could try to fix whatever problem he had. It couldn’t be a good thing when his own voice of reason was looking worse than his anxiety.
“It’s nothing. Merely silly, unimportant matters.” Logan replied stiffly, reluctant to talk about his touch starvation. No doubt they’d react negatively to it. He was logic- how could he need to be touched? It was stupid. They’d surely voice how dumb it was, too.
.. Oh, boy. Cognitive distortions. This issue was really getting to his thought process.
“Logan!” Patton gasped, upset he would talk so dismissively about his own health. “Don’t say that! What’s been bothering you? If it’s making you so stressed you need to talk about it!” He stomped his foot childishly, crossing his arms over his chest, but there was a certain fire in his eyes that indicated he was genuinely taking this seriously and wasn’t going to let up very easily.
Logan was starting to sink down.
Oh, definitely not.
Roman reached over, grabbing Logan by the arms and pulling him back up, yanking him closer to the other three.
Logan froze and all thought halted.
He was being touched again.
Warm, calloused hands gripping his bare arms and pulling him closer towards more warm, breathing people who could very easily reach out and touch him and make him feel warmer and more comfortable and he needed that touch he wanted to be touched he wanted to feel warm warm touch hold-
“Logic?”
And his thoughts resumed.
Logan noticed they were all staring at him in concern and he realized he’d froze, mouth hanging open and trembling violently in Roman’s hold and Roman was still holding him and he wanted to scream and cry and lash out all at once.
“I-I’m sorry-” Logan stammered, voice cracking with oncoming tears because Roman wasn’t letting go. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to-”
“Logan, what’s up?” Thomas asked gently, almost fearing the answer.
“He’s touch starved.” A deeper, tired voice came from behind them.
Virgil joined the group.
“Touch starved..? What’s that?” Roman asked, thoroughly and utterly confused by the new term he’d never heard before.
“It means he hasn’t been getting enough human contact as he should and it’s really badly affecting him.” Patton replied quietly, “Logan, we had no idea-”
The distraction gave him an opening. And he took it.
Logan sunk out of the living room, retreating to his own bedroom once again.
“What do we do? We can’t just easily pull him out of this, can we?” Thomas fretted, sitting on the couch with the other Sides, all of them trying to figure out how to fix Logan.
Virgil, who’d been touch starved, too, before revealing his name, had a bit of an idea as to how to pull Logan out of it, but he wasn’t sure if Logan would be as willing to get out of it as he had.
“I think we should try to get him to talk about it, first.” Virgil chipped in, “I.. Knowing Logan, I don’t think he’s pretty happy with the realization he’s got feelings and needs to be touched and he’s in denial. I think getting him to talk about it and admit it to himself is the best option.”
Silence followed his words.
Virgil was starting to get anxious that he’d said too much or said the wrong thing, when Patton brightened. “That’s.. An amazing idea!” He exclaimed, “We should each take turns trying to talk to him, maybe?”
“I think you should go first.” Roman immediately stated, followed by nods of agreement from Thomas and Virgil. Patton probably had the best chance of getting him to answer.
“Got it!” Patton chirped, “I’ll be right back, hopefully with Logan!”
And with that, he disappeared, reappearing in the mind palace where their rooms resided.
Patton cracked his knuckles, walking up the stairs to Logan’s room, which was, unsurprisingly, locked.
“Logan?” He called through the door, knocking on it gently. “Teach? We want to talk to you.. We, being, Thomas, Virgil, Roman, and I. We wanna make sure you’re doing okay.”
Silence.
A little worried, Patton tried again, “Logan? You okay? Sleeping? Hopefully..?”
Some slight shuffling from inside, telling Patton that Logan was, in fact, awake, and could hear him, he just refused to answer.
Saddened, Patton folded his hands together. “Hey, Logan, we.. we wanna help you. We wanna make you feel good again. Please, let us try..?”
Nothing.
Admitting defeat, Patton turned, and walked back down the stairs, before reappearing to the other three, shaking his head.
“I’ll go next,” Roman decided immediately, “Maybe he needs a little more of a push!”
And without Virgil could say, “No, you idiot, that’s the exact opposite of what he needs”, Roman was gone.
