#canaancarpenter

[7angrygoblinsinatrenchcoat]

Little Things

I want little things

I want someone to love me

The same way I love them.

I want to feel safe with someone

I don’t want someone who worships the ground I walk on.

I don’t want someone to buy me expensive things

I want to wake up in the morning and kiss someones nose

While sunshine pours through the curtains and onto the bed sheets

I want to wake up and smile as I wake up, seeing them walking back in 

Because they’ve been awake for hours

But couldn’t bring themselves to wake me up.

I want them to say good morning and I’ll say it back

I’ll laugh as they climb back on top of me and tickle me mercilessly

Before eventually laying with their arms wrapped around me, breathing on my neck and kissing it softly.

I want to bring someone lunch and steal a quick peck before they have to go back to work.

I want us to sit on the couch under a blanket together, watching tv

Or both of us just doing our own thing, separate but together, in comfortable silence

I want someone who will cradle me after a bad panic attack or meltdown

And tell me they love me even still as they carry me to bed.

I want them to be vulnerable with me

I want them to be able to cry into my chest as I stroke their hair and whisper words of comfort to them.

Because they know they’re safe in my arms.

Because we are both flawed and hurt but never broken

I want to look into someone’s eyes as we lay in bed, speaking in breathy whispers

I want to trace their face with my fingertips while we talk about everything in the universe

As if we are the only people in it.

I want us to never go to sleep angry, though we may argue sometimes

I want to be able to walk around our house, brushing my teeth in nothing but jeans with a towel on my head.

And you’ll be in the bathroom in your underwear shaving, or putting on makeup, depending on who you are

Whether you’re a man or a woman.

I want us to eat messy food and laugh at each other.

You’ll wipe sauce on my nose and I’ll messily kiss you with a mouthful of food.

I want us to shower together sometimes.

I’ll wash your hair for you and you’ll help me wash my back where I can’t reach.

And we’ll have to stay super close cause there’s only so much hot water

And neither of us want to be cold.

I’ll cover my face in bubbles and you’ll spit water at me like a fountain.

We’ll laugh and smile and eventually you’ll hold me to your chest as we stand under the shower head

And I’ll gently kiss your lips.

I’ll give you weird gifts of rocks or candles

Or anything I find that I think you’d like, no matter how big or small.

I’ll get myself in crazy situations

I’ll dance like a maniac and sing badly in the shower

And I’ll always chase after the animals I see because I want them to love me

But you won’t care that I’m odd

Because I’ll be your oddball

And you love me, as much as I love you.

- Canaan Carpenter

[7angrygoblinsinatrenchcoat]

I Went To See a Priest

I went to see a priest today

To ask him for advice

He told me to look up to the Lord

For he had paid the price

Father please forgive me

I’m afraid that I have sinned

So I got down on my knees and prayed

For the devil lives within

I lay there on the altar

I begged for just a sign

I called out to the Lord above

To not be left behind.

I begged the priest to save me

To drag me up from hell

But he couldn’t give me penance

For with God I do not dwell

Father please just tell me

What I have to do

I do not want to burn in flames

I’ll do what you tell me to

He told me God bled for our sins

The perfect sacrifice

But that my blood was wicked

And that I must pay the price

I give my body to the Church

And there I slit my wrists

The robes like sheep, all nice and white

With red they’d now be kissed

I made my knees all bloody

For every night I’d pray

I’d pray for absolution

I promised to obey

I am a sheep that has no place

In the shepherd's flock

Unworthy to be a sacrifice

Too crippled to be bought

So I’ll choke upon the words of God

To make myself believe

I’ll turn away from wickedness

As to not be deceived

Why has he left his child

At his feet to die

When he swore he’d never leave me

He’d always be nearby

So why can he not send me a sign

From somewhere up above.

I’m told I must believe in him

For he’s the holy one.

I bleed out on my knees for you

I scream up at the skies

I begged you for some mercy

Please don’t let me die.

Please send me a sign my Lord

My questioning will cease

But I’m all alone now as I die

May my body Rest In Peace.

- Canaan Carpenter

[7angrygoblinsinatrenchcoat]

Foxface // Nightmare Fuel: Part 1 // Canaan Carpenter

Colored pencil on paper