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I was having a productive morning, washing my bed sheets & vacuuming my room. I decided to vacuum the stairs too, so my parents wouldn't have to, when the vacuum sucked in one of my mom's socks.

I can't even describe what I feel right now- probably a mix of anger, frustration and defeat. Basically what I've been feeling for almost 2 years, but amplified.

#can i just... not #it's mostly depression #but still- just ugh #trying to do something nice for once instead of locking myself up in my room all day and then this #they will probably laugh it off but my cleaning routine is now disrupted and i just want to cry rn

me: I WANT NEW FRIENDS, WHY ARENT NEW PPL TALKING TO ME, I LOVE FRIENDS AND SOCIAL INTERACTION

my brain, almost immediately: because you get overwhelmed easily, you regularly talk to all of 5 people, sometimes you have meltdowns from too much social interaction, you follow people and then immediately start to idolize them and never talk to them because you think they're too good for you and you never message them because you think they'll hate you, you're scared of abandonment yet you isolate yourself from everyone when you can't cope or think they hate you, do i need to go on

me: ...shit, you right

#jake's personal #JKFGKJFG B YE IM BAD AT SOCIAL INTERACTION #negative//#can i just... not #me @ me p l s