my secret santa gift for @vinniedakotaismyspiritanimal! Sorry if its not great, I don't write heinz that often but I have it on good authority that its. Good. So I hope u like it:>
Perry took a deep breath, adjusting his hat to make sure he hadn't forgotten it. He usually spent all of Christmas Eve and Christmas itself with his family, only leaving if he really had to put up with one of Heinz's evil plans.
But, over the last year, the summer and holidays especially, he'd come to view the Doofenshmirtzes as family as well. Not literally his host family, Christmas Day would still be reserved for cuddling with his kids and cozying up by the fireplace with his parents. But for now, his kids were sleeping and his parents were probably finishing wrapping another round of gifts. So he had figured no one would miss him too much if he checked in on his other family.
Carefully, quietly, he rapped his knuckles against the door. A strange level of uncertainty, the kind he rarely felt with this part of his life, was squirming inside his mind.
Big, thumping footsteps gave Norm away before he even opened the door. Perry could hear Heinz from the open doorway, a half audible admonition towards Norm. Relatively unphased, Perry waved at Norm and walked on in. Norm waved back silently as he closed the door, the hinges rattling in place. Perry could hear another complaint from Heinz as he padded, or rather plapped, his way into the apartment's sort of living room.
"-And you better not have broken that door again! Hello, hi, no more carolers today, please, I've had quite enough of tho- oh!"
Perry waved awkwardly to him as well, teeth grinding into a chatter he knew Heinz wouldn't understand. Heinz waved back, tilting his head in confusion.
"Perry the Platypus? We had our weird truce thing, remember? I haven't made any inators or anything, and you don't need to break my stuff. You can... You can go, right?"
Perry glanced around the room, at the presents needing wrapping and the half busted tree and the odd Christmas decoration lazily plastered over the usual decor. He threw his thumb over his shoulder, pointing at them with a chatter that probably came off as more passive aggressive than he hoped for.
"Yes, I know that I have a lot that needs to be done! And I'm just sitting around, trying to figure out the right step to start, because if I don't then I can't start on anything else without knowing there's more to do and, well, you know what it's like! Or maybe you don't. I don't know, do platypi have mental illnesses?"
Perry had no actual response to that. Instead he raised an eyebrow and pointed at the unwrapped presents.
Heinz fiddled with his hands, clearly looking for something idle to occupy his body with. "The wrapping paper is still in the closet. Charlene is actually coming over with Vanessa this time, because she's, Vanessa, she's bringing her partners for once, and she wants it to feel like a full family celebration so I'm trying to go all out with the decorations and presents but I've never actually, you know, celebrated, before."
Perry knew perfectly well. He would not be attending that specific gathering for a number of reasons, not least of which was that there were about five aspects of his life that could not intersect present. But this, he could help with.
Owca agents were, inexplicably enough, meant to keep track of every holiday on the calender, and how to best celebrate it or stay out of the way, whenever possible. It was meant, apparently, to help them keep track of their family's schedule to avoid any potential holiday related host family mishaps. While Perry was sure it helped agents like Pinky quite a lot, for better or for worse, Christmas and sometimes Thanksgiving were the only holidays most agents actually tracked. Perry, of course, had a minimum of nine lovable kids who would be celebrating speak like a pirate day wherever they thought appropriate that morning, but it still helped.
Wasting no further time, he marched over to the closet. He could hear Heinz groaning as he stood up, although he didn't know if it was from tiredness or what Lawrence would affectionately call "your old man's back".
"Perry the Platypus, I'll have you know I can handle this all myself! And, well, I suppose Norm is "helping", with heavy, heavy air quotes! Do you see these, do you see how heavy they are? I mean, my arms are metal, so I guess they're guaranteed to be heavy, but I mean metaphorically, obviously."
Perry just rolled his eyes. The man could object all he wanted, but if Perry knew Heinz at all, he'd appreciate the head start if nothing else.