“Logan! We request your magnificent presence in the living room so we may talk to you, and get you feeling like your usual nerdy self again!” Roman announced once at Logan’s door.
Again, some soft shuffling, but no indication that he was unlocking the door or replying anytime soon.
“Looooggaan, may you grace us with your existence outside?”
Silence.
And then, Roman dropped the act, and tried luring him out by being serious to show that he was, in fact, concerned.
“Logan, c’mon, we genuinely do care about your well-being, and.. It’s scary, that you’re hurting. We want to help you. Please?”
He heard some more noises, and his hopes raised, thinking that maybe Logan was gonna exit, or answer, or something-
And then the noises ceased and his hopes fell once more.
Logan wasn’t gonna be lured out by Roman.
Disheartened, Roman left, returning to the three others and whining about how he was unsuccessful in making Logan exit his cave.
“How can I talk to him?” Thomas asked, wanting to give it a shot of his own.
“Well, we can take you to the mind palace again.” Patton replied, “But we don’t know if it’s gonna work, we can’t get Logan out, I don’t think anything will..”
“Well, we have to try!” Roman declared, “Thomas, let’s go to the mind palace once more!”
“.. Logan?” Thomas called, standing outside Logan’s bedroom door, the other three Sides standing behind him, nervously waiting to see if the Logical Side would respond to their Host.
“Logan, buddy, you there? We gotta talk about some pretty important things..”
“We want to help you!” Patton couldn’t stop himself from exclaiming, “Please?”
“Let us try to work through this together, Logan.” Roman called through the door, fidgeting nervously.
No response.
They were really close to giving up hope and walking away, when Virgil stepped forward.
Virgil raised his fist, knocking gently on the door. “Lo?” He spoke softly, and by some miracle, Logan responded to Virgil and Virgil alone.
There was shuffling that slowly got louder, the click of the door unlocking sounded, and Virgil was let in.
Virgil slowly opened the door, slipping inside and turning to the Sides and their Host, holding up a finger to ask for a minute alone, then shut and locked the door again, leaving Logan and Virgil alone in the room and Patton, Roman, and Thomas to sit and wait.
Staring at the door in shock, mouths hung open in surprise (and, in Roman’s case, offense, because Logan let Virgil in but not the Prince?), the other three decided to do just that. Sit and wait.
They decided to settle in the living room of the mindspace, waiting patiently for Virgil to reemerge with Logan in tow.
Inside the bedroom, Virgil walked in to see Logan sitting cross-legged on the bed, wearing the Anxious Side’s old sweatshirt, Patton’s old cardigan on his lap, and Roman’s old sash beneath the sweatshirt.
So that’s where their clothes went.
“Lo, you doing okay?” Virgil asked gently, sitting down at the end of the other’s bed.
Logan sucked in a shaky breath, and shook his head. “No. No, I’m not, Virgil.” He croaked, looking up and meeting Virgil’s gaze, tears rolling down his cheeks, eyes red from crying.
Virgil sighed, reaching out to the other Side in a silent invitation.
With some hesitation, Logan gave in, squirming over to Virgil and settling into the one-sided hug, letting out another heavy, shaky sigh at the warm, comfortable hold.
Virgil held Logan close, gently squeezing the Logical Side. “I know how touch deprivation feels.” He admitted quietly, “I was severely touch deprived before I told you all my name. It’s.. It’s not fun. But you can get pulled out of it, you know. We want to help you, Lo. We really do.”
“.. I appreciate that.” Logan mumbled, “I genuinely appreciate it, Virgil. It’s just.. I’m Logic. I am the rational decision making in Thomas. I don’t have emotions, feelings. I shouldn’t need to be touched. I shouldn’t want it. So why?”
Virgil shrugged, “You’re not all emotion, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have them. The need to be held and touched sometimes isn’t that bad.”
“.. What if I’m mocked for this, though-”
“Cognitive distortions, Logan.”
“Yes, right, right.”
Virgil cracked a grin, and squeezed Logan some more. “Hey, let’s go talk to the others, yes?”
“.. Yeah.”
Logan decided that sure, maybe Patton hugging him whenever he entered the room and insisting on cuddling during movie nights got a little annoying at times, but he felt infinitely happier compared to when he wasn’t being touched at all.
