i already posted this once but it bears repeating. once I realized cap was only like 26 give or take when he crashed that plane into the arctic + got unfroze everything kind of realigned for me. like he should have been at the club
Prompts: Kai, This December by Ricky Montgomery, poorly timed confessions
AO3 Link
Fic also under cut!
A light dusting of snow covered the purple hyacinths and lavender flowers left on the base of Zane’s statue. It was odd for Ninjago City to get snow this early into spring, especially when the flowers were already blooming. Kai would have liked to think that it was Zane sending them a message, but he knew that wasn’t true. Zane was gone.
How long had it been since they lost him? Kai stopped keeping track a month in. Thinking about it didn’t help, that just brought back the twisting dagger in his gut, a reminder of how he failed him.
Pixal would say something smart to that. She always acted like she had the answer to everything. She and Kai had gotten close since the funeral, becoming a kind of odd couple. Pixal was one of the few people Kai still talked to regularly. He’d fallen off with Cole and Jay almost immediately after the funeral. Lloyd and Nya stuck around for a while, but after he stopped visiting Garmadon’s monastery, he stopped talking to Lloyd and only saw Nya every few weeks. Pixal was the only one he saw every day, usually meeting her during the singular break she took from work.
Since Zane died, Pixal threw herself into her work. Not only did she assist Cyrus, she devoted her time to some “independent project” she wouldn’t tell Kai about. Despite her secrecy, he was sure it had to do with Zane.
He took a deep breath, trying to smell the sweet scent of spring from the flowers in front of him. All he came up with was bitter cold.
---
He met Pixal outside that evening. Her breaks were always late, but this was later than normal. The sun was setting and the neon lights of Ninjago City glowed along with the cool white light of streetlamps. The pair sat in the alley next to Borg Tower, away from the streets bustling with people who just got off work and were excited to head home. This wasn’t Kai’s ideal location. He hated being near Borg Tower, but Pixal said she wasn’t able to go out this time, so Kai went anyway. He liked seeing her more than he hated being around that place, he supposed.
In her lap, Pixal held one of the packed lunches that came from the building’s cafeteria. Though Pixal always brought food out on her break, Kai never saw her eat. Usually, she just gave it to him, figuring he hadn’t eaten all day. Usually, she was right, too.
At least the food was good.
They were quiet. Conversations between them took a moment to start. A few minutes spent in the raw silence, listening to the whirr of engines on the roads, the murmuring of crowds on phones, the occasional caw of birds flying from one pole or building to another, then they would begin. Pixal would bring up some benign aspect of her work or Kai would mention something he saw in a shop and they would continue from there.
“Cyrus is working on a new model of the Borg Phone.”
“Again? Didn’t the last one just come out?”
“Indeed. I believe he is trying to keep spirits up while we all work on getting back to normal.”
“Seems like things already are,” murmured Kai, watching the crowds navigate the streets nearby, most of their heads bowed and pushing past everyone else to get home faster.
Pixal watched with him, resting her head against the cement wall. She sighed. “Perhaps it is just us who are stuck.”
“What do you mean?”
“It has been almost four weeks since the funeral. Twenty-six days. And yet, we are still…” She tried to find the words.
“Mourning?” Kai supplied.
She nodded. “Exactly.”
“Eh, it’s not abnormal. Not like the others seem to be handling it any better. Nya says Lloyd just helps his dad teach classes, otherwise he’s in his room. She’s kept working on her own projects, upgrading the SamX suit. I haven’t seen Cole or Jay since the funeral.”
Pixal hummed. “I saw something interesting the other day on the news. There are rumors Jay’s getting a TV show.”
“You’re kidding.”
She shook her head. “Maybe he’s moved on. Maybe Cole has too, just in a less… public way.”
Kai was quiet. He tried to take it in. His teammates were off doing their own things now. Lloyd was teaching, taking up the mantle of his uncle and father. Jay was starting a new TV show, likely about to put his over-the-top personality to use. Cole had run off, just like he’d done when Master Wu first found him. Even Nya found purpose in her alter ego. And he was… where exactly? Kai couldn’t think of anything he’d done in the past few weeks, besides leave a bouquet of now frosted flowers on Zane’s grave. His days were spent aimlessly wandering from park to park, place to place. Sometimes he found himself drifting to the underbelly of the city, but he could never bring himself to do it.
He had Pixal. She was someone he could count on. Visiting her every day, even if it was only for thirty short minutes between her own work, her own purpose, it kept him afloat.
Kai felt himself jolt up from where he’d gotten into his own comfy position on the wall, dropping the piece of falafel that was halfway to his mouth when he started his digression. A bit of the tahini sauce in the plastic container jumped back out and hit his shirt.
Then he noticed Pixal looking at him. “Is everything alright?”
Kind of. This was not the realization Kai needed to be having right now. He was barely over the first one which hit him over the head during his eulogy at Zane’s funeral.
Now shaking, Kai took a napkin out and wiped the small stain off his shirt, paying more attention to it than needed. His brain whirred. She kept him afloat. He was here because of her.
“Kai?”
“I’m alright, I’m okay.” He really needed to work on his lying skills.
“I don’t believe you are. Please, are you thinking about Zane now?”
“No- well, yes, but no-”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m thinking about you,” he blurted and before he could stop himself he said, “You’re my world.”
Her watch went off. She frowned and stood. “I’m sorry, Kai. I have to go. We’ll have to discuss this another time.”
“Wait, Pix--”
And then she was gone without a sound. Kai felt an anger bubbling up inside him. One he hadn’t felt in weeks. Not at Pixal, but himself. What was he thinking? He couldn’t come back tomorrow. He couldn’t come back at all.
He grabbed his things and stood, fighting back the licks of flame that he could feel sparking up to the surface. There went his anchor, the last good thing in his life. Now he was the only one without purpose.
He merged into the crowds, pulling up the hood of his jacket in an attempt to not be recognized. Not that anyone would. He was another face in the crowd.
What could he do? He could try and find Nya, sob to her about everything, but then would he just drag her down too? His stomach was twisted in knots. What could he do? What could he do?
The question kept repeating in his mind, looping as he wandered away from the crowds and the center of Ninjago City to the park again. He was back in front of Zane’s statue. The continuous flurry now covered the flowers he’d brought, leaving only a bit of pastel purple peeking out. Kai stared at it. He stared until it was covered completely by the snow. Then, he turned his back, stuffed his fists into his pockets, and walked away, knowing exactly where he was going.
It really is 3:30 am and we are awake. At what cost I ask u. At what cost
time is fake I was cutting paper with an xacto knife for homework and hating every minute of it. tomorrow I will regret that I’m still awake but that sounds like a problem for future me
your friend and your foe in the socks+sandals war, @arianahgrande and @spacebuck
👀 👀 👀
@arianahgrande
shayla is honestly such a calming and really cool person? like i cant put it into proper words at the moment, but everything about her and her blog is just so aesthetically pleasing, honestly im just blessed to be her friend
@spacebuck
gina is such a sweetheart okay? she’s so welcoming and there for everyone and honestly is such a f a n t a s t i c writer! she never fails to make me smile and she’s so creative and passionate and god i just love her so much <3
both of them make me soft and i wish i could give both of them a hug <3
+ bonus: you!
@bbarnes
laura you are so amazing and sweet and i know we haven’t talked all that much but honestly i adore you! everything about your blog is so beautiful and your love for bucky is just akdfs i dont even have words i love you so much!
send me a user and i’ll tell you what i think of them!