Not an hour later, Heinz was happily humming some version of the kinderlumper song he'd so... kindly relayed to Perry before as the two of them wrapped presents and put up admittedly astounding decorations. Perry didn't even know how you found an ornament of a reindeer mermaid, but he made a mental note to ask Carl about Heinz's shopping history so he could check.
The doorbell rang, an actual ringing this time, and Norm's thudding probably woke up everyone any floor below. Perry chuckled, the idea of how much the downstairs neighbors must hate Heinz occuring to him for the first time ever.
"Hey, Norm. Where's Dad?" Vanessa's voice was oddly warm, although if it was from festivities or just excited for tomorrow, it was hard to say.
Heinz was up before Perry even had a chance to react though, moving into the entrance and leaving Perry to finish up the last of the decorations. He could hear Heinz greeting her with surprise, but tuned most of it out. He was tired, and maybe it was careless, but he liked basking in the lights and humming to himself just a bit. It felt nice, to be able to do like this with people he cared about this time.
"Oh, hey... Perry?" Vanessa's voice came from behind, and he turned to greet her with another wave. "I'm just here early to spend some time with Dad and Norm without, like, fifty people around, if OWCA needs to know. Nice to get to see you though."
He nodded slightly, eyes flitting to the clock. He would have to leave soon, both for his parents not worrying about him and because he made sure to spend every Christmas Eve night cuddled up in his boys' arms.
Heinz seemed to actually catch this small cue, clapping his hands. "You know.... Since we're all here, how about we get to peek at one present each. That's a thing people do on Christmas Eve!"
Perry shot the man a dirty look. They just wrapped them, for crying out loud.
"Alright, alright, fine. No peeking, but you at least better come over tomorrow for your present," Heinz huffed. "It's a little more specific this year, don't worry."
Perry blinked. An actual present? For him?
Heinz put his hands on his hips. "Oh, don't look so surprised, Perry the Platypus! I can figure out more about you without breaking protocol, it just... Takes a while."
Vanessa scoffed, leaning down to Perry's level and ruffling his fur. She was particularly lucky she counted as one of his kids, because there was no way anyone else could get away with that outside of him pretending to be a pet.
"How about Perry takes his present home, Dad? That way he can still open it in time, and he doesn't have to come over on Christmas Day for it." She gave Perry a less than discreet wink, but one Heinz clearly didn't notice.
"Oh, that's it! Take it, take it! I insist! But you better tell me if you like it after Christmas!" A small box was quickly shoved into Perry's hands, properly wrapped this time. If he didn't know better, his eyes might've watered a bit.
He set down the present and, slowly, he wrapped his arms around Vanessa's leg in some approximation of a hug. Snorting, she ruffled his fur again. She was definitely lucky to be one of his kids.
Heinz scoffed, clearly about to remark on something when Perry moved over to hugging his leg too. The two of them just stood there for a bit, a silence that could be awkward or comfortable, and Perry didn't think anyone knew which. He peeled away once it definitely got uncomfortable, but Heinz was smiling down at him in a way that almost made him wish he kept it up.
"Do I not get a hug?" Norm's robotic voice broke the silence, causing Heinz to roll his eyes. Perry did the same, but moved over to attempting to hug the robot's leg. It was, admittedly, a bit too wide for his arms, but he figured the feeling probably got across to Norm.
"Thank you." For a typically neutral robot, Norm's voice sounded oddly self satisfied. Chuckling slightly, Perry picked his present back up and set up his paraglider. He typically didn't look back when he left the building's balcony, both because of wind resistance and because it just wasn't how it was, well, done. But this time, he made the effort to swivel his head just enough to see them waving goodbye.
Vanessa did head inside before he'd fully left view, but it was cold enough he couldn't really blame her. And he'd hear plenty about her later tomorrow anyways, so he just turned back around and steered himself in the direction of home. A path he'd taken hundreds of times, but always felt warm.
Back to pretending to be a mindless pet, he pushed the small box under the tree with his beak. He'd probably have to hide the gift after it was opened if he didn't want Candace to steal it or Linda to put it on top of the fridge(arguably his worst enemy), but for now? It was enough to just have parts of both his families close for Christmas.