Please don’t get me wrong, I do love you. Or at least that’s what I want to think. I really hoped that things would work out. I tried ignoring reality and just gave in to what I wanted at the moment. But this can’t go on for the rest of our lives. Eventually we’ll or I’ll have to face the fact of how improbable it is for us to be happily together for a long period of time.
You are aware that at first I intended this to be temporary. I was ready to give in a few months of my bland life for whatever could go between us. I knew just a few days after I met you that I like you. I wasn’t afraid of developing deeper feelings for you, but I never intended to fall in love with you. I knew I could end up very sad and hurt and I was ready to take that risk. At the same time, I wasn’t just blindly risking my emotions. I was intending on putting a limit on how far I can get involved with you emotionally. But in the two months we’ve spent together something went out of control.
There are things about us that I’m not comfortable to open up with you. Our affair is too private that I can’t talk to anyone else about it. Because they either have no idea what’s going on between us or if I open up to them there’s a big chance that they’ll judge us the same way those who are in the know did. All I can depend on is my assessment of the situations. And lately, I don’t think I can rely on my judgement. There are times when I feel like I’ve been making wrong decisions for the past two months. These decisions I’m referring to have not exactly been made against my will. But they are against what people would expect from me and are generally against what majority would consider right, thus resulting to the feeling of making the wrong decision. In as much as I tried making their opinions irrelevant, I can’t help but be somehow affected by a few of their assertions.
My point is that I love you, but you’re too much of an inconvenience. At the moment, I’m not willing to compromise. My brain refuses to think in long terms and my imagination stops functioning whenever I think about us. I can’t seem to trust you completely despite the fact that you’re trying hard not to make me think otherwise. We are also reaching a point where I can’t casually walk away from all of this without hurting you so badly. I’m not yet ready for a relationship that’s much more serious than what we currently have, not with you anyway. I’m not sure if this is a good decision, but at the moment this is the safest one.