#canarycry16

[truthabovewater-blog]

A Time of Regrets.

Kaldur'ahm: -Sitting in the training room, off to the side, elbows on knees and hands tucked under chin, brows furrowed, deep in thought-

Dinah Lance: -walks into the room and sees Aqualad sitting alone with a pensieve expression. walks over, puts her hand on his shoulder- Kaldur?

Kaldur'ahm: -turns and looks up to her, sitting a bit straighter before nodding his head to her in acknowledgment- Black Canary. -he offered a small smile- I take it you are here for grief counseling? -he knew it had to be why she was at the Cave. All missions and training had been cancelled the night before.-

Dinah Lance: -returns the smile- Yes. Mind coming to talk to me?

Dinah Lance: Kaldur'ahm -she calls softly, waiting for his eyes to meet hers again-

Kaldur'ahm: -Slowly looks back up at her, frowning slightly-

Dinah Lance: -raises an eyebrow at the frown- Come talk with me. You'll have to eventually.

Kaldur'ahm: -takes a slow but deep breath- As you wish. -he begins to stand, rolling his neck for a moment before gesturing that he would follow-

Dinah Lance: -nods, satisfied. she turns on her heel and walks to the room where she was giving grief counseling to the members of the Team. The same room where they had done trauma counseling after the training exercise a few years ago. She sits in one of the green chairs, motioning to the other one- Please sit, Kaldur

Kaldur'ahm: -Closes the door behind them and takes his seat, leaning forward in his chair to resume the position he had been in when she found him, though now he looked up at her to show that he was paying attention-

Dinah Lance: So, Aqualad. . .how are handling. .things -inwardly groans at her own slight hesitation. Dealing with one's own grief was never easy, but it was harder helping someone work through their own.-

Kaldur'ahm: I am...fine. -he says slowly, not finding any better words for how he felt-

Dinah Lance: -frowns, not believing him- Really. So, you are completely 'fine' -using his own word against him- with seeing a team mate die? With having to take down Nightwing to keep him from dying as well? No issues whatsoever? -she asks incredulously-

Kaldur'ahm: -cringes slightly- I did not mean... Losing a member of the team..is terrible. -he looks down- And I did what I had to... to keep us from losing another. I am not saying... that what happened...there was nothing more I could have done. And I have made peace with that.

Dinah Lance: -she briefly closes her eyes- You did what you had to -she acknowledges- But that doesn't mean you don't have guilt about what happened because of it. . . Do you?

Kaldur'ahm: -his hands falling from his chin, looking up at her with sad eyes- I feel guilt.. because of the burden I had put onto Nightwing that night.

Dinah Lance: -she flashes back to a similar conversation about leadership being passed on. Her expression softens- Kaldur, you couldn't have known what would happen. Or. . .Do you still feel that Nightwing is too young for the position? He's as old as you were when the Team made you leader.

Kaldur'ahm: I knew he had a soft spot for Robin. I saw it in our training. I should have made sure.. -he paused, taking in a deep breath- He's not too young, but.. -he shakes his head-

Dinah Lance: But what, Kaldur? -she prompts softly-

Kaldur'ahm: I don't know. -he looks down, eyes closing- I could have waited. Waited until it was a mission that wasn't his home.

Dinah Lance: It made sense, though. Making him leader for that mission. -she defends his decision to him- It's his turf. He knew the area better. . .And I don't think that him not being the leader would have made it any easier on him -She adds as and after thought, but not really able to say 'Robin dying', so using 'it' as a euphemism of sorts-

Kaldur'ahm: The outcome would have been the same. That is true. But it would have been easier if he didn't have to try to think of the mission. If I had been in control, I could have saved him that struggle and he could have gone home with his family.

Dinah Lance: If you had been in control, you still would have had to fight him tooth and nail to keep him out of that building. -she responds- Besides, Batman still would have wanted him to finish the mission  -she adds, shaking her head slightly at the man in question's work ethic-

Kaldur'ahm: -he shook his head- You are correct. Not much would have changed. -his tone saying that his mind stayed unpersuaded-

Dinah Lance: -she notices the determined disagreement in his eyes, his voice- Do you feel like you could have done something differently? Aside from making Nightwing leader?

Kaldur'ahm: -eyes avert downwards- Like you said, not much would have changed. I simply wish I could have taken some of the burden and not had so much weigh on him that night.

Dinah Lance: -she sighs knowing that she can't really get more out of him. She knows that Aqualad won't be so much dealing with grief as anger and bitterness over what he could have done more.....better-

Kaldur'ahm: -slowly lets out a breath, sitting back in the chair- I'll take back the charge of leader. Only until Nightwing is ready for it once more. -his tone was definitive, decisive, despite the pit in his stomach that told him he may always be the leader. That, he may always be stuck with the hardest choices. However, he would take that burden over seeing his friends, family, stricken with grief again. Anything to lessen that pain.-

Dinah Lance: -she sits straighter, she mouth hanging open in shock- I....Kaldur...are you sure? This is a big decision.