He really was glad he let Virgil into his room to talk about his feelings.
.. But he definitely felt really awkward when he returned their clothes to them later.
Cuddles (LAMPT)
So, I haven’t posted in a while I’m realizing, but its the first day of pride and I only have one week of school left! Hopefully, by the time I finish posting my finished oneshots, I have a more consistent schedule and I don’t accidentally go a month or two without posting... Anyway, the next thing I would have posted would be a 3 part series, but I don’t have the 3rd part written yet so that’s gonna wait a bit for me to write that... So here is this.
Also on AO3, Wattpad, Quotev, and Fanfic.net.
Ship: LoganxPattonxRomanxThomasxVirgil (LAMPT)
AU: None
Warnings: None
Requested By: No One
Plot: Virgil just really enjoys cuddling his boyfriends.
~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~
They didn't mind it whatsoever, they all actually quiet love when Virgil is in a cuddly mood. Being anxiety, he is most often too nervous to initiate anything, so when he decides to cuddle you, it is the most amazing feeling in the world.
~♧◇♡♤~
Thomas had been sitting in his living room, re watching Parks & Rec for the millionth time when Virgil popped up on the stairs. Thomas smiled at his boyfriend as he walked over and sat on Thomas's lap, legs on either side of the other males, arms wrapping around his neck, face buried in his neck. Thomas smiled and wrapped his arms around the others waste and pressed a loving kiss to the top of Virgil's purple hair.
Soon, the others joined and it became a cuddle fest. However, Virgil and Thomas remained in the position they started in.
~♧◇♡♤~
Roman was in his room, changing into comfy clothes after fighting his enemies in the imagination. He was about to pull on a new shirt when the jacket covered arms of Virgil wrapped around his waist, his face pressing into Roman's back, between his shoulder blades. Roman smiled and set the shirt down before twisting himself to wrap his arms around Virgil, burying his face in his hair as the stood there hugging.
Eventually, Roman scooped Virgil up in his arms, bridal style, to his bed. There Virgil curled into his side, head resting on Roman's chest, and Roman wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. Virgil quickly fell asleep to get some much-needed rest, Roman following soon after.
~♧◇♡♤~
Patton was sitting at the table when Virgil sat next to him. Virgil's arms found their way around the cardigan-clad man and Virgil pulled him onto his lap. Patton smiled and rested his head on the anxious sides shoulder as Virgil pressed loving kisses to his face, hands, and arms. They didn't say anything for a while. Eventually, Virgil just buried his face in Patton's neck, breathing in his scent, listening to Patton giggle about how his breath tickled.
~♧◇♡♤~
Logan had been at his desk since that morning when Virgil came in. He walked up behind Logan, pulled him out just enough for him to climb into his lap, legs looping through the arms, his actual arms wrapping around Logan's neck. Logan smiles and pressed a kiss to the side of his head and pulled the chair close enough to continue his work without disturbing Virgil. They stayed like that for hours, long past when Logan finished his work. When he did, he just wrapped his arms around Virgil and held him close.
~♧◇♡♤~
It was movie night, they would all get together in Thomas's living room and watch whatever movie they felt like watching. Virgil normally sat on the floor in front of them, just happy to be in their presence, but tonight, he sat in Thomas's lap, his feet in Roman's and laid so he stretched across Logan and had his head in Patton's lap. No one said a word about it, just happily accepted their boyfriend laying on top of them. Halfway through the movie, Patton had his hand carding through Virgil's hair and Roman ran his hand up and down Virgil's shin. Logan's hands held Virgil's own hands, letting him play with his fingers as Thomas drew shapes on his stomach. By the end of the movie, Virgil was asleep, all the calming sensations of his boyfriends' hands comforting him to sleep. Rather than waking him, they let him continue to sleep through the next two movies before Roman carried him upstairs to Thomas's room, where they all proceeded to fall asleep, cuddled up to each other in Thomas's bed, Virgil in the middle.
~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~♧◇♡♤~
Tag List: @fandersfic-lamp @fandersfic-virgil @fandersfic-logan @fandersfic-patton @fandersfic-roman
