This is a long one. Tear jerker post. Youve been warned.
So I had a beautiful moment yesterday and I really want to to share it.
On my way to work I was admiring the sky. It was mostly clear, sunny, with whispy white strands of cloud stretching across it. It was beautiful after days of rain, and I decided Id walk the dog after work to enjoy it. I was kind of solemn but feeling kind of inspired and happy on this day. Grateful to just be alive but also feeling the weight of all my responsibility and anxiety looming. idk. And as I shivered in the cool air on my walk, I was wearing my Mac hoodie n a beanie feeling cozy. listening to Circles as my doggo trodded thru the crispy leaves. It always makes me happy to sing along with Mac and walk. For some reason I had the lyric "keep your eyes to the sky never glued to your shoes" repeating in my head n i couldnt put my finger on what song that was. I think it was coming to me bc i was walking to relax but i kept looking at the ground and worrying about other things, not being present at all. So I was trying to remember what mac song that was and I decided to actually look up, take a breath and try to be present. Mentally beating myself up for being anxious while out in the beauty of nature. And what do you know, theres this little patch of rainbow directly in front of me in the sky. I immediately stopped in my tracks and smiled this big stupid grin. Even rubbed my eyes like is this real? I hurried to pull my phone out, never peeling my eyes off it, but as soon as i could it was fading away. I was stunned. I was crying. And laughing. Just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished, and left me with a fedling Ill never forget. I dont know if it was Mac himself... Or maybe divine intervention. But it felt like someone was telling me everything is going to be ok, and Im on the right path. To look up more often, to be present. It felt like a sign to keep going. That I deserve to feel joy. At this point his voice was still coming thru my headphones, the first half of Objects in the mirror specifically, "wish you caught me on a different day, when it was easier to be happy". and I felt something warm inside me that didnt go away. And as I was rounding the corner back to my house, Small Worlds came on and I heard the lyric that I had stuck in my head this whole time. Thank you Mac for pulling me out of head once again and making me feel grateful for the life I have. I hope this doesnt sound silly. Ive been grieving this mans death for so long, its like I lost a brother and this felt huge to me. Like a big "itll be ok" from my bro up in heaven. 💗
"Oh, I been a fool, but that's cool, that's what human beings do
Keep your eyes to the sky, never glued to your shoes
Guess there was a time when my mind was consumed
But the sun's coming out now, clouds start to move
Don't tell me nothing but the truth
I'm tired, I don't gotta spare a second
Win or lose, win or lose
I don't keep count, nobody checkin'"