Kaldur'ahm: Nightwing must grieve. If forced to lead or take charge now.. it would only inhibit his healing. -he looks up at her, jaw set-

Dinah Lance: -she's taken aback by the sacrifices the young man is willing to make for the sake of his team mate- Kaldur. . . he's lucky to have you. As a team mate and a friend -she says softly-

Kaldur'ahm: -lightly shakes his head, a small smile coming to his lips- No... I am lucky to have /him/. All of them. And I'll do whatever it takes to keep us this way...

Dinah Lance: -dips head slightly to hide her somewhat motherly smile-

Kaldur'ahm: -Swallows slightly- The others.. how are they? -he asked quietly, already dreading the answer-

Dinah Lance: -meets the Atlantian's gaze- So far, you are the first I have been able to talk to.

Kaldur'ahm: -nods slightly- They will talk to you in their own time. This is hard, and no doubt it will take time.. for all of us. Thank you, Black Canary.

Dinah Lance: -she smiles, a little taken aback. It was definitely the first time someone had ever said that after talking to her- I- You're welcome, Kaldur.

Kaldur'ahm: -nods his head- You have always been here for the team in times of despair. It is not any easier on you than it is us, I am sure. -he sits up- May I leave?

Dinah Lance: Of course, Kaldur -nods, and motions her hand to the door-

Kaldur'ahm: Again, thank you.-bows his head to her before leaving-

[onlyaclone-blog]

canarycry16 answered your question: I think I might need a hair cut… Oh well.

No thinking. You need a hair cut

No thanks. Not really in the plans.

[completelywhelmed]

Chalant: All I Want for Christmas is You

As part of our Secret Santa exchange I wrote a fluffy chalant ficlet for our lovely Black Canary. 

It has nothing to do with our rp canon and I really hope you guys enjoy it and have a Merry Christmas. 

  “Etativel ot eht nevo dna esolc eht rood,” Zatanna said wiping a bit of sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand as the chicken made it’s way into the oven, the door closing tightly behind it. It had been weeks since she actually made dinner, and even longer since both her and Dick had been home at the same time to eat it. Just as she was about to start the pasta an aggressive buzzing sound filled the kitchen. Zatanna floundered for a moment trying to find her phone, before spotting it on the counter, “Hello?” she asked, slightly breathless.

     The voice on the other line snickered quietly, and Zatanna could almost hear the smirk in his voice, “Don’t start without me Zee,” Dick teased. 

     “I might have to if you don’t get home soon,” she retorted, matching his sarcastic tone perfectly. 

     “I’m sorry, this meetings taking forever,” Dick paused and Zatanna could tell that he was  running a hand through his hair, “But it looks like Bruce and I have ‘em so I should be home in about forty minutes?” 

     Zatanna smiled, squeezing her phone between her shoulder and ear as she grabbed a large pot from the cabinet above her, “Perfect, I just put the chicken in and it needs a while to cook.”

     There was some rustling on the other line and Zatanna could hear a few muted voices before Dick responded, “Sounds great, they’re calling us back in now. I’ll call you on my way home. Love you.” voices filled Zatanna’s ears for a second before the decided click of Dick hanging up silenced them and she was left with the sound of the radio playing christmas songs faintly in the background to fill the absence. Zatanna smiled to herself as she put her phone back on the counter before starting to fill the pot with water. “Evom ot eht evots dna trats gniliob,” Zatanna sung in tune with the music as the pot floated over towards the stove and began to boil. She smiled and moved towards the refrigerator when a sharp pang of nausea shot through her stomach. Zatanna covered her mouth and ran as fast as she could towards the bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and vomited, a sheen of sweat covering her forehead.

     After dry heaving several times Zatanna wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and shakily stood up, moving towards the sink. The cool water rushed over her hands as Zatanna steadied herself before washing out her mouth. She then turned off the water and gripped the sides of the sink, staring at her own reflection in the mirror. Even though she felt ill her face seemed brighter than usual, and oilier too. Zatanna reached up and touched her face, this was the second time she had vomited today, and the fifth time in the past 2 weeks and she was over a week late...All of the color drained from Zatanna’s face as her eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat, “No...” she muttered to herself, stepping away from the sink. “No,” she repeated almost mocking herself for freaking out so much. “No way,” she said, making her way back towards the kitchen.

     The water had started to boil and as Zatanna opened a box of dry pasta noodles her eyes caught the digital clock on the radio; 6:07. She had roughly thirty minutes until Dick got home. She bit her lip, inwardly cursing herself for even thinking about it. “Ughhhh,” she groaned, throwing her head back and clenching her fists. ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this,’ Zatanna thought as she walked towards the front door, plucking a jacket off the coat rack and slipping her feet into a pair of boots. She grasped the cool metal of her keys off their hook and headed out the door, “T’nod tel gnihtyna nrub,” she called into the empty apartment, an afterthought, as the door swung closed. 

