“Applying for Love (Entry-Level, 10 Years Experience Required)”
There I was.
Early 30s. Gender-fluid. Emotionally aware. Slightly traumatized. Fully hungry.
Inside Jollibee.
Because apparently, both job hunting and dating require two things:
patience… and fried chicken.
I opened my dating app like it was LinkedIn.
Same energy.
Different lies.
That’s when I matched with him.
He sat across me, holding his Chickenjoy like it was a personality trait.
“Bakit nasa dating app ka?” I asked.
He blinked. “Obvious ba?”
(Thoughts: Sarcastic agad. Red flag. Ayoko na. Turn off. But sige, gutom ako.)
I took a deep breath. This wasn’t just a date.
This was an interview.
“Okay,” I said, wiping gravy off my spoon like I was about to negotiate a salary.
“Let’s get straight to the point.”
He nodded. Nervous. Good.
“I don’t care about your past. Malalaman ko rin ‘yan if we last.”
Pause. Eye contact. Establish dominance.
“But I need to know—wala kang sakit? Namamana or hindi.”
He choked on his chicken.
“Wait—”
“Relax,” I said. “Hindi ako against sa may AIDS. I’m just saying—I also want to live long. Preferably with WiFi.”
Silence.
I continued. No mercy.
“Don’t twist my words. Don’t overthink. Gusto ko same page tayo.”
He slowly put his drink down.
“Financially literate ka dapat. Kasi ako, oo.”
“May emotional intelligence.”
“Healthy relationship.”
“May space ka. May space ako.”
“No control issues. Hindi tayo CCTV ng isa’t isa.”
At this point, the crew at Jollibee was probably listening.
I didn’t stop.
“Give and take. Mabuti kang tao—makikita ko ‘yan sa pamilya mo.”
“And most importantly…”
I leaned forward.
“May sense of humor ka.”
He stared at me like he just unlocked a new level of fear.
“Now,” I said calmly, “kung sasabihin mong meron ka lahat niyan… okay. We can be together.”
Beat.
“But marriage? After na. Kapag wala nang pagpapanggap.”
I smiled.
“Kasi sayang ang oras kung puro kasinungalingan lang.”
I sat back.
“I want to learn from you. At matututo ka rin sakin.”
Pause.
“Bakit ako ganito?”
I shrugged.
“Panget ang realidad. Wag ka nang dumagdag.”
Long silence.
Even the gravy felt uncomfortable.
Finally, he spoke.
“Uh…”
Deep breath.
“I’m gay.”
I nodded.
“Okay. Payag ako.”