     An icy wind blew as Zatanna exited the small convenience store. It was less than a block away from their apartment, but already Zatanna was wishing she had grabbed a thicker coat. She hugged the crumpled paper bag to her chest as she walked, a slight flush still adorned her cheeks and she made a mental note to never go back to that corner store. Zatanna felt like the world was watching, and everyone knew what was in the brown paper bag. With a shiver the magician entered their building and gave a sheepish smile to the doorman before making her way to the elevators. Once inside she glanced down at her watch, 6:26. Twenty minutes.The elevator doors opened with a ‘ding’ and Zatanna had to force herself to walk calmly to her door. After fumbling with the lock for a moment, she made her way inside, discarding the jacket and boots, headed straight for the bathroom. 

     Zatanna closed the door behind herself and took a deep breath. She reached into the bag and pulled out the rectangular box, ‘ClearBlue Digital Pregnancy Test,’ it read, ‘Over 99% Accurate.’ “I hope so,” she murmured, sliding a finger under the cardboard flap and opening the package.

     Once she was done taking the test, Zatanna set the plastic test on the side of the sink and washed her hands, “Five minutes, I can wait five minutes,” Zatanna told herself, slumping against the sink, and sitting on the cool floor.  A million thoughts flooded her mind, A baby, a new life, a new person that would grow inside of her. It was all too much, Zatanna placed her face in her trembling hands, what was she going to do? Was she ready for this? Were they ready for this? Was it such a bad thing? Her breathing was shallow and it felt like she was drowning on dry land. Would she be a good mother? Zatanna could barely remember her own mother. What about her work, she had just joined the league. What would everyone think? What would Dick think? The timer on her watched beeped and Zatanna froze. Her five minutes were up. For what felt like several minutes Zatanna didn’t move. She couldn’t. She swallowed hard and purposefully stood up. With eyes closed Zatanna grasped the plastic stick and held it up. ‘One...two...three,’ she counted in her head before opening her eyes.

     A small + sign was all it took to bring the magician to her knees, tears already streaming down her cheeks. The pregnancy test clattered to the floor and Zatanna gently placed her hands against her stomach. She slumped back against the sink and sobbed quietly in both awe and fear. She was holding a new life, something that Dick and her had created. Something that magic could never do. She took deep breaths, greedily swallowing lungfuls of air as she sat there, her whole body shaking. 

           “Zee?” Dick called out, a smirk already playing in the corner of his mouth as he opened the door. Smoke filled his lungs and a loud high pitched ring assaulted his ears. His smirk fell,“Woah!” Dick rushed into the kitchen and opened the oven, removing the blackened chicken. “What happened?” he coughed, opening one of the windows and turning on the fan. As the fire alarm ceased, Dick wondered down the hallway, “Zatanna? What happened?” He spotted the bathroom door closed and knocked lightly, “Zee...? Zee are you in there?” Dick pressed his ear against the door, a few distorted sounds made their way through, “Zee come on,” his voiced dropped, full of confusion and worry, “Zee let me in, whatever’s wrong I can help, I-” Zatanna flung open the door and with such force latched on to her boyfriend, he almost fell over. “Zee...” he sighed, relieved, and wrapped his arms around her. Dick inhaled, burying his head in her hair and rubbed soothing circles into her back.

     Zatanna sobbed, tears soaking Dick’s shirt. There was so much she wanted to say, but she couldn’t. “Di-Dick,” she choked out, squeezing him tighter. 

     “Shhhhh Zee, it’s okay. You’re fine,” he murmured into her ear. She shook her head and pulled away, looking into his eyes. Zatanna tenderly grasped Dick’s hand and placed it against her stomach. He looked at her in confusion for a moment before his eyes caught the slim, white pregnancy test and the blue box on the bathroom floor behind her. His stomach dropped to the floor as he looked from Zatanna’s eyes to her stomach. 

     “I-I’m pregnant,” she whispered her sobs mixing with a laugh, “And the funny thing is, I’m terrified, but at the sametime, I already love him or her, I can’t explain it and I know this is unexpected and I’m not sure we’re ready and-” but Zatanna’s confession was cut short as Dick’s lips came crashing against her’s. 

     “Zee,” he said, tears in his own eyes, “I love you.” Dick paused and inhaled deeply, “And I’m scared too but,” he kneeled down so his head was level with Zatanna’s abdomen, “I also couldn’t be happier.” Dick placed another kiss just above her navel, before standing up straight and looking her in the eyes with a smile, “Looks like we’ll need to clear out the second bedroom.”

     Zatanna gave Dick a tired, but genuine smile wrapping her arms around his waist as he enveloped her in his own. “I was thinking yellow,” she remarked.

     Dick smiled, “Anything you want.” And for a moment they just stood there, holding each other, scared, and excited, and having no idea what was going to happen next, and knowing that it was okay not to know. Dick looked up and back towards the kitchen, a small smile dancing in the corners of his lips “...I guess we’re ordering in?”

     Zatanna’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she untangled herself from Dick and ran towards the kitchen. “Oh no,” she groaned, standing in front of the remains of what was supposed to be their dinner.

     Dick walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her midsection resting his head on her shoulder, “So...chinese?” he smirked into her neck as their laughter mixed together and filled the apartment, mingling with the radio, ‘...all i want for christmas is you...’